The Screenplay

Eilla stood outside of Ben\'s door, afraid to move. The air outside was biting cold, scratching at her cheeks, which she tried her best to ignore. She was there to give Ben her answer, and she had decided there was no other way but in person. She had not seen him for two days, and he had not taken any of her calls. She had finally decided it couldn\'t wait, and had shown up uninvited to let him know what she was willing to do.



She rocked on her heels nervously as she quickly jabbed the doobell, immediatly crossing her arms in front of her as she shivered. She waited for some sign of Ben inside, maybe sounds from the tv or some footsteps, but there was nothing. She rapped on the door anxiously, rapidly, with urgency. Where was he?



Finally, she could hear the heavy footsteps coming toward the door. She felt her heart jump into her throat, and she dropped her arms to her side in anticipation. She heard the steps stop and there was a long pause before the door slowly opened. Ben towered over her seemingly more than usual. Eilla felt so small, she felt like she was shrinking onto the porch. Ben\'s expression was blank. His eyes were flat, without their usual loving sparkle Eilla had been expecting. It had been two days, but Ben seemed like he had aged years. He didn\'t say anything.



"Can we talk?" Eilla finally asked. Ben stepped out of the doorway and allowed her into the house, where it felt just as cold as outside. It was less welcoming than Eilla had remembered. She made her way to the living room, and felt herself smile slightly when she noticed Ben had still kept his pictures of them together throughout his living room.



"What\'s up?" Ben tried to force a casual greeting. They sat on opposite sides of his oversized leather couch. The feeling of the cool leather startled Eilla as it radiated through her entire body when her hands touched it.



"I don\'t know if I can go with you," She said slowly. Ben seemed as if he was expecting that answer. He leaned forward and sat his elbows on his knees, folding his hands together. He sat hunched like that for a mintute, staring straight ahead at the bookshelves surrounding his tv. He was looking at a picture of Eilla and him. It was from about a year ago, when they had played a flag football game for Ben\'s radio station\'s annual fundraiser. It had rained heavily the night before, and they played in a pit of mud. The picture was of Eilla nestled into Ben\'s long arms, both covered in mud, hair a complete mess, but their smiles were gleaming and it was a moment where they were truly happy.



"Why?" Ben said, not taking his eyes off of the picture. He wanted Eilla to convince him that she would never make him as happy as they were in that picture again.



"Its just... I know you\'re pissed at me, and I can\'t be mad at you for that. Its going to be in the back of your mind, that you can\'t trust me. And you can! You can trust me, that\'s not the problem. I just... Its not fair to you to have to wonder if I\'ll ever hurt you again. I guess that\'s why." Eilla wished she had said that differently. When Ben did not respond immediatly, she continued. "I still love you. I don\'t know if I\'ll be able to move on with my life, but I deserve that because of what I did. You deserve to go on and be happy."



"I\'m not going anywhere." Ben said, in almost a whisper. Eilla was not even sure she had heard him right.



"What?"



"They decided to go in another direction... I\'m not moving," Ben said. He turned his head slowly to Eilla, who\'s mouth was open slightly, in shock.



"Oh no, Ben," She said softly. She moved over to Ben and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, forgetting she was in the middle of letting him go. She rested her head on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. Ben had been avoiding everyone for two days, devestated at the turns his life had taken. Eilla had broken his heart, and ESPN had broken his dreams, but somehow, with Eilla\'s body back against him, sympathetic and concerned, he didn\'t care what she had done.



Ben leaned back onto the couch, letting his arms fall to his sides. He wasn\'t ready to embrace Eilla just yet, but he needed her to hold on to him. Eilla didn\'t know what to do when Ben did not return her affection. She loosed up a little after a moment when Ben didn\'t seem to respond. Still nothing. She started to pull her arms back, feeling like Ben wanted her to leave him alone. She felt her heart go from her throat to the bottom of her stomach. Ben was screaming inside for Eilla not to let go, but his silence only made her let her arms fall back into her lap. But she remained next to him, curled up, her knees touching the side of his thigh.



"Do you want to talk about it?" Eilla asked.



"Not really," Ben said. He looked over at her, next to him, and let out a sigh of frustration. He was exhaused, upset, confused...



"Ben, I am so sorry." Eilla said. She meant it in so many ways. She was sorry for cheating on him. She was sorry for being so furious that they weren\'t engaged. She was sorry she had betrayed him. She was sorry she showed up uninvited when he was so angry. She was sorry Ben\'s job had fallen through. As all of the thoughts flooded her brain, it was as if flood gates opened to her eyes. Her face began to pucker and redden as her breathing started to get faster. She put her hands to her face to hide it. "I... I love you and I am so sorry." The sentence was followed by a series of painful gasps. She pulled her hands from her face to look Ben in the eyes to make him see how serious she was.



Ben looked at her, wondering why he wasn\'t furious at her. It wasn\'t her fault that he had lost the job, but the extra misery she caused was devestating and if only that had never happened, she would be comforting him and he would be feeling better by now. But seeing her crying, trying so hard to look him in the eyes, there even though he would not take her calls... he was so happy she was next to him.