Pain and.. pain?

I'm back! Sorry about the wait, my friend came over for a long visit and we ended up going to Belgium. But my friend is back in Finland now and I'm back! Yea! Thank you for all the wonderful reviews, I will be editing the previous chapters and the mistakes you have kindly pointed out when I have the time and I dont feel quite as lazy as I do now. Something feels off again in this story for me and I'm trying to figure it out, chapter 17 was a pain in the ass to write and I might re-write it completely. If that happens, the next update might be late again but in the mean while I hope you enjoy this one:)


Please keep reviewing and helping me with the grammar, it's hard to see your own typos and mistakes.




*edited 14/03/2008*




CHAPTER 16



CHAPTER 16



When the morning came, I was feeling a lot better. Sure I was filthy with cum of five men seeping out of me but I wasn’t panicking anymore. I had gotten back on the saddle like the Keeper had put it. I got showered and cleaned the bed before getting dressed and heading to the room Tristan was working in. I met him in the hallway and he grinned.

“I was coming to see you. I brought breakfast.”

I looked at the plate of sandwiches, two glasses and a milk bottle he was balancing in his hands and took the milk to help him out.

“Thanks.” I said with a smile and turned back towards number eleven. The Keeper was coming towards us and for a moment I froze, thinking that he had gotten complaints about me again and this time he was going to beat me.

“Good job, Cabe. Not a single complaint.” The Keeper said and I nodded with a small smile. “You too, kid, nice job.” The Keeper continued to Tristan who just nodded blankly. We continued our way to number eleven and settled down on the floor to eat.

“So.. How was your night?” Tristan asked carefully and I poured milk for us.

“It.. wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.”

“Kevin.. Kevin told me that the Keeper was angry with you.” Tristan said nervously and I looked up at him.

“Who’s Kevin?”

“One of the bouncers. He’s nice. He bought me comics to read.” Tristan said and I nodded quietly. It was good that Tristan had someone who cared for him when I wasn’t here but I wasn’t sure I liked that the ‘someone’ was a bouncer. Sometimes the bouncers thought that they could buy you stuff and get you to spread your legs for them for free. It wasn’t allowed of course but when the cat’s away the mice play. If the Keeper wasn’t at the club, the bouncers tended to seek physical relief from the kids working here. Kids like Tristan.

“He was angry. But it’s okay now. I’m okay.” I said and Tristan nodded hesitantly. We ate in silence for a moment before I glanced up at Tristan and saw him watching me carefully. “Tristan, I’m okay, really.”

“O-Okay. I just.. I just remember when.. y-you know.. af-after my first night.” He said quietly and looked down on his hands. I sighed quietly and shifted closer to him, pulling him into a hug.

“I know. But it wasn’t like that, okay. He didn’t hurt me. Maybe he should have but he didn’t, okay? I’m good.”

“No one should hurt you.” Tristan muttered barely audible and turned in my arms so he could hug me back. “I don’t want anyone to hurt you, Jason.”

“I know. I know, Tristan. I don’t want anyone to hurt you either. You shouldn’t have be work here. You’re too young.”

“I’m older than you were when you started.” Tristan said and I let go of him, trying to see his eyes. He was avoiding my gaze.

“Who told you that?”

“Kevin.”

“Yeah? Well, I was different.” I said and hugged him again. This time it was Tristan who pulled away.

“What do you mean you were different?” he asked, looking perplexed and I smiled at him sadly.

“Nothing. Forget it, okay? I’m tired, let’s sleep.”

Tristan nodded slowly and watched how I put aside the dishes. I lay down on the floor and pulled Tristan to lie down in front of me so I could hug him from behind before pulling the comforter to cover both of us. Tristan rested his head on my arm and I buried my nose in his hair. I had missed him so much. It was nice to have him close, knowing that he cared.

“When you came here for the first time, someone had already fucked you. That’s why you were different.” Tristan said quietly and I tensed for a moment.

“You’re too damn smart for your age, you know that? Sleep.” I mumbled into his hair and Tristan turned in my hold so he could see me.

“Do you get hurt at home? Jace?”

“Sometimes. Don’t worry about it.” I said and Tristan hugged me, burying his face into my chest.

“You shouldn’t get hurt at home, Jace. My uncle is a bastard but he has never touched me.. like that.”

“It’s not my dad, Tristan. Just.. I don’t want to talk about, okay? Let’s just sleep.”

Tristan nodded quietly and rested his head on my shoulder before closing his eyes. “I’m not glad you’re back but I missed you.” He mumbled and I sighed.

“I’m only here for a week, Tristan. Dad said this is only for a week.”

Tristan didn’t say anything and I closed my eyes as well. I was tired and my body was aching but I didn’t mind because Tristan was there.




When the week came to an end, I felt like shit. Not because of working, but because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to see Tristan again for a long time. Maybe not ever. We had breakfast together one last time and hugged until our arms ached until one of the bouncers came for me. I followed him out of the Cave and to the car quietly and stared out of the car window with tears burning in my eyes the whole way back home. I missed Tristan already. Once we got to our building, the bouncer followed me inside to hand dad the envelope with my earnings. I just went straight to my room without looking at dad and curled up on my mattress before pulling my blanket over my head. I finally let the tears I had been holding in roll down my cheeks and cried silently into my pillow. I heard the door to my room open and tensed up, hugging my pillow tighter. I didn’t want dad to know I was crying.

“Jason?” Dad asked and I wiped my face on my sleeves carefully.

“Yes, sir?”

My blanket was pulled away from me and I sat up stiffly, looking up at dad with a tear stricken face. He looked at me quietly for a moment before holding out a small roll of money.

“Here, I thought you might want to buy some new clothes. You need a winter jacket too.”

I just stared at the money stupidly and dad dropped it on my lap. Dad looked like he was going to say something else too but then just turned around and left. I looked down on the money on my lap and just stared at it numbly. Dad gave me money? Did this mean that I could go outside? I looked at the door dad had left open and then the money again. Finally I realized that I had money and grabbed the roll quickly, almost afraid that if I wouldn’t hold on to it, it would disappear. I got up and rubbed my face to get rid of the tear tracks on my cheeks before grabbing my denim jacket and leaving my room. Dad was in the livingroom and I hesitated. I was still clutching the money in my hand and glanced down on it before looking at dad. He noticed me standing there and said. “What do you want? A fucking ride to the mall? Forget it.”

“N-No, sir.” I mumbled and headed towards the door. I was walking stiffly, sore from last night and fully expected dad to change his mind and grab me before I could reach the door. He didn’t and once I closed the door behind me, I sighed from relief. A quick smile curved my lips for a moment and then I was off to the mall.

I didn’t mind walking even though it was quite a long way to the closest mall. I got out so rarely that I didn’t want to waste fresh air by riding the bus. Not that I usually had any money for the bus anyway. I kept checking that the money was still in my pocket and by the time I got to my first choice of stores, a small place that sold used clothes, my hands were sweating. I nodded a timid greeting to the old lady behind the counter before attacking the racks of clothes. This was where I usually bought all my clothes, the few of them. Most of the clothes here were in a good enough shape and most of all, clean. I quickly found a hoodie that wasn’t too bad, just a basic grey with something printed on the chest. The print had chipped and faded so much that you couldn’t really figure out what it was but that didn’t bother me.

Half hour later I piled my choices on the counter and gave the old lady a nervous smile.

“Is this all, dear?” The lady asked and I nodded carefully. I had found two pairs of jeans and a few t-shirts in addition to the hoodie and I was feeling pretty good with myself. I had even found a jacket for only 10 bucks. It was a little bit too big for me and not really a winter jacket but it had some padding in it and it was definitely warmer than the denim jacket I was currently wearing. The lady folded the clothes neatly and put them in a bag for me before taking my money and handing back my change with a smile. “There you go, dear. Have a good day.”

“Thank you, ma’am, you too.” I said with a smile and put the rest of the money back in my pocket. I hadn’t used even half of what dad had given me and I decided to go get some underwear next. I didn’t like buying used underwear, not even when I knew they had been washed so I usually bought what I needed from one of the big department store chains. It was all new and still cheap.




After finishing shopping, I still had some money left and I was unsure of what to do with it. I wasn’t sure if dad had meant for me to bring back the rest and started getting nervous that he would think that I had been spending too much. I looked down on the bags I had and bit my lip nervously. Maybe he would make me return the clothes. I had been planning on getting something to eat before going home but now I didn’t want to spend any more of the money dad had given me. I decided to go back home and hope that dad wouldn’t get angry at me.

I got into our apartment nervously and saw dad in the kitchen. He glanced at me and motioned me to come closer.

“Show me what you bought.”

I kept my eyes on the floor when I walked to him and set the rest of the money on the table before him. Dad glanced at the money left and motioned for my bags.

“Show me.”

I bit my lip nervously and emptied the bags on the table. Dad looked at the clothes I had bought before picking up the receipts and reading through them.

“This is all you bought?”

“Y-Yes, sir.” I mumbled nervously, staring at the clothes on the table, praying that dad would at least let me keep one of the jeans. Dad reached for the money and counted it quickly before looking at me.

“You didn’t buy anything to eat?”

“N-No, sir. I.. I know I’m n-not a-allowed to e-eat with-without your p-permission, sir.” I stuttered and dad set the money back on the table.

“You could have bought something to eat.” He said and stared at the clothes for a while before sighing. “Look, I spoke with Doc, he said I need to start feeding you or you won’t be working for long. So.. from now on I’ll give you money once a week to get some food, okay?”

“Y-Yes, sir?” I said uncertainly and dad glanced at me sharply.

“This doesn’t mean that you can run around spending money. The money I give you is for food only, you got that?”

“Y-Yes, sir.”

“Good. You fuck up in any way and I’ll take the money back and you won’t eat until the next week. Now get that stuff the hell away from my kitchen and clean the apartment, I’m playing poker with the guys tonight.” Dad grumbled and I paled. Dad glanced at me and said. “I’ll tell Jonathan you’re off limits. Start cleaning.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.” I mumbled quietly and grabbed my stuff from the table. I glanced at the money but left it there. I didn’t have his permission to take it. I didn’t really care about the money anyway. I was just glad that dad had let me keep the clothes.



Later that night I was sitting on my mattress, reading the day’s paper when my door opened and looked up to see dad.

“You left your money on the table.” Dad said and walked closer, holding out the money left from my shopping spree. I took it hesitantly and dad turned to leave.

“T-Thank you, s-sir.” I stuttered nervously and dad turned to look at me again.

“You earned it.” He just said and left the room, closing the door behind him. I frowned and looked at the money again. I earned it? Sure. But I had never seen a penny of the money before, why now? Dad was confusing the hell out of me.

I pushed the money in my pocket and concentrated on the newspaper in front of me again. Or I tried. I had heard the knock on our door and knew that people were arriving to play poker and that meant that Jonathan was going to be here soon. I backed away against the corner and wrapped my blanket around myself, as if it could protect me from everything. I was straining my ears to hear what was going on outside my room and when dad told Jonathan he couldn’t have me, I knew instantly. Well, it wasn’t that hard to know since they were shouting.

“What?! Are you fucking kidding me?!”

“No. The kid’s off limits.”

“Oh, come on, David! We both know you don’t care shit about him!”

“I said he’s off limits! Let’s just play poker.”

“Fuck poker!” Jonathan yelled and I heard stomping coming closer to my room. My heart was trying to pound its way through my ribs and I pulled the blanket tighter around myself. My door slammed open and Jonathan glared at me furiously. He was about to say something when dad grabbed him from behind and forced him against the wall.

“I told you he’s fucking off limits!” Dad growled and turned his burning eyes on me. “Jason, get the fuck out, now!”

I just sat frozen still and stared at them with wide eyes.

“Now!” Dad growled at me and I staggered to my feet quickly. Jonathan was furious and kept his piercing eyes on me while dad struggled to keep him against the wall.

“You little shit! You think you can get away from me.” Jonathan and dad glared at me.

“Get out, Jason!”

I glanced at Jonathan one last time before turning my eyes away and running out of the room. I could see the other men in the kitchen, I could feel their eyes on me but didn’t look up when I ran out of the apartment. All I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears when I ran down the stairs until I reached the laundry room. I don’t really know why I went there. I had nowhere else to go and this was one of the few places where I felt safe. I doubted that if Jonathan would run after me he would come here looking for me. I sat down in the corner and pulled my knees up to chest, trying to calm down and wrap my mind around what had just happened. Dad had kept his word. He had actually told Jonathan that he couldn’t have me. And Jonathan was furious. Tears burned in my eyes and I banged my forehead against my knees. While my breathing evened out, a trembling started in my body and I shivered from cold. I should have grabbed my jacket before running out and I scolded myself for being so stupid. For the first time I actually had a warn jacket and I just left it behind when I needed it.

Tears forced their way out and I hugged my knees tightly before starting to rock slowly back and forth. Dad threw me out. He had never done that before. Not even when he had been really really angry. He always let me stay in my room and left me alone as long as I was smart enough to keep quiet and not to get on his nerves. I fell into a sleepy slumber against the corner, tears rolling down my cheeks even in my sleep and my thin body still trembling.