Institutionalized

A/N:: This update is soooooo overdue and for that I apologize. This chapter has been written for months but because I moved and haven't had internet until now, I've been unable to upload it. Hope you enjoy it!

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I stood shocked, staring at my brother. But then I realized, horrified, that I wasn’t standing still at all - I was walking towards him. I was walking right towards him and Don and Jackie and they all had grins on their faces like they were sharing an inside joke that I wasn’t privy to. I looked Kieran up and down- he didn’t look any different and yet he did. It freaked me out because I knew he didn’t really look different, but rather I’d begun to forget what he’d looked like. Even more ridiculous was the fact that he was wearing ears and had drawn whiskers on his face, a costume, the first he’d worn in 8 years since declaring that is was just too childish.

I’d just about crossed the room when my better judgement set in. I immediately wiped the confused look off my face and shot Don a look of pure suspicion. Why of all people would he allow Kieran to visit me? It didn’t seem to make any sense. Before I could think of anything else I’d walked the rest of the way and immediately pulled Kieran into a hug. I didn’t realize that that’s what I was going to do but I’m glad I did; he felt like, hell he even smelled like, home.

“You look terrible,” he mumbled in my ear, his smooth voice reverberating all the way down to my toes. When I pulled away from him he wasn’t smiling and neither was I. Don and Jackie continued to grin with what could only be assumed as self satisfaction of some sort. I ignored them and avoided responding to Kieran’s obvious comment.

“Happy Halloween,” I said for a lack of anything better to say. My voice sounded flat and dull; far away and dreamy as if I wasn’t all there. And I wasn’t. My mind was so busy contemplating the situation that I couldn’t even think of how I should feel or what should be said.

“Happy Halloween to you too,” Kieran replied with an eye roll, snapping me out of my trance. His voice was serious, “What the hell is wrong with you? I’ve been so worried. I haven’t heard from you since you wrote and I couldn’t find where you were.”

“What?” I replied scathingly; my voice low, all too aware of the other patients milling around, “I cant believe you. Why do you think I haven’t wrote? I didn’t know what to say to you considering I woke up one day in a fucking nut house. Can’t you just come in and say ‘Hi how have you been?’ instead of immediately getting on my case about something? What the hell is wrong with you?”

His eyes flittered across my face, he looked guilty but he said nothing. He looked passed me at the other people in the room and then his gaze shifted to the floor at his feet. He was surrounded by about 4 bags and a milk crate which all seemed to be full of my things. “What’s all this?” I asked anyways.

“It’s your stuff. The giant list of stuff that you wanted me to send piece by piece through the mail,” he commented dryly.

“If you knew the mailing address then why was it so difficult to find me?” I asked sceptically.

“It’s not like that, the mailing address isn’t...”

“Please, Mr. Crystol. You signed the agreement promising to keep certain information to yourself,” Don cut in hastily.

“Right,” Kieran agreed. He raised one eyebrow at me and gave me the look – the only one that translated into ‘I’ll tell you later’.

“I still don’t understand why you’re here,” I commented while flicking my attention to Don and Jackie. My voice had an accusing quality to it that Kieran wouldn’t be able to ignore.

“Why wouldn’t I be here?” Kieran asked arrogantly. He seemed irritated that it would even be a question. “You’re my brother; don’t I have some kind of a right to come see you? It’s not like I’m the one who put you in here.”

“Oh, that’s such bullshit….”

“Boys, please,” Jackie interrupted. “Why don’t you take your things Salem and your brother and go back to your room to talk. You only have an hour of visitation time so make the most of it.”

I swept a look across the three of them and without a word picked up the milk crate and headed back across the common room. I could hear Kieran initially struggle with all my stuff but then he was right behind me. I tried not making eye contact with anyone as we walked into the hallway.

“What’s everyone staring about?” Kieran whispered loudly over my left shoulder.

“You’re like television to them.”

“What? What do you mean...?”

“Never mind, just ignore them.”

No sooner had the words left my mouth when Mona Lisa ‘popped’ out of her room causing me to stop suddenly. I tried to give a look, a ‘get the hell out of my way’ look, but she was looking passed me as if I weren’t even there.

“Well, aren’t you cute!” she exclaimed reaching her arm around me to shake Kieran’s hand. “I’m Mona Lisa,” she added, matter-of-factly.

“Thanks,” he drawled, taking her hand in his. “I’m Kieran; it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“The pleasures all mine,” she replied with a giggle. I gave her a strange look considering I’d never imagined her giggling before. “I hope your not here to see Salem romantically because I’d like to get to know you better.” What did she just say? Was she implying...? I took a step towards her forcing her to move back.

“This is my brother. Now, stop acting like a bitch in heat and go fuck off!” When I said the last part I let go of the right side of the milk crate and shoved her back into her room. She let out a startled yelp and I didn’t wait to see if she’d landed upright before I’d pulled her door shut. I took hold of the crate again and continued walking although much quicker than before; and instead of ignoring everyone’s stares I stared right back at them challengingly.

“That wasn’t very nice,” Kieran pouted, following behind me.

“Well neither am I,” I stated as we finally reached the end of the hallway. As soon as we were in the room I shut the door, allowing it to clatter loudly. I ignored Lucius sitting, looking dumbfounded, with his feet pulled up on his bed and a book between his feet. I dropped the milk crate at my feet and started poking at its contents.

“Who’s that?” Kieran asked conspicuously. Apparently he hadn’t ignored Lucius.

“My roommate,” I said, looking over my shoulder at a very nervous looking Lucius. “His name is Lucius.”

“Oh! Hi Lucius, I’m Kieran. I’m Salem’s brother,” he replied patronizingly. He even waved at him even through Lucius was only five feet away.

“Oh...” was Lucius’ only response. He looked to me, questioningly.

“Just, whatever...You don’t have to talk to each other,” I quipped. We fell silent for a while just looking at each other, and I figured it was settled. No need to make this even more awkward than it already is.

“What are you doing?” Kieran demanded when I turned away from them and started rifling through the things he’d brought me - starting with the milk crate. Pencil case, books, mp3 player, clothes! I immediately pulled my worn out Tool shirt from the top of the pile and put it on. It felt so…soft compared to what I’d gotten used to.

“I just want to look at my stuff.”

“Don’t you want to talk? Christ, we haven’t seen each other in months!”

“Okay, first of all – it hasn’t even been two months. And no I don’t want to talk to you, why would I? You’re the reason why I’m here,” I shot back, turning so suddenly to glare at him that he actually jumped.

“Don’t give me that look. You know that’s not true. That isn’t how it is, and if you’re trying to...”

“Then how is it? Please, explain to me how it is; because I don’t know what’s going on because I’m stuck in a fucking mental institution.”

“Look, I know this situation sucks...”

“Mostly only for me...”

“...but I’m not exactly having the easiest time at home either, you know. Mom and dad are totally mental; they’ve barely even talked to me since you left,” he tried to explain.

“They’ve barely talked to me my entire life. Cry me a fucking river. And don’t say that I ‘left’ – I was sent away. It’s not like I had any input in the decision,” I said angrily, my voice sounding slightly hysterical.

“Okay, I know; I’m sorry. Obviously this isn’t…ideal, but I don’t know what you want me to do about it. What do you want me to say? I’m sorry you were a nymphomaniac drug addict and got yourself sent to the loony bin? Is that what you want to hear?”

“Not ideal? That’s one way of putting it,” I mumbled, before finally turning to face him again. “I don’t know if you realize - but they found out. About us, I mean. That’s why I’m here. It has nothing to do with all that other shit,” I said it as if it were the only thing that I knew was true. And he still scoffed at me. He even let out a little laugh, the corners of his eyes wrinkling slightly with mirth. “It’s not fucking funny!”

“Of course it is! If they knew they would have said something to me by now.”

“Oh yeah I forgot. You know everything,” I replied sarcastically. He shook his head at me before glancing back at Lucius, who was still staring at us like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Should we be talking about this with him here?” he asked me before turning to Lucius. “Wouldn’t you rather go play with your friends, little boy?” he said in that same patronizing way.

“Don’t fucking talk to him like that. He’s not a kid and he’s not retarded, so don’t treat him like he is!” I scolded.

“Whatever, he’s weird.”

“That is so like you! You think you’re better than everyone,” I replied haughtily.

“Maybe I should...” Lucius said while beginning to stand up.

“No, sit down god-damn it!” I yelled making him freeze. He even looked a little frightened. “I’m sorry, it’s just...” I began to explain.

“Don’t worry about him, it doesn’t matter.” Kieran cut in dismissing Lucius, sounding as if this was all too inconvenient to him. “I think we have more important things to talk about.” I resisted the urge to argue with him although my body was tense.

“I’m just...conflicted, is all. I didn’t expect to be seeing you here, in this place. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to feel about you being here but all I know is that I’m not exactly thrilled.”

“Thanks, that makes me feel great,” he replied sarcastically. A moment later his face lit up as if he were having a ‘eureka!’ moment. “I do have something for you that will make you happy. But we truly do need some kind of privacy,” he said while throwing a look over his shoulder, indicating Lucius.

“The bathroom,” I replied simply. I stopped what I was doing and slipped into the tiny room, not bothering to spare Lucius another glance. My excitement was growing – even more-so by the backpack he carried into the room with him. I shut the door behind him and waited anxiously while he started removing stuff from the bag. It looked like more clothes and toiletries – which was convenient, being in the bathroom and all.

“You know, I was really nervous bringing this stuff in but your doctor was more interested in talking to me than searching me – thank god for that,” he said as he got to the bottom of the bag and the secret compartments. It was the same bag I used to carry around with me everywhere; it was like my man purse or something. Either way, I always hid my drugs in the bottom of it or in the side in one of the two secret compartments that I had expertly sewn in.

“Well, I appreciate it,” I said.

“Five minutes ago you weren’t happy to see me and now you’re thanking me for bringing you contraband?” He replied with mock indignation.

“I didn’t thank you, all I said is that I appreciate it.”

“Same thing,” he said simply while removing the contents of the bag and handing them to me piece by piece. I looked over the items briefly which contained what looked like 5 ecstasy pills, 2 oxy-codeines, a half vile of what I assumed was coke, a small bag (about a quarter) of weed and a pack of papers in the bag. Last he handed me three cartons of smokes.

“You don’t look happy,” he observed. He took one of the cartons from me and tore out a pack of smokes. He unceremoniously tore the cellophane and tinfoil off before offering me one. I took the smoke with my free hand and let him light it for me. He lit one for himself and we sat in momentary silence.

“Why...so little? What am I going to do with this?” I asked, not trying to sound ungrateful but failing horribly.

“Well, for starters – I’m not made of money and also I’m not exactly friendly with the local drug dealers. It was hard for me to get this, really,” he explained.

“Why didn’t you ask Damien?”

“I thought it seemed like more than enough; besides Damien overdosed on some pills, or so I heard, and it was pretty serious. His parents pulled him out of school and I haven’t seen him. He won’t answer his phone either,” he replied as if it were no big deal.

“WHAT!” I exclaimed, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know! I have a lot on my mind. Look, I haven’t been home in a few weeks. I drove out here and brought all my stuff. I’m renting a shitty room in town in this rat hole house that I have to share with 3 other guys and they’re all total freaks and I just wanted to see you cause nothings going right at...”

“Whoa, wait a second,” I cut in, surprised by his uncharacteristic...pathetic...rambling. It took me a moment to process what he was truly saying. “So you left home?” I asked, before thinking of a better question, “What town do you mean?”

“Yeah I left. I didn’t know what to do. People have been saying all kinds of terrible stuff about you and Dad and Mom don’t even want to talk about you. Its too much bullshit, I cant live there,” he says.

“So what town are we in?” I asked more directly, completely ignoring his woe-is-me act.

“I’m sorry Salem, but I promised Dr. Savage that I wouldn’t say,” he said with a shrug.

“I can’t believe you’re listening to him!” I cried out with a mixture of surprise and outrage. “This is fucked.”

“Listen, it’s not exactly what I want either but I have to keep it to myself or I wont be able to see you.” He shrugged, looking genuinely sincere.

“Yeah, whatever,” I brushed him off, “Why didn’t you write, then? It cant be that complicated, I got a letter from Damien the first little while that I was here.”

“It is complicated,” he said insistently before lowering his voice and continuing seriously, “And I’m not even sure if Damien wrote that letter...”

“What are you saying?” my voice was equally quiet when I responded. “It seemed like his writing.”

“It was his writing, I’m just not sure that if what he wrote was what he...I don’t know. I think he was compensated for writing whatever they wanted you to read. I mean mom or dad, I think they paid him or something to write it and it was them who mailed it,” he stated as if he was completely sure...well maybe eighty percent.

“What? How do you know this?” I demanded

“Well...I don’t really know for sure but after you first went away they wanted me to find Damien’s number for them, which I did. A few days later there was a sealed envelope on the counter with the address not yet filled in. However...the return address was filled in, with Damien’s address. That’s how I recognized the writing. I also overheard mom asking dad if he had given Damien something, I’m assuming money. And then just now you mentioned that you got a letter from him and it all kind of fell into place...”

“So this is basically a theory of yours and nothing more?” I asked my voice laced with scepticism although I truly agreed with him.

“Sure, but I can tell you believe it. But that’s only the half of it. They, and I mean this place, have their mail redirected three times before it actually makes it here. The address is not listed anywhere and according to government records – this place doesn’t even exist. Which doesn’t mean that people, probably past patients, haven’t been flooding the internet with all the information about it that one could possibly need, excluding the actual address of the place,” his whispered conspicuously.

“So what did you find out than?” I asked genuinely interested.

“That this is a huge facility housing nearly 3500 people. The practices that are used here aren’t necessarily accepted by other mental health care facilities. Some of the worst mentally deranged criminals in the country are being housed here and rumour is that the doctors are doing some kind of testing on them. Also, over half of the doctors aren’t really qualified and a lot of them have had their licences taken away. There’s more but I don’t know what is true or not so I don’t want to say much more about it. I just don’t think that this is a good place. It didn’t feel right when we were walking through it – no matter how nice Dr. Savage and that nurse seemed to be...” He trailed off, obviously saying all that he was going to say.

“That’s...I don’t really know what to make of this. I’m stuck here regardless so what can that information possibly do for me?” I asked, suddenly angry for no explainable reason.

“I figured you of all people would be interested in a conspiracy theory – especially since it inadvertently includes you.” He sounded surprised by my lack of reaction. Besides, I already figured that this place wasn’t exactly ordinary. It doesn’t take Sherlock fucking Holmes to figure that much out.

“Well I’m not interested. In fact, I’m not even interested in talking to you. I don’t give a flying fuck what you went through to get here; it doesn’t change the fact that I’m stuck in here essentially because of you.”

“I know you don’t mean that and it’s not true anyways,” he said, flipping his black hair (the only thing we physically had in common) off of his face. It was longer and a lot messier than I’d probably ever seen it. “I came here because I’m worried about you and because I love you.”

“I love you too, Kieran. The only difference is the fact that I love you like a brother...not like the twisted lover that you wish I were,” I stated coldly before standing up. I tried to avoid his glare as he followed my lead and picked himself up off the bathroom floor.

“That’s not fair,” he replied quietly sounding hurt and unsure. Kieran never sounded unsure; he was too cocky and egotistical for that. “You wouldn’t be saying that if I were the one in a mental institution.”

“You’re the one who should be in a mental institution. And for your information, that’s exactly what I would say in any situation and you know that. You took advantage of me...”

“Are you fucking that Lucas guy?” he cut me off abruptly.

“You mean Lucius?” he nodded. “No I’m not. I’m not fucking anyone, not that it’s any of your business anyways.”

“I don’t believe that,” he said, narrowing his almond shaped eyes at me. His grey eyes looked almost black in the dim room – which was a pretty good indication that he was pissed off.

“Believe whatever you want,” I replied, jerking the washroom door open and ignoring everything that was scattered across the white tiled floor. I immediately and regrettably met Lucius’ curious gaze. I looked away at once.

“I can’t believe you’re acting like this,” Kieran huffed following me out of the bathroom into the room and out into the hallway. I didn’t respond. “Where are you going?”

“I’m not going anywhere but you have to leave because you’re driving me fucking crazy.”

“You already are crazy,” the words were barely out of his mouth before I turned and pounced on him. He had the most surprised expression of his face as we both fell to the hard hallway floor. His face changed suddenly when I threw my fist into it. We probably had identical looks of rage on our faces as we exchanged punches on that floor, each of us fighting for dominance. Somehow he managed to get on top of me and tried to pin me down. I jabbed him in the kidneys causing him to recoil before I threw him off of me. As I scrambled to raise my fist before he started defending himself again, strong hands grabbed me by the shoulders and yanked me to my feet.

“You son of a bitch! You cock sucking mother fucker! I hate you, I fucking hate you!” I screamed at Kieran, who was slowly rising to his feet, while I struggled with whoever was holding me from behind. I tried to kick out at Kieran but he was too far away.

“You’re fucking nuts Salem,” Kieran replied scathingly as he spit out a mouthful of blood and readjusted his ‘cat ears’. It looked so vibrantly red against the white floor and made me realize that the hallway walls weren’t a blood red colour at all...more like a cherry red. Irregardless I was still in a rage and was still trying to fight off whoever was holding me back.

“You better watch your fucking mouth you little nipper,” I replied, knowing it would piss him off. I mean, sure, he was adopted, but his real grandmother was Chinese and he had some weird sensitivity about race. He immediately was on me – well his fist was, right above my eye. I felt a sudden warmness there but wasn’t able to defend myself as he swung at me again, connecting with my nose causing blood to spray from my face. The grip loosened on me and I immediately struggled and somehow got free. I blocked Kieran from hitting me a third time in the face while kicking him in the shin as hard as I could. We swung at each other blindly before we were again pulled apart.

“You are so fucking selfish,” he stated while wiping at his bloodied mouth. Jackie was standing between us looking both angry and surprised.

“You have some fucking nerve Kieran, to say that to me while I’m locked up in this place” I scathed while shooting him my best glare of death. I was again being held back by whoever it was. All I knew was that they were stronger than me and I eventually stopped struggling.

“This is absolutely intolerable,” Jackie stated firmly looking between the two of us. Her gaze settled on Kieran, “You have to leave and you...” She turned and looked at me before looking over my head, “Austin, take him to D-lot.” My eyes widened as Austin started to pull me down the hallway.

“What?! No, Jackie you can’t! Please! I’m sorry, I’m sorry...” I shrieked sounding desperate and scared, which I was. “Kieran! Kieran!” I yelled for him once I was being dragged across the common room. Everyone was standing around looking shocked but I barely registered the other patients in the room.

“Wait! Hold on, please,” I heard Kieran plead before Austin stopped and released me. Suddenly Kieran was right in front of me and I grabbed onto him like I might never see him again, which is exactly how I felt.

“I didn’t mean it,” I said desperately, gripping the front of his shirt with both of my hands.

“I know. Neither did I,” he replied sounding bewildered.

“I think this is where they do what you just told me,” I whispered conspicuously.

“What do you mean?” he replied, looking baffled.

“Okay, let’s go,” Austin said impatiently while taking hold of my arm and pulling me away from Kieran. His face was a bloody mess but it still didn’t stop me from pulling him forward with my free hand and planting a chaste kiss to his lips. He just stared at me dumbfounded as Austin led me the rest of the way out of M-9 before heading toward the sound of screams and desperate cries that was D-lot.

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A/N:: Now that you've read it, I want you to know that I don't remotely like this chapter aside from a few lines that made me giggle. I was seriously considering not finishing this story considering the whole beginning needs to be re-written and also because I started it 5 years ago and no longer know where to go with it. On the plus side, the next chapter, 17, is nearly finished and I have half of chapter 18 written. I hope people are still interested and I promise faster updates in the future!
Thanks for reading, and please review! Much love!