Unforgivables

\"I did it...I killed them...\" the words finally left my mouth. They had been sitting there in my mind for six years and not once had I ever said them outloud. \"It\'s my fault...you\'re right...\" how had he worked his way so far into my life that he had gotten me to say this? How had he managed to get me to warm up? To talk? To just...live. \"My family...my whole family...I killed them.\"

It had been late at night. I\'d woken from a bad dream and didn\'t know where I was for like five minutes. I walked around the house until I came to the living room. I stood in front of the fire place, which was still burning because we always kept it burning so the house would stay warm at night. For the first time I had heard them. It had come as such a shock. I\'d stood there listening to them say horrible things in my ears for god only knows how long. Finally, finally, I\'d just wished they could burn. That they could all burn in the fire in front of me.

The fire began to stir. It began to grow. Before I knew what was happening it had spread from the fire place and into the living room. Being only ten-years-old I was over come with fear. I don\'t know how I got out of the house. I don\'t remember that. All I remember is all of a sudden I was standing in our front lawn and watching as the house began to slowly burn. If I had wanted to, if I would have, I could have saved them. The fire had not shot through the house. They could have gotten out. But I said nothing. I stood there and watched. Listened to their screams and cried as they were burned alive.

My mother, screaming for my father from somewhere in the house. My brothers and sisters yelling for our parents. After a while...it was silent. The last of their screams died off and I was alone. The fire burned in front of me and at that moment I blocked myself off. I slipped away. I could feel something tugging at the back of my mind and there they were. Waiting for me. Waiting for me to be alone and weak so they could get a full grip on my mind.

When the fire department showed up that social worker was with them. She\'d taken me over to an ambulance and started asking me questions. How I lived, how I got out, if there were any others, what had started the fire. I didn\'t answer one of them. Not one. I just sat there staring at the house as the flames faltered under the water. Unforgivable. I had done something unforgivable.

My eyes widened as arms wrapped around me and I realized that it was Brian. He was hugging me as if I had told him the whole story already. I probably had. He had probably seen everything I had thought. I dropped my head against his shoulder and sighed. Safety engulfed me and it was wonderful. It was selfish, but wonderful. I never wanted him to leave me. I wanted him to stay so I could always feel safe. Sure, that was very selfish, but he wanted me for the same reason.

\"I can only see what happened...\" Brian muttered in my ear. \"I can\'t hear what is said or understand how people feel.\" he hugged me closer and I could feel the uneasiness in him. Like he needed to ask me but he was afraid to hear the answer. \"Do you really like him better?\"

My eyes widened. He was talking about what had happened between Nicholas and I. I backed away slightly and looked up at him. He was refusing to meet my eyes again. \"You...saw?\"

He nodded and leaned back against the porch railing. \"I saw it. In his eyes.\" he muttered softly. \"Brought back memories.\" he smiled though there was pain in his eyes.

\"I don\'t know.\" I answered. \"It\'s confusing for me. I\'ve never had someone want me like that before and now there are two people who do. It\'s hard. I don\'t know if I want you around for you...or because you make everything go away. It\'s hard for me to see the place between those two thigns.\"

\"Then again he doesn\'t want anyone to know.\" Brian said softly. \"Does he? Sure, he warms up to you when no one is looking, when it is safe, but when anyone is around or near he\'s just your friend.\"

That was true. Nicholas did do that. He\'d wait till we were a good distance away from anyone or anything before he would actuall act like he liked me. It was sad. I knew that. I just couldn\'t find a happy medium with either of them and it drove me insane. \"How did you get out?\"

His lips covered mine and I forgot I had even asked the question. It was a soft kiss. His lips were there and then they were gone. Still, it made my entire body fall into comfort and everything around me stopped. \"I\'m eighteen. I was able to leave cause I\'m an adult.\"

It took me a moment to realize that he was answering my question. For a moment there I thought he was just talking with no point to it. I opened my eyes and looked at him. Brian. Brian was the one I wanted to be with. To spite his many bad habits and his slight mood swings he was the one I wanted to be with. He knew what I felt even if I didn\'t say it. I felt comfort in those eyes that so many others had felt fear in. Most importantly, he felt comfort with me...something no one had felt around me in a long time.

\"Get away from him!\" Nicholas was at the door. I turned to face him and he was very, very pissed. \"Get out of here now before I call the police on you.\"

\"How threatening.\" Brian said sarcastically. \"What is it with you? You\'re so jumpy and uptight.\" he looked strait at Nicholas. \"What on Earth are you so afraid of?\" Brian set a hand on my shoulder. \"And I don\'t much care for the way you treat him. Like he doesn\'t exist every time there is someone around. That is something I can just not agree with.\"

Brian\'s had grasped mine and I looked up at him to see he was in complete shock. \"Brian? What is it?\"

In a flash he had turned and pulled me along with him. \"Something bad. Something very, very bad. I told you I was unsettled around your aunt. I told you I didn\'t get a good feeling from her.\" I didn\'t understand. Nicholas yelled for the others and we began to run. \"I\'d love to explain to you right now but we have to get out of here.\"

I jerked my hand away from his and stopped. He turned and looked at me. \"What do you mean we have to get out of here? Where do you plan on going?\" he didn\'t answer and I frowned. \"Tell me what is going on right now Brian!\"

\"Do you trust me Christopher?\" Brian asked me.

\"What?\"

\"Do you trust me?\" he repeated and I nodded. \"Then you will come with me right now because at this moment I don\'t have time to tell you the whole story. All I know is that your grandmother is a very bad person and that Nicholas guy isn\'t that far behind her.\"

Again his hand took mine and we were off. We ran for a long time. Into the forst and then just strait through it. I don\'t know how far we made it through the woods but I know that with every minute the woods got thicker and thicker meaning we were getting further and further from any type of civilization. Finally I got to the point where my legs were turning into jello. I tripped on a root that had gone unseen and fell onto the ground.

Slowly I sat up and Brian helped me. My knee was cut, but it wasn\'t bad. I\'d live to say the least. I sat there panting and Brian sat next to me pulling me close to him. What were we thinking? Where were we going to go? All we had was the clothes on our back. We didn\'t have food, we didn\'t have water, and we didn\'t have money. What on Earth were we going to do about that?

\"We have to keep going.\" he told me. \"They are still looking for us. They wont give up that easily.\"

I let a groan escape my lips. I couldn\'t move any more. I didn\'t want to move. \"I\'m tired.\"

He helped me stand and kept his arms around me to keep me up. \"Just for a while longer. We\'ll walk for just a while longer. Can you do that for me Christopher? Can you walk just a little further for me?\"

\"Okay.\" I nodded and we began to walk again. I don\'t know how far we actually walked. My mind had gone so blank that the only thing I was thinking was to keep my feet moving. Finally we stopped and Brian sat me down against a tree. I close my eyes and dropped my head back against the trunk of the tree also. I was so out of it. I knew I had stamina but dear god Brian would have run forever.

A noise caught my attention and I opened my eyes. There was a small hot springs in front of us. It looked so inviting. Something you just wanted to sink into and never get out of. \"We can rest here for the night. I think we made it far enough away for now.\"

I nodded, my eyes not leaving the water. \"Is that safe?\"

He looked over at the hot springs now too and smiled. \"I\'m sure it is. It\'s be a good way to relax after running for so long also.\" he stood and held his hand out for me. \"Come on. We\'ll test it out.\"

Cautiously I took his hand and he pulled me up. Our clothes came off until we were both in our boxers. I could feel Brian\'s eyes on me and it made me blush knowing he was watching me like that. When I sank into the water a soft moan escaped my lips. It felt so good. Just sitting in the water was like having all of my soar muscles massaged. So nice. It was so nice. Brian slid in next to me and I could feel me was close though we weren\'t close enough that we would hit.

\"This is nice.\" he muttered and I looked over to see he had his eyes closed. \"Very nice.\" he looked over at me and smiled. \"Lucky we found this place huh? Better then the cold, dirty ground by quite a bit.\"

I nodded in agreement and let the water sink in around me. I felt Brian\'s hand rest on mine and I looked over at him. He leaned closer to me and actually hesitated a moment before our lips touched. I melted into the kiss and let Brian take control. It was uncomfortable. In fact, with Brian, I think I might have been overly willing to submit to his will.

\"Will you push me away this time?\" Brian asked in a whisper.

I didn\'t answer right away. I kept my eyes closed and tried to think. Did I want Brian? Clearly I did. There were certain parts of my body that said I wanted him. I blocked them out and focused. I did. God I did. \"No.\" I looked up at him and was even more sure when my eyes met his. There was no backing out this time. This time I wasn\'t going to be afraid. \"Please...\"


A/N : hehehe, I had to end it there. I had to. Get you so close and then take it away. I had to. But, come on, if you don\'t get what is going to happen in the next chapter then I\'m sorry. Just think of it this way, good things come to those who wait. And you have all waited long enough.
*thinking* oh! right, my email. I\'m sorry but I hate going to the review page and trying to remember where I left off. I end up reading half of them over again. I may have brown hair but there is blonde in there somwhere. So You ppl get my email just in case you want to do me a favor. Hehehe. Or you don\'t have to. I know it takes more effort to email me then just review. Whatever you want....> the_bitter_sweet_ending@yahoo.com
- Caffine...the one thing that keeps me going through my sleepless nights.