Starting Over

The summer started out great. Batey and Catherine spent a lot of time with James and Alanna, with John and Emma who were now officially dating, and with Ben. The job seemed to be working out for Ben, and he liked what he was doing. He also liked having his kid brother around.

“Honey, I’m home,” Ben sang as he walked into his parents’ living room after work one night. Batey was sitting on the couch, watching a movie. “Where’s Mom?” he asked. “I was hoping for a home-cooked meal.”

“You’re out of luck in that department,” Batey replied. “She went out with some friends, and dad… he’s working late.”

Sitting down beside his brother, Ben gave him a smirk. “See, this is the time when you should be making the moves on your girlfriend. Not during your graduation party in the kitchen, with ten other people outside the room. Or mid-afternoon, when just anybody could be strolling along…”

Chuckling, Batey shook his head. “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

“Nope,” Ben smiled. “So where is Catherine, anyway?”

“She’s doing something with Emma and Alanna. Some kind of girls’ night out,” he answered.

“And you’re just sitting here on the couch?” Ben asked. “Why aren’t you having a guys’ night out?”

“I’m still recovering from my guys’ night at your place a couple weeks ago,” Batey laughed. “The couch and some bad TV sound pretty good to me.”

“Let’s at least go grab something to eat,” Ben suggested. “We haven’t gotten a real chance to hang out since poker night.”

Nodding, Batey agreed. “That sounds good,” he said, rising from the couch. He would like a chance to talk to Ben one-on-one without being mind-numbingly drunk. Even after two weeks, there were large portions of that night that were black holes in his brain.

The guys drove companionably to a nearby restaurant, arguing over music and radio stations and laughing. After they had been seated and their orders taken, Batey rested his elbows on the table. “You know,” he started. “There really is a lot from poker night that’s a blank to me.”

“I’m not surprised,” Ben grinned. “You had eight or nine shots, not even counting the beer you drank.”

“Don’t remind me,” Batey grumbled. “I just know we talked about stuff… important stuff. I was hoping…”

“You want me to refresh your memory?” Ben’s eyebrows raised in mock distress. “After I pour out my heart and soul to you and you just forget what I said, you expect me to fill in your blanks?”

Laughing, Batey balled up his napkin and tossed it at his brother. “Shut up,” he said good-naturedly. “I remember bits and pieces. Like, I know we talked about Chloe, but I don’t remember a lot of details…”

A dark look moved over Ben’s face, but quickly passed. “Yeah, well, I told you that we were together a while, and that I found out she’d slept with half the base before I got transferred there. So I dumped her. But then you gave me this pussy advice about how I shouldn’t care about a girl’s past, how I should just accept her for who she is today.” He looked like he was about to say something else, but changed his mind. “That’s it. Crappy advice.”

“And I know I told you something about the woman I had been seeing before Catherine…” Batey looked nervous.

“Yeah, you told me everything, including her name. What was it again?”

“Nice try,” Batey laughed, his tension easing a bit. “I guarantee that I didn’t tell you her name.”

Smiling, Ben looked at his brother’s face. “Oh, you told me a lot of shit you probably wouldn’t have otherwise,” he said in a way that made Batey a little anxious again. “But no, you didn’t give me a name.”

Looking at his brother, Batey was relieved that he obviously hadn’t said anything in his drunken state about his father’s infidelities. That was what he had really been apprehensive about. He still hadn’t gotten up the nerve to speak to his mother, but now that he knew where he stood with Ben, he decided he would talk to her soon.

“So, I was thinking,” Ben turned the topic to a lighter subject. “I think I’ll tell the DMV I lost my license and give you mine when I get a new one.”

“I wouldn’t pass for you,” Batey replied, relaxing back into the booth seat. “My hair’s too long, and I’m too skinny.”

“I was going to talk to you about that girly hair and body…” Ben joked. “No, seriously, it won’t work in bars, but you’ll be able to buy beer at the 7-11 and shit. From the look of you, you might not even get carded, but if you do, it’d be helpful to have something.”

Nodding, Batey thanked his brother. “That would be great,” he smiled. And then they settled into an easy conversation, like friends. By the end of the meal, Batey was very glad he was getting a second chance to know his brother.

-----

“Morning, sleepyhead,” Batey’s mother greeted him the next day. “Are you hungry?”

“No, thanks,” Batey told her. After dinner with Ben, Batey had gone back to his elementary school playground to think. He had wanted to figure out what to say to his mother, but after several hours of staring at the slide and money bars he had played on in his younger days, he still couldn’t find the right words. Instead, he had gone home and spent the night tossing and turning in bed, wishing Catherine was there to hold him and listen to his concerns.

“I need to talk to you,” Batey decided to take the direct approach with his mother.

She had been doing the dishes, but she turned around at the serious tone in her son’s voice. Turning off the faucet, she picked up a dish towel and dried her hands before sitting down at the table across from him. “What is it?” she asked nervously. “It’s not Catherine, is it? She’s not pregnant?”

Letting out a small but sarcastic laugh, Batey shook his head. “No,” he told her firmly. “Not that I want to discuss this with my mother, but Catherine and I are extremely careful together. No, I need to talk to you about Dad… and Ben.”

Folding her hands on the table, Batey’s mother dropped her gaze. “They seem to be getting along fine. What’s the problem?”

Trying to control his annoyance, Batey took a deep breath. “The problem is that I am trying to build a relationship with my brother, and yet I am in a situation where I constantly have to lie to him.” Looking up at him, Batey’s mother’s eyes were brimming with tears, but he willed himself to not get lost in his sympathy. “Mom, I can’t do this anymore,” he reached across the table and placed his hands on hers. “I need you to do something.”

“What can I do?” his mother replied, tears now spilling over her cheeks. Her voice was not angry or sarcastic; she was just asking a question.

“Well,” Batey began patiently. “The way I see it, you have two options. Either you confront dad, or you tell Ben.” He gripped her hands tighter in his and looked at her with a distressed expression. “Mom, I need you to do this for me. For Ben. For a chance for him and me to be closer.”

Nodding, Batey’s mother seemed to be thinking it over. “I think I should do both,” she said softly. “Your father first, so I know what’s going to happen, and then Ben.” Looking into her son’s compassionate gaze, she gave him a small smile. “Thank you, sweetheart, for putting up with this for so long, and for caring so much about your brother that you can’t lie to him.” They both rose from the table at the same time, and Batey embraced his mother’s small frame. “You are an incredible individual,” she murmured into his shoulder. “And everyone who knows you is better for it.”

-----

Batey was at Catherine’s house the night his mother confronted his father. They were watching television and eating Chinese food as his father denied his wife’s accusations. They had moved into her bedroom by the time his father began blaming his wife for his infidelities, telling her that she had given a silent approval of his actions over the years. They were intertwined on the bed by the time his mother gave his father an ultimatum. And they were making love by the time his father, falling to his knees and clutching at the waist of his wife of twenty-four years, begged forgiveness for his transgressions. By the time his parents were holding each other quietly, contemplating everything that had gone right and wrong in the many years they were together, Batey and Catherine were holding each other as well, wrapped up in a moment of total contentment and trust.

-----

“So Mom told me everything,” Ben told Batey a few nights later. They were sitting on the couch in Ben’s apartment, each holding a beer. Their parents had told Batey what had happened the morning after, tears of both pain and joy filling his mother’s eyes. His father threw himself at his youngest son’s mercy, asking him for a second chance. When Ben had called, asking him to stop by, Batey already knew what it was about.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you-” Batey began, glancing at his brother, but Ben interrupted him.

“Andy, you’re eighteen,” Ben began with a gentleness that didn’t normally beset his nature. “I’m the one that’s sorry. I’m sorry I left you in that house to deal with all this alone. And I’m sorry I never told you what I knew. It was just that, when I left, you were so young. I still thought of you as a little kid…”

Giving his brother a small grin, Batey shrugged his shoulders. “I guess we both fucked up, then,” he said simply. Ben just nodded. “I have to be honest, though,” Batey continued. “I’m glad it’s all out now. I’m so relieved I don’t have to lie to you anymore.”

“Me too,” Ben gave his brother an awkward look. “So, um, you sure there’s nothing else you want to tell me?”

“If your fishing for the name of mom’s student, it’s not going to happen,” Batey laughed. Ben returned his laugh, but it seemed a little hollow. “How about you? You have anything else you want to tell me?”

“Please,” Ben replied, standing up. “I’m an open book. So you want another beer?”

“Sure,” Batey nodded. He watched his brother cross the room and head towards the kitchen. Despite the fact that their parents’ issues were now out in the open and that they truly seemed to be trying to rebuild their marriage, Batey still had an uneasy feeling within him. He didn’t know why exactly; he just felt like Ben was still holding back something, or else Ben thought he was. For now, though, he’d try to take advantage of his new-found relationship with his brother.

-----

The following weekend, Batey and Catherine went to Karma. As soon as they entered the coffeehouse, they heard John singing and looked over at him on the small stage. He was sitting on a stool, with just his guitar in his hands, and his voice was filling the small room. Emma sat nearby with Dennis and Ethan, looking content and proud.

After they each bought a cup of coffee, Batey and Catherine sat down at a table to listen to John as he sang. Catherine was surprised, when she recognized the lyrics, that John had chosen to sing a Beatles tune.

“But of all these friends and lovers, there is no one compares with you.
And these memories lose their meaning when I think of love as something new.
Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before.
I know I’ll often stop and think about them. In my life I love you more.”

Catherine was smiling, but her eyes were brimming with tears as she looked over at Batey and listened as John finished the song. Batey felt her stare, and glanced over at her. “You okay?” he whispered.

Nodding, Catherine gave him a small grin. “Sorry, I get overly sentimental this time of month,” she cracked.

Laughing, Batey put his arm around Catherine. James and Alanna were just heading in the door, and he waved his friends over towards the table. As everyone sat and began chatting, Batey tried to will the uncomfortable feeling that his body had been experiencing all week. He was with his girlfriend and his closest friends, sitting together in a place that had been like a second home to him throughout high school. He couldn’t figure out what was bothering him, though, and it was really beginning to irritate him.

-----

“I called Chloe last night,” Ben whispered to Batey the next evening. They were sitting in their parents’ dining room, waiting for dinner to be served. Both their parents were in the kitchen, working side-by-side, when Ben dropped this bomb.

“What?” Batey was shocked. “Why? What did you say? What did she say?”

“Later,” Ben promised as their mother strode into the room with a bowl in her hands.

Throughout dinner, Batey tried to keep up with the conversation, but he kept throwing sideways glances at his brother. As soon as the meal was over, he stood up. “Ben, that book you wanted is in my room. Come on; I’ll give it to you now.”

Giving his brother a bemused grin, Ben put down his fork and stood up. “Dinner was great,” he thanked his parents.

“Yeah,” Batey chimed in, embarrassed for not saying anything. “It was. We’ll just be a minute.”

“You wouldn’t last a day in Covert Ops,” Ben laughed as Batey closed his bedroom door.

“Sorry,” Batey replied sarcastically. “Anyway, tell me what’s up.”

Settling into the desk chair, Ben motioned for Batey to sit on the bed across from him. “It wasn’t planned or anything,” he began. “I was just home alone. And I was thinking about Mom and Dad. And then I was thinking about some stuff you had said on Poker Night… and before I knew it, I had picked up the phone and dialed her number.”

“And?” Batey urged his brother to continue his story.

“And she was willing to talk, to my complete surprise.” Ben leaned back in the chair and locked his fingers behind his head. “She was just as cool as I remember.”

“I don’t get it,” Batey admitted, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. “The way you made it sound, Chloe wasn’t someone you really cared about…”

“That was a lie,” Ben told his brother flat-out. “I loved Chloe… I love her. I just had a really hard time dealing with her past.” He glanced briefly at Batey, but then continued. “But she’s probably the only woman I’ve ever even been close to being in love with.”

“So what happens next?” Batey asked excitedly.

Smiling broadly, Ben appreciatively noted his brother’s happiness for him. “I told her I’d buy the tickets if she’d come out here for a few days. To talk, in person.” He paused briefly. “She’ll be here next weekend.”

Letting out a long sigh, Batey shook his head. “I know that I don’t know much about your situation,” Batey admitted with a grin. “But I get the feeling this is a good thing.”

Unable to hide his grin, Ben agreed. “I think so too. And I’ll explain it more fully to you this week. But for now, just give me a book so we can get back out there to Mom and Dad before they start thinking something’s wrong.”

Standing up, Batey grabbed a book off his nightstand. “Here you go,” he grinned. “And let’s hang out tomorrow night. We can talk more then.”

“Sounds good,” Ben told his brother, opening the bedroom door. “But don’t mention anything to the ‘rents just yet, okay?’

“No problem,” Batey patted his brother’s back. “This is just between us.”

-----

Batey and Catherine were waiting in Ben’s apartment, at his request, when he arrived home on Friday night from the airport with Chloe. Immediately, Batey was surprised. From what Ben had told him in the past, he’d been expecting a tall blond in high heels, a short skirt and red lipstick. Chloe was nothing like that.

“Hey,” the tiny girl said. “You must be Andy, and you must be Catherine.” She gave them a warm smile. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Catherine greeted Chloe while Batey took her in. Catherine towered over her, so she couldn’t be more than five-two or five-three. She had her light brown hair swept up into a simple ponytail, and she wasn’t wearing any makeup. She was dressed plainly in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, and she was grinning widely. “It’s nice to meet you,” Batey finally told her.

“Ben’s told me so much about you,” Chloe glanced over her shoulder nervously towards Batey’s brother. “He must be so glad to be back living near you.”

“Hey, I love any opportunity I get to torture my baby brother,” Ben laughed nervously, putting Chloe’s small bag down. His eyes were darting between Chloe and Batey, but he sighed, relaxing a little, when his brother gave him an encouraging nod. “So what are we doing about dinner?”

-----

“Chloe seems really sweet,” Catherine said from Batey’s passenger seat on the drive home. “Do you think they’re going to try to work things out?” Batey hadn’t told Catherine much about Ben’s relationship with his ex, and Catherine hadn’t pushed. She felt that Batey deserved to share some secrets with his brother.

Glancing over at Catherine appreciatively, Batey shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know,” he admitted. “I’m just glad she was willing to come out here and talk.” They sat in silence for a few moments before he continued. “So, there’s no way I can convince you to let me sneak into your room tonight, is there?” he grinned at her.

“No, that’s not an option,’ Catherine smiled back at him. “But I wasn’t sure if we were going to be drinking or not tonight, so my parents aren’t expecting me home…”

Raising his eyebrows in surprise, Batey smiled. “So does that mean you’ll come back to my room tonight?”

“No,” Catherine said firmly, and then giggled at the disappointed look on Batey’s face. “But it does mean I’ll stay in your guest room tonight – the one on a completely different floor than your parents’ bedroom – and I might even be okay with you visiting with me for a little while before I go to sleep…” She slid her hand onto his thigh and squeezed lightly. “How does that sound?”

Chuckling, Batey glanced over at her and smiled. “That sounds perfect,” he told her.

------

“Hello?” Batey answered the phone in a tired voice. Glancing at the clock, he saw that it wasn’t even eight yet.

“Are you awake?” Ben’s voice sounded nervous.

“Yeah,” Batey lied, sitting up and glancing across the bed with a smile. He hadn’t meant to, but he had fallen asleep next to Catherine in the guest room last night. He loved waking up and seeing her curled up beside him, naked and tangled in the sheets, reminding him of the night before. “What’s up?” he asked, his voice suddenly cheerful.

“Nothing,” Ben was trying to sound nonchalant now.

“Ben, it’s 7:52 in the morning, and you called me,” Ben joked. “Don’t try to say nothing’s up.”

“Okay,” Ben sighed. “I was just wondering if you and Catherine had plans tonight. I wanted to see if you wanted to hang out with me and Chloe…”

“And this couldn’t wait until, say, nine o’clock?” Batey asked, teasingly.

“I haven’t slept all night,” Ben admitted through gritted teeth. “Chloe and I talked until, like, three, but then she insisted on sleeping in the extra bedroom. And I have just been lying here awake since then, waiting for either her to wake up or for it to be a respectable hour to call you.”

A warmth spread in Batey’s chest, knowing that his brother was relying on him. “James’s parents are out of town,” he suddenly remembered. “And he’s having a little get-together. It’s just going to be some of our friends, younger than you guys, you know, but you’re welcome to join us.”

Sighing in relief, Ben agreed to go. “That sounds perfect,” he told his brother. “Just a fun, relaxed night.”

“You still love her, don’t you?” Batey asked, his voice gentle.

“Yeah, dickhead, I do.”

Laughing, Batey began to wrap up the conversation. “Okay, then, I’m going to go downstairs now and get some coffee, since you decided to wake me at this ungodly hour.”

“Downstairs?” Ben’s voice was suddenly teasing. “Since when do you sleep in the guest room? Oh, wait, let me guess. Catherine spent the night.”

“Goodbye, Ben,” Batey said pointedly.

”Tell Catherine I said good morning,” Ben laughed as he hung up.

Putting the phone back in the cradle, Batey looked over at Catherine and pushed some loose hairs from her face. Leaning down to kiss her forehead, he smiled to himself. Between his parents trying to work things out, his relationship with Ben developing so quickly, and Catherine… just being Catherine, he felt very much at peace.

“I love you,” he whispered to Catherine, who moved slightly at his words but didn’t wake up. He rose quickly, pulling his clothes back on, and slid out of the room quietly, closing the door behind him.

-----

There were only about a dozen people at James’s house, but everyone was having a great time. Catherine had offered to not drink, so the other three could relax and enjoy themselves. Chloe and Emma had immediately hit it off, and they spoke for a while. That was when Alanna approached Catherine. “Hey,” she greeted her nervously.

Immediately picking up on the tension in Alanna’s voice, Catherine looked at her with concern. “Hey Alanna. What’s up?” She glanced over towards where James, Ben and Batey were talking. James was laughing and talking, so Catherine assumed he and Alanna had not had a fight. “You seem a little… upset.”

Blushing, Alanna shook her head. “No, I’m not,” she said, glancing around to see if anyone was within earshot. “I was just hoping we could talk.”

Leading Alanna towards an even more secluded corner, Catherine encouraged her to go on. “So, you know,” Alanna began awkwardly. “James and I have been together for almost six months now. And his parents are away tonight…” Her voice trailed off as her cheeks began blazing with more color, and Catherine immediately understood what she was saying.

“Are you and James planning on… tonight?” Catherine asked gently, not trying to push.

Looking down, Alanna was silent for a moment. “Well,” she looked up with a small grin. “I was planning on it… I haven’t actually told James yet.”

Giving the girl a supportive smile, Catherine put a reassuring hand on Alanna’s shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked softly. “I mean, at prom, you told us you were a virgin…”

“This is really embarrassing,” Alanna admitted with a wry grin, making Catherine chuckle. “But I was just wondering if you had any… pointers, or whatever?”

Letting out a small laugh, Catherine shook her head. “No, I don’t really have any pointers,” Catherine said. “But I think… I think this is good. I mean, I’m not saying do it if you aren’t ready, but if you are…” Alanna nodded, encouraging Catherine to continue. “Then, I think it’s a good thing. I mean, James loves you. He REALLY loves you,” she repeated for emphasis. “But to be totally honest with you, I have to tell you that it’s probably not going to be that great physically the first time. But emotionally,” Catherine raised her eyebrows. “The chance to be that close to someone you love as much as the two of you obviously love each other… it’ll be so worth it.”

Alanna was smiling widely by now, and threw her arms around Catherine. “Thanks,” she whispered. “That’s exactly what I needed to hear.”

Catherine was grinning as she watched Alanna walk away and towards James. She saw her pull him into a corner and whisper something to him, which made his eyes open wide. When she saw him smile widely and reach down to kiss her, though, Catherine looked away to give the couple a moment of privacy.

“Hey beautiful,” Batey approached Catherine a moment later. “How are you doing?”

Smiling at him, Catherine reached over to wrap her arms around his waist. “I’m doing great,” she said, burying her face in his chest. “How are you?”

“Honestly,” Batey ran his hands over her back. “I’m very drunk. Not as drunk as my brother, but… We were doing shots earlier,” he explained.

Suddenly, Batey and Catherine pulled apart and looked over towards a corner where voices were raising. To their dismay, Ben and Chloe were obviously having an argument. “Should we do something?” Catherine asked nervously, looking at Batey.

“No,” Batey replied firmly. “They’re adults. They need to work through some shit.”

But they both kept looking over at the couple, who were obviously getting more and more upset with each other during each passing minute. “I don’t even know why I came out here,” Chloe’s voice rang out. “You are exactly the same person you were a year ago.” Storming over towards Batey and Catherine, Chloe’s eyes were filled with tears. “Catherine, would you drive me to a hotel please?” she asked softly.

”Wait just a damn minute,” Batey followed her. His words were slurred, and he was wobbling on his feet. “You’re not going anywhere. Not until we’ve talked.”

“We have nothing more to talk about,” Chloe said in a low, cold voice.

“Fine, then,” Ben yelled back at her. “I never should have called you anyway. Go. See if I care.”

”I’ll come back for you two,” Catherine told Batey softly, and he nodded.

“Wait, so you’re actually going to drive her?” Ben said angrily to Catherine.

“Ben, calm down,” Catherine tried to appease him. “I’m just going to drive Chloe to a hotel, so the two of you can both calm down. You guys can talk more tomorrow.”

“Fuck that,” Ben yelled, stumbling and almost falling. “I should have known you would take her side. After everything Andy told me about you…”

Catherine looked at Batey in horror, and his face was frozen in its own expression of dismay. “What Andy told you…?” Catherine couldn’t stop herself.

“Yeah, I should have known that the girl who blew a drug dealer for coke would take the side of a girl who slept with half of Fort Irwin!”

Catherine felt a white heat move through her body, and her eyes stung with tears. She knew that everyone at the party was staring at them: James, Alanna, John, Emma, Dennis, Ethan… All her new friends, all the people that she had gotten to know and trust after the awfulness of last year… They all stood silently in disbelief.

Pulling herself together as well as she could, Catherine looked at Chloe. “You still need a ride?” she forced herself to ask.

”Catherine, I’m so sorry,” Chloe started to say, but stopped speaking when she saw the expression on Catherine’s face. “Yeah, I still need a ride,” she said softly.

”Catherine,” Batey said softly, touching her arm, but Catherine pulled back immediately and faced him.

”Don’t,” she said coldly. “Just… don’t.”

With that, she sped out of the party as fast as she could. Only Chloe was there when they finally arrived at Catherine’s car. Chloe was the only one who saw Catherine’s face crumble. She was the only one who heard her whimper in pain and betrayal. She was the only one to watch Catherine slide to the ground and sob harder than she had in nearly a year.