Gravity of Love

Okay.

Now what?

A simple question as I sat up and the night slowly came crashing down on me. I scratched at my hair and yawned lazily. After Ren had essentially tossed me out again I had planned on stripping anyway but decided not to. Sure stripping was a high I usually couldn't get enough of but the temptation soon dies when I realized it was too close to actual work than I wanted. Ren pushed me out the house like a discarded toy and I was supposed to make money for him? Thanks but no fucking thanks.

Instead I came back here to The Freaky Coffin and went down below for some booty shaking. It had gone well enough until I bumped into a familiar face.

Mr. "I really like you" Jon.

He was just glad to see me and I was glad for another distraction. Once again we ended up in my room and, again, I laid him down and took control of everything. He was probably so caught up in whatever fantasy he had of me that he gladly took it all. Jon made a rather nice distraction.

It felt amazing last night but I still couldn't snake that feeling of regret now that it was the next morning. A small voice was screaming that I shouldn't have fucked him, especially to just use him like that. I waited for the voice to get louder but lately it's been easier to push that little voice down. It wasn't exactly a good thing but I'd rather have a borrowed piece of mind than a war of guilt in my head.

Now it was the morning after and I didn't know what the hell to do. Shouldn't there be a manual for my life by now? Maybe even someone behind the scenes planning and writing out my next move? Yeah, silly I know.

I got out of bed and took my time getting dressed since Ren had failed to specify exactly when I should come home. Come to think of it, he didn't tell me a time at all. So I dragged my morning along, hanging around in the room for a while before I finally decided to get up. It was one of the rare moments that taking Ren literally actually worked out for me too. Might be the only time for that matter.

Stepping outside, I winched as my eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness and I went slowly down the stairs. The main entrance area was quiet as always and the parking lot was empty except for a few cars which probably were employees getting ready to head home.

"Going home?"

I immediately recognized the deep voice and turned to Soren with a grin.

"Of course, gotta check in with the warden," I replied.

He chuckled, a deep rumbling sound, and shook his head. "Thought you'd be going home with that guy from last night. You two stayed upstairs for a long time."

I made a face of mock surprise. "Soren, were you watching me?"

He didn't smile. "Not the way you're implying, Gavin."

I moved closer to him. "You sure?"

We stood face to face, staring at each other for a few moments and it was Soren that broke down and laughed first.

"Damn you, Gavin, I can't ever keep a straight face when you stare me down like that."

"Remind me to play poker with you sometime," I said and started to walk away from him.

"Gavin?" He called. "Just one more thing."

I stopped and turned to face him again. "Yeah?"

He grinned. "Is your fun from the past two nights something that Ren knows about?"

He never lost his smile as he spoke but I could tell he was at his most serious. The fucker did have a game face after all. I could easily lie and say 'yes' but Soren was like a walking lie detector. Whether it was from instinct or something else I knew better than to even chance it.

"No," I finally said. "Are you going to tell him?"

Soren's grin widened. "No."

Hmmm, interesting.

"Not that I'm complaining but do I dare ask why? You work for him."

"That's true, I do, but I don't see a reason why I should say anything."

"Is that the only answer I'm gonna get?"

"I could give you another, but I don't—"

"—See a reason why you should," I finished his sentence with a small laugh. "Fair enough, Soren. Thanks."

"For what?" he said and frowned at me as if he was confused.

I gave him a small salute and walked back to my car. I was smart enough not to pry anymore and leave that sleeping dog alone. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted to find out the real reason why but I wasn't going to push my luck.

It didn't take me long to get back home and as I walked through the front door I wondered if Ren had gone out too. Sometimes he could be out for a whole day and not come back until that next night. But, come to think of it, he was usually out with Mannix whenever he did and something told me that Mannix would be the last person he'd be with right now. I had a pretty good feeling that the wonder team had broken up, even if temporarily. I was curious to see just how much Mannix meant that 'I'm leaving' bit. Did he mean leaving like a visitor going home just to come back the next day or truly leaving? The very thought of it was a nice one but it angered me that Ren was the cause for this big mess, using everyone as pawns and made me feel a little warmer towards Mannix. But only just a little.

I walked the long way around to the bedroom and just as I reached for the doorknob the door flew open and out and I had to jump back to avoid getting smacked in the face.

"Holy shit, I'm sorry!" A voice cried out from the room. The source soon appeared and looking up at me was a round, young face—probably a few years younger than me--with wide blue eyes. He had soft brown hair that was a bit messy and out of place and small but full lips. Holy hell, I knew the fucker. He was one of the newer guys Ren hired a few weeks ago. I had seen him around the house doing some of the smaller tasks, shadowing the other maids and butlers until he could handle a shift on his own. We've bumped into each other every now and then and he's embarrassingly asked me where certain things were and I gladly told him, swearing I wouldn't tell anyone.

I was used to seeing him in full butler gear but now all he had on was the black slacks and the rest of it was bundled together in his arms. He clutched at the misshapen ball of clothes and gave me a weak and nervous smile. I knew Ren slept around a lot but I would have never thought that he'd fuck the help. Shows what I knew, didn't it?

"Uh…hey Gavin," he said meekly.

"Hello Marcus," I said softly.

His eyes darted side to side like a frightened animal searching for an escape and he wet his lips. "I—uh…I was just…"

"You fucked Ren, obviously, or should I say Ren fucked you." I said coolly, not particularly interested in his 'it's not what it looks like' speech I felt brewing. "Now you're going back to work, right?"

He blinked, clearly not expecting things to go down how they were. Did he expect me to lunge in like the jealous boyfriend, or run off and cry as the wounded lover? In some ways I was both but I'd be damned if I was going to show someone like him that.

"Gavin…I—" he started, stumbling over his words before he could even get them out.

"This is the part where you walk away, Marcus," I offer to him softly.

He jumped as if something bit him and scampered past me and down the hallway. I slipped in the room and closed the door behind me and I heard Ren's voice from deeper inside, probably the closet.

"I thought I told you to get your ass back to work! What did you forget?" He stepped out of the closet, in the middle of buttoning up his shirt. When he spotted me he stopped in mid-step.

"Oh, you're home." And he turned back around and went back in the closet.

That's all I get? 'Oh, you're home?' Not even a 'hello' maybe? I'd even settle for a nasty 'took you long enough'--anything to show that he felt something. I walked over to the closet and leaned in the doorway as Ren continued to search through the right side of the wall set aside just for his pants. He had yet to find any so he was standing there with only a shirt on and a bare ass since he usually went commando. My eyes wandered down, checking him out and I felt a stir of desire but it was a feeling that I quickly squashed.

"I know you didn't go to work yesterday," he said softly. "Where'd you go?"

I didn't respond.

"Who fucked you so hard you lost your tongue?"

"No one fucked me, Ren." Which was the absolute truth. If he had asked whom I fucked then that would have been a different story but Ren was always going to assume that because I bottom with him, I bottom for everyone. So I didn't consider it lying…just giving him literally what he asked for and nothing else. He'd be proud of me.

He turned around to face me. "You didn't?"

Hmm, that was even trickier. Did he mean I didn't fuck anyone or I didn't let anyone fuck me? I'd go with the latter since that would allow me to keep this thing going.

"No," I replied.

"What did you do last night?"

"Dancing." The club kind and the horizontal kind, but Ren didn't need to know that last one.

Ren narrowed his eyes at me as if he didn't believe me but went back to wardrobe hunting. I sighed; this was going to take forever. When he didn't have anything else to do pick out clothes he'd take so long and watching him do it was about as interesting as paint drying. I walked inside and reached over his shoulder to point to dark brown slacks that would go very well with his silk tan shirt.

"Wear that one," I said with a tone of impatience.

Ren turned his head to look at me and he had this odd smile on his face. It was when I felt his hot breath hit my face that I suddenly realized how close we were and slipped away. Well, I would have if he hadn't quickly grabbed me by the arm and yanked me back against him.

"How sweet, you're trying to dress me."

Shit, maybe he took my suggestion the wrong way. "I was just trying to help."

"I know, love, I know." He said softly and leaned forward until our lips met and I couldn't help but jump, unsure if the gentleness was just a prelude for pain. Ren noticed my sudden change and laughed.

"You sure are jittery. You think I'm gonna smack you?"

"I can't ever be sure anymore," I replied softly.

"You fear me that much?"

I could sense I was about to walk myself in a corner that I might not be able to get of. "Is that what you want me to say?" I asked carefully.

Ren sighed. "If I didn't want to hear what you really thought, I wouldn't have even asked you, idiot."

"You do scare me sometimes," I said.

"Sometimes? What do you feel the other times?"

I so did not like where this conversation was going. It could only lead to more trouble for me and I knew my next answers would really have to planned out so they were honest but not honest enough to piss him off.

"Pain."

"That's awfully vague."

Yeah, just how I meant it to be. Vague was safe and it let him think whatever the fuck he wanted to think. Usually he did just that; whatever he thought was how the universe worked and that was all she wrote. Why did now have to be different?

"Pain from loving you."

"So I'm a pain?" Ren said slowly.

"No," I said quickly. "It hurts….hurts to love you. I wanted it to be something real but all I get are your fists, your cold words and your scorn when you see me fuck someone you—"

I stopped when I realized what I was saying. Shit, Gavin, just babble on forever! Where the hell was the off switch for my mouth?

"All that, huh?" Ren said. Well, at least he was smiling; he wouldn't do anything too bad while he was smiling. "And right now?"

"I-I don't know what you…"

"What do you feel right now?"

"C-confused."

"Not that. What we were just discussing."

"A bit of both," I said quietly.

Ren chuckled softly. "How can you fear and love a person at the same time?"

"I don't know," I said truthfully. If I could figure out my feelings for Ren and label what was what I wouldn't be half as fucked up as I was now. It was the love, the fear and the anger that mixed together in one big pot and clouded everything that made it so hard to think about that question, much less the answer.

Ren kissed me softly. "How can you love and hate a person at the same time? Love them but not want to?"

"I don't know," I whispered against his lips.

"Neither do I," he said barely above a whisper and flicked his tongue along my lips before slipping it inside. His hands started groping familiar places and my body froze again.

"What about you? What are you feeling?"

Ren leaned back from me. "You fucking kidding me? Me fear you?"

"I didn't mean it like—"

Ren smiled. "A strange love, a cold hatred and a slight amusement. Happy?"

"Not really," I replied.

"Didn't you think you would be, but, hey, at least love was in there, right? I do love you, Gavin, maybe the only love I can give."

"No," I mumbled, "the only kind you want to, but not the only kind you have."

Ren pushed me away with an exasperated sigh. "You're such a mood killer, Gavin!" He snatched the pants I had suggested off its hanger and slipped into them.

"And speaking of moods, I don't like yours so I'm keeping you close to me today. I've got a meeting later with Trent and you're coming with me."

"But Ren, I—" I started with a moan.

"I don't want to hear it. You brought it on yourself so get dressed and do something with your hair for god's sake."

I sighed and pulled absently at my tangled hair. The tone of his voice demanded my submission and I felt myself slipping into that mode Ren made me learn. Keep your head down, speak softly and forget about free will. The only things that matter or ever will matter were his words. I was wondering what use I could possibly be at one those meetings, especially a meeting with a wereleopard, but I knew not to ask. I remembered how simply asking 'why' got me with a nearly sprained arm the other day. I'd keep my questions to myself, thank you very much.

"Yes, Ren," I simply said.

Ren continued as if he didn't hear me. "I want you at your most charming. Trent is a good friend of mine and a loyal business partner; you remember him, don't you?"

"Yes, Ren."

He sat down on the bed and reached under it to get his Gucci loafers and slipped them on. Once he finished he stood up and went over to the wall mirror to check his reflection. Not like he really needed to since he was gorgeous as always and he knew it. He suddenly frowned and looked at me through the reflection of the mirror.

"Come to think of it, don't be too charming because he doesn't do guys. Dinah, his second-in-command, won't like you too much for it either."

"Yes, Ren."

He turned around and faced me.

"You plan on giving me anything other than those two words?" he said angrily.

"What else do you want me to say? 'Yes, sir'?"

Ren smiled and laughed a little. "Is there ever a moment you're not a wise-ass?"

"Whenever you beat me enough so that I can't even remember my own name maybe," I muttered. The moment I said those words I regretted them. I was having too many moments lately that I spoke without thinking and all those moments got me in trouble. I watched Ren's smile drop and knew I was fucked. And I was doing so well, too.

He got off the bed and I instinctively stepped back, unsure what he was going to do to me. I knew I wouldn't run--that'd only make things worse—and I braced myself for whatever may come. Ren closed the distance between us and grabbed my arm, giving me a slight shake. I shrunk with submission as he leaned so close our faces were mere inches apart.

"Would that be an incentive? Do you WANT me to hit you, Gavin?"

I shook my head so quickly I got a bit dizzy. "No."

"Then why say something like that? Things were fine until you had to say something to fuck it up. And you end up doing something that you can't take back, even if you wanted to."

I frowned. "Do? What did I do?"

Ren looked at me and his eyes seemed to focus as if he forgot I was there. He let go of me and stepped away, avoiding eye contact.

"Just get dressed," he snapped. "We're leaving in an hour."

He left the room without saying another word.

What the hell just happened? I expected to have a black eye or worse by now, huddled in a corner as I nursed an injury for my outburst. Hey, not that I'm complaining, I was just confused. What the hell was he talking about?

Ah. Stupid, stupid Gavin. Did I even need to ask?

The last thing he said may have started about me but it ended with his thoughts on something—or should I say someone—else. Was that Ren actually showing regret for what he had done? He didn't get the reaction he had planned and his little scheme had bit him on the ass. He wasn't sorry for how it affected me, but he obviously was for Mannix. How fucked up was that?

It was a slap to the face to know that not only does Ren have another side to him but also it was a part that I'd never see. Strike that, I did see it once but it was directed at someone else. A certain someone that made a horrible exit just yesterday and had yet to show up or even ask for me. Truth be told, I would have rather believed that Ren was just a cold-hearted bastard through and through; it would've made things so much easier to take. But what am I compared to Mannix? Five years versus ten? Pet versus friend?

I shook all those thoughts out my head. My head needed to be clear when I went with Ren and I needed to get myself mentally prepared for dealing with Trent and his crew. I didn't really have anything personal against them; they just made me nervous as hell. And that was exactly what I'd have to keep in check since Ren's told me that my fear makes me a bit more like food. What a way to calm someone down, huh?

I pulled off my shirt and went over to the closet to find something to wear. Man, I wished I hadn't come back when I did, maybe he would have just left without me. If I could only be so lucky.