Only the Heart Knows Why
folder
Romance › Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
16
Views:
4,423
Reviews:
26
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
1
Category:
Romance › Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
16
Views:
4,423
Reviews:
26
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
1
Disclaimer:
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
Unworthy
Chapter Fifteen: Unworthy
(Characters belong to myself and R P Davies. Please read his version, Only the Heart Knows Why, Quax’s Days.)
At school the next day, it feels as though I have finally awoken from a long, torturous nightmare, and was greeted by the brand new semester… I hate it…
I have no idea what chapters any of my classes are on, everyone gives me weird looks, and I just can’t stop feeling so uncomfortable around everything. At lunch, I find a table and sit by myself, not expecting to eat anything. I don’t have the money to pay for food anyway. Then out of nowhere, Hikari and Bianca sit with me, as though it’s completely normal for them to do so. “Wow, a new table today!” exclaims Hikari, separating the two different lunches she has… Wait, two?
“Yeah,” Bianca says, agreeing with her. “Almost seems like he’s actually thinking today.”
I glare at them both. “What the hell are you two talking about?” I growl, my hunger only worsening my bad mood.
The girls just stare at me for a good few minutes, before finally smiling like mad. “He spoke! He spoke!” cries the pink-haired girl, grabbing the other Bianca’s hands. “Our baby boy finally spoke!”
“I know!” cries the black-haired girl. “It’s such a miracle, Hikari!!”
“What the hell???” This is, sadly, the only comment I could think of.
“They were worried about you.” I glance up as Zien sits down across from me. “Hikari was actually feeding you during lunch.’
Hikari simply giggles at this. “No, it wasn’t like that. I just told Kanau what to eat and he ate it.”
I feel so embarrassed now. Did all of this actually happen?
“Hi, Kanau!” Quax exclaims as he suddenly sits beside me. “You came to school today!”
“Of course I did… though it’s more of a mad house rather than a school now.” I look away, at other empty tables. Maybe I can escape…
“I was worried that after ‘waking up’… you would just stay home.”
“Well, I didn’t,” I tell him, looking back at him again. “I needed out of the house.”
Hikari and Bianca watch us with matching grins. I give them a light glare. “You don’t scare us, Kanau,” Hikari sings.
Bianca laughs lightly. “That’s right. Besides… we know your secret, Kanau.”
I sigh in frustration. This is ridiculous. “And what secret would that be?”
“We’re not telling,” giggles Hikari as she shoves her second lunch at me. “Here, eat up.”
I just look down at it. I don’t feel like eating right now. After a few more moments, Quax grabs the tray and scoops up some of the food on a spoon, and holds it up to my mouth, wearing that goofy grin of his again. “You know you need to eat,” he tells me.
“You should know that I hate what you’re doing.”
“Aw, come on, Kanau…”
I look away from him again, seriously considering the idea of moving to a different table, at until the lunch period is over. I hear him put the spoon down on the tray. “Hey, listen, um…” I glance at him again, wondering what he’s going to say now. “Well… I know it’s probably still too early to ask, but… do you maybe… wanna go see a movie with me tomorrow night?”
I feel my eyes widen as I watch him, realizing just how serious he is about this. “Do you mean… a date…?”
“W-well, yeah… I do…”
Fuck… I had been dreading this. I guess he hasn’t realized yet that there are much, much better guys for him out there, if only he would look. But that’s right… it’s because he used his eyes that he chose me to chase after. What else is there to like? I have dark hair, fair skin, dark blue eyes… I’m all looks, and, well… not much else, except a broken mess.
This probably all started that first time we met in class. If I had been more average-looking, or even ugly, then I wouldn’t even be in this mess. “Look, Quax… No.” His face looks so hurt after that. I sigh at him. “Listen… I’m sure you’ll find someone better pretty soon. We’re still young, after all. Maybe you’re just confused…”
“Confused? I’m not confused; I know what I want!”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes I do!”
“You would be unhappy with me, Quax… You seriously deserve better.”
“Kanau… you big idiot!!” He gets to his feet and takes off, out of the cafeteria. As the others all look at me, I just ignore them, looking down at the trays of food. Watching Quax run off like this brings back memories… Horrible, hurtful memories…
This is precisely why I can’t be with him. All I’m capable of doing is hurting him. Except for that apartment… But any decent friend would have done that, right? And that trip to the hospital… Well, fuck, once again, any decent friend would do that. Besides, those are like the only two things I’ve ever done for him that didn’t hurt him. Other than those, I always upset him. He’s helped me so many more times than I’ve helped him.
So there’s no way I can bring myself to make him suffer through a relationship with me. It would only result in disappointment for him after being through so much in his young life. I can’t let that happen. I just… can’t.
(Characters belong to myself and R P Davies. Please read his version, Only the Heart Knows Why, Quax’s Days.)
At school the next day, it feels as though I have finally awoken from a long, torturous nightmare, and was greeted by the brand new semester… I hate it…
I have no idea what chapters any of my classes are on, everyone gives me weird looks, and I just can’t stop feeling so uncomfortable around everything. At lunch, I find a table and sit by myself, not expecting to eat anything. I don’t have the money to pay for food anyway. Then out of nowhere, Hikari and Bianca sit with me, as though it’s completely normal for them to do so. “Wow, a new table today!” exclaims Hikari, separating the two different lunches she has… Wait, two?
“Yeah,” Bianca says, agreeing with her. “Almost seems like he’s actually thinking today.”
I glare at them both. “What the hell are you two talking about?” I growl, my hunger only worsening my bad mood.
The girls just stare at me for a good few minutes, before finally smiling like mad. “He spoke! He spoke!” cries the pink-haired girl, grabbing the other Bianca’s hands. “Our baby boy finally spoke!”
“I know!” cries the black-haired girl. “It’s such a miracle, Hikari!!”
“What the hell???” This is, sadly, the only comment I could think of.
“They were worried about you.” I glance up as Zien sits down across from me. “Hikari was actually feeding you during lunch.’
Hikari simply giggles at this. “No, it wasn’t like that. I just told Kanau what to eat and he ate it.”
I feel so embarrassed now. Did all of this actually happen?
“Hi, Kanau!” Quax exclaims as he suddenly sits beside me. “You came to school today!”
“Of course I did… though it’s more of a mad house rather than a school now.” I look away, at other empty tables. Maybe I can escape…
“I was worried that after ‘waking up’… you would just stay home.”
“Well, I didn’t,” I tell him, looking back at him again. “I needed out of the house.”
Hikari and Bianca watch us with matching grins. I give them a light glare. “You don’t scare us, Kanau,” Hikari sings.
Bianca laughs lightly. “That’s right. Besides… we know your secret, Kanau.”
I sigh in frustration. This is ridiculous. “And what secret would that be?”
“We’re not telling,” giggles Hikari as she shoves her second lunch at me. “Here, eat up.”
I just look down at it. I don’t feel like eating right now. After a few more moments, Quax grabs the tray and scoops up some of the food on a spoon, and holds it up to my mouth, wearing that goofy grin of his again. “You know you need to eat,” he tells me.
“You should know that I hate what you’re doing.”
“Aw, come on, Kanau…”
I look away from him again, seriously considering the idea of moving to a different table, at until the lunch period is over. I hear him put the spoon down on the tray. “Hey, listen, um…” I glance at him again, wondering what he’s going to say now. “Well… I know it’s probably still too early to ask, but… do you maybe… wanna go see a movie with me tomorrow night?”
I feel my eyes widen as I watch him, realizing just how serious he is about this. “Do you mean… a date…?”
“W-well, yeah… I do…”
Fuck… I had been dreading this. I guess he hasn’t realized yet that there are much, much better guys for him out there, if only he would look. But that’s right… it’s because he used his eyes that he chose me to chase after. What else is there to like? I have dark hair, fair skin, dark blue eyes… I’m all looks, and, well… not much else, except a broken mess.
This probably all started that first time we met in class. If I had been more average-looking, or even ugly, then I wouldn’t even be in this mess. “Look, Quax… No.” His face looks so hurt after that. I sigh at him. “Listen… I’m sure you’ll find someone better pretty soon. We’re still young, after all. Maybe you’re just confused…”
“Confused? I’m not confused; I know what I want!”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes I do!”
“You would be unhappy with me, Quax… You seriously deserve better.”
“Kanau… you big idiot!!” He gets to his feet and takes off, out of the cafeteria. As the others all look at me, I just ignore them, looking down at the trays of food. Watching Quax run off like this brings back memories… Horrible, hurtful memories…
This is precisely why I can’t be with him. All I’m capable of doing is hurting him. Except for that apartment… But any decent friend would have done that, right? And that trip to the hospital… Well, fuck, once again, any decent friend would do that. Besides, those are like the only two things I’ve ever done for him that didn’t hurt him. Other than those, I always upset him. He’s helped me so many more times than I’ve helped him.
So there’s no way I can bring myself to make him suffer through a relationship with me. It would only result in disappointment for him after being through so much in his young life. I can’t let that happen. I just… can’t.