Someday Maybe

Aiden was avoiding him. Aiden was also pissed off. Ty wasn’t sure if the reasons were the same. Probably. It was rather depressing to think about. Ty tried not to consider it but tended to find it was the hardest thing he had ever attempted to not think about despite the fact that every single day he was around people he had to concentrate on not thinking about what they were thinking.

“You never used to be a jerk.” Cheryl said bluntly from the doorway. Ty sighed and sat up in bed and shifted around so he was sitting at the edge of it. He pulled off his shirt, wincing a bit at the pain that caused. There really was no speeding up his body’s healing in any magical way but to at least keep him comfortable she’d been nice enough to help him apply Tiger Balm to the worst of the bruises and aching muscles. It was still nearly a week and a half until the end of their “vacation” and the return flight they had booked before. “Are you not talk to me now, either?” She asked, not sounding amused.

“I was confused about how your insulting me was a conversation.” He said dully. If it was anyone else he would have been concerned that his statement might incite her to not help him with the balm but this was Cheryl and even if she had hated him she still would have helped him because he was hurt and he was her patient and that made the interaction professional.

“You know what I mean.” He frowned. Did he know what she meant? She was thinking about Aiden but other than that there wasn’t any clear concept or idea within her mind.

“About my being a jerk?” He asked quizically, mostly for the purpose of getting her to think about that and trying to make the picture clearer since he didn’t especially think she was going to answer the question as intended. Apparently she’d been talking to Aiden. He was upset at him.

“Yes. I know I’d rather have a cute young man rubbing ointment all over me than some old woman. Except, of course, he’s too young for this old woman.” She was being melodramatic, she wasn’t old and she certainly wasn’t unattractive. She could probably have whoever she wanted within reason. He sighed at the implication. He wasn’t so sure he’d rather have Aiden helping him with the Tiger Balm for various reasons but he wouldn’t mind if they were still friends. He sighed heavily but didn’t say anything. “God, you’re both being mopey.” She complained. “According to him you have no right to be mopey.”

He sighed again. She was right. They weren’t friends anymore and it was his fault. “But that’s what you get for being a jerk.” She added. “Hence my wondering when you turned into such a big one.” He looked at her, confused. She thought they weren’t friends because he’d yelled at Aiden. He shook his head.

“It’s not because I yelled at him.” He told her. “I... killed all those people. I don’t think he can forgive me for that.”

“He didn’t mention that.” She murmured as Ty carefully pulled his shirt back on and she cleaned her hands off on a dish cloth. “He said that you were talking when he was going to help you so you could have a bath and you yelled at him to get out and stay away from you.” Ty closed his eyes and brought his hands up to rub at his temples. He had done that. He just... he didn’t want Aiden to be disgusted by him and hate him or, at best, pity him for his mental deficiency so he’d told him to get out and stay away.

He wanted to curl up and put his arms over his head and hide but didn’t think he could manage that, especially not the curling up, so he settled for turning his head away from her when he spoke and crossing his arms across his stomach. “I didn’t want to see him. I didn’t want to see how much he hates me.” He admitted.

“I don’t recall your being an idiot, either.” She said, sounding slight exasperated. “Obviously I’m not a mind-reader so maybe it’s more obvious to me but wouldn’t you think that he wouldn’t be upset at you for yelling at him if he hated you?” Cheryl reasoned.

“But I killed all those people for no reason. I must be a monster.” He said hollowly. His eyes burned like he’d been wearing contacts too long. He was going to cry, he realized, that’s why his eyes were burning.

“No.” She said, putting her arms around him. “No, you’re just a kid. You were afraid. That’s all. You just did what you had to.” She hugged him and he closed his eyes and struggled with the desire to cry. He managed not to but had to take several deep breaths in order to hold it off. She kissed the top of his head and then quietly left the room. She didn’t think he was a monster. She understood that he’d been afraid. Tat counted for something, didn’t it? But he still didn’t know if his friendship was repairable. What was he supposed to say? And what if she was wrong?

He laid back down on his side and hid under the covers and he did cry then. What if she was right and he’d ruined their relationship because he was an idiot? He didn’t think that made him feel any better at all. “God, you’re so stupid.” A voice was given to his self-effacing thoughts. And then someone was crushing him, putting more than comfortable amount of pressure on his bruised form and wrestling him over and tugging him to cuddle against them. “How could I hate you?” Aiden asked. “I thought- I thought I’d pushed you too far and you couldn’t stand me anymore.” He admitted. “We were both confused.”

This time Aiden pulled him close and Ty ended up with his head tucked beneath the younger male’s chin, wrapped up in his arms. “I would have done the same thing.” He said after some time of silence. “I’m not perfect but I’m not insane, either. I wouldn’t have killed that little girl if they told us to but those guys were like military. And they were going to kill you. I understand. Okay?” He asked. Ty nodded against him and Aiden must have seen or felt it. “I’ll try to remember to like fucking overcommunicate in the future.”