More than Anyone

“How about this one?” Sadie held up another sample invitation. “This one is egg white.”

Toby sighed, slouching lower in his chair. He looked around for the waiter at the small outdoor café, needing another beer. He looked back at what his fiancée was holding. “That looks exactly like the one we just saw.”

Sadie sighed patiently. “Toby, this is egg white. The one we just saw was vanilla white.”

He looked at her then grabbed the four invitations on the table. “Sadie, honey, baby,” he held them up. “These are all white. Every single fucking one of these is white. There is no fucking difference between egg white or snow white or vanilla fucking white!”

Several people sitting at the tables around them cast their attention to the sudden outburst and Sadie snatched the invitations back from him, quickly shoving them back into her bag. She certainly wasn’t going to be showing him the sample menus anymore. Toby reached for her hand but she quickly moved it, picking up her fork and beginning to eat her pasta salad again.

“I’m sorry,” Toby said, dropping his head back and looking at the umbrella shading them. She didn’t speak and he rubbed his hands in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, sitting up in the chair and looking at her. He tried to take her hand again and this time, she let him.

“You don’t want to get married, do you?” Sadie asked in a whisper.

“Of course I do,” he insisted then sighed. “I’m just not sure I want this huge production of a wedding.”

“Okay,” she said slowly as if she had to be careful with her words. “We don’t have to have this huge thing, Toby, but even if we have a small ceremony, we still are going to need invitations.” He didn’t answer and instead leaned back in his chair again and lit a cigarette. “Toby, just tell me what you’re thinking.”

“Why do you have to have Olivia as a bridesmaid?” He asked suddenly, catching her off guard with the question. She swallowed her mouthful of pasta salad that she had just taken and stared at him. “I mean,” he scratched his head. “You don’t even know her.”

Sadie gave him a confused look. “She’s one of your best friends though. I thought that you would like to have Olivia and Violet included.” She took a quick sip of her iced tea. “And you know that besides my sister and my cousin, I don’t have that many female companions that I would want to be in the wedding party.”

He leaned over and stubbed the cigarette he had barely smoked. “I don’t want her to be uncomfortable. That’s all.”

She frowned at her fiancé’s words. “What do you mean? Why would she be uncomfortable at the wedding? Because she isn’t married yet?”

“That’s part of it,” he said, now growing reluctant and regretful for bringing it up. He cleared his throat. “Olivia’s had a crush on me since we were all in college.”

Sadie bit back a smile. “And you think that Olivia still likes you?” He nodded his head. “And you don’t want to make her uncomfortable by having her watching you get married?” He nodded again. She bit her lower lip. “Well, she’s already invited to the wedding and even if she wasn’t a bridesmaid, she’d be watching you get married.” Toby sighed, sinking back in his seat again. “Anyway, I don’t think she likes you anymore.”

His brow furrowed and he frowned. “What do you mean?” He asked but she only smiled, eating her lunch again. “Sadie, what do you mean?” He paused. “You’re not… Ben?” He said suddenly as if the light bulb in his head had just switched on. “You can’t be serious.”

She shrugged, non-committed. “I don’t know, Toby. Did you see them at the aquarium?”

“It was hard not to see them,” he grumbled. “They hate each other and then the next thing we know, they’re making out like weasels!”

“I never understood that expression,” Sadie commented thoughtfully.

“Baby, focus,” he said. “What is Olivia doing? Ben Norfolk? That guy is so cocky and annoying and… mysterious and…”

“Sexy,” she offered. “Well-traveled. Passionate. Hot…”

Toby slapped a hand over her mouth to quiet her. “Alright, Sadie. I got the idea. But still…” he trailed off. “Those two nearly killed one another the first time they met and now they’re together? What?”

Sadie stared at him. “What does it matter, Toby? I thought you would be happy. Olivia is one of your best friends. Don’t you want her to be with someone?”

“Yes,” he said through practically grinded teeth. “But with a someone who isn’t him. I mean, why him? What do they talk about? What could they possibly have in common?”

“Toby, shut up,” Sadie said suddenly. “It’s not smart to bitch to your fiancée about your female friend’s new boyfriend. One would think that you’re jealous.”

Toby stared at her. “What?” He finally asked, shaking his head slightly. “I’m not jealous. I’m just confused and am trying to figure this whole mess out.”

She nodded her head clearly not believing him. “Sure, Toby. You want to see the menus for the reception?”

-~-~-~-

It was raining. He couldn’t sleep well when it rained. Actually, he could sleep just fine through any type of weather. He was simply telling himself he couldn’t sleep when it rained so he wouldn’t have to admit that he couldn’t sleep for an entirely different reason.

Ben sighed heavily, rubbing his hands over his eyes before blinking up at the ceiling. Ever since it dawned upon him that he had fallen for her, sleep was becoming a luxury. He had wanted to tell her the night of her parents’ anniversary party as they were dancing but he couldn’t. Something was holding him back. In the back of his mind, he knew what it was but that was another thing he didn’t want to admit to himself at the moment. Maybe he was crazy. Or paranoid. Or completely panicked over something that would never happen. Just because it had happened before didn’t mean it would again. Over the past few months, he had gotten to know her, had seen parts of her he was certain she had meant to keep private from not only him but from everyone, and he couldn’t believe for one second that she would turn out to have anything in common with past people in his life. He couldn’t. If he believed that about her, he had no right to be a part of her life.

He sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, the hardwood floor cool under his feet. He rested his elbows on his knees and looked at the clock on the nightstand table. It was almost two o’clock in the morning. It had been almost four hours since he’d seen her last. He nearly groaned. He couldn’t believe that he was the counting hours by like that. What the hell was going on with him? What the hell was happening? This was Olivia Grange he was thinking about and now officially pining for. Olivia! He would have laughed at the absurdity of it all but he knew well enough to know that his feelings for her were nothing to laugh about.

They had gone out that night. They seemed to be spending most evenings after she came home from work together. They hadn’t done anything special but to him, every thing they did together was beginning to become special to him. He had gone over to her apartment and had walked to a nearby ice cream place where they had shared a banana split. He had given her all three cherries and she had smiled so brightly at him, he nearly began to contemplate investing some money into cherries just so he could supply her with an endless amount since she seemed to like them so much. He had walked her home and she had squeezed his hand before disappearing up the stairs into her apartment building.

It had all been so innocent - the smiles, the looks, the touches… Ben nearly groaned at the innocence of it all. He dropped his head in his hands. What was happening to him all of a sudden? He knew exactly what was happening to him. He was sexually frustrated. And it was all Olivia Grange’s fault. He was glad they were friends. He wasn’t about to deny that or wish that it had never happened. He was so grateful that what happened in that past few months had happened. He was so happy that he had someone to talk to again. He hadn’t realized just how lonely he had become since Jamie had moved away until he and Olivia began to become friends. But now, he was envisioning something more. Something that was so much more. It didn’t shock him that he now wanted her sexually. After he realized that he fell for her, of course he would now want her body. What shocked him though was he didn’t just imagine having sex with her. Sleeping in that big king size bed by himself, he now wondered what it would be like to share it with her. Was she the type that cuddled or was she the type that stuck to her own side? What side did she prefer? Everyone had their own side of the bed. Ben usually slept on the left side but by the morning, he was usually sprawled in the middle. Did she kick in her sleep? Did she snore? Talk? He wanted to know. There was still so much to know about her.

During sex, what would her favorite position be? Would he be on top or would she? Would she like him entering her from behind? Would she be loud, moaning his name for the neighbors to hear? Would she like her breasts sucked? Would she let him go down on her? Would she go down on him? Ben groaned. He had to stop or else, he’d be forced to take a cold shower in the middle of the night.

The phone rang suddenly on the other side of the bed, startling him. He quickly tried to calculate in his head what time it was in London. Maybe it was Jamie forgetting what time it would be in Chicago but Jamie never forgot anything like that so Ben knew it had to be someone else. Normally, when anyone’s phone rang at two o’clock in the morning, it was never good news awaiting them on the other end. He almost didn’t want to pick it up and just let the machine out in the living room pick it up.

With a sigh though, he crawled across the bed and picked up the portable phone, hitting the talk button and flopping back on the mattress.

“It’s two o’clock in the morning,” he said as his greeting.

“I’m sorry but I can’t sleep.”

Her voice saying that one sentence sent his body temperature spiking a few thousand degrees. She was quiet and he wondered if she was talking to him while in her bed. What was she wearing? Oh god, he nearly groaned. What if she slept completely naked?

“I didn’t wake you, did I?”

Ben realized that she was talking and he shook his head to clear it of his less than pure thoughts. “No. Not at all,” he said then cleared his throat so she would suspect anything. If anyone was capable of sensing dirty thoughts, he wouldn’t be surprised if it was her. He listened to her breathing on the other end and he closed his eyes, imaging that she was lying beside him instead of away in her own apartment. “Why can’t you sleep?”

She smiled. “It was probably all of that ice cream I ate just a few hours ago.”

“You wanted that banana-rama explosion split,” he reminded her and she laughed.

“I just wanted to see if we could finish it,” she argued.

“We? Oh, no, Livi. There was no we involved with that monstrosity. That was entirely all yours. I was afraid you’d bite my hand if I reached for my own spoonful,” he teased and she laughed, a quiet soft laugh that soothed his entire being. He didn’t know a laugh was capable of such a feat. They were quiet for a moment. “Do you want me to come over?”

“Yes,” she said without a moment’s pause. “But it’s raining outside.”

“Yes, well, although we both know that the rain sears my skin like I’m the wicked witch, I do have a rain slicker and am quite capable of going out when the weather is less than perfect outside,” he said with a grin.

“Smartass,” Olivia grumbled and he laughed. “When I was younger and it was raining, I used to walk around the house singing ‘Mr. Blue Sky’ by Electric Light Orchestra.”

“Good song,” he agreed, immediately in love with the vision of a young Olivia doing such a thing. They were silent for another passing moment. “Give me about a half hour.”

“You don’t have to come over, Ben,” Olivia said. “I just thought that since we both couldn’t sleep…”

“Shut up, Olivia,” he said before hitting the ‘end’ button, hanging up on her. Almost immediately after though, the phone rang again. He grinned, hitting the ‘talk’ button.

“Don’t tell me to shut up, Ben Norfolk,” Olivia said before hanging up on him herself.

He laughed to himself, returning the phone to its cradle and standing up. He stretched his arms above his head, scratching his stomach. He bent down and picked up the blue jeans he had worn that day and pulled them on, hopping to the closet as he struggled with getting his legs in. He took a long sleeve tee shirt and pulled it on over his head, trying to put on his running shoes at the same time. He needed to call a cab since he didn’t feel like public transportation at the moment. Just because he was guy who could mostly defend himself, he didn’t feel like being stupid and riding the bus or taking the L at such an hour.

As he waited for the cab on the sidewalk outside the apartment in the pouring rain, hiding under his yellow rain jacket, he wondered what would happen when he got to her place. Would they stay up and watch movies or talk or just enjoy one another’s company? Or would they wind up in her bed, not necessarily doing anything except trying to sleep?

He smiled when the cab pulled up to her brownstone and saw her standing in the hallway waiting for him, wearing short boxer shorts and an oversized sweatshirt, swallowing her body. Sophia was such a crazy bitch. Olivia had one of those bodies that women idolized. From what he had seen of it, it seemed to be a flawless one. She waved, the sleeves of the sweatshirt covering her hands and he waved back, reaching over the seat to pay the driver.

“Have fun,” the cab driver said with a wink and Ben couldn’t help but laugh, getting out of the cab and hurrying up to the door, which she was holding open for him.

“Hey,” Ben greeted breathlessly, scratching a hand over his now wet shaved head.

“Hi,” she said with such a smile that without thinking about it, he bent down and pecked her on the lips. It didn’t feel weird to do such a thing. It just felt as if he had come over late at night and he was greeting her like she had greeted him at the door. Olivia looked at him when he pulled his back and suddenly, the small threshold felt shrunken and claustrophobic. They stared at one completely motionless and silent. Okay. So maybe pecking her right then was more weird than he initially thought. She lifted her finger tips to her lips, touching them lightly as if not believing that his lips had just been there. Ben slowly reached out and took her fingers, pushing the sweatshirt sleeve past her wrist and staring at nothing but her eyes, he slowly put her finger tips to his own lips. He wasn’t sure why he did it. It was just something he wanted to do at that moment. Olivia watched as he kissed her fingertips again and she took a hesitant step towards him. She opened her mouth to speak but he was certain that what she was going to say, he didn’t want to hear. So he did the only thing in his mind. Taking her fingertips off his lips, he grasped her hand and yanked her towards him so fast and sudden, she let out a short squeak of surprise. It was quickly silenced though when he planted his mouth over hers, kissing her.

Time stopped. Neither moved. They stood there in the small threshold between the two sets of doors, their lips connected, Ben gripping her hand so she wouldn’t pull away. Olivia didn’t even try though. Feeling his lips move over hers, coaxing her to kiss him back, she slowly lifted her other hand to the back of his head, pushing them closer together. Ben, still holding her hand, wrapped his arm around her so her arm was bent back behind her and their fingers intertwined. His other hand came to a rest on her hip. It wasn’t their first kiss but as they kissed, their lips slowly moving together, tasting one another and feeling one another, Ben knew that they were both in trouble. Neither could ever go back. Within the span of just a few short, yet eternal, minutes, they had bolted down a path that neither had ever thought they would go down, especially together.

“You taste like raspberries,” Ben observed barely pulling his lips away to tell her.

She nodded her head, wrapping her arm around his neck. “It’s my lip gloss,” she panted, pressing her lips to his again. She didn’t stop to think what was happening. She didn’t tell herself that this was Ben Norfolk and this went against every law of man and nature. It wasn’t true anymore. This was Ben. He had become her friend and now, she supposed they were becoming something a bit more – something definitely a bit more complicated. She didn’t hate him anymore. He had done so much for her. It was impossible to hate him like she once had. And kissing him was such a wonderful thing to do. He was a wonderful kisser. He gave her the kind of kisses that made her knees weak and her heart beat so fast in her chest, it felt as if it was trying to beat itself through her ribcage. No one had ever kissed her like Ben. These were the kisses all girls dreamed of receiving one day.

Ben took his hands and buried them in her hair, making her moan softly into his mouth. That was nearly his undoing. He was using all of the strength left in his body to not push her against the wall or the door or just throw her over his shoulder and carry her up to her apartment like some sort of Neanderthal. He couldn’t do that to her. He would never forgive himself for doing that to her. He pulled away so suddenly, she almost fell into him from her lack of balance his kiss had given her. As if both doused with cold water, they tried to collect themselves. Ben breathed in and out and Olivia straightened her sweatshirt and ran her fingers through her hairs. They looked at one another and Ben was prepared for what certainly would be one of the most awkward moments in his life.

Olivia surprised him though with a soft smile. “I’m not going to stand here all night,” she told him, opening the door leading into the building. Ben grinned, following her.

It was after three o’clock when they finally felt tired enough to possibly attempt sleep again. Ben was prepared to sleep on the couch but Olivia wouldn’t hear of it. She crawled underneath the covers of her bed, pushing back the covers on the left side of the bed for him. Ben shyly stripped took off his blue jeans, staring at the bed.

“What?” She asked, wondering why he was looking at the bed as if he had never seen one before – something she highly doubted.

He shook his head slightly. “You sleep on the right side of the bed,” he observed. “I sleep on the left,” he said.

“Oh,” she said, still a bit confused. “Well that works out well.” She reached over and turned off the lamp on the bedside table, blanketing the room in darkness.

The raindrops fell soothingly on the roof above them and the mattress squeaked quietly when Ben got into the bed, lying on his back, lacing his fingers behind his head. It had been such a surreal night. He had just imagined an hour ago what being in bed with her would be like and there he was. She was sleeping on her side, facing him, her eyes already closed and her breathing already evening out. He thought she was asleep so when she spoke, he was taken aback.

“I guess I just needed you here with me to fall asleep,” she said softly before drifting off.