Take Me From This Pain, Brian's story

Matt held Brian\'s trembling body tightly to his own in the bed. The night had been hard on both of them, but Brian had taken the brunt of the stress and Matt wanted to hug the chill out of the small blonde to bring him back to the Brian he knew the over last few months. Thank all that is holy he, Ryan and Chris had taught him some defensive moves so he could get away from Gary earlier. Otherwise, Matt had no doubt Brian wouldn\'t have made it out of the house . . . at least, not on his own.

The police didn\'t have to chase the scraggly man around for long before he\'d lunged for one of them, pulling at the cop\'s gun, and his partner shot the man. That put him in the in the hospital\'s intensive care unit, and though Matt knew it wasn\'t a good thing to do, he wished Gary would never wake up. Brian hadn\'t wanted to see anything after that, so as soon as they had word that the police were calling for a paramedic unit, Matt took him home. Sherry, Trina, Ryan and Chris stayed with them for an hour or so to help Matt settle Brian in, but once the small blonde looked at him pleadingly, Matt knew what he wanted and he quietly motioned to Ryan, who helped clear the house.

Once alone, he\'d led Brian up to their room. Matt undressed and they settled into the bed, Brian was barefoot but fully dressed still. He burrowed into Matt\'s warmth attempting to exorcise the evening\'s events from his mind. But he couldn\'t. He knew he was with Matt, but his mind kept replaying the terror he felt when Gary grabbed hold of him. In fact, his mind replayed various scenes from his past when he lived with the pedophile. That\'s what the man was, really. Brian had been 15 when Gary first touched him. The thought brought a fresh round of tears to his already sore eyes.

Matt tightened his arms. He could only imagine what the small blonde was going through. He didn\'t want to press Brian into talking about it though. He wanted to make sure the boy was ready for it when they did discuss. But Brian, surprisingly, made the first move.

\"H-he used to gr-grab m-me a-a-all the t-t-time,\" Brian whispered in the darkness. \"Th-this was the f-f-first t-time I f-f-fought b-b-back.\"

\"It\'s okay, Bri, I\'m here now.\"

\"I kn-know. A-and I a-a-appreciate it.\"

\"There\'s no reason to appreciate it. It\'s not a favor, it\'s because I care.\"

\"W-well th-thanks.\"

\"Shh,\" Matt kissed Brian\'s temple. \"It\'s nothing. You should rest.\"

\"I d-don\'t w-want to.\"

\"Just for a little while?\"

Brian sighed and tried to get closer. He didn\'t want to annoy Matt, but the jock\'s warmth and comforting scent was the only thing helping Brian to feel better right now and he needed it. They lay in silence for a long while, Matt holding Brian close and whispering comforting things to him while the small blonde\'s heart rate went back to a normal pace.

\"Thank you,\" Brian said again, after he\'d calmed down considerably. \"I really don\'t know what I would have done if you hadn\'t come back.\"

\"Neither do I,\" Matt replied. \"I keep thinking about what could have happened. It kills me inside to know he got to you so easily.\"

\"You shouldn\'t have to keep saving me.\"

Matt\'s eyebrow went up at that. He thought they were getting past Brian\'s inferiority complex. Was the small blonde just hiding them all of this time? Did he really think Matt would just walk away from him one day? Then it hit him. Of course he did. Everyone had deserted the small blonde in one way or another over his lifetime. Even Kevin had left him, though not willingly. Brian expected no less of anyone else, even Matt. But the jock had been hiding his feelings so as not to pressure Brian, and, in doing so, had only encouraged Brian\'s fears. Well, this had to change.

\"Brian, you know I love you, right?\"

Brian\'s heart nearly stopped. Matt didn\'t say what he thought he did . . . did he? No. People said that to him before, but they betrayed him by leaving. Matt wasn\'t thinking right. He probably felt sorry for him.

\"Don\'t say that,\" he finally answered.

\"Why not? It\'s true.\"

\"It can\'t be true, Matt. Don\'t say it. It hurts to hear it.\"

Matt fell silent for a while, contemplating what to do. He knew Brian didn\'t want to believe his confession because it would hurt that much more if he were to leave the small blonde . . . which wasn\'t going to happen. He had to reach him somehow.

\"Why should the truth hurt?\" he asked casually rubbing Brian\'s back.

The small blonde stiffened in his arms, but Matt sensed that Brian didn\'t want to pull away from him. He tightened his arm around Brian\'s waist and waited.

\"Because it\'s not the truth,\" Brian finally sniffled. \"You can\'t love me. You\'re out of my league.\"

\"There are no leagues,\" Matt countered patiently. He figured the only way to win this argument was to outlast Brian, and he had no intention of losing now. \"Just hearts. Yours and mine. And mine is saying it loves you.\"

\"It can\'t!\" Brian\'s tears were gaining momentum again. \"Please, Matt. Stop! You deserve so much more than me.\"

\"No, YOU deserve so much more than ME,\" Matt growled, wrapping both arms around Brian and holding on for all he was worth. \"You can\'t seem to get that through your head, can you? You still think I\'m doing this as a favor and I\'ll dump you back with Kevin as soon as I can. But that\'s never going to happen! I can\'t let you go, Brian, because I need you and I love you! Now if you can\'t love me because of the shit I\'ve put you through, I can understand that. I don\'t know if I can ever really accept it, but I could understand it. But if your only argument is that you\'re not good enough for me, you\'ve already lost it. Because I will never accept that!\"

Brian listened quietly, unable to believe what he was hearing. Matt had to be mistaken. In time, he would see that Brian wasn\'t the right one for him. He was fine as an acquaintance, but he could never be what Matt needed. Even if Brian craved Matt\'s touch and covertly admired his body all the time, the small blonde knew he could never measure up to the partner Matt really deserved to have.

\"And don\'t think I don\'t know what you\'re thinking,\" Matt smiled. \"I do and I\'ll prove you wrong.\"

\"But you said you wouldn\'t . . .\"

\"Push you,\" Matt finished for him. \"And I won\'t. If you never want me, I will live with that. But I still won\'t leave you.\"

\"But that doesn\'t make sense!\"

\"But that\'s the way it is, Brian. And you are still planning to come to Boston with me, right? You\'re not changing your mind now, are you?\"

Brian bit his lip. He\'d almost forgotten about that while they argued. He definitely still wanted to go to Boston with Matt . . . so badly. He wasn\'t ready to deal with his pain without the jock.

\"If you still want me to.\"

\"I will always want you to,\" Matt grinned into the dark. He could work with this. The smaller boy already trusted him and Matt knew if he was patient, he could convince Brian to fall in love with him when he was ready for it. Matt had no intention of letting the small blonde slip away from him now. \"But do you still want to.\"

\"I still want to,\" Brian whispered, knowing he was probably damning himself to torture by staying with the boy he wanted but could never have. But it was too tempting to deny. He wanted to be with Matt for as long as the tall blonde wanted him.

\"Then it\'s settled,\" Matt kissed Brian\'s temple again. \"You still want to visit Kevin this weekend, B-bri?\" Matt almost slipped and called him \'baby\'. He didn\'t want to scare Brian away, so he covered as smoothly as he could.

\"Yes!\" Brian exclaimed. \"I really want to see him, Matt.\"

\"Okay, okay,\" Matt soothed. \"I wasn\'t going to stop you. I just wanted to make sure.\"

\"I think it would be better to get away from California for a bit,\" Brian sighed, his eyelids finally drooping. \"Let the police handle Gary.\"

\"Okay,\" Matt whispered back. \"Go to sleep.\"

\"Hmm.\"

Brian\'s head filled with images of Matt and himself in Boston. He had no more thoughts of Gary as he slowly drifted into a peaceful slumber, his breathing evening out.

\"Bri?\"

Matt heard the slight snore and knew that Brian had finally dropped off to sleep. He could only hope he\'d distracted the boy from thinking of Gary enough to keep the nightmares at bay.

\"I love you, baby,\" he kissed the boy\'s head again. \"You\'ll see how good life can be. I\'ll make sure you do.\"