Snowfall

He taught me to hunt after a fashion that I could withstand. The first few nights we drank from his retainers and he watched me carefully. When we reached a town he showed me how to observe the people around me for ones that would be suitable to my tastes. In those days I longed to taste the bliss that my prey felt. I enjoyed their desire. I was not overly fond of the ones who would use me like the men from the alleyway but I found there were many that seemed to have that on their mind. I could not read thoughts, neither could Amar. It was more a heightening of senses. I could smell desire and almost taste fear in the air around them. I was amazed to find how many people reacted to me in ways I would not have even noticed before. They made no outward sign but they were betrayed by their bodies and over time I learned that there were other signs that I just never noticed or understood. A look, a gesture, stance.. they all meant something.

One night as we left one village and headed towards another I noticed that we had been steadily heading north. This was not terribly surprising, after all Amar might just be returning home. A concern that had been eating at the edge of my conscience even with all of the new things I had to learn, resurfaced.

\"Amar?\" I leaned forward even though I knew he would hear me well enough. We were riding Silhouette, his black mare. I did not know what kind of creature she was then but she was incredibly fast as we vampires were fast and unafraid of either of us. The other horses were skittish in our presence, though the retainers\' animals had come to have a certain tolerance due to familiarity.

\"Yes, Mon Cher?\"

\"Father John. Do you think we could check to make certain that he is safe? I worry about him traveling alone.\" I hugged Amar closer, hoping he did not mind my question or the inconvience it might bring us.

\"It is why we\'ve been riding these past few nights so much. We lost some time those first few nights but we\'ve caught up to your priest. He should be camped not far up ahead. The two of us could have probably caught up with the priest on Silhouette much faster but each morning we still needed the carriage and the retainers so we were more or less stuck to moving at the pace of regular horses. I was the cause of delay in the beginning as Amar taught me what would harm me, how to feed and protect myself. It surprised me that he still managed to find time to be considerate of my worries for a friend.

We came to a bend in the road that looked familiar and I asked Amar to slow down. It was hard to be certain for me, things looked so different with my new ability to see in the dark so clearly. Vampires are creatures of the night, sunlight is their bane but in compensation the night had blessed her children with traits in which to better survive living under her influence. Night vision, speed, strength, healing, and more. I was learning that different traits were passed in the blood I might receive gifts from Amar or his maker or the maker before him and they might not have been the same ones that Amar received from it. It was truly like an odd form of family.

Sliding down from Silhouette, I took a cautious look around squinting my eyes to try to recreate the dimness I would have been in on the way here.

\"This looks familiar. I think we camped here on the way down.\" I said to Amar as he dismounted and came to stand beside me.

\"You did, just over there near those trees.\" He pointed into the distance. \" Now what do you see?\"

I looked but I also knew from previous lessons that he would be more pleased with me using all my senses. Sniffing the air, I could smell it, a fire, diminished but still burning. I scanned the top of the trees and finally was able to make out the thin trail of smoke. Pointing, I began to head that way, Amar nodded and followed.

Pushing slowly through the tree limbs, I came upon Father John\'s camp. I stayed in the shadows and watched the aged priest. He seemed worn but still in good health. I believe traveling alone was more difficult on him and I felt a twinge of guilt for having left him to do it. Perhaps we should have waited until we were back safely in England, but then I would have less excuse to be elsewhere... in the long run this was for the best.

\"Father, watch over Albin. I worry about him. He\'s a sensitive boy, cares too much. You made this kind soul and I know that you will have him do good things but I worry that this world will break his heart if given a chance. Help him, please...\" The priest continued to pray and I continued to watch but my mind was far away. Father John still prayed for me. He worried about me and I felt like I had betrayed and disappointed him with his trust. I didn\'t ask to be a kind person, perhaps I just wanted to be loved and accepted. I wasn\'t the good soul the priest thought I was and I am not sure I would have wanted to be; such a life would have been lonely and full of the heartbreak that he wanted to see me protected from. I had been protected, by a vampire.

Slowly I turned my back on the scene and made my way back to Amar. He was waiting not far away, leaning against a tree, his arms crossed over his chest.

\"He prays for you every night, Albin. He always has. Though, in the past it was more silent. He\'s a good man, your priest. Don\'t be upset with his dreams for you. He is like a father wanting perhaps unreal things for a son. He wants you to be the saintly man of God that he feels he could never be. \"

\"And now I can never be either.\" I frowned. It still meant that I had disappointed the priest, whether he knew it or not, I knew it.

\"Tell me Albin. Who made all of this?\" He pointed to the trees, the grass, the sky.

\"God made everything.\" was my dull response. It was a simple question that even layman children could answer from the age of three.

\"And who made us?\" He quirked an eyebrow at me.

\"We are an abomination, according to the church.\" I was less certain of this answer but it seemed the likely thing the church would say about our kind.

\"Abominations.. does that mean God did not make us?\"

\"No, God made everything.\" My frown deepened.

\"And why make abominations?\" He pulled himself away from the tree to come stand in front of me. Gently he reached his hands out to my shoulders.\"Perhaps, God made us for a purpose. It might be a purpose that is lost. It would seem to me though that if God made everything then he must surely have a use for us. Abomination. Was that a label by God or by men of God?\"

I looked up in confusion a moment. I had been taught all my life that those two things were one and the same. The differening opinion of God\'s men over Winefride taught me that God\'s men were just men. I realized then that these choices made in the name of God were still made by men, perhaps influenced in many cases by the will of God but in many cases just the best decision (and sometimes not even that) of a man. Could God really have a purpose for us? Were we still able to do his work? We had so much power... the power to kill, but did not man also have this power? Perhaps it was merely fear that labeled us evil. I felt better though still in doubt. Amar was not a christian in the first place, so perhaps he did not feel such a quandry over his state.

\"So what do you believe, Amar?\"

He shrugged. \"We are all creatures of the earth, The Goddess made us all but I know that your beliefs are different from mine. There is not this good and evil that your priests are so fond of. There is just life, bad things and good things happen. Sometimes the thing we think of as bad now turns out to be the best thing for us later, no?\"

\"If priests are just men and they make mistakes, how do you trust what is being said?\"

\"Trust? Why would you simply trust a person?\" He looked at me in confusion and then smiled. \" My Albin is a such a soul. I forget, but when it comes to what you should believe or not. You should not simply take the words of another as right. They must seem right in your heart. It is the belief of my people that each person has a connection to divinity and with that comes an inner knowledge. We believe you always have a right to question. Knowledge is sacred and the purpose for us being here, I think. To learn from living.\"

\"Are we living?\" I knew I was being picky on this point but it was in my nature to argue even minor things. At least Amar seemed as patient with me as Father John had been.

\"I do not know what you would call us but we are still experiencing and still learning.\" He pulled me against him and placed his lips over my own. I murmured a weak protest but it was not like I truly wished him to stop. I must admit he had better ways of quelling my questions than the priest had. He nuzzled my neck before biting me. I closed my eyes in pleasure, the feeling of being totally embraced by Amar had not diminished with my change. His bite still filled me with desire and longing, I still felt as though I were becoming a part of him.

\"Amar..\" I whispered when I could find my voice. His lips smiled against my skin and he planted a kiss there before leaning back to look at me. I could feel the small wound healing though I truly payed it no mind.

\"Yes, Mon Cher? Did you have another question?\" His look was all innocence but amusement sparkled in his ebony eyes.

I glared at him a moment, trying my best not to grin in return. \"No,I was just going to say that...I feel a little hungry.\"

My lips touched his warm skin and I sank my teeth into it before giving him a chance to reply. He made a little sigh of pleasure and pulled me hard against him, his hand sought the back of my neck and pressed me more firmly down upon the slow flow. Our blood did not flow so quickly as a human\'s perhaps because it seeped throughout the body and no longer depended on the heart to push it around. Amar\'s blood slowly found its way through me and I felt what is was to know him all over again. I could feel his desire for me, his love and trust. He\'d never allowed someone to take him like this, not since his creator forced himself upon him. My poor Amar, he did not feel love nor trust for his maker and had been wandering alone these many years since. There were others he had met but vampires seemed solitary and untrusting by nature. It was a rare thing we shared.