Starting Over

Ben returned to town in time for his brother’s graduation. Afterwards, the entire family, as well as Catherine, James and Alanna went back to the Bates house for a barbeque and to catch up. They all sat around the picnic table on the comfortable porch, talking and laughing. Catherine noticed, however, that Batey was being a bit withdrawn, and she caught him several times throwing hard looks at his father.

“Help me get more drinks for everyone,” Catherine stood from the table and prodded Batey. “We’ll just bring out a few bottles of soda.”

“Grab me another beer, too, will you?” Ben called to their retreating figures.

Walking towards the fridge, Batey stopped when he felt Catherine grab his wrist lightly. “Are you okay?” she asked gently, looking up into his eyes with concern.

Appreciative of Catherine’s worry, Batey gave her a small smile before slipping his hands around her waist. “Sometimes I think you know me too well,” he said softly.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Catherine gave a patient smile to her boyfriend. “I know the feeling,” she admitted with a chuckle. “But really, this is your graduation. You should be celebrating, not moping.”

“I know,” Batey leaned forward to kiss her forehead. “It’s just so hard. It’s like, after spending the last four years being dishonest with everyone I care about and feeling guilty about that constantly, I finally felt like I was in this bubble. I was finally in a place where I didn’t have to lie. I mean, what would I withhold from anyone? That I’m ecstatic about getting into GW? That I’m completely in love with the greatest person I’ve ever met? That, after all this time, life just seems to be settling down into something amazing and wonderful?”

Biting her lip, Catherine looked at Batey with sympathy. “And now…”

“And now I’m back to lying,” he replied, his voice almost a whisper. “I am so glad that Ben’s back in town, but every time I look at my father…”

“It reminds you of the fact that you can’t be completely honest with your brother?”

Giving Catherine a small grin, Batey nodded. “But you know what?” his expression lightened a little as he pulled her closer. “You’re right. Today’s about celebrating, not being morose.” Leaning down, he softly pressed his mouth to Catherine’s, giving her gentle kisses. He felt Catherine’s hand tangle into his hair as his tongue tasted her lips, sweet from the cake they had just been eating. Her lips parted and she moved her body even closer to his as Batey’s tongue slid into her mouth, bringing with it the same intimacy it always did, a feeling of connection Catherine had never felt from just kissing anyone else.

“What’s taking so long? I need a beer-” Ben was entering the kitchen at that moment. “Good God, don’t you guys ever do anything else?” he joked as Catherine quickly pulled back from Batey, her face turning pink.

“My graduation,” Batey smirked at his brother, wrapping his arm around Catherine’s shoulder. “My way of celebrating.”

“I’m fine with that,” Ben grinned, opening the fridge and pulling out a bottle of beer. “But you guys might actually try it sometime in a room where people aren’t likely to come barging in at any moment.” Kicking the fridge door shut, he smiled at them as he walked back outside.

Looking up at Batey, Catherine smiled when she saw his content expression. Even with the issue of his parents looming, it seemed that having Ben around was going to be a good thing for Batey. “I love you,” she whispered.

Batey turned his eyes towards her face and smiled. “I love you, too.”

-----

After Ben and Batey’s parents went to bed, the five younger people sat around the living room. “Alright, who needs a beer?” Ben smiled, rising from the couch.

“But your parents…?” Alanna nervously glanced towards the hallway leading to their bedroom. James was sitting on the floor leaning against the couch, and Alanna was sitting between his thighs, her back pressed against his chest.

Shaking his head, Ben smiled. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “They won’t care, as long as no one’s driving. But you might want to give your parents a call now and tell them you’re staying somewhere, because I also insist no one drives after drinking.”

Looking at James over her shoulder, he smiled encouragingly at Alanna. “Go ahead,” he whispered. Nodding, she rose and headed towards the den to call her parents while Ben went into the kitchen to get the beer. “I’m going to grab a smoke,” James said. “Any takers?”

“I’ll come,” Catherine rose from her spot on the couch, curled up next Batey. “You want to?” she asked, but he shook his head.

“You two go ahead,” he smiled. “It’ll give me a minute to talk to Ben alone.”

It was a warm balmy summer night as Catherine and James stood on the back porch. “So, I know I said it before, but congratulations,” Catherine told him.

“Thanks,” James sounded less than thrilled.

“Is everything okay?” Catherine asked gently, not wanting to push. “Are things with you and Alanna…?”

Shaking his head, James gave Catherine a wan smile. “No, things with Alanna are great. I mean,” he blushed a little. “I guess they could be going a little better in one particular department, but I’m not going to be a jerk and get mad about that.”

Smiling, Catherine nodded her head. “That’s good to hear,” she told him. “So what’s bothering you?”

Leaning back against the railing, James shrugged. “I guess I just feel a little lost,” he admitted. “Bates got into a great college. I’m going to be going to community college.”

“For the first two years,” Catherine reminded him. “Once you’ve spent some time in college, I’m sure you’ll figure out what you want to do and where you want to go. Besides,” she smirked. “This way you get to be close to Alanna during her senior year.”

Finally giving Catherine a full real grin, James nodded. “Yeah, that’s a definite plus.”

“And I don’t hate that you’re going to be around, either,” she said with a friendly smile. “I’ve kind of gotten used to having your ugly mug around.”

Laughing, James put an affable hand on Catherine’s shoulder. “I’m so glad you and Batey found each other,” he told her, the sincerity obvious in his voice. “You were made for each other. Really.”

Blinking back tears, Catherine gave James a watery smile. “Thank you for saying that,” she said, reaching up to hug him. “I hope you and Alanna are very happy together, too.”

“We are,” James smiled wistfully as he pulled back from the hug. “I expect I’ll continue having to take cold showers for a while, but we’re happy,” he laughed.

-----

By two in the morning, both the girls had passed out. Catherine was curled around Batey on the couch, her head on his chest, hair tumbling over her face. Alanna had her head in James’s lap, on the floor. Ben was sitting across from them, telling tales of the military. He had been stationed in peaceful areas the whole time, but he still had a lot of stories to tell still.

“I was in Japan for a year, which was a culture shock, but great,” Ben chugged back his beer, his eyes glazing over at the memories. “And I was in South Korea for a year, about 40 miles outside Soeul. Again, a strange but amazing experience. But then I spent the last two years in SoCal at Fort Irwin. It was just outside the Mojave Desert, and it was hot as balls all year round.”

“Still, southern California is better than some places you could have ended up,” James looked down to make sure his girlfriend was sleeping. “So, I have to ask. With the uniform and the ‘hey, I’m a soldier’ thing, do girls really respond?”

Batey watched with amusement as his brother told a wide-eyed James about girls they called “military groupies”, who would sleep with anyone wearing a uniform. “It made the heat of the desert even worse,” Ben grinned, raising his eyebrows. “Because California girls tend to be unbelievably hot.”

“So you didn’t have a girlfriend?” James asked, as Batey had a couple months earlier.

But this time Ben’s answer was a little different. “Not really,” he said, drinking his beer. “I mean, there was one girl, Chloe, who was pretty cool, but…” He looked up at his brother’s perplexed expression and quickly moved his eyes to James again. “But I knew I was only going to be wearing the uniform for a few years, so it would have been a waste to not please as many ladies as possible in that time.”

“I need to have sex,” James whined, causing Batey to stop staring at his brother with a questioning look in his eyes and laugh. “I’m going to explode soon if I don’t, I swear.”

“How long you two been together?” Ben motioned towards Alanna.

Looking down at Alanna, James blushed, feeling like an ass for having said anything. “Almost five months,” he told him. He saw Ben’s surprised expression and continued. “My luck, huh?” he said wryly. “I spend four years dating girls that have no problem having sex with me, who I couldn’t care less about, and I end up falling in love with the one girl who refuses it after… what am I up to now? 144 day?”

At this, Batey let out a loud laugh, almost choking on his own beer. “You’re keeping track of days?” he teased.

“You would be too,” James grumbled, but when he looked down at Alanna’s face, his expression softened and he pushed some loose hair back. “It’s worth it, though,” he said softly as he searched her face. “She’s worth it.”

“You sound like a pussy,” Ben teased.

“Shut up, Ben,” Batey said good-naturedly. “It’s awesome, James.”

“Easy for you to say,” Ben chided. “You’re in love with the girl and get laid on, what’s it now, a daily basis?”

“Hardly,” Batey said dryly, looking down at Catherine spread across her chest.

“Whatever, I need another beer,” Ben rose up. “You guys?”

When both boys shook their heads, Ben just shrugged his shoulders and headed towards the kitchen. “Don’t let him get to you,” Batey said to James gently as James was running his hand over Alanna’s arm. “You got a great one. Don’t let something stupid fuck it up.”

“I won’t,” James smiled with embarrassment. “She’s too special. Still wish I were getting laid, though.”

Chuckling, Batey leaned back into the sofa. He was feeling drowsy, but content. It had been a fun day, and a good night. Now, if he could just get rid of this gnawing feeling he got when he thought about Ben saying that there had been a “Chloe” once; he hadn’t admitted that to Batey before. Oh, well, now that he was in the area, the brothers were sure to have a lot of catching up to do.

-----

Ben found an apartment and a job within a week of moving back. “Seems a four year stint in the Army isn’t the worst thing people see on a resume,” he told his family over dinner one night. “The guy that offered me the job said that I must be a good team player, used to taking direction and that I knew how to see jobs through carefully and accurately.”

“So they’re a contractor for the Department of Defense?” Batey asked.

“Yep,” Ben smiled. “They are going to be paying me way too much to make sure their projects stay up to specs in the government’s eyes.” He smiled widely. “And one of the project managers happens to have a two-bedroom townhouse for rent at a very reasonable price.”

“Well, I won’t deny that I was surprised when you enlisted,” his father said. “But it looks like it all turned out for the best.”

Picking up his beer and raising it in a mock toast, Ben smiled. “Here’s to being all that I can be,” he grinned.

Looking at his brother, Batey couldn’t understand why he felt a nervousness in his chest. It had been great to have Ben home over the past week, and he was glad his brother had found a good job and a nice place to live. Still, something about his cheery demeanor seemed forced.

“So, what do you say, Andy?” Ben had obviously been saying something to Batey that he hadn’t heard. “Saturday night? You and James and my friend, Eddie. A night of poker, to christen the new place?”

Forcing himself to smile, Batey nodded. “Sounds great,” he made himself respond. “I’ll let James know. It’ll be really cool.”

-----

“So do you think she’s avoiding you?” Catherine asked. She and Batey were lying side by side on her bed a few days later, but they were just talking.

Sighing, Batey looked over at her. “I don’t know,” he admitted to Catherine. “We were getting so close, but since Ben got back… It’s like she knows she’s put me in a bad spot, but she doesn’t know how to fix it.”

Rolling over and kneading the pillow between her hands nervously, Catherine studied Batey’s profile. “You should talk to her,” she said calmly. “Let her know how much this is bothering you.” One hand slipped from the pillow and took Batey’s, resting them on his chest. “She loves you so much. She wouldn’t want you to be going through all this.”

Moving over onto his own side to face Catherine, Batey slipped some loose hairs behind her ear. “I’m so glad I have you to talk to,” he told her softly. “And you’re right. But I think I’m going to wait until after this weekend…”

“After poker night?” Catherine touched his face gently. “I think that’s a good idea. Just try to enjoy yourself with Ben.”

Leaning over to kiss Catherine chastely, Batey smiled. “You know, you have this ability,” he grinned. “Whenever anything is going wrong in my life, you know just what to say to make me feel better.”

Catherine giggled. “And if I don’t, I just jump you.”

“That works, too,” Batey growled jokingly, sliding his arm around Catherine’s waist and pulling him to her.

“No you don’t,” Catherine chided. “My mom is home. And even though she knows that we’re… even though she knows, there is no way I’m having sex with you, knowing she’s just a few rooms away.”

Nipping Catherine on the nose, Batey grinned at her. “Tease.”

“I’ve been called worse,” Catherine said as she rested her head on Batey’s chest and sighed contentedly. What she had said had only been a joke; those days seemed long gone, almost as if they had happened to someone else, or even in a book or movie. “I just want you to take the time to get to know your brother again,” Catherine told him. “I can see how happy it makes you.”

Wrapping his arms around Catherine, Batey kissed her head softly. She was right; he did need to talk to his mother, but he would do it after he’d had a night to hang out with Ben without his parents around. After all, he had the whole summer now to just relax and enjoy his time.

-----

Eddie was a huge guy, over six foot six. He’d been at Fort Irwin with Ben after spending a couple years in Iraq, but his family was from Maryland. “Your brother and I had the best times together,” he told Batey as he dealt the cards. “Remember that weekend we drove to LA? Those girls in the club?” Ben smiled at his friend as he began telling a story of their shared debauchery. “Unlike the girls around the base who knew shit about the military, these girls believed we were officers. Best blow job of my life.”

Everyone laughed, and Batey liked hearing the stories Eddie told. He felt like it let him understand parts of his brother’s life that he had missed. He looked at Eddie as James listened intently to another story about a weekend trip to Vegas and something about accidentally picking up a couple hookers. At first glance, Eddie looked very intimidating: a humungous African-American with a scowl and eyes constantly moving. But as soon as he spoke, he sounded like an over-excited twelve year old. Batey grinned as everyone else burst into laughter, having missed the ending to the story by getting lost in his thoughts.

“You know what this party needs?” Ben asked, rising from his chair and heading towards the kitchen.

“Women?” Eddie asked plainly.

“Close,” Ben laughed, returning to the room with a bottle of liquor and four shot glasses. “I say we up the ante. A shot of Jack for every hand lost. What do you say?”

“Sounds good,” James grinned before Batey could say anything. Looking at his friend, Batey could only nod in agreement. James seemed so content; in their own surroundings, like school or Karma, James always appeared confident and cool. But being around Ben and Eddie, Batey could tell James was a little nervous about seeming like the youngster, especially when Ben made the occasional rib about his present lack of a sex life.

They all started the game by filling their glasses and raising for a toast. “I have a couple,” Ben said. “To my buddy Eddie, for going through more shit than I ever had to and coming out of it one funny mother fucker. To James, in hopes you get laid soon.” Batey threw a warning look at his brother when James blushed, but blanched when he heard what Ben concluded with. “And to my brother, the best friend I’ve ever known. Sorry for being a prick, Andy. Here’s to making up for lost time. Salud!”

“Salud!” The other two boys mimicked, but Batey couldn’t speak. Instead, he just gave his brother a small nod and sucked back his shot. “Sorry if I’m being a high school pussy,” he choked as he put down the glass. “But can I get a beer chaser?”

“Great idea,” Ben smiled as he stood up. Walking towards the kitchen, he glanced back at his brother and raised his chin a little. “It’s good to be back,” he mouthed, and no one but Batey knew what he had said.

-----

“Tell me the truth,” Batey said later that night, his head feeling like it was full of cotton. “Were you counting cards?”

Laughing, Ben looked around the room. Eddie was sprawled out on the couch, and James was curled up on an armchair. Ben had cleaned everyone out, and gotten everyone wasted at the same time. “Nope,” he smiled. “Natural talent. You probably have it too; you just need to nurse it.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this drunk,” Batey admitted, laying on the floor. Ben was still drinking a beer and sitting upright. “So who’s Chloe?” he asked his brother suddenly.

For the first time since he’d returned, Ben blushed. “Yeah, I hadn’t meant to say anything about her,” he admitted. “She was just a girl I was seeing for a while… Nothing much came of it.”

“How long a while?” Batey asked, confidence being drained from the massive amount of liquor he had drunk during the evening.

“A year,” Ben replied.

“A year?” Batey sat up, but had to put his hand to his head to stop the spinning. “Where? In California?”

Nodding, Ben didn’t meet his brother’s eyes. “Yeah, I met her right after I got transferred there,” he said, a small smile playing on his lips. “She seemed really cool at first,” he said, his tone changing quickly. “But she turned out she was just a military groupie. I could have been anyone.”

Seeing that his brother was in obvious pain, Batey didn’t know what to say. “Sorry, Ben, I just-”

“Don’t sweat it,” Ben interrupted gruffly. “So my turn. The day I got back… you said I interrupted yours and Catehrine’s first time, but that wasn’t your first time, was it?”

“It wasn’t either of our first times,” Batey replied, immediately regretting his words. But his head was spinning, and his thoughts were fuzzy. “I mean, no, I was with someone before Catherine.”

“Who?” Ben asked plainly.

Biting his lip, Batey looked over at his brother. His vision was hazy, but he could see that Ben was looking at him with brotherly love. He made a rash decision to share with his brother, hoping it would prod Ben to continue sharing as well. “It was one of Mom’s students,” he told him, amazed the words had escaped his lips. He hadn’t told that to anyone but Catherine ever. “I’m not going to say who, but we were together several years.”

Nodding, Ben didn’t push. “Older women, ay?” he laughed. “That’s cool.”

”So you going to tell me the truth about Chloe now?” Batey asked. He felt nausea coming on, but he willed it back.

The brothers sat awake for several hours, sharing things that they had each missed out of each other’s lives over the past four years. When Batey felt sunlight beating on his face, he opened his eyes questioningly. He was laying on the spot on the floor he’d been on the night before. His head was pounding, ten times worse than it had been the morning after prom. Eddie and James were still in their respective sleeping spots, but Ben wasn’t in the room.

Forcing himself to stand, it took a full minute for Batey to compose his equilibrium. All he could think of after that was that he needed to get into the kitchen to get asprin and water. But Ben had beaten him.

“Hey, Andy,” Ben greeted his brother, looking about as bad as Batey felt. “Rough morning, huh?”

Without answering, Batey grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water. He finished that with one gulp and refilled the glass. “Asprin?” he asked.

“Right here,” Ben held up the bottle that was sitting on the table in front of him. Batey sat in a chair across from him and opened the bottle, tapping two pills into his hand. He threw them into his mouth and washed them down with his second glass of water.

“I feel like hell,” Batey told his brother.

“Yeah, me too,” Ben admitted. “But it was worth it, bro. All that shit we talked about last night…”

Trying to think back, Batey could only remember bits and pieces of the night before, especially after the card game had ended. Still, Ben looked happy, so he nodded. “Totally worth it,” he smiled at his brother.

-----

“I want to die,” Batey told Catherine on the phone later that night.

“So you had a good time?” Catherine giggled.

“You are a cold, cruel woman,” Batey replied. “And you’re talking really loud.”

“No I’m not,” Catherine said in a softer voice. “You just have one hell of a hangover.”

“You can say that again,” Batey told her.

“But it was good?” Catherine asked. “You and Ben got to talk?”

“I think so,” Batey said honestly. “Really, I don’t remember a lot of last night. Like two or three hours worth.”

Chuckling, Catherine’s voice was soothing. “Get some rest,” she instructed. “It’s great that you spent time with your brother, but you need sleep now. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay,” Batey conceded. “And Catherine?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”