Embracing a new life

Chapter 14: Master and fledgling

River stretched himself lazily on the couch, yet another cup of tea in his hands, listening to the sound of the shower. He smiled. Andreji had not even bothered with putting his clothes back on. This guy was truly strange. Well, at least life with him never grew boring. Furthermore, once you were past his highly erected shields and had gotten to know him, you at least knew that he always came around in the end. And everything in between was positively thrilling.

River could still feel the afterglow of the last thrill.

The bathroom door was opened, and Andreji shuffled out, enveloped in his bathrobe, his hands scooping up his damp mane to force it into an unruly ball of hair at the nape of his neck. He sank down on the couch next to River and placed a hand on his shoulder to un-cramp it.

River moved closer to him, kneeling on the couch to gain height and be level with Andreji’s shoulders, and started working through Andreji’s muscles.

“Hm, yes,” Andreji vocalised his relief, and River felt him relax under his touch.

Another pang of triumph shot through him at the sight of Andreji’s openness towards him. He pushed the bathrobe over the well-built shoulders of his older lover and enjoyed the feel of his skin. Not ceasing his ministrations, River’s gaze drifted over to the fire. He felt a pleasant calm settle in him, a deep satisfaction because of how far they had come in their relationship.

After a few minutes, when Andreji’s tenseness had dissipated, River embraced him from behind, his face nuzzled against the side of the other man’s head, his fingertips combing through the short, white hair in the centre of his chest. “I like being with you like this.”

Andreji caressed his left hand with his thumb.

“It’s kind of a shame that we can’t share meals and such things. Imagine sitting on a terrace in Venice, the sun shining brightly, the scent of coffee and croissants rising from the breakfast table… You skimming the morning paper…”

“You mean I covering myself with the morning paper and still getting burned,” Andreji intervened teasingly.

“Yeah, well… just what I said: a nice phantasy that unfortunately won’t come true.” River nuzzled even closer to Andreji.

“Everything has its prize.”

“-Which does not mean I cannot mourn what I’ve lost,” River countered Andreji’s remark, wishing Andreji were not always so rational.

To his joy, Andreji gave in. “Agreed.”

River smiled. A thought crossed his mind… “What did you miss after you’d turned?”

The questioned man remained quiet, a faint trace of puzzlement on his face as if he did not know what to reply.

“Andreji?” River called upon him, confused by his silence.

The man in his arms shrugged reluctantly. “I guess the constant absence of light needed some getting used to. As did not being able to visit markets and fairs. In my time, everything still depended on the sun, so there was not much going on after nightfall, apart from in taverns perhaps.”

“Sounds like a lonesome existence,” River observed. “And it must have been hard to find a tailor and other people who were willing to sell their wares to you after closing hour.”

Andreji grunted in affirmation. “It was all about connections.”

“Of which you probably had plenty, womaniser that you are…,” River assumed.

“I had my ways of getting what I needed, yes,” his master conceded.

River thought back to the little that he knew about Andreji’s affairs. “You were cooking for them. Was that your way of compensating for not being able to share dinner with them?”

Andreji turned his head away as if River’s question annoyed him in some way, but River could not see his face. When he turned back, it showed nothing. “I most definitely did not cook for them back then. Food had a different meaning those days. It was a necessity; people seldom had the means to make it part of a ‘life style’, although I assume I could have made an impression with some finer edibles that the common people usually had no access to. I have only established this habit in the last decades when it was generally becoming fashion for modern men to do such things. Ladies tend to enjoy such attentions. If you wish to call it my manner of securing a bit of normalcy in my life, you are free to do so. Interacting with women on a level beyond just sucking their blood out of them certainly serves this purpose.”

Serves? Present tense? River’s chest tightened. Keep cool, he warned himself. It would not help to issue accusations, now. Andreji had a way of immediately pulling down the blinds and switching to snarky defence-mode. Gritting his teeth, River managed to formulate the question innocuously.

“Do you miss that, now?” There. That sounded as if River had not noticed that Andreji had indirectly admitted that he was still doing it. Now watch your tongue, white wolf.

His master took a moment, before he replied, “Not really.”

River inwardly swore. Of course he would not, if he was still doing it!

Yet Andreji was not finished. “I am quite content with your presence in my life at this point. Of course I still meet my acquaintances, but I do not fuck them, if that is what you are asking.” His voice had carried a warning note toward the end, indicating that Andreji was for once allowing to be questioned about this but that River was treading on dangerous territory.

The Japanese tightened his embrace as a sign that he had understood the message. “I’m glad,” he whispered deferent, not wanting to provoke Andreji but at the same time needing him to know how he felt. “What’s between us is too special for me to…” to be willing to share you would probably be the wrong thing to say. River did not think that Andreji would like the idea of being his property. “…to bear the thought that I might not be able to satisfy you.”

The crackling of the fire filled the room. River’s words hung uncomfortably naked in the room, but he did not expect Andreji to respond to them. It was a surprise, therefore, when he felt a warm hand settling reassuringly on his arm. The blond closed his eyes, contentment seeping back into him.

“Do not worry,” Andreji said unexpectedly, “you are giving me more than I ever thought possible.”

Something warm poured into River’s stomach at that confession, making his breath catch.

Andreji felt a warm tear on his shoulder.

He turned around to look at his young lover who appeared to be deeply touched by his words. River did not meet his gaze. Andreji smiled benevolently and gently seized his fledgling’s chin. “Is it so bad?” he enquired softly, his voice carrying but the slightest trace of amusement.

Of course, River’s emotional reaction was amusing to some degree, but it was also deeply satisfying. This was his firstborn, his most important fledgling, and in contrast to most people he knew, Andreji had succeeded in forming an intense emotional bond with the young man that tied him closer to his master than any blood relation could. He who had always considered himself to be damned to loneliness because he was incapable of tolerating any other person’s company for more than a few hours at a time, because he instinctively dreaded being close to anyone and having them mess around in what was his life, he had managed the unthinkable. What had started as an experiment that was destined to fail (or so he had thought when it was decided that River was to be his fledgling) had turned into a surprise. River was a surprise. The surprise was that Andreji had come to genuinely like him. That in itself was not an entirely new concept; he had developed a liking for people before, but it went beyond that: Andreji could even put up with his company when he would have sent anyone else away. He even found it soothing at times.

The white-haired, closed-up, reclusive man did not easily form bonds with anyone. There were a few loose bonds with people he considered friends. Loose bonds meant that he would notice these people’s absence in his life if they died or severed any connection with him. Grudgingly, usually with some forceful persuasion from the other side, Andreji had chosen to grant them a place in his world as long as they remained loyal to him. After all, even a loner knew about the advantages of having friends. Those people were convenient, and they were respected, but they were not exactly close to him. There was usually a part of him they did not know. Demyan and Jawid were such people.

There were also a few people in the periphery of his existence whose presence he noticed and appreciated to a certain degree. Nevertheless, conversation with them (if it occurred at all) never went beyond banalities, unless it served one of his hidden agendas. He neither expected anything from them nor gave them any reason to think they could ask him for anything in return. Griet was easily sorted into that category. And, if he was honest with himself – and in contrast to what Demyan surely believed, Andreji was not the type of person to allow his stubbornness to fool him -, Sage was part of that group of people as well. He might never exchange a polite word with her again, but the mere fact that a person from his past that he once had been friendly with was still around reassured him in some way.

Now River had designed a totally new category all for himself. Seen that way, Jawid was right of course – Andreji had changed. Willingly so. He had taken a calculated risk, realising deep inside that he was lacking something. So far, he had been rewarded. He had assessed River to be a person that was gifted with the ability to look beyond the obvious and above all be faithful. Even though River of course had questioned Andreji’s behaviour when it had clashed with his expectations, the young man had never completely stopped trusting Andreji. That had been essential. He had in the end never given up on his hopes that whatever was between them would work out in the end. This faith had enabled to build up trust of his own. Had River shown any signs that he was likely to unexpectedly withdraw, his master would have stopped opening up to him. He needed this to last if it was to be of benefit to him.

And now, River sat beside him, a look of pure affection and desperate need for Andreji in his face; an expression that held so much promise. The blond was his. The thought caressed his ego and soothed any doubt that might flare up in him.

Andreji shifted on the couch and pulled River against his chest, so that the two of them lay comfortably in front of the fire. He spread a blanket over them and moved his fingers through River’s hair in a protective gesture.

Andreji sat on River’s bedside. They were in what was officially the fledgling’s chamber – by all rights the place where the blond really should live. With a smile grazing his lips, Andreji thought back to the times when River had been required to stay in these rooms, when they had bickered and Andreji had turned every of the young man’s words in his mouth to create more friction between the two of them. Somewhere on the road, they had lost that. Every now and again, a small glimpse of the past teasing tone of their exchanges slipped back into their conversations, but it was not the same.

The four centuries old vampire combed with his fingers through the thick hair of the sleeping man beside him. At some point, things had gotten too close, too intimate for Andreji. He was not used to that. His natural reaction was to withdraw, to erect a shield around his thoughts and feelings and thus create a new distance between the two of them. Such a state left no room for light joking, for easy talking. Andreji had grown a little grim. And he did not enjoy this state very much. It made him feel hemmed in. He had not only built a shield that kept unwelcome things from the outside away (which was in itself a rather vague concept, for what exactly was it meant to keep away? What was his subconscious weary of? Being rejected by the boy? That was ridiculous! Was it not?), he had built a cage that kept him from acting the way he usually did, that made him dissatisfied with himself. Andreji was not his usual, jovial self anymore. He was not even as self-confident as he was used to. What had last night been about? Why had he been so agitated by the general situation in Jawid’s house and especially by the mild inquiries concerning River?

He sneered at himself. It was time that he faced some truths. Truth one: he wanted River. He liked the young man, and he liked even more how the blond affected him. If he was honest with himself, Andreji had stood still for too long, had been annoyed by his own lethargy. River gave him positive impulses to try out new things, showed him a new perspective on the world without forcing it onto him. He challenged Andreji without raising any demands. It was time for Andreji to openly accept the challenge. He had allowed himself enough time to adjust to the new situation, and he knew he had. He was sharing more with this four hundred years younger man than he had with anyone ever before, and he enjoyed it, to his own surprise. Now that he had realised that, Andreji needed to take the next step.

Here lay his fledgling. ‘I will be your protector, your father, and your teacher,’ Andreji had once promised him. So far, he had not fulfilled those tasks very well. He had only taught River what was absolutely necessary for him to get along. A proper preparation for the vampire society had yet to be started. And that was his job. Jawid’s sharp eye might prove helpful, but Andreji was not going to let him take control in this. Even if his pride as a master were not involved, with Jawid River would be confronted with a world view far too contrary to his own. Additionally, Jawid was not an overly patient man, and River was not used to mindlessly obey. No, in River’s best interest, Andreji had to take his education into his own hands.