Jaden

Chapter 14

(Moving On?)

He sat by the window watching the snow fall, outside the grounds was all white, it gave Jaden a sense of new, being clean. After all he had worried about; he was relieved that Marcus accepted him and never passed judgment on how he lived his life in the past. Now he realized that he had a chance for perhaps a better life. But he was concerned that he would eventually be asked to leave. After all Marcus has been very generous with him and he really didn’t expect that Marcus would take him in. Jaden did not want to be a burden to Marcus. He has been taught how to hunt for food, lessons in the ways of vampires, although it was hard to remember everything about some of the laws created by the council of elders and now the rest is up to him. Up to now Marcus never said anything about moving out and he was grateful for not being rushed. But he knew the day would come when he had to leave and make his own way in the world. He hoped Marcus would allow him to visit. The more he thought about having to leave, the more it made his heart heavy with sadness. He let out a deep sigh and let his forehead press against the glass, his breath fogging the window. Perhaps he thought to himself it would not be so bad, except he was afraid to be on his own. He has grown used to having someone with him, someone like Lizzie, someone he could love and trust. In fact the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he never really did live on his own. When he ran away from his abusive mother, it was only a few weeks later that he met Lizzie and the two have been inseparable from the moment they met, they just knew that they would be life long friends. Now he did not have even that and Jaden had no idea how he was going to get along in the world on his own; he did not know if he knew where to begin. Now more then ever he felt so vulnerable and afraid. But he knew that sooner or later he would have to face it. But there was something else on his mind that frightened him even more.

Even though it had been a little over a month since Marcus found him, Jaden began to realize that he had feelings for him. He didn’t know if this was love, he never had an opportunity to get that kind of experience. Jaden always had to second-guess if anyone showed the slightest interest in him. And the fact that he never really thought that much of himself didn’t help. No matter how much Lizzie tried to lift up his spirits, Jaden believed he did not deserve to have anyone truly love him, and with that in mind he believed that Marcus was just being decent, because that is the kind of man he is. Jaden would remind himself not to get carried away with Marcus’s kindness a man like that would never seriously consider him for anything more then just a friend. He helped him because he felt sorry for him and it was an obligation since he turned Jaden into a vampire that Marcus watched over him and helped. So Jaden thought he had no right to expect anymore handouts. He was given more then he deserved. Not that Jaden would want any handouts and he fully expected to repay Marcus for all he has done for him. He just wished that it could be different, he wished he knew what real love was, deep in his heart he knew he cared deeply for him and he almost felt like crying just thinking about it. He let out another deep sigh and whispered into the glass, “Why can’t I be worth something to someone like him?” he slowly closed his eyes and hoped the cold from the window pane would freeze his brain to stop this train of thought. It really did nothing to help soothe his fears.

They fed early in the evening, and returned home. Marcus would excuse himself telling Jaden he had business to take care of in his office. Not wanting to get in the way Jaden would explore the house. He just could not believe he was in this wonderful place. Although the house is large and there was so much to see, his favorite place was in the caves. It was there that he felt the safest. He thanked God every night for Marcus, because Marcus would hold him until he fell asleep. He couldn’t help being a baby about it, but he could not relax unless Marcus would be with him. And so it soon became their routine, Marcus would brush his hair before Jaden would lie down to sleep, Marcus would stay with him until he woke up the next evening.

And when he awakened the next evening, Marcus would still be there, still holding him in his strong arms re-assuring him that all was fine. Sometimes he cried, missing Lizzie so much. And sometimes he cried out of fear, he would be fine one minute then he would be in a panic, an overwhelming sense of something out there waiting to hurt him. At times like that, he would run to Marcus and beg him to hold him, looking around to see if there were monsters lurking in the shadows waiting for him. Marcus would pick him like a child holding him close, actually walk around the room with Jaden in his arms, he would kiss his cheek and speak in a soft soothing voice to help him feel better. How he loved to hear Marcus talk, his voice like warm heat melting the cold fear away, a voice that can command, but also caress you. A voice that is deep but a soft kind of deep with a bit of roughness to his sound but the kind that made him feel he is in a sweet dream. Like honey on your tongue. Many times Jaden would look for an excuse to ask Marcus to read for him, just so he could sit on his lap and listen to his voice and feel the vibration in his chest as Marcus read. [Shit] Jaden thought to himself, [when did I become such a baby?] shaking the thought out of his mind, he didn’t care, he loved being pampered by Marcus. Little did he know Marcus enjoyed it just as much as he did.

He held the black velvet box with the green satin ribbon behind his back and went in search of Jaden. He found him sitting on the floor watching the flames in the fireplace of the den. As much as Marcus controlled himself he couldn’t help but love this beautiful boy, whose soul is so sweet and gentle. He feared that if Jaden knew, then he might feel afraid that Marcus was no better then the other men who used him. To look at Jaden is to see an innocent child, because although Jaden is experienced in the street life, he is innocent in every other way. Marcus was afraid of destroying that part of Jaden and so he kept his true feelings to himself. Jaden looked up and smiled at Marcus, he lost himself in bright green eyes and almost forgot why he came looking for him.

Jaden looked at the velvet box, touching the ribbon. It was so pretty and elegant. Looking at Marcus he asked, “What’s this?” Marcus smiled and tapped him playfully on the nose Marcus answered, “It is for you silly, open it.” Marcus sat on the floor, across from Jaden mimicking his posture with legs crossed, in the hopes to see his smile when he opened it.

Jaden was surprised and a little excited that Marcus would give him a gift.

“What’s inside?” asked Jaden, his hands touching the soft velvet.
Marcus smiled and said, “Now if I told you, it would not be a surprise, would it?”
Jaden was so excited about getting a gift, but frowned and said, “But why Marcus? You already did so much for me. You really shouldn’t go to so much trouble.” Suddenly feeling a little sad thinking that maybe this was a good-bye gift, feeling a stab of pain in his heart, he didn’t want to open it. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, but he thought that by not accepting it maybe he wouldn’t have to go away, yet. Maybe he thought he could prolong his having to leave Marcus’s home by refusing.

So he pushed the gift back to Marcus and in anger refused to accept it.

“I don’t want it; you really don’t have to give me anything.” With that said Jaden got up and left the room. Marcus was shocked; he sat there with the gift on his lap. He never expected him to act like this; he only wanted to do something nice and to help distract him from being sad about Lizzie’s passing. He never meant to offend him. He felt horrible; perhaps it was too soon to do something like that? He asked himself.

Jaden felt sick, how could he do that to Marcus. No one ever took the time to give him anything. He and Lizzie had to scrape for every penny they could and giving each other a gift was out of the question. They had to struggle and live from one meal to the next; the gift they gave each other was love and support. He just couldn’t believe he acted like an ungrateful spoiled brat. He wanted to go back in to apologize but then he would have to accept his good-bye gift. Just thinking about it, made him feel that pain again, deep in his chest and stomach. Why? He asked himself, why did Marcus have to go and give him a gift? Only to be asked to leave. He could feel his tears threatening to fall, but he pushed it back, he refused to cry. “Grow up” he scolded quietly to himself, “Stupid babies can’t make it alone if they’re weak. Don’t cry, don’t you dare cry.” He sniffed in anger.

He had run out of the house, shivering in the cold cursing himself for not getting a coat on. At least he had enough sense to put on a pair of Marcus’s boots. He stood in the snow looking out towards the woods, afraid of having to be alone. Wondering what to do now, if he could he would kick himself. [Smart Jaden, real smart. Now what? Dammit.] He was so distracted arguing with himself and shivering in the cold that he never noticed when Marcus walked up behind him.

But then he felt something heavy and warm being placed on his shoulders, looking up, it was Marcus putting his coat over him. He could see the look of hurt in his eyes and Marcus would not really look at him.

Marcus said in a tender voice, “Being a vampire you do not get sick anymore, but you are still sensitive to the cold, I hope you don’t mind but I brought you my coat to wear.” He almost reached out to touch his face but thought better of it; he gave him an insecure smile, nodding his head he turned to walk back into the house. Marcus needed to remind himself to not crowd the boy and allow him to accept his loss in his own way. He was worried that Jaden would do something foolish and harm himself. So he decided to keep an eye on him from inside the house. He knew he was being overprotective, but that he could not do anything about, not that he wanted to, he cared deeply for Jaden. As he was heading back in, he heard Jaden cry out his name. When he turned to see the boy try to run to him, but it was difficult with the large size boots.

“Marcus! Don’t go. I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Marcus caught him up in his arms and embraced him, with the force of Jaden running into his arms he slipped and fell in the snow; he landed on his back with Jaden on top. Jaden sat up straddling his hips with his hands on his shoulders cursing himself for treating Marcus so badly.

And true to his nature, Jaden rambled on his apology, “Marcus I’m such a fucking idiot! I had no right to talk to you like that, I’m so, so sorry, please Marcus I’m sorry. You’ve done nothing but help me and look how I pay you back! Why do you put up with me? I don’t deserve a friend like you. Please Marcus don’t hate me, don’t be mad. But you have every right to be mad, I would, I would kick my ass out on the curb! But, but I, I’m sorry, please don’t hate me? Please?” Jaden covered his face with his hands trying to keep himself from crying and he was feeling so ashamed, “I’m no better then Dieter. I’m such a shit…” but before Jaden could keep degrading himself, Marcus snapped out of his shock and quickly put one hand over his mouth the other behind his head holding Jaden in place to get his attention.

“No! Do not, ever compare yourself with that beast ever!” not wanting to be harsh with Jaden, he composed himself and released Jaden. In a soft but firm voice he continued to explain, “You have nothing to be sorry for, if anyone should apologize. It is I. how presumptuous of me to think that I would show you how to morn the loss of Lizzie, for that I am truly sorry. It was wrong and I have to trust that you will find your own way. If anyone should ask forgiveness, I ask forgiveness.” Marcus feeling ashamed, gave Jaden a weak smile and shrugged his shoulders, not sure what else to say.

But before Marcus could think to say anything else, Jaden put his hands on both sides of his face, bright green eyes looking at soft sky blue eyes. Then Jaden kissed him, hard, on the mouth. Marcus’s eyes opened wide and stared at the green eyed handful in his lap.

“So you weren’t giving me a good-bye gift?” asked Jaden, as he sat back on his hips.

A surprised and confused Marcus looked at Jaden, and answered, “Good, good-bye gift?” he was a bit dazed still tasting the young man’s kiss on his lips.

“Yeah” Jaden nodded, “You know, like it’s been nice knowing you, here’s a gift to remember me by, so long, and good bye. Don’t let the door hit ya in the ass on the way out, it’s been real, but time to go… good….bye….and”
Marcus raised his hands to stop Jaden’s rambling, realizing now what had upset the boy. Trying hard to clear his mind from the sudden kiss Jaden planted on him, he could not believe that a kiss would distract him so.

“Jaden? Jaden did you really believe, the gift was for you to leave?” Marcus asked.

Jaden sat there thinking, blinking and said, “Yeah” then he looked down, feeling sad because here it comes, Marcus would confirm it.

Marcus couldn’t believe it; he fell back in the snow with Jaden still sitting on his lap and laughed. He laughed realizing the misunderstanding between them, he laughed because he was delighted that Jaden wanted to stay and he laughed because it had been so long since he felt so alive. He kept laughing because; it just felt so damn good.

Jaden watched Marcus, his eyebrows frowning in confusion. Wondering what was going on. When Marcus sat up again, he looked at Jaden with a loving smile, gently stroking Jaden’s face. “Jaden, I don’t understand, why did you believe the gift was an indication for you to leave?”

“Well” Jaden responded in a small timid voice, looking down and fidgeting with the coat. “I, I really don’t know. I mean I didn’t think you would take me in forever, I mean I have to learn how to be on my own. So I just thought you would ask me to leave in a nice way with the gift and maybe if I didn’t take it, then you won’t ask me to leave. And you already showed me how to hunt, and other stuff so, I mean that, the rest is up to me, right? And I, I mean, I…”
“Jaden” Marcus stopped him, trying not to laugh again. “I did not give you a gift for you to leave.”

“Really?” Jaden asked, he looked up quickly and trying to blink back tears.
Marcus said nothing but nodded his head up and down.

“So I can, I can stay?” Jaden asked.

“Yes”-answered Marcus, trying so hard not to laugh.

“So you’re giving me a gift, for, just because?” Jaden asked.

“Yes”-answered Marcus in his soft voice.

“But, I mean, why? Jaden asked eyebrows frowning in confusion again.

Marcus leaned in close to Jaden’s face, their noses almost touching and looking in his eyes, Marcus simply said, “Happy Birthday Jaden.”

Without realizing what he was doing, with both hands Jaden pushed Marcus on his chest, only managing to nudge him back a bit. In his excitement he shouted, “Shut…Up!” With a big smile, spreading from ear to ear, “A Birthday Gift? You’re giving me a BIRTHDAY gift!” Jaden hit himself on the side of his head, and said, “Marcus I’m sorry, I’m such an idiot!” “Can we chalk it up to temporary insanity?” Jaden asked.

Jaden was so excited, a birthday gift. He just didn’t know what to say. The idea that Marcus would even think of giving him a birthday gift was so alien to him. He remembered Lizzie would give him a card and sneak more food to him during that month when he was very young and until he caught on to what she was doing. It made him so happy and sad at the same time. While shifting his weight on Marcus’s lap, trying to button up the coat, Jaden failed to see Marcus’s eyes narrow and the blue of his eyes becoming darker with lust. Marcus had to stifle a moan, and scolding himself for even having such thoughts. He quickly asked Jaden to get up; his backside was wet from the snow. Suggesting they go inside so he could change and sit by the fireplace. And to get back some control of the thoughts he was having over the boy. Jaden had no idea, how he affected Marcus and Marcus was afraid to be considered no better then his past abusers.

As they started to walk back in, Jaden slipped his hand into Marcus’s and said,
“Marcus, thank you. But I don’t even know the day I was born. And I really don’t want you to go to so much trouble. And since I’m staying here, I like to earn my keep.”
Relieved from the pressure of Jaden’s weight, he was able to get himself back to normal, but it was a struggle. Delighted when Jaden took his hand as they headed back inside. Patting Jaden on his shoulder, Marcus told him it was his pleasure; little did Jaden know that was the beginning of many gifts to come. He assured Jaden that it was not necessary for him to earn his keep. But Jaden insisted, “I’m no freeloader” he told Marcus, showing a preview of his stubbornness. Marcus had to look away and smiled, Jaden was too cute at this moment and if he kept looking at the boy he just knew he would pick up him and kiss him.
“Really little one, you are not as you say a free loader?” Marcus assured him that they can work something out. Although he wasn’t quite sure what that would be, he fully expected the boy to live in his home for as long as he wanted. After all he was responsible for Jaden now and he intended to care for him. It never crossed his mind to ask Jaden to leave; it was his way and the way of his kind. Marcus slightly bowed his head and asked that they discuss it later; in the meantime he told Jaden, he is cold and wanted to get out of his wet clothing.

Jaden smiled up at Marcus and before they could go on, he stopped Marcus one more time and shyly asked if he could still accept the birthday gift. Although Jaden didn’t feel he deserved it, but now he was curious and he thought Marcus would have a change of heart after they way he treated him. Marcus chuckled and gave Jaden a quick hug, “but of course, it is for you, I hope you like it.” Marcus replied, playfully tapping his chin.

Thrilled Jaden continuously thanked Marcus, in his excitement and shivering from the cold he quickly turned and ran into the house. “Hurry Marcus!” he called out, “My ass is freezing!” Marcus laughed in agreement, then he padded his backside feeling ice form on his wet clothes from the cold and thought to himself, [humm it seems, my ass is already frozen.] he then started to jog back into the house to work out the numbness in his backside.

After he changed into dry clothes, Marcus walked into the den to find Jaden waiting patiently for him. Jaden watched him move, he changed into black wool slacks, and a simple dark gray pullover knit top, crew neck with long sleeves. The pullover a perfect fit, hugged his chest emphasizing broad shoulders that led to a narrow waist. Jaden could see muscles moving under his shirt as he walked towards him, and could not help but wonder what he looked like naked. To Jaden’s mind he remembered the stories of Adonis, it was an old book and Lizzie showed him pictures of Greek Mythology, but as far as Jaden was concerned Adonis had nothing on Marcus. No Jaden thought, Marcus was more beautiful then this mythical god. He is beautiful in the most masculine way that sent shivers up his spine, and his eyes, the color of clear blue skies, he remembered they would go black when he was angry, especially when he dealt with Dieter. Lizzie once told him that the eyes are the windows to your soul. Jaden could see that in Marcus, for him, the soul of Marcus is amazingly gorgeous. Jaden quickly averted his eyes back to the gift on his lap, hoping Marcus did not catch him staring. [Oh my freaking God! I hope he can’t read my mind. Sheesh I’m such a pervert.] Jaden thought to himself. He looked back up at Marcus when he heard the man’s soft movements as he sat down in front of him. A small lovely smile graced Marcus’s lips and Jaden could feel his face warm.

They were back where it all started, sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace, Marcus waiting for Jaden to open up his gift.
“Why have you not opened it?” asked Marcus looking at the gift Jaden held close to his chest. Jaden wondered what it could be; the box was a bit heavy. Marcus’s voice caught Jaden’s attention. He blushed a bit and said, “I wanted to wait, I mean I didn’t want to be rude and open it without you.”
Marcus smiled, “well I am here, go on I do hope it is to your liking.”
Jaden was on pins and needles now and couldn’t wait to open his gift, but before he did, Jaden leaned over to Marcus and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek.
“Marcus, whatever it is I love it, thank you.” Jaden said as he began to open the box. Marcus touched his face where Jaden kissed him, where the warmth of a soft kiss still lingered. He waited to see Jaden’s reaction to his gift; Jaden removed the lid and looked inside. There was more green satin fabric covering the gift and Jaden looked up at Marcus asking if he chose the color because of his eyes, Marcus just smiled. When Jaden removed the cloth he could not believe what he was looking at. It was the most exquisite hairbrush with a matching comb, and as Jaden lifted it out, the brush was a little heavy. The bristles soft so that when the hair is brushed it leaves it smooth and shiny. The brush itself is made of the finest jade and encased in sterling silver. Jewels of emeralds, turquoise and diamonds embedded within the jade brush in a swirling free-form design, giving the appearance of stars in the galaxy and the comb equally designed like the brush. The gift left Jaden speechless, he looked at the brush and comb, touching it and admiring the beautiful jewels. Holding the gift he looked at Marcus astonished that he would go to such an expense for someone he barely knew.
“Mar, Marcus this is, oh God, this is. I mean, this is so beautiful. I can’t believe it, but, but how, when did you get this?” Jaden had a hard time trying to complete a sentence; he was so overwhelmed with the gift.

“I take it, that you are pleased with it?” Marcus asked.

“Pleased?” “Shit Marcus this is unbelievable, this is the most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me. Oh Marcus if only Lizzie was here, she would have fainted seeing something like this.” Jaden smiled, the thought of Lizzie fainting was funny to him, considering that she was no push over and very strong. Fainting was not one of her fortes. He then moved closer to Marcus and sat on his lap, hugging him fiercely and thanking him for the gift.
Hugging Jaden back Marcus said, “You are quite welcome, little one. I am pleased you liked it.” Jaden was curious to know when he got the gift. Marcus explained that when he returned to pick up Lizzie’s ashes he had placed an order for the set. When it was ready he picked it up one night when he went out to feed. Jaden could only imagine the costs of being able to order a special gift and then have it delivered so fast. He told Marcus that he should not spend this kind of money on him; he could end up poor if he kept this up. Marcus could not help but laugh and then holding Jaden closer, he lifted his chin up to look at him and said, “Jaden take a good look around, can you not see that money is not an issue for me. I have amassed my funds over the years, I own several companies, two thousand years from now, if I still live, while maintaining my home and other properties, I will barely make a dent in my finances.” He then went on to explain that he will teach Jaden how he can do the same to help him build his own financial support. With eyes wide open all Jaden could do was nod, the thought of him having money so that he could live a comfortable life was beyond him. Just being able to have enough to eat and be alive for another day was quite a feat for him.

He snuggled in Marcus’s lap, looking at the fireplace trying to understand what all of this meant for him. With tears sliding down his cheek, he thanked Marcus for his kindness. He couldn’t help sounding like a broken record always thanking him, but he just didn’t know what else to say. Aside from Lizzie, he has never been treated with such kindness from anyone. This was so new to him and he found just how much he hungered for someone to treat him with affection. His heart would burst with so much love for Marcus; he would do anything to be with him. Even if Marcus had nothing to offer him, he would be there always for him. He never knew that he would have the chance to feel like this with any man. They sat, Marcus resting his chin on Jaden’s shoulder, while Jaden stayed quiet, and cozy in his lap, both of them enjoying, the sight and sounds of the fireplace. Once in awhile the silence would be broken with a little chitchat, Marcus then said that since they did not know what day in December Jaden was born; it was fitting to make his birthday December 25th. “After all” said Marcus, “Why should Jesus be the only one with such a celebratory day.” And on one of the rare occasions that Marcus would soon learn, Jaden remained quiet, thinking to himself that it was nice having a real birth date of his own, he smiled and thanked Marcus for that gift too.
Every now and then Jaden would pick up the brush touching it and admiring the jewels. Marcus pointed out why he chose these jewels, emeralds for his eyes, turquoise for his birthstone, and the diamonds? Diamonds being one of the hardest stones is for his strength. Without saying a word, Jaden put his hand in Marcus’s, their fingers entwined with each other and seeing how small Jaden’s hand is compared to Marcus. Neither one knew how much they desired and loved each other. Each man afraid to admit their feelings for each other, for they each feared rejection from the other.