Touru to Shidou/Touru and Shidou

~*~*~*~Touru

Tuesday flew by in a more normal fashion than Monday had. Writing was normal, Shidou and I walked to school together, though I pulled his arm around my waist instead of holding his hand. I held his waist, too, as we walked. “You seem happier today, Love,” he commented, squeezing me to him.

“I feel happier. I’m not even that scared about tomorrow. I am some, because seeing them might show me I’m not really as happy as I think I am, but I am happy, so very happy.” I let my head rest on his shoulder while we waited to cross the street.

“Love,” his voice was tentative.

I looked at him, “Yes?”

“Would you like to…well, I was thinking last night, would you like to visit your parents?” the question came out rushed.

I pulled away from him a little, “You mean it?”

He looked worried and nodded. “I mean it. If you want to, we can go, this weekend even, if you want.”

I flung my arms around him, “I love you!”

He was uncertain as he held me back, “Is that a yes?” I nodded, unable to speak. “You haven’t seen them?” he asked, holding me tighter.

“I missed the funeral. Everything was crazy and my cousins didn’t take me. I was still kinda in shock at the time.”

He held me tighter, “Where are they buried?”

“About four miles from where you’ll be going to school,” I told him, my face still in his neck. “Papa would have been one of your professors for prelaw and Mom was an English professor.” I looked into his face. He looked so surprised, shocked. “We still would have met because Papa liked to have parties and invite his students. Thalia and I would attend and see what we made of each year’s crop.”

“We’ll go this weekend,” he said, his voice firm. He caressed my cheek softly, “You should get to visit your family if you want.”

I kissed him softly, “Thanks to you, I can.” I meant his family, too, my family now, and I think he knew that. He returned my kiss and we continued on our way to school.

~*~*~*~Shidou

I wanted to be angry at his family, but it was hard because he was happy. He still seemed so much more relaxed than he had before talking to Pop yesterday. It was something between relief and sadness that I still would have met him had his parents lived, but I still wondered if we would have had the same connection. If we would have become lovers.

At lunch, Jason teased me, “You’re thinking too hard. We want our happy Shidou back.”

I smiled at him, “It’s been a rough weekend and we have to go to court tomorrow.”

“Rough? Yeah, must have been. You exhausted the poor boy. Maybe we should protect him from your lusty advances.”

I punched his shoulder, “The weekend is not why I’m thinking so hard. He…” I let the words trail off.

“Hey, man, what’s wrong?” Jason’s tone actually approached being serious.

“I found out this morning that he’s never been to his family’s graves. That he missed the funeral.”

“Dude,” was his only response.

“Yeah,” I said. “We’re going this weekend to visit them. He was so happy when I suggested it, too.”

Jason put his hand on my shoulder and I looked at him. “I’ve never seen you so concerned about anyone else, Shidou. Not to say you’re not a nice guy, but Touru brings out the best in you.”

“I love him,” I replied.

“If that’s love, I can’t wait until I find someone to love like you love him.” He patted my shoulder, “I hope you’re happy a long time with him.” He seemed to feel a bit awkward.

“Sorry to dump on you, man.”

“Nah, I asked for it. I’m just not used to the talking about your feelings thing,” he confessed.

“Keep this up and I’ll kiss you,” I teased him.

“You do and I’ll tell Touru!” he countered, making a cross with his fingers to keep me away. I laughed and felt better.

~*~*~*~Touru

My session with Joseph was rough. We went over my dream and some of what would happen during the trial the next day. Just before the end of our time, I told him about Shidou’s offer to take me to my family’s graves and how happy that had made me. I also told him about how Shidou told my parents and sister he’d take care of me before prom.

“How does it make you feel?” he asked, just like a counselor.

I smiled, “It makes me happy. I miss them a lot and that he cares enough about me to make such an offer, to take me to them, even though he didn’t know where they’re buried. It’s a big thing to me, that he was willing to take me wherever just to visit them, that he cares about me enough to promise them he’d take care of me. He just seems to have a knack for making me feel loved and cared for.”

“You’re glowing, you know?” he smiled at me. “I haven’t seen a lot of people glow when they talk about their partner. Matt glows when he talks about the other three, did you know that?”

I shook my head, “I saw Mom and Mama do that, though. They came over Saturday and we went to a movie and grocery shopping with them. It was their anniversary and they wanted to spend it with us. They glowed when they talked about being together.”

“Did your parents glow, Touru?” he asked me softly.

I thought about that a moment. “Yeah, they did. They really loved each other, even when they couldn’t stand each other.” I grinned at him when he chuckled at that.

“How do you feel about your relationship?”

I sat back in the couch, “We’re gonna make it. We’ll figure out how to get through college. I only have a four year program, and then I could move wherever he is and help him through law school.” I frowned, “I think, if I took summer classes and everything, I could probably do it in three years.”

“Don’t burn yourself out,” he warned.

I shook my head, “I won’t, but I think I could do that. I suppose I could get a car, too. Maybe, but I need to learn to drive. I was supposed to get my permit for my birthday, but my cousins didn’t take me.” I glanced at the clock and our time was almost up. “We’ll make it, I’m sure,” I told him.

He smiled, “I believe you will.” He stood and our session ended. Work was routine, nothing really big happening. Shidou had dinner ready when I got home and we ate together, talking about our days and working on homework at the table. We then took a very long shower before going to bed together.

~*~*~*~Shidou

If he had any nightmares, they didn’t wake me. I woke at six, and, like normal, he was at the computer, looking at me and smiling.

“Sleep well?” I asked.

“Yeah. No nightmares, or I don’t remember any.” He slid off the chair and came to lie next to me. “We don’t have to leave for school this morning.”

“I know,” I said, holding him. “Are you ready?”

He nodded, “I slept well. I’ve written. You’ll be with me. We can do it.”

I played with his hair. It now covered most of his ears. I smiled at that. He rested his hand on my chest and his chin on his hand and just watched me as I played with his hair. He wasn’t quite smiling, but I knew, if I said anything, he would. “Your hair grows fast,” I finally commented.

“It does.” He did smile, like I knew he would. I tugged a little on a curl and he came up and kissed me softly. I continued to play with his hair as he kissed me. He drew back and whispered, “I can finish college in less than three years, you know?”

“What brings this on?” I asked him.

“I was looking at the catalogue, and if I start classes this summer, I can finish in two and a half years, actually. Three summers, three falls and two springs.”

“I don’t want you exhausting yourself, Love.”

He smiled, “I won’t be. And, then, we can be together sooner. I can move to be with you and help you through school.” His smile faltered, “Don’t you want that?”

I hugged him tightly, “Yes, I want to be with you. I just don’t want you wearing yourself out, too.”

He laid his head on my chest and looked at me. I played with his hair some more while we laid there. Finally, I said, “If you’re not going to wear yourself out, go for it. I’d love to live with you as soon as possible.”

He kissed me enthusiastically, moving to straddle my body. I pushed him away after a little bit. He was getting rather enthusiastic. “We don’t have time, Love. Tonight, I promise, but right now we need to get ready to go.”

“Is this gonna take all day?” he asked, sitting over my hips.

“I dunno.” It was hard to think with him sitting over my hips.

He grinned a little, “We both have today off work. If we get home early enough, I wanna show you something I wanna try, okay?” He rocked his hips on me and I groaned.

“If we’re home before midnight, you can show me and we’ll try it.” I held his hips, not sure if I was trying to encourage or discourage him from moving.

“It’ll have to be a little earlier than that, Lover. We do have responsibilities.” He bent over me and kissed me softly, slowly moving off of me. Though he was backing off, I could feel his need, his want for me.

When he was all the way off of me, he broke our kiss. I sighed and sank into the bed, “I’m sure we’ll be back before then.”

He smiled softly at me, “Good. I want something to look forward to.” He lay back down on my chest. “I can get through today, Shidou. I know I can. Having you there, that helps a lot. Having something to look forward to is even more help.” His face wavered and I could see some fear in his eyes, but there was still a calmness about him, “I am afraid, Shidou, but I believe it’ll be okay.”

“It will be, Love.” I caressed his hair. “Why don’t we get ready? We can go in with Dad, if you want.”

~*~*~*~Touru

I sighed. It felt so good for him to play with my hair. “We can do that. You know what?”

“What?” he asked, still running his fingers through my hair.

“I like it when you do that, when you play with my hair.” I could feel my cheeks warming, “It makes me feel loved.”

His eyes were warm when he said, “You are loved.”

I kissed him softly before sliding off the bed, “I know.” I went back to my computer and finished signing up for summer classes while he got dressed.

“Hey,” he mumbled when he opened his drawer.

“Yeah?”

“I thought I was almost out of clothes,” he said, lifting a pair of boxers out of what I knew was a nearly full drawer.

“I did laundry this morning,” I answered, not looking away from the computer.

He came over and kissed my neck. “That makes me feel loved,” he whispered into my ear.

I looked over at him, “You are loved.” I couldn’t keep the smile off my lips.

He smiled back, “I know.” He kissed me again and finished getting dressed while I finished up on the computer. When I was done, he had some breakfast on the table, eggs and toast. I made a face at him when he put ketchup on the eggs and he kissed me before he ate anything.

As we ate, I started feeling more nervous. By the end of the meal, my hands were shaking. I dropped the plates when I tried to pick them up. Shidou pulled me into his chest and held me, “It’s okay to be afraid, Touru.”

I clung to him, “Things are going so well. I’m scared.” He just held me, caressing my back and let me shake in his arms. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t tell me it would be okay. He just held me and caressed my back and my hair. I finally managed to stop shaking and pulled a little away from him so I could look at him. He looked a little pained. I tried to smile, but I don’t think I made it. “It’ll be okay?” I wanted it to be a statement, but it came out a question.

“No matter how today goes, Touru, I’ll be here. I’ll be with you.”

I leaned against him again, limp in his arms, “Then it will be okay.”

Very gently, he sat me back down, “You rest, get yourself together again. I’ll take care of the dishes then we’ll go, okay.”

“You’re doing it again,” I said, propping my head up on my hand.

“What’s that?” he asked, clearing the table.

I let my head go down on the table, “Making me feel loved.”

He kissed my ear, “Because you are.”

I smiled at him and I think I made it to an actual smile, “So are you.”

I sighed and listened to him as he cleaned the dishes. By the time he was done, I felt ready to go again. It would be okay. He was with me. We had a case. We had a fair judge. It would be okay. I took a deep breath and stood up. When I smiled, this time, I made it. A real smile. “I’m ready.”

He held out his hand to me, “I see that.” He hugged me and we left.

~*~*~*~Shidou

Through out the day, I was on edge, watching Touru fight his fear, trying to be certain. He managed to be mostly calm when he had to be on the stand, but I could see his hands shaking. I tried to pay attention to what was going on, but I couldn’t focus on anything other than him, even when I was answering questions for Dad and the other lawyer.

The other lawyer had tried to protest on the grounds that Dad was my parent, which brought up the point that he is not listed on my birth certificate and that he just happens to live with Mom, who is the only person listed on my birth certificate. The judge dismissed his argument as spurious and the other lawyer sat down in a huff. His cousins were trying to plead not guilty. The problem with that was they had to sign that they’d received the restraining order so they knew about it. Both of their signatures were on the form and they both admitted to signing it. They argued that it was their god given duty to help their poor cousin and that the law, if it would not assist them, had nothing to do with them. That went over real well with the judge. He scheduled an evidentiary hearing for three months, just before I had to leave for school. The cousins were taken to jail since the judge didn’t think they’d abide by the terms of the restraining order and they’d demonstrated significant disregard for the law.

It was almost three when we left the court room. I held Touru as we walked, ignoring the press that tried to get us to talk. Apparently, when you went against members of one of the largest churches in the area, it was news. But, we ignored them, letting Dad do the talking. I walked him out to the van and we climbed in. He curled against my chest and I held him. There were a few flashes of cameras through the windows, which was rather annoying, but yelling at them wouldn’t help Touru. He needed me and I needed him, too. It seemed like forever before Dad managed to escape the press and joined us in the car. “I’m going to take you boys to our place. Mom’s there. I think you could use the company for a little bit. Okay?”

“I’d rather go home,” Touru said softly. He didn’t move from where he’d curled up on my chest and Dad looked over the seat at me.

“If that’s what he wants, Dad. We’ll come over tomorrow, if we’re up for it,” I said, knowing that Touru would probably not sleep well tonight. He hadn’t started shaking yet, nor could I feel any tears, but I was sure they’d come and I was also sure I’d hold him as long as it took for him to feel safe. Hell, I didn’t feel that great at the moment, either. Dad nodded and we drove away from the courthouse.

He took us home and walked us to the door, Touru still managing somehow to be curled on my chest. “If you boys need anything,” Dad began.

“We’ll call,” we both answered. Touru straightened up and continued, “Thank you. We do appreciate the invite over, but I need him alone for a little while.”

Dad ruffled Touru’s hair, “I understand.” He walked down the sidewalk, “I’m happy to see that you two are taking care of each other and that you want to, too.” He was at the car, “Call us tomorrow morning and let us know everything’s okay. Mom’ll worry.”

“We will,” I answered as Touru unlocked the door. When we were inside, he started unbuttoning my shirt. I was confused. I didn’t think he was ready for that. “Touru?”

“I need to feel your skin, Shidou. I need you to hold me without our shirts on, please.” His voice sounded desperate.

I lifted his chin, making him meet my eyes, “I’m here, Touru.” There were tears in his eyes.

“I know,” he sobbed, “but I need to feel you. Not your shirt, not my shirt, you.”

I was at a loss. Did I kiss him? What? He took advantage of my indecision and removed my shirt and then pulled off his. He then wrapped his arms around me and my arms went around him. He shuddered, and it was like a damn broke. He was crying in my arms. I held him and guided him to the couch. He wouldn’t let go of me, so we ended up lying on the couch, him on my chest while he cried. He cried a long time and I held him. I think, after a while, he fell asleep, his sobs were slower and he just felt heavier on me. I continued to stroke his back, though. It was all I could do for him. I could feel tears leaking down my own face and I didn’t understand it.

I think I dozed off because it startled me when he pulled away from my chest. His eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, but he seemed a lot calmer. “It’s really over, isn’t it? The trial and everything?” his voice was ragged.

“The worst of it, yes.”

He bent down and kissed me lightly. “I wanted to show you something, but I’m too tired.”

I rubbed his cheek and could feel the roughness of dried tears and stubble. I really hoped he didn’t have reason to cry for a long time, “We’ve got plenty more time together, my beloved one.”

He sighed and leaned into my hand, “We do, don’t we?”

“Why don’t we get a shower and go to bed?”

He yawned, “Yeah. I should really go to school tomorrow. May be a month from graduation, but still don’t wanna miss three days in a row, y’know.” He slowly got up from me and I felt cold without him on my chest. He held his hand out for me and hugged me tightly when I got to my feet. “Thank you for being understanding and everything,” he whispered.

I kissed him, “I love you.”

“I know,” he sighed, sounding content again as he leaned against my shoulder. “I know you love me and I love you. It more than makes up for the bad stuff.”

I wanted to argue with that statement, but I didn’t even know where to begin. How could I make up for losing his parents, for the things his cousins did, for what those guys did?

~*~*~*~Touru

He looked so confused, so hurt and lost. He’d been the confident one, the one who protected me. I never expected to see him any other way, but his eyes were pained. He needed to be reassured and I wasn’t sure what to do, how to do it. I sighed softly and took his hand in mine. I kissed the back of his hand before turning to lead him into our room. “Touru?” I heard him ask.

I pulled him between me and the bed. “I’m going to show you something, my love. Relax and let me?”

He nodded, still looking confused. I ran my fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp a little as I watched his eyes for signs that this was what he needed. I was pretty sure it was, but his eyes would tell me. I massaged his scalp a while before letting my hands wander to his shoulders. It was a little awkward to massage his shoulders from in front of him, but I could see that it was working. I stepped forward and kissed him lightly, sliding my hands under his arms so I could work on his back. His hands went to my shoulders and he rested his forehead against mine.

I continued down his back and I could feel him relaxing into my touch. It was empowering, knowing that he trusted me as much as I trusted him. I slid my hands around his waist and undid his pants, pushing them down and massaged his butt. He moaned a little, but didn’t say or do anything, so I just continued what I was doing. After a bit, I encouraged him to move away from me. “Lay down so I can continue,” I whispered.

He sat on the bed and I could see that he was hard. He was relaxing and that was good. He moved to roll onto his stomach and I stopped him, “I need to do your front. Just relax, Love.”

He moved to lie in the center of the bed. I got out a condom, noting absently that we’d need to get more, and put it on him. He began to protest and I kissed him, “Just in case, Love. I just want you to feel loved. If we go that far, I want to be ready.”

~*~*~*~Shidou

I knew I was hard, but I wasn’t up for doing anything about it. He kissed me again, whispering, “Just relax. I love you.” I sighed, letting myself sink into the bed. What else could I do? What he was doing felt too good, I didn’t really want him to stop. I watched as he took off his clothes and straddled my waist, too high for me to feel him over my erection. His hands worked on my shoulders again, relaxing the muscles in my chest. I sighed and let my body relax under his hands. He made his way down my chest, never actually trying to arouse me, just helping me relax.

His body slid lower over me and his hands worked on my abdomen. I opened my eyes to look at him and he was concentrating on his hands. I could feel his heat over my shaft and I looked down. He was hard, too. I felt him looking at me before I looked back up. As I watched, I felt him using his hand to line me up to his hole and he slid slowly down my shaft, desire in his eyes. I groaned, struggling to keep my eyes open, on his. I didn’t fully understand what he was doing, but he needed me and I needed him. He seemed to understand that, and understand that I needed to be connected to him, some how.

He rolled up onto his toes and I watched as he rocked along my shaft, his hands going to my legs, massaging them as he used them for balance. I groaned and finally brought my hands up to touch him, caressing his legs, his abdomen, him. He continued to ride me, groaning out that he loved me, tossing his head. He was wild, riding me, like he was beneath me that first time, and this time, I got to see him.

My body began to respond to his movements, my hips joining in his motions and he screamed, his face full of hunger, of love when he looked at me, his eyes burning with desire. I did this to him? I watched in awe as his body tensed, his orgasm making his spine whip back, his head thrown back as he called for me, his fingers digging into my legs. I groaned his name as my body released into his, his orgasm pulling out mine from my body.

Panting, his body came forward, though he still was on me. His hands went by his feet. “I love you so much,” he whispered. His eyes came up to meet mine, “Do you understand, Shidou?” His voice was ragged, still just a whisper. “I can’t explain why I need you any more than you can explain why you need me.” He rolled his feet under him and his head fell on my chest. “I…” his voice trailed off and it sounded like he was fighting tears again.

“Touru,” I said softly and he looked at me, his eyes glistening. “Why?” I asked softly.

“You looked scared, like I feel a lot. You know what to do for me but this was all I could think of to do for you.” He sounded a little panicky.

I hugged him tightly, “I was feeling insecure, my love.” I caressed his hair and kissed his forehead. “Thank you. Do you know how amazing you looked riding me?” I teased him a little, hoping to ease his panic. His eyes sought out mine and I whispered, “That is gonna be a wet dream for some time.” He blushed, burying his face in my chest again. I caressed his back, laughing at his embarrassment. “Is that what you wanted to show me this morning?” He nodded and I laughed at him, kissing his head. I squeezed my arms around him and pushed him up. “Let’s get a shower and some sleep, Love of mine.”

~*~*~*~Touru

I did it. I made him feel better. In the shower, I finished massaging his back while standing behind him. He leaned against the wall with his hands and when I was finished he turned and kissed me deeply, holding me close to him. He leaned on me and I felt him sigh. I held him while the water washed over both of us.

After a bit, he lifted his head and held my cheek, looking into my eyes seriously. “Touru, thank you for making me feel better.”

I shook my head, “No need to thank me. I did it because I love you and I wanted to make you feel the way you make me feel.” I held his cheek, “I wanted to make you feel as loved and secure as you make me feel.” My cheeks were warm.

He smiled at me, “I like how you can be so wildly wanton and then blush like crazy.” I buried my head in his neck and he held me, chuckling. He was still laughing, “Are there other things you want to show me?”

“Not tonight, not while your laughing at me.” I stayed in his neck when I talked.

“Alright, I’ll stop laughing.” And it did sound like he was trying.

I sighed and pulled away from him, “I’ll show you later. I really am tired right now and want to sleep in your arms.”

He kissed me softly, “It’ll be my pleasure to hold you all night.” He looked at me a moment before grinning, “Can we do that again?”

My face went hot and he laughed. “Not tonight,” I groused at him. He kept laughing. “Stop that.”

He hugged me, “I’m sorry, Love. I do feel better. I’ll stop teasing you.”

I sighed in his arms, “It’s okay as long as you love me, I guess.”

“I do. Very much do I love you.” He pressed me against the shower wall and began kissing me deeply. I moaned and surrendered to him. His lips left mine and he trailed down my body, kissing me everywhere he could reach as he knelt before me. He massaged my legs as his lips wrapped around me. I cried out, choking on some water, but I held his head so he didn’t let go of me. Breathing was just a detail, anyways. He brought a hand up and began fondling my balls, pressing his finger behind them. I gasped, struggling to get enough air into my body. His mouth left me and I cried out, thinking he was leaving me. I about fell on him when his mouth went around my balls and he sucked and swallowed around them. His hands went around my legs and he held me up. I put my hands on his shoulders and he groaned. Gods, I felt it through my entire body. I was so close to coming again. He left my balls and took my shaft back in his mouth. He sucked and I came, my head going back to hit the shower wall. I could feel his hands guiding me down, and it was a good thing. I think my legs went away.

He was holding me to his chest, rubbing the back of my head when I was totally aware of what was going on again. “Thank you, Love,” he whispered.

I pulled away from his shoulder to look at him, “Why?” I was really confused.

He just shook his head and kissed me softly. “Let’s go to bed.”

~*~*~*~Shidou

I dried us both off. I’d worn him out on purpose. I needed to think for a little while. While he slept, I watched him. His face still had the relaxed slackness around his eyes. He still was at peace, even after today. I was glad of that. I looked at the clock and it was just past nine. I left the room and called my parents…our parents. I smiled a little at that thought. Mom picked up. “Hey, Mom.”

“Why are you calling tonight?” she asked, sounding suspicious.

“To let you know we’re okay. Touru’s asleep. I just wasn’t ready to sleep yet.”

“What’s wrong, Shidou?” she asked softly.

“I’m a little worried that…” my voice trailed off.

“That you love him too much,” she finished, voicing exactly what I was afraid to say.

“Yeah,” I admitted. “Everything is going well, Mom. I’m so afraid something really bad will happen. That…I don’t know. That maybe he won’t like me anymore or something.”

“Have you talked to him about this?” she asked, softly probing. She was almost as good as Pop was at the counseling gig.

“Not really. He picked up that I was feeling insecure when we got home and he gave me a massage and tried to show me how much he loved me.”

“Did it work? Did you feel loved?”

I thought about that, “Yeah, I did. I really did feel like he loved me.”

“What else, then, my boy?”

I sighed and looked at the ceiling a moment, “I dunno, Mom. Am I being silly?”

“No, my love. I had doubts about Mama, we both had doubts about Dad and Pop and they had doubts about each other. What is most important is that you communicate with each other and work through them. You two have been together a short time, it’s normal to be nervous about how long things will last. I know you’ve had a pretty intense time together, between just how you two feel about each other and everything else going on.”

“We’re going to visit his parents this weekend,” I said. She hummed and I added, “He didn’t get to go to the funeral.” I sighed, “I wanted to take him.”

“I’m glad, Shidou. It shows you care a lot about him. I’m proud of you.”

“You are? Even though I’m scared now?”

“Yes, even though. If you didn’t have doubts, my boy, I’d worry. Doubts are normal, just don’t let them rule what you decide to do.”

“Thank you, Mom. I needed to hear that.”

“Get some sleep, Shidou. Good night.”

“Good night.” I hung up the phone and stared at the ceiling a little while longer. I heard a soft noise behind me and turned to see Touru in the doorway, not quite awake, his hair standing up all around his head, rubbing an eye with the back of one hand. He looked so vulnerable, leaning against the doorframe. “What is it, Love?” My heart swelled in my chest.

“You said you’d hold me,” he pouted.

I smiled and went to him, guiding him back to bed, “So I did. I’m sorry, Lover, I was just letting Mom know we were okay so she wouldn’t worry.”

He curled in my chest, “Hold me.” I wrapped my arms around him and he whispered, “Forgiven.” His breathing slowed and he was back asleep.

I loved him. That I didn’t doubt. I let that go over and over in my mind as I drifted off to sleep.