The NEW Elemental Super Heroes!
folder
Original - Misc › Humour
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
14
Views:
897
Reviews:
17
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Original - Misc › Humour
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
14
Views:
897
Reviews:
17
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
Earth's Rant.... Give me pancakes!! Give me pancakes!!!
Earth has one hell of a rant…
A knock, and a knock… and a deep breath.
“You motherfucking cocksucking asshole gang-raping postal workers, stupid television watching, brains-drooling-out-of-your-ears, dumb as dirt, fuck for brains, muddy water drinking, head an empty void. I mean, come fucking on, you bitch face, cunt head, splooge throat. That’s it, it will be Earth Splooge death for you. Death by splooge, I will face fuck you until you stop breathing you hairless brainless turd mistake from not only one fuck head, but the slut that he banged in the back of the trailer park in his run down truck. You are not doing anything important here, so you might as well be something for me to cum in. You good for nothing feather brained shit head slippery nothing for cunt brains…”
Earth had taken his anger for life since he had gone off caffeine on a poor set of men offering to give him a bible. He was far from happy, and the two blonde haired blue eyes twenty somethings looked as if they were about to flee, but were too scared. Earth was not stopping at all…
“…At least I am better than you are, I’m not out fucking homeless children, letting their bodies rot on church lawns or in hospital waiting rooms because they have no fucking insurance. I am not molesting those that trust in me of their virginity or their lives or their money. I give a fucking rats ass for life. Yes, I understand that you have your opinion and I am glad that you do, but you can just suck my right big toe you mother fucking ass kissing testicular waxing earlobe raping termite dick of nothingness. You double douche bags of cat shit mixed with dog cum and feline mouse intestine vomit. You think you can push your religion on me, have you ever thought that I might have my own…”
Fairies that were fluttering in the nearby flowers were falling over dead, dying from the shock of hearing the normally cheerful Earth go nuts.
“… How bout this, you keep those rosaries out of my friends fucking ovaries and I won’t dump my little wads of half dead fetus flesh on your church lawn. These are babies that are just going to be on welfare their entire lives, sucking even more fucking life from the fucking planet, and yet you want them to still have a fair shot because you just so fucking happened to avoid the coat hanger. I don’t give a flying fuck if you have the right god and I’m going to YOUR hell, fuck your hell, I’d much rather go to my hell. It’s nicer there. Don’t come pushing your fucking books in my hands, telling me of your one true deity, because…”
Nox was covering her kitten’s ears, gasping in horror.
“… I am not going to fucking listen to you. You are a bunch of snot nosed fuck head ass holes that think that you are doing right by pushing your thoughts on me? I tell you want, we will sit here for a fucking half an hour, and you can fill my head full of your rat barf and then I will take you out and we can hug a tree and I’ll burn both of you virgins for my sacrifice, how does that fucking sound you mother fucking ass kissing scrotum for faces… Or how about this, I will bend you over my bleeding goat body that I have disemboweled and fuck you both in the ass, yes, that is it, I am going to bend you over my goat cunt and fuck the living shit out of you because…”
Rascal was hiding her head under her paws, meanwhile, Ice, Flame, Wind and Sephy Sama had all come outside to hear the rant, lawn chairs, popcorn and icy cold drinks in hand.
“… you two damned asses think that you can come here in the middle of my fucking wonderful day and just preach about how my ideas are wrong and yours are right. You know what? Fuck you, I am not going to conform to your horrible mind numbing ‘male chaunistic’ idealisms so you can just get on your knees right now and suck my cock because if you two are just going to stand there with your mouths open, one of you can at least do something….”
Earth finally took a deep breath, just as the wallpaper in his living room started to peel off the plaster. A few dead birds fell from the sky.
”… You telling me I am not part of the solution I am part of the problem? Well, I am sorry, but I am part of the solution, I am not conforming to the horrible fuck head idealisms that a big invisible man created everything and loves us, but he is going to send me to the burning depths of your hell because I don’t see things his way. You explain to me why so many can die over someone that they can’t even see, even when the book you hold in your hands is written by a dozen sun starved, undersexed assholes that probably ate some bad mushrooms and then fucked their camels before they wrote the skunk rot that you hold in your very hands…”
“Wow. Earth is pissed today. What’s wrong?” Ice looked at Flame. Earth was making the flowers melt in the pots he was being so vulgar.
“I have no idea.” Flame shrugged.
“Mother fucking baby stealing, abortion reject shit stain cum butter puppy beating pastrami brain ass munches. How dare you. You pools of congealed otter cum. You cum guzzling gutter slut whore rejects, people refuse to pay for the shit that you have. I am going to go to your church and sodomize your statue of your ‘high good’ would you like that you asshole bitch face cunt ears damned fucking elephant scrotumed face…”
Flame shook her head, “My brain is starting to melt Ice.”
Ice laughed, “here.” She touched Flame’s head.
Flame cried out in pain, “Brain freeze! Brain freeze!!!”
Sephy shook his head, “I don’t know what is funnier, watching Earth finally snap or watching Ice and Flame torture each other.”
Flame held her head and then screamed in pain, “Brain fried!”
“Dead pig fetus fucking, elephant dick-hair-brained moose cunt sweet mother of the world… dumb as a bag of rocks thick heads. You are nothing, you pencil dick cadaver raping mother fucking jerk-wads, what, do you go home at night and masturbate to the image of the virgin mother? Because she’s the only virgin that you will ever find in this world in this day and age. You rat fuck shit stain vomit scented jizz snot. I hope you two burn in your hell for all eternity. I just can’t fucking stand you, get out of my face.” Earth then pauses again… just as one of the religious guys start to open his mouth.
“Gryphon ass! Don’t you dare open your fucking mouth to me you ass licking bastard child left in the street from a drunken whore abortion rejected hypocritical hippie. I don’t want to hear about it. I am missing Jeopardy because of you two fucking ass hole dog fucking a cat cunt, bend over and I hope that your Satan fucks you both in the ass with five foot long dildo, ramming it up your little prick assholes until you can taste him!”
With that, Earth smiled, “Have a nice day, pancakes and balloons.” He slammed the door in the two religious guys face.
“What brought that on?” Sephy sama had sat and watched the whole thing…
“Oh, I don’t want to hear it, I’ve held this in for twenty three chapters of the Original Elemental Super Heroes and thirteen of these chapters, AND a side story.” Earth cries out from his apartment, “I haven’t had my pancakes and I missed Jeopardy.”
Flame held up a score card, it read ’10.5’
Ice held up a ‘10’
Sephy Sama held up a ‘10’
Wind held up a ‘7.99’
Earth looked out of his door and gave a deep grumble. Wind shook his head and made it a ’10.’
((Authorus Noteumantui: I am sick and tired of people doing things that piss me off. I needed to get this rant out of my system. Not typically Earth, but if you weren’t expecting it… it’s funny. Anyways… Earth needs to be heavily medicated for harassing.))
A knock, and a knock… and a deep breath.
“You motherfucking cocksucking asshole gang-raping postal workers, stupid television watching, brains-drooling-out-of-your-ears, dumb as dirt, fuck for brains, muddy water drinking, head an empty void. I mean, come fucking on, you bitch face, cunt head, splooge throat. That’s it, it will be Earth Splooge death for you. Death by splooge, I will face fuck you until you stop breathing you hairless brainless turd mistake from not only one fuck head, but the slut that he banged in the back of the trailer park in his run down truck. You are not doing anything important here, so you might as well be something for me to cum in. You good for nothing feather brained shit head slippery nothing for cunt brains…”
Earth had taken his anger for life since he had gone off caffeine on a poor set of men offering to give him a bible. He was far from happy, and the two blonde haired blue eyes twenty somethings looked as if they were about to flee, but were too scared. Earth was not stopping at all…
“…At least I am better than you are, I’m not out fucking homeless children, letting their bodies rot on church lawns or in hospital waiting rooms because they have no fucking insurance. I am not molesting those that trust in me of their virginity or their lives or their money. I give a fucking rats ass for life. Yes, I understand that you have your opinion and I am glad that you do, but you can just suck my right big toe you mother fucking ass kissing testicular waxing earlobe raping termite dick of nothingness. You double douche bags of cat shit mixed with dog cum and feline mouse intestine vomit. You think you can push your religion on me, have you ever thought that I might have my own…”
Fairies that were fluttering in the nearby flowers were falling over dead, dying from the shock of hearing the normally cheerful Earth go nuts.
“… How bout this, you keep those rosaries out of my friends fucking ovaries and I won’t dump my little wads of half dead fetus flesh on your church lawn. These are babies that are just going to be on welfare their entire lives, sucking even more fucking life from the fucking planet, and yet you want them to still have a fair shot because you just so fucking happened to avoid the coat hanger. I don’t give a flying fuck if you have the right god and I’m going to YOUR hell, fuck your hell, I’d much rather go to my hell. It’s nicer there. Don’t come pushing your fucking books in my hands, telling me of your one true deity, because…”
Nox was covering her kitten’s ears, gasping in horror.
“… I am not going to fucking listen to you. You are a bunch of snot nosed fuck head ass holes that think that you are doing right by pushing your thoughts on me? I tell you want, we will sit here for a fucking half an hour, and you can fill my head full of your rat barf and then I will take you out and we can hug a tree and I’ll burn both of you virgins for my sacrifice, how does that fucking sound you mother fucking ass kissing scrotum for faces… Or how about this, I will bend you over my bleeding goat body that I have disemboweled and fuck you both in the ass, yes, that is it, I am going to bend you over my goat cunt and fuck the living shit out of you because…”
Rascal was hiding her head under her paws, meanwhile, Ice, Flame, Wind and Sephy Sama had all come outside to hear the rant, lawn chairs, popcorn and icy cold drinks in hand.
“… you two damned asses think that you can come here in the middle of my fucking wonderful day and just preach about how my ideas are wrong and yours are right. You know what? Fuck you, I am not going to conform to your horrible mind numbing ‘male chaunistic’ idealisms so you can just get on your knees right now and suck my cock because if you two are just going to stand there with your mouths open, one of you can at least do something….”
Earth finally took a deep breath, just as the wallpaper in his living room started to peel off the plaster. A few dead birds fell from the sky.
”… You telling me I am not part of the solution I am part of the problem? Well, I am sorry, but I am part of the solution, I am not conforming to the horrible fuck head idealisms that a big invisible man created everything and loves us, but he is going to send me to the burning depths of your hell because I don’t see things his way. You explain to me why so many can die over someone that they can’t even see, even when the book you hold in your hands is written by a dozen sun starved, undersexed assholes that probably ate some bad mushrooms and then fucked their camels before they wrote the skunk rot that you hold in your very hands…”
“Wow. Earth is pissed today. What’s wrong?” Ice looked at Flame. Earth was making the flowers melt in the pots he was being so vulgar.
“I have no idea.” Flame shrugged.
“Mother fucking baby stealing, abortion reject shit stain cum butter puppy beating pastrami brain ass munches. How dare you. You pools of congealed otter cum. You cum guzzling gutter slut whore rejects, people refuse to pay for the shit that you have. I am going to go to your church and sodomize your statue of your ‘high good’ would you like that you asshole bitch face cunt ears damned fucking elephant scrotumed face…”
Flame shook her head, “My brain is starting to melt Ice.”
Ice laughed, “here.” She touched Flame’s head.
Flame cried out in pain, “Brain freeze! Brain freeze!!!”
Sephy shook his head, “I don’t know what is funnier, watching Earth finally snap or watching Ice and Flame torture each other.”
Flame held her head and then screamed in pain, “Brain fried!”
“Dead pig fetus fucking, elephant dick-hair-brained moose cunt sweet mother of the world… dumb as a bag of rocks thick heads. You are nothing, you pencil dick cadaver raping mother fucking jerk-wads, what, do you go home at night and masturbate to the image of the virgin mother? Because she’s the only virgin that you will ever find in this world in this day and age. You rat fuck shit stain vomit scented jizz snot. I hope you two burn in your hell for all eternity. I just can’t fucking stand you, get out of my face.” Earth then pauses again… just as one of the religious guys start to open his mouth.
“Gryphon ass! Don’t you dare open your fucking mouth to me you ass licking bastard child left in the street from a drunken whore abortion rejected hypocritical hippie. I don’t want to hear about it. I am missing Jeopardy because of you two fucking ass hole dog fucking a cat cunt, bend over and I hope that your Satan fucks you both in the ass with five foot long dildo, ramming it up your little prick assholes until you can taste him!”
With that, Earth smiled, “Have a nice day, pancakes and balloons.” He slammed the door in the two religious guys face.
“What brought that on?” Sephy sama had sat and watched the whole thing…
“Oh, I don’t want to hear it, I’ve held this in for twenty three chapters of the Original Elemental Super Heroes and thirteen of these chapters, AND a side story.” Earth cries out from his apartment, “I haven’t had my pancakes and I missed Jeopardy.”
Flame held up a score card, it read ’10.5’
Ice held up a ‘10’
Sephy Sama held up a ‘10’
Wind held up a ‘7.99’
Earth looked out of his door and gave a deep grumble. Wind shook his head and made it a ’10.’
((Authorus Noteumantui: I am sick and tired of people doing things that piss me off. I needed to get this rant out of my system. Not typically Earth, but if you weren’t expecting it… it’s funny. Anyways… Earth needs to be heavily medicated for harassing.))