Ardent

‘Bollocks I have lost twenty quid’ Keira whined at the counter. Searching desperately through her pockets.
‘I’ll get It’ James smiled handing over his card.
‘I know you can get it James but with you currently being unemployed you cant really pay for it can you..aha here it is’ she smiled, handing over the note to the lady. James took his card back and walked out of the shop. Keira grabbed her new top and followed him, ‘You could have waited for me’.
’Thanks for making a total prat out of me back there’
‘What?’
‘I felt as small as you made me sound so thanks’ he moaned, walking off.
‘James I’m sorry I didn’t mean to, please don’t be mad’ she cried, holding his arm, ‘I was just stating a fact’
‘I might not have a contract Keira but I earn money ok?’
‘How?’
‘Drop it. Look I don’t want to fight, just don’t tell me when I cant treat you ok? It makes me feel bad’
‘Ok. Jesus Christ. Sorry’ she snapped, linking his arm. Their moods had lightened by the time they reached the beach again, they had set out back to New Brighton today, to have dinner and buy Keira her top. Now they sat on the beach and stared over the Mersey. James was joking around and laughing, back on form as ever. Keira skipped off to fetch them some hotdogs.

Sitting on the beach he stared out over the water and smiled, watching the seagulls dive for th3 fish, watching the children run about on the sand. It was refreshing to watch, compared to the dark polluted sights of London. Sighing he wished he could stay here forever, here with her forever and not have to return to his life back home. The thought of home made him nervous, again he wished he had brought some weed with him, just to calm him down. Lighting a cigarette he turned to face Keira who was skipping along the beach with hot dogs. Her presence calmed him, made him feel safer, she did more for him than any drug ever could. Smiling he took the hotdog and pulled her into a hug.
’What was that for?’ she laughed, nipping at her snack.
‘Nothing really’ he grinned, sticking his hotdog in his mouth. He watched her carefully nibble at hers, then lean against him, she was so lovely. Not like her, not like Emily. Shuddering inwardly he tried to push her from his mind. A scowl must have crossed over his face, because Keira nudged him and laughed, ‘Not homesick are you?’ again he frowned, thinking of Emily did not make him homesick, far from it.
‘No not at all, I’m very happy here with you, I was just thinking’
‘About?’
‘Home, life, friends, work, hotdogs everything’ he regretted the word as soon as it left his mouth.
‘So you do work, what as? Will you just tell me this secrecy is killing me? What do you do?’
‘As little as possible’ he joked, rising to his feet. Pulling her up with him, they walked along quietly, Keira refused to let it drop however.
‘No James come on. I want to know, I’ve never known you to do a days work in your life, yet you always have money’
‘My boss has never seen me do a days work either’ he laughed, walking off the beach and along the promenade.
‘James when we met you said you were in a film, but here we are a few months on and nothing!’
‘There was no film I wanted to fuck you’
His words hurt but at least he was being honest, ‘Ok’ she asked.
‘Now I still want to fuck you’ he laughed, pulling her to him for a kiss. ‘Aren’t we romantic?’
‘Wayne said you were in debt. Are you?’ she recoiled as his eyes grew hard.
’Anybody else you have been discussing me with?’ he roared, dropping his embrace, ‘Wayne needs to get his facts right, its none of his business, and I have told you before, my finances are nothing to do with you so just drop it’ with that he stormed off, hands in his pockets and didn’t look back. Keira stared after him in anger; nobody spoke to her like that, not anymore.
‘Fuck you then’ she screamed after him. Sitting on a bench, she stared out over the Mersey, unable to believe what had just happened, she was so happy moments ago. Looking out over her favourite view, she felt nothing, she had shared her view with him and he had fucked her over in front of it. Grabbing a rock, she hurled it into the unforgiving waters and wept.

James stopped suddenly, he didn’t know where he was, what sort of idiot storms off in an unfamiliar place? Why did he shout at her? She didn’t deserve that. All because she asked, kept asking. Of course she would ask, he told himself, she wants to know everything about you, she loves you. God she loves me, he cried inside. She couldn’t know, not if he could help it. Damn, how would he find her, walking back the way he set off he grabbed his mobile number and called her.

For the next two days they avoided each other as best they could, they slept side by side, in complete silence, with a 6-inch gap between them. James had never felt so alone. Any conversation they shared was forced, she wouldn’t speak to him unless absolutely necessary. Keira lay staring at the wall, a silent tear dripping down her face, it felt horrible to be so close yet so far away from him. Where had it all gone wrong? Why did she have to know such stupid things? Did it matter where he worked? Maybe it didn’t, but what bothered her was how secretive he was, it hurt her. Tomorrow they were supposed to be eating at her families again, but she was damned if he thought this atmosphere was going with them.

If either of them were sorry they didn’t show it, by the time they reached her house the tension was thick and bitter. Stepping forward Keira rang the bell; turning to face him she gripped his hand hard, and glared at him. ‘Lets play happy fucking families’ she snarled, ignoring his sad eyes; she turned to smile as her mother opened the door. James was dragged in the house, kissed and hugged, patted and shook, he felt dizzy and like a hypocrite, Keira was stood across the room, smiling away. Recounting to the family where they had been and what they had been doing, the last two days weren’t mentioned. James stood in silence, nodding where appropriate. Damn her, he thought, he knew she was furious at him and he would rather just scream it out then return to them, the happy couple. But it was clear things hadn’t changed, she just wouldn’t show her family, she wouldn’t show she had done it again, chosen another deadbeat. Well if she wanted to play let’s play, he thought, walking over he wrapped his arms around her. Nuzzling into her neck, ‘I love it here, not as much as I love your daughter though’ he grinned, laughing as her father pulled a face, her brothers threw cushions at him, and her mother darted off to the kitchen smiling. Keira remained stiff. She didn’t even smile. Closing her eyes she screamed inwardly, god she hated him, she hated how great his touch felt, how wonderful his mouth was, how fantastic he made her feel every day. When he held her, kissed her, fucked her. Feeling tears, she pulled away and walked to the bathroom. James watched her walk off and sighed.
‘James you look stressed son, here come to the garden with me’ Paul beckoned, James smiled and followed him outside, ‘everything ok mate?’
‘Fine, just a bit tired, didn’t get much sleep’ he smiled, cringing at his words.
‘I do not want to know, good lord’ Paul shouted. James laughed, wishing he had been up all night in Keiras arms; instead he had lay there thinking of what to say.
‘Here’ Paul passed a spliff to James.
’God you’re a lifesaver’ James laughed, inhaling hard. Keira, Emily, life, everything washed away for a few seconds, this was what he had needed all day. Leaning back he exhaled and relaxed. Staring into the kitchen he saw Keira staring out the window at them. ‘Dad, I hate that junk’ she yelled, smiling at him.
‘I know sweetheart, but I have cut down like I promised’ Paul shouted back.
‘James do you have to?’ she shouted, no laughter was in her voice though.
‘Yes’ he called back, inhaling once more. Keira just stared at him, and turned away, James heart dropped.

At the table, she was all jokes again, they sat side by side, none of the love or joking around was here like last time, she barely looked at him. When they left she even kissed him on the cheek, he felt sick inside. They walked with their arms around each other down the street, until they were out of view of the house, when she flung herself away from him and walked ahead.
‘Keira’ he shouted, ‘Stop being so damn dramatic this is getting boring now’. Yet again he regretted his outburst, but he stared at her anyway.
‘Bored’ she shouted, ‘I am bored of you, you and your lies. Your stupid habits, you never told me you were a drug user’
‘I have the occasional spliff Keira I’m hardly snorting coke’
‘Well how would I know, you don’t tell me anything, it wouldn’t surprise me if you had a wife and kids back home’
‘Oh fuck off’ he snapped, storming ahead of her. After that it was silent again, they walked together to the hotel, then threw off their clothes and lay side by side. Another night of tossing and turning, another night of tension. James felt ill, he loved her so much, he wished he could change all of this. Love was hard, she knew he loved her, didn’t she?
Turning over he looked at hr, the moonlight on her face showed the hidden tear, reaching over he wiped it away and pulled her toward him, kissing her hard. Keira shoved him off. ‘No’ she cried, ‘Leave me alone’ he held her tighter and kissed her neck, hugging her to his body.
‘No’ he whimpered, kissing down her neck, ‘Keira’ he cried, ‘Please’.
Keira could feel her body responding to him, she wanted him so much, she loved him so much. Grabbing his hair she ragged him from her neck. ‘No’ she roared, punching him on the side of the head. He reeled back in pain, slapping her back. Holding her hand under her he lay his head in her chest, his hand still stung, he wanted to cry.
‘Keira, please. Stop this. I love you, so fucking much, stop hurting me.’
Keira was in shock, ‘You just slapped me’ she cried.
‘It was a reaction, and it wasn’t as hard as you just punched me’ he cried, he could feel bloody trickling down the side of his face but he didn’t care.
‘Why am I the bad one?’ she asked, ‘I’m hurting too. So much why cant you just be open with me?’
James lifted himself off her and sat on the edge of the bed, ‘about my work? About how I earn my money?’ he whispered.
‘No’ she cried, ‘about everything. We never stay at your place; you wont discuss your family. I have never even met any of your friends bar Wayne’
‘It’s too complicated all of it. I’m not ready to share it yet’
‘Not ready? How hard can it be?’ she cried, kneeling up beside him and taking his face in her hands, ‘you know everything about me, absolutely everything. Stop hiding from me James’
Gulping he reached up, and kissed her lips softly, but she shoved him away climbing back to her side of the bed, she lay back down and sighed. He followed her and wrapped his arms around her, she half smiled, enjoying his touch, turning round to tell him to get off, she found herself lost in his gaze. The passion in his eyes burnt through her, already his hand had crept between her legs, he didn’t try and kiss her anymore, and he was barely looking at her. Keira groaned hating herself for giving into him. Once he felt her heat, he held her still and thrust into her hard. Keira cried out in pain, and raked her nails down his back. He too cried out and sank his teeth into her neck. Keira slapped him again, and they fucked furiously. This wasn’t love making, nor was it make up sex, it was barely even a fun fuck, there was some animalistic rage inside them both, and this was all the tension of the last few days hitting a brutal violent peak. James was thrusting her so fast, the beds was rocking wildly, she was whimpering, whether it was pain or joy, he couldn’t tell. All this was wrong, his life was wrong, but maybe he could fuck it all away, then maybe it wouldn’t matter. Finally he glanced down, her eyes were furious, he hated her looking like that, she looked like her. Suddenly the anger in his died, and he looked down at his precious Keira, he wasn’t even enjoying this, surely she couldn’t be either. Howling in anger, he threw himself off her and walked to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Keira lay panting, unsure of what just happened, she couldn’t work out if she felt better or worse for it. Why did she want to hurt him? She didn’t like how she had just been feeling. Turning on her side she cuddled her sheets and sighed, she wasn’t sure of anything anymore.