The Gay Man's Matchmaker

Chapter 14

Tommy made sure he gave Joey hell every time he saw him after that. What could you expect from someone who apparently spent his whole childhood, adolescence and now his adulthood hating someone? Of course, I still felt a twinge or two of guilt when I remembered what he’d said that night in Kelly’s. He basically maneuvered his life around keeping me from complete humiliation at a point in my life when it might very well have turned me into a cynical and sarcastic young man. Oh wait! That still happened! Well, let’s give the fucker an A for effort anyway.

But now he was really pissing me off! And I wasn’t the only one. No, Joey didn’t give a shit about it. He found the whole situation amusing as hell! Lauren, on the other hand, was unimpressed with her future lunk-head … uh, husband. She told me that Joey was frequently the topic of conversation and she was getting damned tired of it, too. How can anyone blame her? The poor woman was trying to arrange a wedding to this slob, and now he won’t even pay attention to her! I was doubly pissed on her behalf!

That’s why I decided to take her shopping for wedding cakes today. Nothing gets me out of the dumps faster than a nice piece of cake, and today we were getting free samples of it! The ones we’d had so far were all very, very tasty, and the designs were gorgeous! But the prices, as I’d thought, were steep. Still, they were willing to make scaled-down designs to fit Lauren’s budget, and the cake would still be beautiful even then. But I was hoping for something a bit more dramatic for her. She deserved only the best! We were walking down the street, on our way to our fourth and final appointment, when she suddenly groaned at me.

“Anymore wedding cake and I won’t fit into the dress!” she complained.

“Get out!” I waved her off. “You finally made a decision?”

“Well, no,” she grimaced. “But I’ve narrowed it down to eight finalists!”

“Eight!” I whistled loud. “Much better than the seventeen you were considering when we last talked about it!”

“I know!”

We were still laughing about it when we crossed the threshold of the most obscene bakery on my list. Why obscene? The smell alone could bring you to your knees if you take your sweets seriously. And I do. I really, really do!

“Kee!” exclaimed a frumpy0looking middle-aged woman in a flour-spattered navy blue apron. “I’m so glad to see you again!”

“Ethel! How are you?”

She came out from behind the counter and gave me a hug. I’m not kidding! A real, honest to goodness, full-on hug! I don’t invite many of those, but Ethel was an exception. On the day of the wedding cake shoot, she was the only baker who hadn’t barked out orders about how the cake should be sot and from which angle. She merely trusted me to take the best picture I could. And she sat patiently and quietly by while I did it. Then, when I took nearly a whole roll of film on it and told her it was done. She grinned and whipped out a pile of paper plates and a box of plastic forks, offering a slice to me, Jenna and the whole staff. Hers being the last cake to be shot that day, we pigged out on it in peace while she beamed as she watched us enjoy it. Ethel reminded me of a fifties mom stuck in the 21st century.

Her bakery reflected the mentality, too. She had vintage cake pans and Jell-O molds hanging up around the shop, with a big display of various homemade cake and confections in the windows, framed with homey-looking curtains. There were a couple of small, round wooden tables with some matching chairs around them. I noted with a frown that some thoughtless slob had spilled his coffee earlier in the day and it was drying into a sticky stain on the table. It just felt – wrong, I guess. I took a napkin out of the dispenser and wiped it off.

“Oh, leave that to me, dear,” Ethel said as she hurried to wipe it with a rag that had been dangling from the pocket of her apron. “There now! I’m so glad you came by!” She waved us into two of the chairs and sat opposite us.

Though the store was empty at the moment, there were signs all around that she’d had a very busy morning.

“How’s business?” I asked.

“Since the issue came out, it hasn’t stopped!” She grinned like a little old elf as she excitedly told me about the boom in orders. “I was so sure I’d have to close up soon because no one knew I existed,” she sighed. “I’ve always wanted a bakery, so I was beginning to get desperate for customers. And then this happened!”

“I’m so glad you finally got discovered,” I said. “Imagine how tragic it would have been for me never to have tasted your cakes!”

“Oh, you!” she laughed. “You might not have if Jenna hadn’t wandered in here that morning. Such a doll, that woman!” Then she turned to Lauren and gasped. “Oh, I’m so sorry sweetie! We’re here to talk wedding cakes, not reminisce!”

“I don’t mind,” Lauren laughed. “It’s good to see him get excited about something in life!”

“Oh, he’s full of passion!” Ethel waved at her as she got up to retrieve a photo album from behind the register. “I could tell by the way he worked that day.”

“I guess he has his moments,” Lauren grinned. My face was growing redder by the minute.

“He’s just discerning,” Ethel went on, giving me a gentle smile.

Fuck! How can I get mad at such a sweet lady? I couldn’t! And just knowing I was about to have another piece of her orgasmic-tasting baking kept me in check. I just knew I was going to get Lauren to order her cake here. It was kismet!

Ethel brought the book over and placed it in front of Lauren. “These are some of the wedding cakes I’ve done before,” she said. “Now, the pictures are nowhere near as good as Kee’s here, but they’ll give you an idea of the designs I can do. And I can work with you on a design that you love,” she added.

“Oh, okay,” Lauren smiled. I knew she was still a bit depressed that she couldn’t afford the all-out specials she’d seen before. But she didn’t know that I had a plan!

Ethel, meanwhile, went back behind the counter and cut us each three small pieces of various cakes to try. Can you say nirvana, boys and girls? Mmm! When she sat back down, she saw Lauren fingering the page of a five-tier cake decorated lavishly with hand-painted colored fondant and fresh cut flowers. It was stunning!

“I love that one best too,” Ethel grinned. “It took me two days to pull off, but it was so worth it to see the look on the bride’s face!”

“It’s gorgeous,” Lauren whispered.

“How much?” I asked.

“Kee …”

“Lauren, you know you love it. Let’s just see how much.”

Ethel gave us a knowing look as she watched our banter. “You’ve seen the prices at the other bakeries, haven’t you, hon?” she asked Lauren.

Lauren’s cheeks became tinged with pink and she looked down at the picture again sadly nodding.

“Well, I think they’re outrageous,” Ethel went on. “Taking advantage of young brides like that.”

“And they don’t even taste as good as yours,” I added with a mouthful of lemon cake. Oh my God, it’s heaven on a fork!

“Thank you, sweets!” Ethel beamed at me before turning back to Lauren. “They wanted about fifteen grand for that type of cake, didn’t they?” she asked.

“Uh, $15,500,” Lauren croaked back.

“My most expensive goes for half that,” the woman shook her head. “And that’s for one twice that size. This one that you’re looking at, I charge $2,000 normally.”

Lauren’s eyes bugged out. I could see that the wheels were spinning as she tried to find a way to fit it into her budget.

“But for you,” Ethel added, “it’s just going to be the cost of supplies.”

“Huh?!” Lauren’s mouth dropped open … along with mine. I had a plan to get her a deal, but it seemed Ethel beat me to it. “I can’t accept … no, that’s too much!”

“Your buddy saved my bacon, Miss Lauren,” Ethel said pointedly. “Because of his pictures in Jenna’s magazine, I haven’t stopped taking orders. There’s no way I’m charging you any more than that!”

With the firm nod of her head and her chin set, Ethel looked unmovable. I wanted to kiss the woman for this. I really did! But I was still determined to make sure she got something out of this.

“Well, that’s lovely of you!” I clapped with a grin. “But I have an added request.”

Ethel gave me a grin while Lauren eyed me warily.

“What is it, dear?”

“I would like to take more pictures for you and help you set up a small web site,” I exclaimed. Ethel looked a bit dubious so I went on quickly. “You could put all of your cake designs on it,” I explained. “And maybe offer the easier ones, like the pound cakes, for delivery.”

“Mail order?” Ethel cried. “I don’t know if I could keep up if the demand is high!”

“Pound cakes don’t take long to make,” I pointed out. “And it could be an added customer base for you. You could offer to send it just about anywhere in the country. And wouldn’t it be great if you didn’t just have to rely on good old New York foot traffic to bring in customers?”

Ethel looked thoughtful as she mulled over what I proposed. “I guess that makes a lot of sense.”

Later on, after Lauren put in the order for a raspberry filled lemon cake with vanilla bean icing, I took Ethel aside to place an order of my own while Lauren looked over some more pictures.

“Oh, sure! I do groom’s cakes,” she grinned. “They’re usually shaped like animals, you know.”

“I do know,” I laughed. “And I have just the one. Can you do a sloth?”

“A sloth?” she laughed. “Sounds like a hell of a hoot. Sure, a sloth it shall be. Red velvet, like the traditional ones?”

“As red as you can get it!”

I chuckled to myself as we left. Tommy’s going to just love that!