Unforgivables

My bed was soft. It was the softest bed I had ever been on. I did wonder where my aunt got all her money from but I wasn’t going to complain about it since that would most likely mean the nice stuff being taken away. Once I had thought that her husband had done something to get all the money, like an oil miner or something, but the I remembered my mother once telling me that he had been a fisherman just like my father. Sure fisherman got paid a decent amount but it was not enough for my aunt to have all the things that she did. The bed I was laying on probably cost more then my life...though many things did.

My door cracked open and I looked back to see Nicholas standing there. I sat up as he walked into my room and closed the door. My eyes never left him as he walked over and sat by me on the bed. Our eyes stayed on each other for a long time. I was fixed on his eyes. Eyes that didn’t just hold my reflection. Eyes that had feeling and you could read. Eyes that were so unfamiliar for me to look at.

“Hey.” he finally whispered. “It’s almost midnight. I didn’t think you would still be awake.”

The moon, coming through my window, cast light over him and brought back the memory of him by the river. In the moonlight his eyes seemed to glow. There was so much emotion in them. So much life. It made me wonder what went on in his head seeing as how someone with no life in their eyes turned out to be like...no. Don’t think about him. He left and that was that. Nothing more.

“I wanted to ask you, one more time, what was bothering you.” Nicholas told me. “I know you don’t like talking and that is okay, I’m just worried.”

“I told you...” I muttered looking away from him finally. “It’s nothing.”

He set his hand on mine and I looked down at it. His body weight shifted and my eyes drifted shut feeling his warm breath run over my neck. My breath began to get slightly ragged as those lips teased my skin ever so softly. I tilted my head as a silent offer and he took it. It was slow and gentle. It was nothing...nothing like with Brian. I was on equal ground with Nicholas. I could see that. With Brian...why was I thinking about Brian when this was happening?

My back hit the bed and his lips found mine. Our hands were locked near my head and I laced my other hand into his hair as if at any moment he would leave me. God it was like what you saw on those movies. When teenagers would ‘fall in love’ and ‘give themselves’ to each other. I hated those movies. It still felt wonderful. So wonderful.

His lips left mine and nothing happened for a moment. I slowly opened my eyes and found him staring down at me. It was a questioned look. I wasn’t sure what he was asking but there was a question in those eyes. When I did nothing he slipped his hand from my own and I had to let go of his hair as he took my shirt off me. It was tossed to some random place in the room and again Nicholas lowered his lips to mine.

When he set his hand on my bare side my mind started reel as if it just had realized what was happening. It was like twenty questions in my brain at that moment. Did I really want him? What did I want from him? How far would I let this go? How far did I want it to go? How far did he want it to go? What was I going to do if I let it go to far? ... How far was to far?

His lips wrapped around one of my nipples and I moaned in pleasure and shock. When the hell had he made his way there. The last thing I remembered we were kissing. I tilted my head so I could watch him and some of my hair drifted in my face. I bit my lips as I felt his hands undoing the string on my pajama bottoms. I was repeating in my head not to push him away as he moved his mouth to the other nipple and used the hand he wasn’t using to support himself with to pull my pants down a little and touch what skin he had uncovered. I closed me eyes and gripped the sheets by my head as my back arched from his hand running over such sensitive skin.

His lips began to trail further down my body and I tried to clear my mind for a moment, something I had tried to do since the fire and never accomplished. I moaned as his tongue dipped into my belly button over and over again. His mouth left me and I opened my eyes to look down at him. There was the questioned look again only this time I knew what he was asking. I bit my lip in hesitation.

He came up and kissed me again as if to reassure me that everything would be okay no matter what. It wouldn’t be though. Did I really want Nicholas? No, that wasn’t the right question because I did want him. However, did I want him to be my first? Brian came into my head again and I tried to get him out. Tried to get those eyes out of my mind. I had wanted Brian...but I had been to afraid. To afraid to let someone be that close to me and now that someone was gone. Did I want to really lose the only person I had left like this?

“Another night.” Nicholas whispered in my ear. He was stopping this? What? That confused me and he smiled softly. “There are eight other people in this house right now not including your aunt’s helpers. Later.”

He slipped from my bed and I sat up. My eyes blinked a few times. Later? What did later mean? When was later? I had learned already that ‘later’ never seemed to happen in my life. Especially not with this kind of thing. I fell back against my bed and stared at the ceiling. How many more would come and go...before everything was okay again? How many more times would I find myself in an empty bed before I had someone there who would stay? Was there even someone like that? Someone who would want to be with me? Someone who would take me for who I was?

There had been.

“Christopher you stupid fool!” that was my voice. I realized then that I was talking to myself. Another sign of insanity. Who cared anymore though? I deserved it. Of course I did. I’d hurt Brian in so many ways, I knew I would hurt Nicholas no matter how hard I tried not to, I’d cost the government thousands of dollars because of my ‘medical’ condition, and...and I’d done something even more unforgivable then all those combined. I deserved to be in a place like that. I deserved to be back at the hospital. Tears fell from my eyes. I deserved to have them all yell at me until the end of time.

I don’t know when I fell asleep. In all reality I don’t think I really did. I may have just slipped out of the normal consciousness but even then it was hard to tell. There was a delicious smell coming from the kitchen that I could smell even in my room. I opened my eyes and looked around to see the sun was just coming up. It was nice to wake up with the sun sometimes. Nice to know that there was a whole new day ahead of you.

As I walked down the stairs someone knocked on the door. I waited to hear if anyone was going to answer it and heard Hannah and Morgan running towards the door. I walked down the stairs and into the living room not bothering to care who it was. It was early meaning that it was probably my aunt’s gardener. He usually came this early.

Jenna, Kim, and Mike were in the living room and I walked over and sat by Jenna. Nicholas came into the room and sat down in the chair next to me, since there was no more room on the couch I presume. Morgan and Hannah came into the room and sat down.

“Who was at the door?” Mike asked her.

“An old man.” Morgan answered.

“Ms. Helen said he was her gardener.” Hannah explained.

Another knocked came to the door and the two were up in a flash. Jenna gave me a smile and ruffled my hair some. “This is a nice home you got here Kit. Your aunt is a wonderful person.”

I nodded softly. I had been out of it since the day before. I had kept hearing that nurses words in my head over and over and over again. That he was gone. “Yeah, it is.”

“Kit!” Morgan ran into the room followed by Hannah. “There is someone here to see you.”

My breath stopped in my chest. \"Let me tell you something. Your house is very hard to find Christopher.\"

A/N : Mua ha ha ha ha ha ha. Whatever shall we do? REVIEW OR YOU WILL NEVER FIND OUT!

- And if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.

*sob* I tried to write the next chapter...*sob* and I can\'t! I can\'t think of something! Please oh please oh please give me insparation! I have nothing...*sob*...nothing!