Blood Prize

Chapter 13: Acts of Grief

“What are you doing?” Kala snapped.

“Coming to check on you,” Johannes replied.  “Ihkra-”

“Is the cause of this!”

“How?” Johannes asked.  “Please, enlighten me, Princess, as I’m just a lowly, stupid peasant.”  He stepped into the quarters and allowed the door to close.  “How did she cause everything?”

“You’re taking her side, Joe?”

“You’re in here cutting your chest, Kala, and you want to play who’s at fault?” Johannes asked.  Kala’s dagger flashed, stopping against his neck.  Johannes looked at her with no fear in his eyes, stoic expression still on his face.  “Would you do it?  Can you?”

“Don’t,” Kala said.  “You don’t want to tempt me, not right now.”

“For God’s sake, Kala,” Johannes said, his hand slowly pushing hers and the dagger from his neck.  He shook his head.  “This was Chantal’s choice, our choice.  You and her decided and I went along with it.  If there’s anyone to blame, it’s her.  Things went to Hell, but that doesn’t mean it’s anyone’s fault.”

“We could have got her,” Kala sat back on the bed.  “We could have…  She could have been saved if it wasn’t for Hranik!”

“He followed orders,” Johannes sat next to her, looking into her violet eyes.  He could see the tears welling in the corner of them and her lip quivered.  Whatever strength she’d had was quickly breaking.  Blood trickled from the corner of her lips and he reached up, wiping it from her jawline.  “What did you do to yourself?”

Kala motioned to the bottle on the desk and Johannes glanced in the direction.  The broken, sharp points glistened in the light and he returned his looks to her.  She offered him a smile, but her teeth were blackened with her blood.

“Are you crazy?” Johannes growled.  “You shattered the neck and drank it?  What if-  I mean, Christ, you could have caused…  What would Chantal have said?”

“Does it matter?” Kala snapped.  “She’s dead, we’re not!”

“And what’s the best way to honour her?”

Kala went silent.  The silence drew out, awkward and long.  This - the ritual scarring, the Straxi way of remembrance - was exactly how Chantal would have wanted Kala to honour her memory and life.  But it was something Johannes would never understand.  He couldn’t.  It just wasn’t something most people could.

“What were you doing?” Johannes asked.  He looked down at the center of her chest.

“It was,” Kala stopped.  Her eyes fell.  “You’d never understand, Joe.”

“Try me,” Johannes said, his hand slid over Kala.  “You lost someone you love.  Grief is natural, but…  Hurting yourself…”

“For fuck’s sake, Joe, I wasn’t hurting myself!”  Kala pushed his hand off hers.  She rose from the bed and threw open the top, exposing herself.  “You wanted to see?”  Each of her scars drew his attention.  “How do you like it?”

Johannes shook his head sadly.  “I don’t.”

“These are all ceremonial for Straxi,” Kala said.  “We mourn the loss of our loved ones by cutting into our skin, by eternally memorializing them into us.”

“Pain shows love,” Johannes said under his breath.

“And this doesn’t come close to showing how much I loved Chantal,” Kala replied.  “Even that,” she motioned to the broken bottle, “doesn’t come close to showing how much I loved her.”

Johannes rose from Kala’s bed and embraced her.  “Kala, you could have told me.  I would have-”

“Would have helped?  This isn’t something you could help with,” Kala said.  “Understood?  I don’t need your understanding-”

“No, you don’t,” he cut her off.  “You never have and I would hardly ask you to seek my understanding for your religious and cultural beliefs.  I would have offered my help, to be here as friends, as family, Kala.”

Kala turned away from him.  She could feel a tear forming in her eye, but she couldn’t let him see that.  She was Straxian Royalty and not one of them showed that side.  They were harsh, stern, stoic, and unfeeling.  

“How close are we to jumping to Zhanka?” she asked.

“Close enough that I was coming to tell you about it,” Johannes answered softly.

“You’re the Captain, Joe.”

“And you’re my second,” he said sadly.  His eyes dropped, sadly; he hated taking command of the Fortune from Captain Leibowitz.  He felt like he was betraying her more assuming command of the ship now, thinking - knowing she was dead.  “And Hranik’s my first.  But I need my first on the Bridge.  Hranik’s needed by the engines.”

“You’re going to make him hate me more than he does?”

“Hranik hates everyone, don’t take it personal,” Johannes stated bluntly.  “But, yes, Kala, I want someone who is on the Bridge.  I want you to be my first.  And, as Captain, I get to make that decision.”  He stepped towards her door.  “I’ll FTL to Zhana in ten minutes, with or without you on the Bridge.”

“I’ll take it,” Kala said.  Johannes stopped and turned back to her.  “I’ll be your first, Joe.”

“Good, I’ll see you on the Bridge.”