Promises

Once we were back in my apartment I watched Annie from across the kitchen, quietly pacing circles. A million thoughts wormed their way through my brain, as I sat on a bar stool waiting for her to say something. Annie had coincidentally stumbled into my life and as much as I was to blame for chasing her, she was the reason that in the last twenty-four hours I had thought more about what I was doing than I had in the past three years. Quickly my patience began to wear thin and I couldn't take any more of her pacing.


               "What is it that you want Annie?" I asked with a mixture of anger and confusion. Annie immediately stopped mid stride and glanced at me with a perplexed look on her face,


               "You ask that question as if the answer is simple. You know as well as I do, nothing between us is ever simple no matter how hard we try and pretend it is."


               "I know that, but I told you before you left my apartment earlier today, you needed to think about what it is you want before you could come back."


               "I realize that, but…now that I'm here, I'm having a hard time finding the words."


               " No, I will not accept that as your answer." I snapped with a snarky tone. "You sought me out tonight on a hunch, and now you're here standing in my kitchen, so you better have an answer." I felt my anger starting to get the best of me, and I knew I had to control it before it sent Annie running out the door.


               "I want to continue seeing you."


               My immediate reaction was to shut her down, especially because I knew she hadn't thought all the way through her decision. What I wanted to tell her was that she wasn't prepared for what she would bring on to herself; lying and cheating on her husband wasn't going to be easy, but I couldn't bring myself to stop her. A little part of me felt that she knew something I didn't and I felt compelled to figure out what it was.


               "Did you spent the last twelve hours thinking about how you are going deal with the next, I don't know… two weeks…two months…two years, cheating on your husband? Because if I'm going to do this, I need to know."


               Annie looked down at the counter top in front of her before answering, "Does it matter how long this will last?"


               "It doesn't. Lying to someone you love isn't easy, it may be one of the hardest things you'll ever do." Every part of me knew that what I was saying was true, but why I said it was for a completely different reason.


               "I don't care how or why you know that. But I know what I want and  I want to keep seeing you. Even if you won't admit it, there's something between us that just makes sense." She replied sweetly. The harder she tried the more I wanted to push her away, until that same sweet look she always used to have stared back at me, and I felt my resolve start to melt away. Annie walked over to the barstool next to me, and gently put a hand on my leg. Emotions that I hadn't felt in a long time started to tingle through my skin, and I didn't know what to do with myself.


               "And what if you're wrong. What if you spend all of this time with me only to realize that I'm the same selfish asshole I've always been."


               "You weren't an asshole. Don't forget that I'm one of the few people that knew you before you had all of this," she replied motioning her hand in front of me and at the rest of my apartment. "You've built up all of this to keep people out, and I get that, but when is the last time you took a risk on anyone?"


               I knew what she was getting at, and she was right. There wasn't a single person in the past several years that I even considered taking a risk on since Dani broke my heart. I'd broken some of my rules occasionally, mostly for Karen, but in the year that Karen I had been hooking up I always pushed her away when she would try to get too serious. What I was facing in that very moment was letting the smallest part of my guard down based only on Annie's dare to do something different.


               "Ok." I mumbled quietly.


               "Ok, what?" Annie excitedly asked.


               "We can keep seeing each other."


               Annie squealed with delight and threw her arms around my neck before kissing me. She was far more excited than I was. I began to wonder if this was going to work. It was nearly impossible for me to let people get close to me, and I assumed once Annie figured that out, she would leave as fast as she came.