Love For Sale

“Kyle, what’s wrong?” Cole asked me. We were sitting at the dining room table for dinner. Cole had cooked salmon for dinner with green peas, a light salad, and slices of apples. Everything looks delicious, but I was not up to eating. “You hardly touched your food. Is something the matter?”

“What?” I was in a daze when Cole was talking to me, I could only hear only half of what he was saying. “Oh. Yeah I’m fine.” I replied, looking at my dinner plate. “I just haven’t been feeling too well.” I started to pick at the fish, stabbing it with my fork till it was almost shredded. All night the affair I had with Jessie today was picking at my brain, urging me to tell Cole. I wanted to tell him so bad, but I could not bring myself to tell him. I was scared about what he was going to do to me.

“Are you sure?” I heard Cole in the distance. He placed a hand over my forehead to check my temperature. “You don’t feel warm.”

“No, I’m alright.” I replied again, pushing Cole’s hand away. “I just have something on my mind.”

“What is it? Maybe I can help,” he gave me a reassuring smile, and that made my heart break. I couldn’t tell Cole that I cheated on him, it would be wrong, but I needed to tell the truth.

“Well, I did something bad today.” I said slowly and softly.

“How bad?” Cole asked. His voice dropped, and he stared at me with a stern look in his eyes.

“Catastrophic.” I replied, Cole sighed, and I saw him clench his knife in his hand.

“What did you do?”

“I cheated on you.” I finally told him, and tears started to fill my eyes. I sniffled as I began crying softly, and I watched Cole’s face. He didn’t look mad or anything, he just looked shocked. I gave him a few minutes to see if his expression would change, and it did. After a moment, Cole’s face went from shocked to calm, and I got worried.

“Who did you cheat with?” he asked, almost smiling. He thought I was joking, but I wasn’t, I really did cheat on Cole. “Did you cheat with Chad?”

“No.” My tears were falling heavier, and I wiped them away.

“Then who did you cheat with?” his ears were turning red, and I could tell he was getting angry.

“With Jessie.” I replied, stuttering my words. I closed my eyes and rested my head on the table.

“Jessie, the pool boy?” Cole asked, getting the details straight.

“Yes.” I cried. After that I waited for Cole to respond again, but after a while, Cole did not respond. I turned my head, so my cheek was resting against the table, and I looked at him. Cole’s eyes were closed, and he looked calm. But at a closer look, his hands were clenched in a fist, his arms were shaking in rage, his jaw was clenched together, and his whole face was red. “Cole.” I said quietly. “Cole?”

Cole didn’t reply, and he just sat there with his eyes closed. I rotated my head back so I was staring back at the floor, and allowed my tears to fall to the floor. I jumped seconds later at something hard hitting the table, and I brought my head up. Cole had hit the table hard, causing the whole table to shake. He was angry, and he stomped over to his chair. My cries turned into sobs as I saw Cole lean down, and I could hear him softly crying as well. I waited a few minutes so Cole could calm down a little, but as the minutes passed, it seemed that he would not calm down till I was out of his life forever. I decided to confront him, and I walked over to tell him I was sorry. I should have not told him about me cheating. But I needed to; I could not lose Cole’s trust. Now I was afraid that he would not take me back. And if that was the case, I would accept it, and would leave Cole’s home forever. I deserve whatever punishment Cole will give me. I am a whore, and I would have two to five different men a day. It has only been a five months since Cole and I have been officially a couple, but I still have not wrapped that concept around my head. I only wish that Cole will forgive me, and we can put this whole mess behind us for good.

Coming up to Cole as slowly as possible, I knelt down in front of him, and placed a hand over his knee. “Cole?” I shook his knee to let him know I was here, but he swatted my hand away. I replaced my hand back on his knee, but he swatted it away again, hitting my cheek in the process. I crashed to the floor when he hit me, and I stared up in disbelief. This was the first time he ever hit me, which was a shock, and my tears streamed faster down my cheeks. He stood up after he pushed me away, and he loomed over, causing a dark shadow over me as well.

“How could you?” his voice boomed through the house, echoing off the walls. “I welcomed you into my house, I gave you my heart, I even changed my schedule to have time so you can be happy, and how do you repay me?”

“It’s not like we slept together.” I mumbled. I diverted my gaze from Cole’s and I closed up inside.

“That’s not the point!” Cole yelled. “The point is, I welcomed into my home, I have fallen in love with you, and then you go and throw me aside. How could you?”

“Cole, I’m sorry.” I pleaded, hoping for forgiveness. “I never meant for things to get out of hand.”

“Really?” Cole spat. He crossed his arms and his eyes narrowed till they were just slits, and he scowled down at me.

“Yes. Jessie came on to me, he forced himself on me, and I didn’t want to do it.”

“So you were raped?” I saw Cole’s face and voice soften, and he uncrossed his arms. He was scared that I was forced to have sex with Jessie, but that was not really how it happened. “Kyle, did Jessie rape you?”

“Not exactly.” I told him, shrugging.

“Not exactly?” I heard Cole’s tone of voice raise again, and the concern for me being raped was no longer there anymore. “You mean you wanted to have sex with him?”

“Not really. I didn’t want him to do anything to me, but one thing lead to another.”

“Fuck, Kyle! Why? Why would you cheat on me like this? Don’t you love me anymore?”

“Cole, you know I love you. It’s just…I can’t wrap everything around my mind. I have been a hooker for most of my life, and I cannot deal with the fact that you love me. I was weak.” I sobbed as I told Cole my reason, but I saw his face did not change. In fact, it seemed his face got redder. When I was finished, Cole paced back and forth, trying to understand my position, but in the end he couldn’t.

I flinched when he raised a fist to me, and I prepared myself for his punch. I heard him yell as he threw the punch, but it never came. Instead, I heard a loud thud, and I slowly opened my eyes. I gaped at the small hole Cole made with his fist, and my heart raced. Cole stayed still after he punched the wall, his breathing heavy and slow. His face was now drained of blood, but I could see he was still angry. He let out a long sigh as he pulled his hand out of the wall, and I saw his hand was already swollen. He let out another long sigh, and he shook off the excess plaster on his hand. Resting his hand by his side, I saw his hand was not just swollen, but it was also bloody. I wanted to reach out and touch it, but I knew Cole would push me away. Before Cole left, he gave me one last disgusted look, and headed upstairs. When Cole disappeared upstairs, I stayed seated on the floor a little while longer till I could not cry anymore. When I was all cried out, I went back to the dining room table, and started to clean up. When I cleaned off the table, put the leftovers away, and washed the dishes, I called Chad. I wanted to stay here, but Cole needed some space, so I called Chad to ask if his roommates would allow me to stay at their place for a day or two. I was kind of surprised to hear a deeper male voice answer the phone, which was not Chad’s voice. I realized that it was Sky’s partner who picked up.

“Is Chad there?” I asked Sky’s partner, hoping Chad was still awake.

“Sorry, Chad has already gone to bed,” he replied. My heart sank, and I saw the clock on the stove. It was eight thirty, but I saw a small glimmer of hope. Maybe Skylar’s partner would allow me stay over. “Can I take a message?”

“Actually, maybe you can help me.” I told him. “Do you think you and Sky will let me sleep over for a few days?” I must have sounded desperate to him, and I was. I really wanted Cole to have his space form me for a while. Hopefully Sky’s partner would be reasonable and allow me to spend the night.

“Umm…” there was a long pause from the other line, and my heart pounded as I waited for his answer. “Sure, I guess. Is something wrong?”

“You can say that. Do you mind picking me up now?” I asked, sounding desperate again.

“Yeah. I won’t be there for an hour or so though.”

“It’s okay. I will be waiting outside for you. Thank you.”

“No problem.” and we hung up the phone at the same time.

When I hung up, I went upstairs and quietly walked into the bedroom. Cole was already in bed, but I didn’t know if he was asleep or not. I had to pass the bed to get a few clothes from the closet, so I walked fast, but quietly, to my side of the closet. I didn’t know how long I was going to stay with Chad and his friends, so I grabbed enough clothes for three days. I snuck back out of the room when I was done, and I left a note for Cole to tell him where I was. I left the key Cole gave me on the kitchen counter, and I waited for Sky’s partner out front. He pulled up forty-five minutes later on a black Yamaha motorcycle, and he handed me a helmet. I thanked him once again for letting me stay over, and he nodded before he sped off down the driveway. I had to cling to my new friend as he sped in and out of the highway lines. A few times I thought he was going to crash his bike into the few cars that were on the highway. Luckily, we arrived safely at his apartment. We walked up the six flights of stairs in silence, and he showed me into the studio apartment. It was a studio, but it had a second level built to separate the living room from the bedroom. On the first level, I could see that the living room and the kitchen merged together as one, but the way it was laid out, there was another divider between the two, so that the pull- out couch was not in the kitchen. Stepping into the studio more, I saw that it was well decorated, and I saw the remains of a photo shoot in the back corner near the stairs. I watched as Skylar’s partner shut the door behind us, and he told me I could share the pull- out bed with Chad. I thanked him one more time before he went upstairs, and I wandered over to the pull- out. Chad was already sleeping on it, but I didn’t mind sleeping with him. I had done it before in the past, so I stripped down to my boxers, and climbed in.

The next morning, I was woken by something hard hitting against my face. It came without notice, and I sat straight up. My eyes widened when I saw Chad standing in his underwear, a pillow in his hands. His breathing was hard, and I knew what had awakened me. I opened my mouth to say hi, but Chad didn’t let me have a chance, and whacked me again with the pillow.

“Chad, fuck. What was that for?” I yelled, bracing myself for another blow.

“I just got a text from Cole.” Chad grunted, “How the fuck could you have cheated on him!” and he smacked the pillow against my head again.

“Chad, stop it!” I cried, holding my arms up to block the blows. Chad continued to swing at me with the pillow, causing me to fall off the bed. I tried to get a word in edgewise, but he didn’t let me. He just kept swinging until Skylar came in and tore the pillow from him.

“What the hell is going on out here?” he demanded, hitting Chad with the pillow.

“Chad was hitting me because he found out I cheated with my partner.” I replied, standing up.

“What?”

“Yeah, Kyle has been cheating on Cole.”

Skylar sighed, and massaged his eyes. I could tell he was frustrated, and he asked Chad to leave us alone for a while. Chad agreed to leave, and he wandered off to the roof access panel for a smoke. When he was gone, Skylar faced me, and smacked me over the head with the pillow.

“Ow! Not you too!” I yelled, holding the top of my head where Sky hit me.

“That was for being an ass!” he yelled back, and he threw the pillow on the pull- out. “Now then, I want to talk to you about your cheating. Get dressed and meet me upstairs.” I nodded, and he went back up to the bedroom while I got dressed in the living room. When I was dressed, I hurried up to meet Skylar for a heart-to-heart. “Now Kyle,” Sky sighed, dragging me over to the bed. “I have just one question…why?”

“That’s the thing, I don’t know why.” I told him. “Impulse I guess.”

“Impulse? You and Cole have been dating for awhile, haven’t you?” I nodded. “So what do you mean by impulse?”

“We haven’t been doing anything lately.” I told him. “Cole has been working on his music, and I have been just lying around the house watching T.V.”

“So you haven’t had sex in what…..”

“Three months.” I told him honestly. “We worked things out, but Cole started to teach summer school, and he moved his work to his office at the university…”

“So you decided to fuck the first person who takes advantage of you?”

“I didn’t mean for it to happen like that. I tried to fight him, but I gave in.”

Skylar sighed again, and rested his hands over mine. “I understand what you are going through, but you need to take into consideration Cole’s needs too. You are not a whore now, so you can’t go out and screw every man that wants to have you. But that doesn’t mean that you cannot have fun too. Now I know Cole is a wonderful guy, from what Chad has told me, but you need to understand where Cole is coming from. Now Chad had told me that Cole had lost his family in a car crash, right?” I nodded again. “Well, he just needs somebody to love even more. Well, I have seen what a death of a loved one can do to a person, and you are what Cole needs. It takes time for a person to get over someone they have lost, and each person has a longer healing period than others. Now I don’t know about Cole, but it seems like the healing period is taking five years. And you can help with that healing process a little, by treating him with respect and kindness. But you cannot help him by screwing other people. Do you understand me?”

“Yeah, I do.” I replied, now hearing it said from somebody else. I didn’t know how bad Cole was feeling since his family died. I knew he was depressed because of the tragedy, but I forgot how much he hurt inside from not having someone to spend time with. He was hurt even more than I was, and now that he had someone, he wanted to hold on to him forever. That someone special was me, and I wasted the chance for either of us to have a life of love. I was an ass for ever cheating on Cole, and now I was paying for it hard. “I feel like such an ass.” I cried, smacking my hand against my head.

“I will happy to drive you back.”

“Will you? Please?” Skylar nodded, and he grabbed his keys from his night stand.

It seemed like forever getting back to Cole’s house, and what only took an hour to get back, seemed like three hours. I thanked Skylar once again when were at the beginning of Cole’s driveway, and I hurried up the drive. I didn’t want Cole to see me come up when I got here, but when I got up to the house, I saw that Cole’s car wasn’t in the driveway. I stopped dead in my tracks, and my heartbeat started to pick up. He wasn’t home, and I did not have my key anymore. I went to the potted plant next to the door to see if the key was still there, but it wasn’t. I sighed in frustration and I sat down on the porch. Looking at my cell phone, I saw that it was ten o’ clock, and I sighed again. I knew that Cole had a class to teach today, so I knew that he wouldn’t be back until late. I didn’t know how late he was going to be. He could stay at his office all night if he wanted to, so I just sat and waited. To make the time pass, I played games on my cell. When the battery died from too much game play, I laid down and watched the clouds go by. I didn’t have a good imagination, but I could make out pictures in the clouds. I laid out in the driveway and sun bathed. I took off my shirt so I wouldn’t get a farmer’s tan, and ended up taking a nap on the driveway. That was a bad idea. Since I didn’t have any sun block, or tanning oil, I ended up getting a bad sunburn. My whole upper body hurt as I wandered back to the porch, and I stayed in the shade for the rest of the time. After a few more hours of waiting, I ended up taking another nap. My sun burn hurt as I laid down, and I tried not to move that much.

I didn’t know how long I was asleep, but when I woke up the sun was just on the horizon. Sitting up, I saw a car pulling in, and I sat straight up. Cole had returned from school, but I didn’t know if he would accept my apology. I had waited all day to talk to Cole, but now realizing what I did, and how angry Cole was at me, I was having second thoughts. The car’s engine turned off and the driver’s door opened. I could see Cole’s shadowy figure behind the headlights, and I held my breath. He grabbed his briefcase from the passenger side, and he slowly walked up to the porch. I stood when he approached and I took a deep breath in. He stopped when he spotted me, and we stood in silence, only the alarm horn the only sound to be heard. Out of nervousness, I lowered my gaze, and I wrapped my hands behind my back. I heard Cole take a deep breath in, and I adjusted my gaze up to him.

“Kyle.” Cole said my name like I was in kind of trouble, and in a way I was. He took another deep breath in, and I lowered my gaze again.

“Hello, Cole,” my voice was faint, but I could tell he heard me by the way he was looking at me.

“I see you got some sun.” Cole noticed my sunburn in the dim light, and I looked at my arms.

“Yeah. Been waiting to talk to you.” I told him, looking him straight in the eyes.

“How long have you been waiting for me?” he asked, cocking his head to the side.

“All day. I’ve done some thinking, and I needed to talk to you.”

“Why didn’t you just come to the school?”

“I didn’t really want to interrupt your class.” I replied, “Besides, my ride was gone, and I didn’t have money for a cab ride over.”

I heard Cole let out a small laugh, and I saw him shake his head. “Well, come inside,” he said, getting his keys out. “I will get some aloe vera for your burns.” I stepped aside so Cole could unlock the front door, and I followed in after him. He put his belongings down by the couch, like always, and we both headed up the stairs. “Take off your shirt and lie on the bed,” he told me, and I did as he demanded as he went into the bathroom. Cole came back a few minutes later with a bottle of aloe in his hands. “Why aren’t you lying down?” I had been sitting on Cole’s bed waiting for him to return, and he seemed displeased with my actions.

“I have a sunburn on my back. I didn’t know which way you wanted me to lie down.”

Cole let out an unpleasant sigh, “On your stomach then.”

Without a word, I rolled over onto my stomach, and Cole got on the bed with me. I had a slight hope that he was going to straddle me, but he didn’t, and got down to applying the clear liquid on my back.

“Why are you doing this?” I asked as he applied the aloe on my back.

“What do you mean?” Cole asked. Like before, there was no tone in his voice, and he continued to coat my back.

“Why are you being so nice? I cheated on you, and you are being so nice to me.”

“Is that a problem? I can just as easily throw you out if you want.”

“No!” I cried, craning my body upward. I hissed at the sudden pain, and I slowly lay back down.

“You shouldn’t over exert yourself.” Cole said, applying more aloe to his hands. “You have a nasty sunburn. I won’t be surprised if you have some skin damage.” He applied the next layer of aloe to my back, and began rubbing it in. “And if you must know why I am being nice to you, is because…I forgive you.”

“You what?” I asked, moving my head to the side and looking up at Cole.

“You heard me. I forgive you. Besides, I kind of understand why you did it.”

“You do?”

“Yes, even though I do not like it, I do. And I must say, I am sorry for how I acted. You are a young man, who is craving attention from others. And from where you have come from, I understand how much love you need. From now on, I am going to devote more time to you.”

“You don’t have to do that.” I told him, sitting up on my knees. “And yes, I am a young man who wants love, but I am just fine with how things are now. Well…from before I cheated on you.”

“Really? You are fine with my long hours at school, and the hours devoted to my music?”

“Yes, I am.” I smiled, moving closer to him so we were almost touching. “Though I would like to see a little more of you in the bedroom.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, scooting closer to me as well.

I saw the evil smirk he wore just before he took me, and I smiled back. “You know what I mean.” I smirked back.

“How often then?” he started touching my arms, which I missed, and he was able to avoid the burn parts. He gently brushed my skin with his lips, and I moaned.

“I don’t know.” I told him, trying to concentrate on how often we can do it in the bedroom, then on Cole’s kisses. God I missed those. “Once or twice a week.” I cried as he took a nip at my neck, and I fell on the bed.

“That sounds reasonable.” Cole replied, his head dipped down, and he started to take more nips out of my neck.

I whimpered at every nip he made, causing me to rub the aloe off my back and onto the bed. Cole didn’t seem to mind though, and neither did I. I was just thrilled to have Cole forgive me and have him back in my arms.