Envy

A/N: Ive decided after writing ‘custom cabinetry’ to make more “flashback” chapter/scenes things. This would be one of them. I’ll try to make it really obvious that its one of those “flashback” things, but if some people are getting confused, I’ll make a note of it.


Special. ((Flashback))

Lindsey blushed in embarrassment, biting gently at her lower lip. She got up from the bench, where she was sitting with Paul and wrapped her arms around herself, sighing softly. She was such an idiot for thinking that he had wanted to kiss her.

“Linds-”

“I’m sorry.” Lindsey said quietly, turning to face Paul, who was getting up from the bench to go to her, “I just thought that since we‘ve been…” she shook her head, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” Paul breathed, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, “It’s not you, its-”

Lindsey pulled away from Paul and laughed coldly, “Don’t pull that ‘its not you, its me’ bullshit on me Paul.” she said, “I know I’m not as experienced as you but I do know that when two people are attracted to each other, they generally kiss when they go on dates…” she trailed, feeling more and more embarrassed by the minute.

Paul held her face in his hands, “Listen to me, Lindsey.” he said quietly, “Just hear me out. Yes, I like you a lot, and I think about you all the time. But I don’t…I don’t kiss on the mouth.” he finished with a heavy sigh.

Lindsey drew her brows together, “What?”

“I never have.” Paul added softly, “Never.”

“Well, that makes two of us.” Lindsey muttered. “Why don’t you?”

Paul held her hands in his and walked her back to the bench, wrapping an arm around Lindsey’s shoulders. “It’s going to sound dumb and kind of like a girl thing.” he grunted, looking out onto the lake. “So you cant laugh.”

Lindsey snuggled into his side, “I wont laugh.” she whispered.

“When I was little, I saw my mom and dad kiss all the time -mostly on the cheek or whatever, you know? Anyways…I dunno, but for some reason, when my parents kissed on the mouth, it was so much more special to them, I could tell.

“My mom got this look on her face like all she wanted to do was be with my father, and my dad got this look on his face like…if he could only be with one person for the rest of his life, and that person was my mom…he would have been perfectly fine.”

Lindsey peered up at Paul, her bottom lip caught between her teeth softly, “So, you wont kiss someone on the mouth until you’re sure you…love them?” she asked.

Paul smirked, rolling his eyes, “More or less.” he nodded. “But keep that between us.”

Lindsey grinned, nodding her head, “So…does that mean you don’t…have sex?”

Paul laughed loudly, tightening his hold on Lindsey, “I’ve had my fair share of women.” he admitted, smirking softly as he pulled Lindsey into his lap so her legs were on either side of him. “Believe it or not…it is possible to have sex without kissing on the mouth.”

Lindsey gasped, pushing gently at Paul’s chest, “I-I…”she stammered.

Paul chuckled softly, ghosting his lips over her bare collarbone, “Lindsey Jones, the things I would do to you.” he said, sliding his hands to rest on her lower back. “You have no idea.”

Lindsey flushed, “What would you do to me?” she asked, closing her eyes.

Paul slowly ran his tongue along the spot where his lips just were, a husky chuckle erupting from his lips. “Things you aren’t ready for.” he replied, “Yet.”

Lindsey pushed him back slightly and looked into his dark eyes, “How do you know I’m not ready?” she asked. “I’m twenty-one years old, Paul, and I’ve never even been kissed properly.”

Paul shrugged, “I’m four years older than you and I haven’t either.” he pointed out, “Because…I’m not ready for it. And I know this.”

Lindsey looked away, slight red color filling her cheeks, “But…I want to be ready.” she breathed.

Paul sighed softly, trailing his hands down her outer thighs, “Is there anyone in the park?” he asked softly.

Lindsey drew her brows together, “Paul, its eleven at night…no one is at the park.” she replied.

Paul chuckled while he bent his head down to kiss her collarbone one more, sending shivers up Lindsey’s spine. Since they had been going on dates and hanging out, the most Paul would ever do to Lindsey was this. He’d kiss her forehead, cheek, collarbone or shoulders, run his hands along her upper arms, and kiss her fingers softly. He wasn’t use to basic affection with a girl, Lindsey could tell, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t get her feeling things she had never felt because of a man. His touches were always able to bring out something in her she couldn’t explain.

His hands slid up the back of her shirt, resting on her bare back as he brought her closer to him, her chest pressing against his while he trailed his lips across to the other side of her collarbone, nipping gently at her flesh. Lindsey sighed softly, brushing her fingers through Paul’s hair. When Paul slowly slid his hands up her sides, his thumbs brushing against the fabric of Lindsey’s bra, she gasped softly, biting her bottom lip. He’d never touched her there before.

Paul kept his eyes on Lindsey’s as he gently pushed her shirt above her breasts, exposing her pink satin and lace bra. He groaned, grinning softly to her, which she returned. Lindsey had never been one of those girls who was afraid of sex. She never had nightmares of the day she lost her virginity and the thought of a man touching her didn’t make her want to run and hide. She just never had the chance. She always thought those kinds of girl were a bit…dumb. Why would you fear something you’ve never experienced? Sex was suppose to be an amazing experience.

“We’re not having sex tonight.” Paul said quietly, his fingertips playing at the edge of her bra.

Lindsey rolled her eyes, “Obviously.” she chuckled.

Paul laughed softly, dipping his head to kiss and lick her neck as he pushed her bra up, over her breasts as well, and wrapped one arm around her waist, pulling her flush against him. His free hand cupped her breast gently, massaging the soft orb in his hand. Lindsey didn’t have a large chest, but not small either. His hand fit her perfectly and Paul smiled at that against her skin.

Lindsey moaned softly at the new feeling, wrapping her arms around Paul’s shoulders as she arched her back into him. Her legs involuntarily tightened around him as she wiggled slightly in his lap, causing him to grunt softly and move his hips with hers. Her eyes widened, never having felt a man pressed up against her like that…especially between her legs.

“If you don’t stop wriggling around, I cant promise you that I wont throw you down on this fucking bench and have my way with you.” Paul said huskily in her ear, nipping at her lobe.

Lindsey blushed, smiling softly. Her blue eyes were a little hazy and she whimpered when Paul used his mouth on her breasts, sucking and gently biting at her hardened nipples. One of his hands tangled in her hair, the other gripped her lower back, pushing her harder against him. Lindsey tilted her head back, closing her eyes slowly at the feeling of his mouth on her sensitive skin, a dull ache formed in the pit of her stomach and she knew what it was…but like Paul said, she wasn’t really ready to have sex with him, no matter how much she wanted to be.

Against Paul’s advice, Lindsey couldn’t help it, she rocked her hips in instinct and grabbed at his shoulders, finding a new feeling she loved. Lindsey felt Paul hard and aching through his pants and used it to both of their advantages, rocking her hips slowly as he bucked his hips up to meet hers. Both of them panting heavily from the feeling.

Paul raised his head, looking into Lindsey’s eyes as his chest pressed against hers. He was breathing heavily, not believing how this inexperienced virgin had not only entranced him since day one, but was making him ache so badly for her, without even touching any part of him, like he was doing to her. Not that he didn’t mind her grinding her body against his, but it was like going back to high school where he was inexperienced and relished in good ‘ol dry-humping.

“Please…touch me.” Lindsey panted, biting her bottom lip harshly.

And for some reason, Paul knew that she didn’t mean her breasts. He cautiously worked his hand down her sweatpants, brushing his fingers against her panties. He smirked softly; she was wearing lacy underwear. Lindsey whimpered, pushing her hair out of her face and looked around the park, making sure no one was there. A low moan erupted from her lips when Paul slid his fingers under the band of her panties and gently slid a finger along her soft lips.

Lindsey sighed heavily, squeezing his shoulders, “Please.” she whispered.

Paul chuckled, dipping two fingers past her outer lips and teased her swollen, aching clit, tracing patterns torturously slow. “You’re going to be a lot to handle.” Paul said softly, a small smile playing on his lips.

Lindsey cried out softly, resting her forehead against Paul’s as he continued to tease her, picking up his pace a little. “It feels so good.” she whispered, moving against his hand.

Paul grinned, slipping a finger into her slick, tight heat, making Lindsey gasp loudly, her forehead still resting against his. She quivered when he found her sweet spot, her hands burying in his hair, pulling at it gently. Keeping her eyes closed, she saw stars and imagined what it would be like to have him inside her, taking her over and over again. God, she wanted him so badly and he wanted her just as much.

“Oh god…” Lindsey panted, “I cant, Paul. Its too much.” she tensed up, starting to panic.

Paul held the back of her head with his free hand, “Baby, its okay.” he whispered, barely aware of how close his lips were to hers. “Its okay.”

Lindsey shook her head, trying to push at his chest, “Its too much, Paul.” her voice was strained as she quivered.

Paul sighed gently, nodding his head, and slipped his fingers out of her body, but continued to rub and tease her clit. Lindsey panted heavily, and rocked her hips against his hand, breathing heavily. The sight of her blue eyes in front of his dark ones made Paul breath heavier. The baby blues were misted with want, but want that wasn’t letting itself to let go for some reason.

Their lips weren’t touching each other, but Paul finally noticed that if he tilted his head any further, they would be kissing on the mouth. He couldn’t believe that he let her get that close to kissing him, but for some reason, something was telling him that he shouldn’t be so surprised. So instead, Paul dipped his head down to Lindsey’s neck, kissing and licking at it with vigor as his finger’s pace quickened.

“S-stop.” Lindsey moaned loudly.

Paul stopped immediately, looking up at Lindsey with concern, “Are you okay?” he asked.

Lindsey bit her bottom lip, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” she admitted, gently pulling Paul’s hand out from her pants. “Whenever I feel like…you know…I get so scared and I-”

“Its okay.” Paul nodded, “It’s pretty common. Lucky for you, I’m patient as hell.”

“Lucky for me.” Lindsey nodded, chuckling softly.

Paul pulled down Lindsey’s bra and shirt, then cupped her face in his hands gently, “I don’t know what you’ve done to make me feel like this but…I really, really like you, Lindsey.” he said softly, “There’s things I’ve done in the past that I regret, and will probably make you not want to be with me…but I want you. And I don’t want to let you go. I wont.”


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