Tutor and Brother

All right, still waiting for some reviews. Please R&R. Should I continue to post and finish the story or not? Reviews appreciated.



Sulking and Encountering an Indian Prince



London. It was rainy. Cloudy. It did nothing for Cedric’s mood. Not at all. He sat in the library, eyes perusing the rows and rows of books, the high shelves reaching to the ceiling. Stupid. Stupid. He’d forgotten to take the journal with him. He was not at least interested in reading something else. His whole mind was obsessed by that item he’d left home.

David, now David was just another story altogether. He seemed to enjoy his season tremendously. Perhaps a bit too much. Just last evening he’d danced till dawn with more or less all, and by all, it meant really all debutantes at Lady Murdoughs ball. Today he’d left early for Tatt’s in a newly formed and strange camaraderie with William, and was to go riding later on at the fashionable hour with the so-called “diamond” of the season. Cedric harrumphed disgustedly. Yes. His own cronies had deserted him for the ‘much more fun’ David. So much for friendship and loyalty. He took another good gulp of fine cognac. At least, one could have this perk now that Boney was gone for good from the stage.

Noises and laughing, congratulatory grunts could be heard from the hall. So, the latest boon friends have returned from their foray at Tatt’s obviously very satisfied with their purchases. Of course, they’d invited him along, yet he’d declined graciously. No, actually not graciously, but moodily and angry with both. Hell! Almost two weeks in London already and nothing. Not a loving night with David. Not a reprimand from William. As if the castle didn’t exist. As if he didn’t matter to either of them. He wanted them. Or, at least, one of them. He also had needs. Cedric’s brow furrowed in a frown. Visits at Madame’s were also on the list of banned pleasurable pastimes. Both William and David had made perfectly clear that. And though reluctantly, he’d admitted they had the right of it. Especially now in full season when everything was eyes and ears.

“Hm, still in the library Ced? Interesting to have you so, ah, dedicated to the joys of learning.”

Cedric looked full of angry spite in David’s face.

“Well, you and him, give me not that many other options, do you?”

David hid his grin, biting his lips, and letting himself fall next to Ced on the loveseat, embraced him brotherly. Simply brotherly, and then touching his cheeks gently, murmured “We asked you to the ball. Where you sat like a grumpy old midget. Then to Tatt’s, and you treated us to your royal unwillingness to accompany us. Now, well, love, me and Will thought to give you a bit rest. But if you need any service from me, ask and you shall get. Exactly what you want.”

Ced almost said yes. He was tempted. Really. But no. Let him have his fun according to his newly acquired taste for debutantes. He could well wait hard and long for him, Cedric, to do the asking. This distant and apparently distracted David he disliked tremendously and with a vengeance. He would find his own amusement.

“Now that you say so, I might think on it. But for now, no. A true no.”

“My, aren’t we upset?!” David then made with his shoulders and apparently helpless and clueless shrug, and standing up from his place next to Ced left the library whistling.

Again on the hall, after closing silently the door to the library, David leaned on the wall, apparently staring sightlessly before him. If Ced only knew. It was the hardest period of his time. He and William, thanks to the little ungrateful moping brother in the library had to work double time to impress the society and make them believe what they wanted: like that discussions for a good advantageous marriage of the heir and spare were well underway. That arrangements were made for restoring the old castle, and that both heir and spare were about to move in Cornwall, to one of the other oldest seats of the family, with the heir reigning supreme over castle and lands, and the spare in his own right over his neighboring lands. He, David, had played Ced on two occasions by now, and it still amused him, how Ced’s cronies never doubted his being Ced, while Ced believed them all traitors. He’d have to explain that to the sulking brat, today, before any mistakes or hasty words were spoken. Another thing to be carefully planned was the supposed honeymoon trip the two considered making. If marriage plans went as intended, David had picked for him the impossible destinations of the Far Orient, and for Ced, who had to return and make brief attendance shows in the years to come, for a time, at least, Italy. It seemed an impossible task, yet he and William were working industriously for reaching the tasks they had set for themselves. David felt the burden twice as hard, each day more and more swallowed by the memories of the Emir. By that yet stranger to him, who’d invaded his mind, his body, and soon was to rob him of his own face, and body, to come back to his lover. He had wanted so badly to talk to Ced. To prepare him, and yet he hesitated. He didn’t know when the time would be right. Would Ced completely admit the disappearance of him as David? Or would that trigger a rejection of Kedar, the Emir? How could this be solved so that Ced could be kept happy, and given what he needed for all the times to come? He knew deep inside that only this same questions, along with some rather more complicated ones had kept Kedar from completely taking over, and changing him, changing them all…Or was it something else? He didn’t know yet. But answers were needed quickly.

A voice laughed gently in his mind. ‘David, you and I both know that you cannot be but me. Or, my blood brother. Would you have me come taking over William, or some stranger? No. And then? Look in a mirror. You shall only be a little more older than now, when your change shall be done. If it were not for some minor changes, it would be even unnoticeable for that society of yours which annoys me no end with its foibles and their questions and wonderings to be avoided. It’s not that long since the last warlock was hanged. But he, Cedric, will see then us both. I did not wait so many centuries for nothing. We share, at last, same features, eyes, body, and chin, and the soul that is most precious of all. You and your brother have been finally the twins I expected in the family. I know, you believe, he still needs something like a brother next to his lover and master. Well, who knows? I want him happy to. Maybe time shall bring us an answer to this desire as well. No, I cannot perform this little miracle. But, you have also Fadi. Maybe, he who knows and feels our wishes, will bring to you a solution. We’ll, I’ll wait a bit longer. I promise to harness my desire to take over. And fear not. We share same love, same blood, you were born from my centuries of waiting and hoping for you and him to be born. Just as you were born now. Fret no longer. And give yourself, us, all trust.’

He headed to the morning chamber where William sat reading a letter.

“News? By your frown I could not tell whether good or bad.”

“Nothing to worry about my Ked…David. Just a letter from the friend who’d helped with arranging and endowing the two rooms back at the castle. He’s coming back to England for good, and bringing along his fugitive charge, a young about eighteen years old rajah son. A prince of India, and interesting young person, as he so nicely informs me.”

An ironic grin spread on David’s lips “And he does share your tastes, doesn’t he?” As soon as he finished speaking he bit his lips. It suddenly seemed cruel how he’d formulated the question. And then, from somewhere inside him, other words came out, but this time well-thought and saying exactly what they meant “Sorry Fadi. I know that in this life, this friend of yours is precious to you. I was merely suggesting that perhaps it could be an extension to our own ‘family’, and that perhaps it would make you happy to give you rest, after so many centuries of honest and dedicated duty to me, and let you chose your mate, as I have chosen mine. Free to enjoy friendship and eternity with us, and him, your precious friend from now.”

“Kedar, I would be most thankful for this gift. And for your thoughtfulness I hope to present you with a last precious gift for my master’s beloved, who is also my master and dearest pupil. A brother. A shoulder to comfort him, and although not able to fully replace David, a worthy replacement, the best one that could be, if Ced chooses so. If not, I promise not to stop searching in his and your name.”

David collapsed on the floor exhausted. It took him some minutes to recover and start acting like himself again. All that time, William had guarded over him, making sure no one entered the room.

“Well, my lord, I think it’s time to take the morose cub out of his hiding and take him along at the Swan, where we shall pick my friend and his companion today. I trust you agree with them sharing our house?”

“Of course, and let’s pray Ced has a liking for that companion. So much is at stake.”



“No. I don’t feel like it.” So, Ced was at least if nothing else persistent in his grudge.

“Well. In this case, you leave me no choice.” William’s cold voice seemed to shake him out of his stubbornness as he furiously bit down an angry diatribe. “Undress. Here. Now.” He looked searchingly at David. What did he expect? David to defend him? David looked at him with the same stern and cold expression William had on his face.

“David, could you lend me your riding crop? And please, lock the door. We don’t want to be disturbed while administering discipline to this troubled ‘child’.”

Silently, David handed him the crop, turned, locked the door, and sat on one of the futons.

“Undress, or it will be the worse for you. Don’t make me repeat myself.”

Defiantly he tore his cravat, threw away his elegant coat and waistcoat, than shirt, boots, trousers and stockings, and stood defiantly before his two tormentors and lovers.

“Bend over the desk. And start counting. Ten.”



Half an hour later, an aroused David and William and a chastised Cedric climbed into the carriage heading for the Swan.

“I hope never to have to face with such bouts of personality again Cedric.” William commented as he made himself comfortable.

“Me too. And remember. I and William don’t like to discipline you, but if it must be done, it shall always be.” David added in the same tone as William. “You understand. Games are games. Now, discipline is something else altogether. And as I feel that due to lack of time, we did not really bring the point home to you, I shall deal with you more…extensively tonight. Or tomorrow. Or…Oh, I really like to leave you wondering when it’s going to be, seeing as you pale now.”

Cedric turned his head frustrated. Why did they have to make it sound like a joke, when he was still so disappointed, so yearning for more attention and a bit of loving care, which they’d failed to show him since arriving to London. Yes, attention. Look what it got him! A discipline lesson like he was a ten year old, and no loving comfort thereafter.

As soon as they arrived, a man a bit rougher looking than William, higher in stature, yet just as handsome, came outside and greeted them taking William in a huge bear hug, slapping his shoulder, and barely able to conceal the joy of meeting his friend again. After William introduced them, they all went inside to the parlor, where at a table a young coltish looking boy of about eighteen stood quietly sipping his tea, only his eyes giving away his nervousness.

“Meet my charge Prince Raji. He is in search of a place to settle down in England. Things took a bad turn for him after the death of his father, the Rajah. As he was already under my wing, I decided to take him along, and offer him shelter for as long as he wants and needs.”

The Prince bowed prettily on being introduced to the two brothers, and then as they shook hands, he seemed to take the measure of the two brothers, and as if deciding on something, he smiled somewhat with restraint at David, and then grinned fully on shaking hands with Cedric. It left David wondering why the restraint while shaking his hand, and why that exuberant grin on touching hands with David.

William squeezed lightly his elbow whispering “let them”.

They went inside, but soon it was obvious that three of them were interested in talking together, while two felt more inclined to talk alone.

“Raji, why don’t you take Cedric and go out for a walk?” suggested William. I and Roger and David have business to discuss, and I am sure none of it an interesting enough topic for the both of you.

Barely hiding their anxiousness to be alone, the two stood up and went outside. A secret smile was shared between David and William.

“So, Roger, tell me, what’s the exact relationship to your charge?”

Roger looked uncomfortable and inquiring at William.

“Come, you may speak freely. You are between friends, and more than that. You sent those precious pieces of furniture and jewelry for us, didn’t you? Might we assume that you also make good use of such items with your little graceful princeling?”

“Well, yes, indeed. He is strange. At first I couldn’t believe it. And yet give me credit. He is a glutton for that. When I discovered just how much I really got scared. Now here I have two problems. One, that he always needs a firm hand and punishment, and two that he also needs more love than I can offer him.” On saying the last he turned his eyes on William and an unspoken message was exchanged. “You know how I am, I need it both ways. Just as you do. Yet he was, is too young. More than that, now here in England, with its customs it shall be difficult to keep him in check. He shall be a trial.”

“Maybe not. Why don’t you come live with us? There, at least, it will be safe, and maybe he could find he has a liking for Cedric, at least from the way he looked at him. Then, one side of your problems would be solved.” Privately William thought that Cedric had looked just as dazedly at the prince. Perhaps they felt they were kindred spirits having the same needs and wants.

“It will do for the time being. No offense, David, but I was rather hoping that me and William could resume our own relationship. If, that is, he is not in a relationship with you and Cedric.”

“Actually Roger, he is. I don’t wish to relinquish him so soon. But you may come and stay with us, and enjoy the lifestyle that pleases you and us, of course, within the walls of our home. You are kindly invited and welcome. However, if William would like to resume his relation exclusively with you, I will not object, and nor will Cedric. I can well take care of him. But, again, not right now.”

It was an amazingly open discussion between men meeting first time like Roger and David, and for two who had only exchanged longing briefs for more than ten years, yet it felt good to have it out in the open so soon.



Cedric walked with Raji, both making brief, shy remarks, trying to sense what the other was thinking. Both amazed by the sudden attraction that seemed to grow by the moment between them. They talked about their years as adolescents, about books, about India and England, making comparisons. Yet, none of them touched the subject that burned in their minds: “what would you think of me, if you but knew?” None thought to bare himself, and tell about his experience with the tutor, none thought that the other might be in just the same position. Searching for a kindred spirit. As Ced unconsciously did in spite or perhaps because of being certain of David’s special brand of love. But David…was not like him. And soon, Ced knew in the deep recesses of his mind, that his brother David no longer would be David.

Raji felt the gentleness of the young man walking next to him, his inbred kindness and understanding. But would he understand in what quandary he found himself? Wanting and needing to be punished, used by a man whom he trusted and desired, yet yearning for one who he could also love? Whereas now Roger merely sated his desires while he knew he didn’t and couldn’t face a lifetime with Roger. Just as he, Raji, was for the Tutor a mere compensation in the absence of the desired one. A charge, a lover in lonely moments and the toy of many nights when…when the craving overwhelmed them both. Disciplined. He needed to be disciplined. Dominated. Only so he felt complete. Would the naïve young lord walking next to him understand? Most likely not.

Late, they returned to the inn.

“You’re late. We were expecting you earlier to leave here. Now, make haste. We shall all eat at home, and have a quiet evening together. All of us.” William motioned them to refresh themselves quickly and follow in the second, hired carriage.

Raji mentioned to Cedric, “he seemed displeased. What…?” then he stopped talking. He had been about to ask an unthinkable question, yet one that expressed his own wishes and fears.

Cedric answered lightly “think nothing of it. Everything will be just fine.” He didn’t want to share with this new acquaintance, who he hoped would turn into a friend, his own fears. He’d been aware that he’d played much too much with David’s and William’s patience strings. He was sure the two were just now thinking about the night that was ahead. Maybe the young man so comfortably relaxing next to him, his shoulder almost melted to his would close himself to their friendship if he knew…but could there be friendship where there wasn’t any understanding and implicit trust and acceptance of who or what the friend was? David casted a veiled glance at Raji noticing the earnestness of his figure, and could but wonder what had called forth the sudden sad and yet composed mood.