Diary of a Gay (NOT!... well, maybe) Boy

September 7, science, 9am

So earlier today, I was walking toward David's locker and, while I was still quite far away, I saw that he was talking to this pretty tall blonde girl. As I got closer to them, I saw that it was Cornelia Draez, the most popular girl in school. At that moment, I was wondering why she would be talking to David. I mean, I know that he's a big shot on the freshmen basketball team, but wouldn’t she be spending her time talking with some guy from the varsity squad or whatever? It was so weird, but I kept walking toward David. I didn't want to appear like I'm his boyfriend or anything, just like a regular friend. David looked over as I was getting closer and he smiled a bit at me. I smiled back, and I was beaming on the inside. My heart was jumping up and down and I seriously felt like I was the most important person on the planet. I finally got to them and David said hi to me and then Cornelia kind of looked at me in a weird way for a second, and then quickly shifted to happy and said hi to me as well. I said hi back and then Cornelia said, "Alright, well, I gotta go to class, so I'll catch ya later, right, David?"

"Yea, see ya around, Cornelia!" David said and then, as she walked away, David turned back to me, but before he said anything, I saw Cornelia look back and give me a really evil glare, which was really odd. Once I finish talking about what happened after she left, I'll go back to my theories about what's going on with her. So ANYWAY, David turned to me and said "Hey, Philip, what's up? I missed you a lot."

I smiled back and said "I missed you too. Not much has been going on. So what was Cornelia talking to you about?"

"Oh, she was just saying that she saw me in the basketball games we've had and that I'm really good. She hopes that I can make it onto Varsity next year."

"That's cool, David. Was that all?"

"Well, she did ask me if I was doing anything tonight and, if I wasn't, she wanted me to come to a party at her house."

"Oh, wow. That's awesome. Do you think you'd be able to bring a guest? Namely, me?" I slightly smiled at that.

"I don't see why not. Besides, if she doesn’t let you in for some odd reason, then it's a lame party and we'll go elsewhere." he said matter-of-factly.

"Really? You'd do that for me? I mean, this is a party at CORNELIA DRAEZ'S house. It's like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I know you're a popular jock and all, but she's an upperclassman; this wouldn’t happen often."

"Of course I'd do that!" he then went into a whisper, "I love you, Philip, and I'd do anything for you."

Ok, THAT has got to be one of the most romantic things I've heard from him. He's so awesome! I bet you all wish you had a boyfriend like that; well, BACK OFF, he's all mine!

Anyway, nothing happened after that except it got pretty close to when our religion class started and I hadn’t been to my locker yet, so I left David and went to my locker while he went to class. I grabbed my stuff and I turned back in the direction of my classroom as I shut my locker door and I saw Cornelia looking at me in a weird way and then she just walked away.

So, back to why I think Cornelia was looking at me funny. I presume she probably has a crush on David (I mean, who wouldn’t? He’s HOT!) and didn’t want me coming into the middle of their little “moment” or whatever. But, you know what, Cornelia, HE’S ALL MINE!!! AND YOU CAN’T STEAL HIM AWAY FROM ME!

But whatever, I get to go to a party this weekend! I hope my parents will let me go to it.

September 7, study hall, 2:15pm

So I was sitting with Kerry and her friends at lunch today and we had a really nice chat. Kerry seemed to notice I was a bit more “glowy”, as she put it, and she asked me about it later when we were alone. Well, actually, she pulled me aside during our lunch and asked what I was so happy about. I didn’t really want to tell her. Well, I did, but I didn’t. You know what I mean? I mean, I wanted to tell her, but I couldn’t because it would out me and David and we don’t really want that.

So, I just told her half of it, which was that I had found someone to be with in the romantic sense and she totally understood. She said she was so happy for me and then asked for more info. But I wasn’t ready for that, so I just told her I couldn’t tell her. She told me that she understood that as well and just ended by saying she was happy for me again and we went back to the lunchroom and sat back down. It felt kinda good to tell someone about me and David, even though I didn’t say anything about David. But just telling someone that I have a relationship and that I’m happy with it felt so freeing.

Everyone else at the lunch table was wondering what Kerry and I had talked about, but Kerry didn’t say anything about what we’d talked about and I obviously didn’t, so they were all left in suspense and had to wonder. That made me happy because I actually had a pretty cool secret that people wanted to know about, though if they knew the secret (my relationship with David), would they still want to know about it? That’s what scares me. Would my friends still want to be my friends if they knew about my being gay? I mean, Kerry seems open-minded enough, but I haven’t really known her for that long. Yea, we went to the same elementary school, but we weren’t exactly best buddies, so I don’t know how she feels about certain things, like sexual orientation. You can never be too sure when you go to a Catholic school. I know that many people are open-minded, but how many are there in this school that mainly caters to Catholics? I can’t imagine the kind of embarrassment I’d have to deal with if my secret ever got out, as well as all the persecution and torture that would go on.

I know that if my secret ever got out, David would never talk to me or associate himself with me. I mean, being friends with the gay person would be social suicide. And David is a jock and he definitely can’t be associated with anyone gay. It’d ruin him and he’d be just as much of an outcast as me and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if that ever happened!

Anyway, we had a great time at lunch and everyone was telling me about the show we were doing for this fall, which is Reckless. It’s about this woman who’s living this perfect life when one night, she finds out that her husband has taken out a contract on her life, so she escapes from her house and meets someone and they go across the country and, in each city they stay in, she goes to a psychiatrist (6 in total, I believe) and slowly goes down into madness, but, at the end, she puts her life back together and becomes a psychiatrist. It sounds like a downer, but it’s really a very funny show. I’ve been told the lead actress is really nice and is really good at acting. This sounds like a really good show and I can’t wait to start working on it and make new friends. It’s all gonna be so exciting! Kerry reminded me that stage crew is going on tomorrow, so I gotta go to that. It’s from 10am-4pm, so most of my Saturday will be taken up by that.

But hopefully, I can see David after that in the evening and we can hang out. We still need to finish our history project because it’s due next Friday and while we did do a lot of work last weekend, we still have quite a bit to do. Maybe I’ll go over to his place this weekend. I haven’t even seen his house yet.

You know, I just had a great idea. Maybe after the party tonight, I could just stay over at David’s house and then walk back over to my house in the morning and have my parents take me to stage crew. That would be so awesome! Maybe David and I could even sleep in his bed together. Oooo, that would be so SCANDALOUS!!!

Anyway, gotta go. THE DAY IS OVER FINALLY!!!!