Forbidden Memories

Normally KC would have done something... something well, so KC, but this time he was hurt. Hurt more than he had been in so long. \"I\'m not sorry you came into my life. God damn it, you act like you\'re perfect, that you should be able to control every damn thing. Apparently you are too blind to realize that you can\'t! Everything fucking happens for a reason. I love you damn it. I don\'t care if you love me back or not, but I *can\'t* help it that I do. Damion I knew it then and I know it now, you will never be faithful to anyone, not *completely* not *ever*, but you know what? I don\'t give a rats ass. Figure it out... you are more than a bitch boy toy to me!\" His heart was pounding and somewhere in the midst of the rant had pushed Fall onto his back and straddled him again. Looking down into his eyes. \"I know you have never really loved *Anyone* in your life, I don\'t know why, maybe fear of being left behind or something. Fucking Hell *if* that\'s the case you know damn well I would *never* *ever* leave your side if I had my way.\" Yeah umm this was not the sweet KC. But it was about damn time he released those bottled up emotions. He never spoke up for himself until now. \"Believe me I know *damn* well that you can\'t leave Cyn and I\'m not asking you to. I just want you to for once hear my words.\" Now he deflated and seemed fraile again. His hand lifted to caress Fall\'s cheek - now worried about the response he would get for that. He felt sure that Fall would hate him.

He sat up, leaning upwards a little and wriggling, hands brushing over KC\'s shoulders. There was the pathetic little sniff, and now he had the hiccups of those that have been sobbing so hard their ribs ache. He didn\'t know what to say to that outburst, hands only lifting and smoothing over flesh, brushing over the chest and then lifting and pulling through KC\'s hair. He sniffed a little. \"KC. I\'m so sorry I can\'t be how you want me to be. I do care for you. Deeply. Truely, madly, I....I want everything in the world that\'s best for you. But I...\" Love. Oh god. Love was something that scared him, really, really scared him. He never said it, he *never* admited that he loved anyone, because it was a weakness that could be used against him. People could, hurt, the ones he loved. Even though he was pretty much one of the most powerful people in this world. He could deal with it, he could make sure no-one ever hurt those he cared for. The fact that KC knew he couldn\'t be faithful to anyone. It hurt. It hurt that he was so perfectly readable and predicable, and..and. \"Oh KC. I can\'t find words to say what I feel about you, but I...I want you to be happy, and I know I can\'t make you happy....\" He kissed the hollow of the other\'s throat. \"KC KC KC....\"

Now he was KC, cuddling the broken youth in a warm embrace. \"Sweet sweet... darling boy. I love you, and you make me happy, just by letting me have time with you.\" Okay he was being sentimental and cheesy but he didn\'t care. Pulling back to look Fall in the eyes. \"I just have one favor. I have never asked you for anything.\" which was true, he always let Fall have most of the food and blankets way back when. Never asked for seconds or tugged the blankets from him. \"Damion, I know a small part of you loves me, even if you can\'t say it. All I ask is to hear it once.\" His eyes wide and hopful like a puppy wanting attention from his Master. \"Just say it once and I\'ll live on it the rest of my life.\" Gulp. This was the moment. A very tense moment. Part of him felt this was fruitless, but part of him clung to some shred of hope.

Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god. If he said it would open doors he didn\'t want to open. It was open flood gates he didn\'t want to open. It was already dregding up filthy memories he didn\'t want to remember. There was the fleeting moment of panic in his eyes, his chest felt tight. \"KC...I...\" Breath was shallow. --Say you love me boy-- No! --Say it!-- NO! --SAY IT!!!-- Even though the bastard was dead, strangled with chains, it was still there, it was still the horrible association and the dark vow he\'d made. The promise in the darkness before he even knew that Love, could be gentle and kind. That it could mean something other than fear, and pain, and abuse. There was a sniff. \"KC....I..\" Throat was thick. Dizzy. Damn. \"KC...oh god I do.\" He broke down, leaning away from those eyes aburying his face into that neck, hands curling into the sheets so desperatly as more sobs wreaked his body. \"I do love you, heaven help me and god strike me down now, but I do...

Letting out a breath he didn\'t know he had been holding. Jaw dropping. Those words. They. Dear God. They had been said. Truth be told he hadn\'t expected to hear them. His fingers tangled in the youth\'s hair. \"My dearest Fall...\" was all at the moment he could think to say. Hands moving to lift the youth\'s face gaze meeting gaze, gentle fingers wipping away the tears. \"No tears. Ssh my little Snuggle Bear.\" He blinked. Damn there was a name that hadn\'t slipped past his lips in a *very* long time. Gently he shifted and switched positions so that Fall was in his lap and he could rock him tenderly. KC sat in such a way that Fall\'s ear landed against his heart - to hear each beat, to know just from KC\'s touches that every beat was meant for him. The sting of knowing that the youth could never be with him would always be there, but it was soothed by the knowelege that Fall did love him. KC had no intentions of being with anyone else, he hadn\'t been with anyone *willingly* since the youth had disappeared. Now he was just happy they had been reunited. In more ways than one. ~wink~*

There was more sobs and more tears, whimpering and hiccuping and sniffling, generally making a mess of KC\'s chest. Not that they weren\'t messy enough anyway, covered in come and sweat and tears and saliva. He eventually wriggled upright and smeared the tears from his eyes, hiccuping quietly to himself and pouting. God damn, he can\'t believe he said that. Damn, now all he could think was of those stubbled lips, that beard burying itself in his neck and scratching. Damn. No, he didn\'t want to assosicate *him* with KC. Damn no. No, it was nothing the same. He sniffed, and wiped his eyes. \" \'M not a snuggle bear...\" He pouted, like he used to, loving the name and knowing it ruined his image so trying to keep it away. But all playfully. \" \'M a big...scary. Thug.\" A weak smile, baby blues fixing onto KC and every inch looking like a small child. Sniff. Smile.

A soft laugh, \"I won\'t tell anyone you\'re a snuggle bear.\" his head tilted as he lifted his hand and brushed the stray tears away from Fall\'s face. \"I\'m sorry if I drudged up bad memories for you, that was not my intention.\" Leaning down just a little bit, he kissed the right cheek then the left. His right eye, then his left. Tiny kiss on the nose. Lips finally reached Fall\'s mouth and KC groaned softly. Hell. He had always been big on kissing. That and nipple play, but hey that was neither here nor there. Hand still settled softly on the youth\'s cheek the other hand moved to cup his face, deepening the kiss just a bit more. For the first time in many years KC felt settled and content and it was thanks to the youth he was still lovingly kissing.

He shivered, smiling a little to the laugh and the kisses, head lifting and catching KC\'s lips before he realised it. Lips parted, tongue finding tongue and Fall\'s back arching a little, one arm lifting to rest around the other\'s neck. Kiss. He could taste KC there, the ancient flavour, the taste of the tobacco Fall smoked so much mingling with the flavours and the scents that were KC. He was sticky, he needed to wash. They needed to wash. Eyes slipped shut and his attention span meandered away, a long sigh falling from his lips into the kiss. Fingers brushed over the small hairs of KC\'s neck, tracing them a little before twisting a little strand around his fingers. Eyes opened, drew back from the kiss, hiccups beginning to fade. \"We...we should wash.\" Came the small whisper.

Another soft laugh. \"Didn\'t we do that once today?\" playfully stick out his tongue. He was curious as to why Fall was alone still. He was with someone wasn\'t he? Well, no mistake he was glad he was alone and they hadn\'t gotten caught, but it made his heart ache for the youth because KC knew how much Fall hated to be alone. His head tilted. Standing up lifting the youth into his arms, nipping at his ear a moment as he carries him into the bathroom. Setting the youth on the side of the tub KC lets in a fresh bath and cinimon bubbles. This was Daja vu but he loved it. Sneaking a quick nip to Fall\'s neck. Sitting next to him, arms wrapping wrapping around him. One hand resting comfortably on his tone tummy. The sound of the water running was soothing. KC had always loved just being around Damion among other things

Fall smiled softly, carted about. If he hadn\'t ran into KC, he;d have probably invade Slate, or just have gone back to the clover and floated around waiting for Cyn. The reason why they were alone was, well. Everyone was away. Tongue flickered over his lip and hands slid through his hair, teeth biting his lower lip. \"Shush you. It was you that got me all sticky.\" Tongue stuck out, wriggling closer and enjoying the heat from KC\'s body, the fingers across his spine sending goosebumps over him. He drew in a long sigh, eyes slipping shut and resting his head on the other\'s shoulder. \"So what now?\" He asked softly. \"Are you going to let me set you up with a nice apartment and a good job?\"

\"If you promise that this wasn\'t a one time thing.\" He joked. KC honestly hoped they would get moments like this with just them again. Leaning in he kissed the youth\'s cheek. \"Apartment yes. Job... I\'m a bit scared to see what you pick.\" Another joke. Hell. He couldn\'t help it. Good mood. Very good mood. Standing he wandered around the bathroom as though seeing it for the first time staring awestruck. Twirling around with arms wide to take it all in.Then stopped to let his gaze settle on the youth and in that moment, the world seemed to shutter to a standstill. Not sure why, but something had clicked. Finally he had heard Fall\'s words. He *loved* him. And they weren\'t just idly spoken eather. He meant them. KC fell to Fall\'s feet and looked up him affectionately - lovingly. His arms wrapped around his waist and head settled in the youth\'s lap.