Like a Dream Come True

“I am sorry you have to put up with me,” Lianna said, but her words were muffled. She was lying on her stomach, her face buried in a pillow, on Madison’s bed. “I ruined Tavian’s birthday last night, and now I’m this unwanted basketcase that has found refuge at your apartment.”

Rubbing her hand soothingly over Lianna’s back, Madison wished she could do something to make her friend feel better. “Will you stop apologizing?” she asked gently. “You didn’t do anything wrong. And you have always been there for me in the past. The least I can do is help you out now. You are a totally WANTED basketcase.”

Rolling over, Lianna stared at the ceiling as she spoke. “I’ve never done anything like this for you,” she objected.

“What are you talking about?” Madison smiled and sat on the edge of the bed. “Do you not remember the disaster that was Chad last year?”

“The guy with the mullet?”

“It wasn’t a mullet,” Madison gave Lianna a smirk. “It was a ponytail… thing. Anyway, I lived on your couch for a week after we broke up, and who took care of me? You. Who watched ‘I Love the 80s’ with me? You. Who fed me chocolate and ice cream? You. Who made a voodoo Chad doll and stuck a safety pin through its crotch?”

“You?” Lianna reminded her.

“Okay,” Madison conceded. “That part was me, but you did all that other stuff! So now it’s MY turn to take care of you, okay?”

“I don’t think you guys officially broke up,” Lianna had a little smile playing on her lips for the first time since she got back from Joseph’s condo earlier that day. “He might be expecting you to wait for him. After all, he gets out in, what, five years, four with good behavior? Who do you think you’ll choose, him or Tavian?”

“That’s my girl,” Madison smiled, reached over and slipping some hair behind Lianna’s ear. “I know this sucks so badly right now, and it feels like the end of the world, but you are going to get through this. I, however, may end up in prison with Chad if I run across Joseph or that tramp ever again.”

Biting her lip, Lianna looked at Madison with appreciation. Suddenly, though, all the pain shot through her again as she thought of Joseph and Frankie together. Her body gave in to sudden violent sobs for what had to be the twentieth time in four hours. Feeling Madison reach for her, Lianna sat up and rested her head on her friend’s shoulder and cried, her whole person shaking uncontrollably. This was an ache like one Lianna had never felt before, and it seemed like it was never going to go away.

As the tears finally subsided, at least for the meantime, Lianna leaned back into the pillows. “I just feel so… empty inside.” Lianna said softly. “But not just empty, you know. More like a sharp stabbing kind of empty. And it feels like there’s no way it’s ever going to stop hurting.”

“It feels like that right now, I know,” Madison didn’t want to sound dismissive of Lianna’s feelings. “This was such an unbelievably awful thing to happen to you, and it’s going to hurt, probably for some time. But it is going to get better, Lee. It’s going to take time, but it’s going to get better, I promise.”

“Maybe if I had-”

“No,” Madison cut off Lianna sharply. “I allowed you to go through maybes for the first hour, but not anymore. Yes, you should have stood up to Joseph sooner than this, and yes, you let him away with murder for months, and yes, you should have told him you loved him instead of waiting for him to say it. But does that mean he should have treated you like a glorified hooker? No. Does that mean he had the right to fuck that bitch last night? No. Does that mean it wasn’t the most fucked up thing I’ve ever heard of that he told you he loved you for the first time with Frankie in the condo? NO! No, I will not listen to any more maybes, possiblies, or perhapses. Understood?”

“You’re a very good friend, Maddy,” Lianna gave her a small grin.

“I know,” Madison leaned over to kiss Lianna on the forehead. “But you need to get some rest now. You didn’t sleep all night, and you’ve been crying for hours. I want you to take a nap, and when you get up we’ll get some pizza and beer, and rent movies where men pay dearly for their sins.”

Laughing, Lianna agreed. “That sounds perfect,” she replied. “Thank you so much.”

“Don’t mention it,” Madison told her as she rose from the bed. Crossing the room, she flipped off the light switch. “Just remember, Lee,” she added. “You’re not alone. You have friends and family that love you very much.” With that, she left the room, closing the door behind her.

Running her hands over her face, Lianna took a deep breath. She knew her body was exhausted, but her mind wouldn’t stop spinning. A vision of Frankie, standing in Joseph’s doorway, popped into her brain again, followed by Joseph’s voice. “But I love you.” Tears streaming down her face once again, Lianna silently cursed him. How could he have fucked Frankie? Why did he have to say he loved her then? How long was this immense pain going to crush Lianna, filling her lungs and making it hard to breathe?

Finally, Lianna’s body gave in to its need, and she passed out, her cheeks tearstained. The fitful sleep was haunted by dreams, but at least Lianna got some of the rest she so desperately needed.

-----

On Sunday morning, Lianna woke up and had to smile as she opened her eyes. Madison was splayed out across the bed, wrapped in all the covers, leaving Lianna a small sliver of bed and about one square foot of blanket on her. The night before had been therapeutic for Lianna, talking more with Madison in the bed until two in the morning, when they both finally fell asleep. Lianna’s body had been too tired to even allow her mind to dream, and she slept like she was dead. She actually did feel better that morning, if only a little.

Knowing there was no coffee in the apartment, Lianna quickly changed and ran a brush through her hair. She grabbed her purse and Madison’s keys, and headed out in search of caffeine. As she walked out of the building and onto the sidewalk, Lianna wondered what time it was and pulled her cell phone out of her bag to check.

SIX MISSED CALLS, the display read. The little envelope icon that indicated that she had messages was blinking. “Damn,” Lianna thought. “I guess I left the phone on vibrate yesterday.” Hitting the menu button, she took a deep breath. All the calls had been from Joseph.

Leaning against a building, Lianna stared at her phone for a moment before gathering the nerve to check her messages. The first was from a couple hours after she had left Joseph’s, asking her to please call him, and apologizing. The second and third were more of the same, each about an hour apart, although growing more desperate each time. The fourth message stated that he had tried to reach Lianna at Madison’s, and that Madison wouldn’t put her on the phone with him. The fifth came mid-evening, a sad begging. And the sixth, which was made late the night before, brought tears to Lianna’s eyes.

“Lianna, it’s me again. I’m not trying to hurt you worse by calling; I just need to talk to you so badly. Please, forget everything I’ve said until now and just hear this. I love you, Lianna. I love you more than I ever thought I could love someone. And I know – fuck, I know how much I fucked up. I’m tearing myself up inside. It kills me to know I hurt you. And I don’t deserve you, I know that, but I don’t know what to do. I am so sorry, Lianna. Please, please just talk to me. Please don’t just walk away. I’ll do whatever it takes to prove to you how sorry I am and how much I love you. Please, just call.”

Without realizing it, tears had begun streaming over Lianna’s cheeks again. She was getting looks from passers-by, some sympathetic and some strange, but she didn’t care. God, what was she going to do? How could she go on without him? How could he have done that? Love wasn’t supposed to be this hard, was it?

-----

“Where have you been?” Madison leapt off the couch as Lianna entered the apartment. Several hours had passed since Lianna had listened to Joseph’s messages, and Madison had woken up and gotten completely worried. “Are you okay? You didn’t go see him, did you?”

Looking up, Lianna’s huge blue eyes were rimmed in red. “No,” she said softly. “I just… I walked. I was just… walking.”

Pulling Lianna gently to sit down, Madison put her arm around her friend’s shoulders. “Did you talk to him?”

Shaking her head, Lianna drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. “No, but I listened to his messages on my phone,” she replied. “All six of them. Madison, I don’t think I can do it. I have to talk to him; I have to see him. I love him. I just… love him… so much.”

“Sshh,” Madison rocked Lianna. “I’m not going to tell you what to do, you know that. I’ve already told you how I feel, but this isn’t my decision. But I don’t think you’re in any place emotionally to make a rational decision, either. You have to give yourself some time.”

Sniffling, Lianna stared at the carpet, but nodded. “Yeah,” she said sadly. “Time.”

-----

Borrowing some clothes from Madison, Lianna started her new position on Monday morning, and was surprised to find out that she was able to concentrate. In fact, the hecticness allowed her to not think about Joseph for half an hour at a time or more. By noon, Lianna was feeling more relaxed than she had in days.

The phone on Lianna’s desk began ringing, and she picked it up. “Lianna Long. May I help you?”

“Lianna, hey,” Eddie’s easy voice came over the line. “Listen to you, all professional sounding.”

“Hi Eddie,” Lianna replied, smiling. “What’s up?”

“Well, I was checking to see if we were still on for lunch at one today,” he told her. “You said you were going to call over the weekend to confirm, so when I didn’t hear from you, I thought I should call first.”

Slapping her hand against her forehead, Lianna silently yelled at herself. With everything that had happened with Joseph over the weekend, she had completely forgotten about having lunch with Eddie. “Sorry for not calling,” she told Eddie. “It was just a rough…” She couldn’t finish her sentence, though. She would be too nervous that she would start bawling in the middle of the office.

“Well, if it’s a bad time,” Eddie’s voice was filled with concern. “We can reschedule. I hope everything is okay, though…”

“Everything sucks,” Lianna admitted with a little grin. “But nothing would make me happier than to see a friendly face for an hour.”

“Okay, if that’s what you want,” the concern was still evident in Eddie’s voice. “Then I’ll meet you at Villa Italia at one?”

“Yeah, that sounds great,” Lianna told him.

-----

“I’m sorry I’m late,” Lianna apologized as she rushed to the table, her face flushed. “I just had something fall on my desk a minute before I was planning to leave, and it took a little longer than I expected it to.”

“Stop it,” Eddie replied with a smile. “You’re the working woman. I’m just the lay-about college student, or at least according to my dad. But he’s just kidding about that; he actually insisted I not work this summer. He’s sure this is my last ‘free’ summer, and he doesn’t want me to do anything but go to this workshop.”

“That’s really sweet,” Lianna replied, realizing that was the same sort of thing her father would have told her to do if she had chosen to go on for her master’s degree. “What’s this?” Curious, she picked up a CD which was unmarked from its resting place on her salad plate.

“Well, I only had thirty minutes after I spoke to you,” Eddie began apologizing. “So I didn’t get to make a cover or anything. But you seemed so unhappy, so I tried to figure out something to cheer you up. So I made a CD of the ten of the worst songs I’ve ever heard.”

“The worst?” Lianna asked incredulously. “And that’s supposed to make me feel better how?”

“Well,” Eddie was grinning ear-to-ear as he unfolded his linen napkin and placed it on his lap. “No one can actually feel bad while listening to Right Said Fred’s ‘I’m Too Sexy.’ Am I wrong?”

“You didn’t!” Lianna laughed out loud, staring at the CD like studying it might further explain its contents to it. “What else is on it?” her eyes glowed with interest and excitement.

“Na-ah-ah,” Eddie wagged a finger at her. “You seem a little too content at the moment to listen to this, but let me just tell you that, the next time you’re upset, you should throw this into the CD player and turn the volume up all the way. Screw the neighbors, I promise that this CD will make you laugh and take your mind off your problems for at least an hour.”

“Thank you, Eddie,” Lianna said genuinely, moving her gaze from the thoughtful gift in her hands to its giver. “You have no idea how much this means to me right now. I’m in such a bad place, and it feels so good to know I have friends who care about me.”

Lianna could have sworn something flickered in Eddie’s expression for a fraction of a second at the word ‘friends’, but it was gone before she was able to read it. “I’m glad to be here for you,” he gave her a grin. “And if you want to talk about whatever is bothering you, I’ll listen. If you’re not up for it, that’s fine too. But in that case, you have to choose between listening to me complain about living with my parents until I can find my own apartment, or finding out last week that my ex-girlfriend from high school is a lesbian.”

“Lesbian,” Lianna giggled. “Definitely. Oh, I’m sorry, you were serious.”

“Don’t apologize,” Eddie laughed. “I know that finding out your ex of two years is actually gay might undermine the macho testosterone-y parts of other men, but I actually felt relieved to hear the news. After all, I spent the last year of our relationship desperately trying to become what I thought she wanted, and failing miserably. At least, now, I can take refuge in the knowledge that I couldn’t have been a better boyfriend to her unless I lopped off my penis. And even if I had done that, I really don’t think I’d make all that attractive a female. I guess the fact that just my personality kept her around for so long should be some sort of testimony to my nice-guy quotient, right?”

“I’d say so,” Lianna replied, impressed with Eddie’s resolve. Most men would freak out to find out that their ex-girlfriend was a lesbian, but Eddie took it in his stride. He talked about his ex, who he was still friendly with, and the girl she was currently dating. He was honest when he said that he hoped they had a long and happy relationship. No, he wasn’t like any other guy Lianna knew.

“So, now that I’ve shed a piece of my soul,” Eddie said as their order arrived at the table. “Are you ready to tell me what’s got you so down? Or do I have to ask the maitre de to play your CD while I act out the video to ‘La Vida Loca’?”

“That is not on this,” Lianna cracked up, lifting the CD, as she watched Eddie nod solemnly. “Well, in that case I really have no choice, do I? I can’t tell you, even if I wanted to. Otherwise, I would be depriving this wonderful lunch rush of some badly need entertainment, Ricky Martin-style.”

Letting out a warm laugh that touched Lianna to the bone, Eddie looked at her more seriously again. “No, I’m not trying to push you,” he promised. “You just seem… so down. I just want to help you, if that’s possible.”

Before she knew what was coming from her mouth, Lianna began spewing the whole story of her relationship with Joseph, including the events of the last three days. “So I hope you can understand why I’m such a party pooper right now, even though I don’t mean to be,” Lianna concluded.

“Wow… and I thought lesbian ex-girlfriend was a show-stopper,” Eddie grinned wryly. He reached across the table to place his hand on Lianna’s hand before he continued. “I’m just kidding. God, Lianna, I’m so sorry you had to go through that kind of experience. You are, like, the most amazing person I’ve ever met. You deserve to be treated like royalty, not like this.”

“Thank you,” Lianna smiled as she squeezed Eddie’s hand in appreciation. “I feel so alone right now, but knowing I have people like you… and my friend, Madison… in my life… God, it means so much to me right now.”

Looking Lianna deeply in the eyes, Eddie tried to figure out what to say next. “I just want you to know,” he told her, his voice soft and slow. “I’ll always be here for you if you need me… if you want me. I want to be a part of your life.”

“Thank you so much, Eddie,” Lianna’s eyes filled with tears. “God, you’re such a generous, great person. No wonder a lesbian couldn’t dump you; I think anyone who had the chance to be with you would be nuts not to take it, and would have a hard time letting you go.”

“Thanks, Lianna,” Eddie pulled his hand back abruptly and picked up his fork. “It means a lot to hear that, especially coming from someone like you.”

Dropping her eyes, Lianna didn’t know how to respond. She hadn’t meant to offend Eddie, but it seemed like that was exactly what she had done. “I’m sorry if I said anything…” she told Eddie, who raised his eyes slowly to meet hers.

“No, I’m sorry,” Eddie apologized. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I guess… I guess I’m just dealing with my own shit, and being a little selfish at the moment. I hope you don’t hate me for it.”

“I couldn’t hate you,” Lianna smiled back at Eddie. “You’re too good a friend.” Once again, Lianna saw that flicker cross over Eddie’s expression as she said the word ‘friend’, but she couldn’t explain why it happened.

-----

“Lianna?” The hope was evident in Joseph’s voice as he answered his cell phone. Talking and random music could be heard in the background, making it clear he was still in the studio.

“Yeah, it’s me,” Lianna let out a deep breath. She was standing outside her work later that evening, and had decided, after getting support from people like Eddie and Madison, that she had the strength to call Joseph, just to make arrangements to pick up her things from his condo. Him being in the studio would make things even easier, though. She just wanted him to tell the security at the building to let her into the condo while he was not there. That way, she wouldn’t have to deal with him.

“Lianna, thank God you called,” Joseph’s voice was almost frenzied. “I am so sorry, Lianna. I want to talk to you, I want to try to work this out. I’m so sorry-”

“I didn’t call to make up,” Lianna tried to make her voice sound as strong as possible, but it was hard since she was getting that constricting feeling in her chest again. “I just called to see if it would be possible for me to come by and pick up some of my things from the condo tonight. You don’t have to be there; I was hoping you could just get the building security to let me in-”

“Lianna, please,” Joseph begged. “Please, I just want to talk. Please. Listen, I’ll leave the studio now and meet you somewhere. Please…”

Biting her lip, Lianna willed the tears in her eyes to go away. “I’d prefer to go to your condo while it’s empty,” she told him softly. “But if you insist, I’ll go while you’re there. But, Joseph, there’s nothing to talk about. There’s nothing to work out-”

“Don’t say that,” Joseph pleaded. “I know… I KNOW I fucked up, I know it. And I was an asshole to not tell you I loved you before Saturday, but Lianna, I do. I do love you. Please, just come to the condo. I’ll be there in twenty minutes. Please, Lianna.”

As was always the case with Joseph, Lianna began feeling her resolve weaken. “I’m just coming to get my things…” she replied.

“Okay, okay. So you’ll meet me then?” Joseph asked. “I’ll see you in a little while?”

“Yeah,” Lianna cursed herself for ever calling him. “I’ll be there soon.”

-----

Lianna rode the elevator up towards Joseph’s apartment, staring at her reflection in the door. The last time she was in that elevator, she had been on the floor sobbing at the realization that Joseph had had sex with Frankie. It took all Lianna’s strength not to begin crying again at that moment.

Barely having knocked, the door to Joseph’s condo flew open, and he stood there looking at Lianna with an unreadable expression. “Thank you so much for coming over-” he began.

“All my stuff is here,” Lianna said in a quiet voice. “I just came over to get some of it.” But inside, her heart was pumping fast and her stomach was turning over. Joseph looked tired – exhausted – but just the sight of him made Lianna think of how warm and wonderful it had felt to lie in his arms at night. This was going to be an incredibly hard thing for Lianna to do.

“Come in,” Joseph stood aside to let Lianna into the condo. As she walked into the living room, a sick feeling washed over her. Where had Joseph had sex with Frankie? Was it on the couch? Or in the bed? Or was it on the stairs, like the first time she and Joseph had sex what now felt like a million years ago? It was all too much for Lianna to take.

“I can’t do this.” Tears filled Lianna’s eyes. “This was a mistake. I’m not ready to do this yet. I, I have to go.” As she turned to leave, she felt Joseph grab her arm. He pulled her to his chest, and Lianna couldn’t fight when she took in his scent, his mixture of cologne and soap. She felt herself sink against him, her body shaking.

Joseph began stroking Lianna’s hair as she started sobbing against him. “I’m so sorry, Lianna,” he whispered over and over. “I am so sorry. I made a terrible mistake, I made a lot of mistakes when it comes to you, but I love you. Please, I need you, Lianna. Please, I’ll do whatever it takes to make this up to you. I love you. Please, I’m sorry.”

All Lianna wanted at that moment was to accept Joseph’s apology. She wanted to be able to trust him, to believe he wouldn’t hurt her again, but deep down she knew there was no way that could happen. If they were to ever have a fight again, especially if he was on tour, she would wonder what he was doing, if he was with someone else. Slowly, she pulled herself away from him and looked up into his pleading eyes.

“I appreciate that you are sorry,” Lianna told him, her voice shaky, her face tearstained. “But you can’t make this up to me. You can’t change what happened, Joseph. You slept with Frankie. You can’t change that.”

“It was a mistake,” Joseph’s voice was filled with fear that he wouldn’t be able to change her mind. “I thought we were broken up, Lianna. I would never cheat on you, I swear. Why would I cheat on you? I love you. I want you. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a person, in a girlfriend, in a lover. Please, Lianna. I’m not saying that what I did wasn’t wrong. I know it was wrong. But please, don’t end things over this.”

Listening to Joseph, Lianna felt her heart sinking into her stomach. “Joseph, I love you more than I ever thought I could love someone,” she told him. “But you… you don’t love me. You don’t even know me. And that’s not entirely your fault. I held back so much with you; I never let you know what I wanted, what I needed, who I really am. I was so scared of losing you, I lost myself somewhere along the way.”

“Then let’s start again,” Joseph begged, looking at her with intent green eyes. “Let’s start from the beginning. I’ll do things right this time, I swear. Please, Lianna. Don’t let go of everything.”

“We can’t start over again,” Lianna said sadly. “When would we do that, Joseph? You go on tour in two weeks. You won’t be back until the holidays.”

“I could fly you out every weekend,” Joseph told her. “I could fly back when we have breaks for a couple days. We could make it work.”

“No,” Lianna finally started feeling more confident in her answer. “That would bring us right back to where we are. I’d be living for you, for the time I spent with you. I would have no life of my own.”

“Then we’ll find some other way,” Joseph honestly looked distraught. “Lianna, please. I have never felt about anybody the way I feel about you. I think about you all the time, when we’re in the studio, when I’m writing music, when I’m in the shower. I could be with you forever. I could love you forever.”

Once again, tears streamed over Lianna’s cheeks, but she shook her head sadly. “I don’t regret being with you,” Lianna told him, her voice thick with sadness. “But, Joseph, it’s over. Our time is over.”

Without warning, Joseph’s eyes filled with tears, tearing Lianna’s heart into shreds. “Please don’t say that, Lianna,” he begged, tears streaming down his face. In all the time she had known him, Lianna had never seen Joseph cry, but he was doing so now without shame. “I love you, Lianna. We have to be able to work this out.”

Seeing Joseph crying was too much for Lianna. For just a moment, she needed to be close to him. Stepping forward, she let him hold her again. He stroked her hair as they both cried. Without thinking, Lianna looked up at him, and felt Joseph capture her mouth.

It was such a comforting feeling, something that felt so normal and natural. His lips were soft; his breath was hot. Familiarity allowed Joseph to press his mouth to hers in a way that brought shivers down Lianna’s spine. His hand buried into her hair as his lips started moving over her chin, his tongue tracing a line along her jaw to her ear. His teeth nipped at her neck, and Lianna’s mind grew blank, unaware of anything at that moment but Joseph.

-----

An hour later, Lianna lay naked beside Joseph in his bed. His breathing had evened off; it was clear he was asleep. Sitting up, Lianna quietly gathered her clothes and dressed as quickly as she could. Looking over at Joseph sleeping soundly, looking so beautiful nude among the sheets, Lianna shook her head.

This had been a mistake.

-----

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL THE WONDERFUL PEOPLE WHO HAVE REVIEWED THIS STORY SO FAR. YOU MAKE WRITING THIS SUCH A PLEASURE!