You Don't Know Me

Pots and pans clanked together, waking Marcus from his fitful sleep. He glanced over towards the kitchen and smiled a little to himself. Michelle was leaning over the stove facing away from him, wearing one of his t-shirts that came down to the top of her thigh. She looked adorable.

“What are you doing in there?” Marcus asked sleepily.

Turning around, Michelle smiled at him. “I’m making breakfast,” she explained. “Scrambled eggs, bacon and toast.”

“I had bacon and eggs?” Marcus looked shocked at the idea.

“I brought them over a couple nights ago,” Michelle rolled her eyes. “And yes, you are a big boy now and should have something besides mustard and soda in your fridge.”

“I have mustard?”

Biting back a laugh, Michelle shook her head. It felt good to be bantering with him. Something last night had felt off, a feeling of unrest, or guilt, or something. But things seemed to be going back to normal now. “Get your lazy butt out of bed and come in here,” she ordered as she turned back to the stove.

Letting out a contented sigh, Marcus climbed from the bed and pulled on a pair of running pants he had near the bed. Thankfully, Michelle seemed like herself this morning, unlike last night when she had been… There wasn’t a word or phrase to describe what the issue was. After all, Michelle had been endlessly affectionate and passionate the night before, but still... Shaking his head, Marcus told himself to stop thinking about it. Things seemed as they usually were now, and that was a good thing.

As Michelle placed two plates filled with food on the table, Marcus walked behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his head on her shoulder. “Thank you for doing all this,” he whispered tenderly into her ear.

Leaning back into Marcus’s embrace, Michelle closed her eyes and reveled in the moment. Regretfully, she pulled back after a few seconds and turned to face him. “It’s going to get cold,” she told him, kissing his lips lightly.

Searching her eyes with his own, Marcus smiled at her and nodded. “Then we should eat,” he finally replied. Sitting in silence while they ate, Marcus and Michelle both kept stealing glances at one another. Finally, Marcus spoke up. “Are we okay?” he asked softly.

The frightened sound of Marcus’s voice nearly broke Michelle’s heart. “We are,” she told him gently.

“Just making sure.”

-----

When Michelle got into work later that day, she was immediately thrown into a project. An outing for the residents had to be planned, and it was up to Michelle to create and confirm the details. It wasn’t as easy as it seemed, though. Many of the residents had problems with walking any distance, so there would be no nature walk. Other residents had hearing issues, so going to the movies didn’t make sense. Several other residents had expressed distain at the idea of going to a sporting event. Finally, Michelle settled on a picnic at the park. There was parking nearby, and picnic tables, and a barbeque. The whole staff would be invited, and residents could invite family and grandkids. It would be fun, and it was best to take advantage of the still-warm weather before the chilly autumn temperatures kicked in completely.

Aside from all this, Michelle also had other things on her mind. The new semester was starting this week. Having signed up for a painting class and a photography class, Michelle wasn’t sure how she was going to fit everything into her schedule. And that was without taking into account Marcus’s even busier schedule.

At the thought of Marcus, Michelle’s stomach dropped. It was as if she felt guilty whenever he entered her mind, and it was a wretched way to be. Trying to shake the concerns out of her head, Michelle decided to go ask Lena, the receptionist at the home, for some help with the details of the picnic. As she turned the corner, though, she froze.

Leaning against the receptionist desk and smiling flirtatiously at Lena was Seamus. Although Michelle couldn’t hear what he was saying to the pretty girl across from him, it was obvious even from halfway across the room that her face was tinging pink with a flattered blush. For some reason, Michelle found it hard to swallow for a moment.

Finally, Michelle chided herself for acting so foolishly and started walking towards the reception desk. “Hi Lena,” she greeted the girl that was a few years older than her – probably right around the same age as Seamus. “Hello, Seamus. Come to visit Patty again?”

It was obvious that Lena had forgotten where she was when she was speaking to Seamus, and she seemed startled to see Michelle standing there. “Oh, um, hi Michelle. Hi.”

“Well, good afternoon, love,” Seamus’s soft green eyes sparkled as they rested on Michelle. “Yes, I am here to see Gram again, to tell her the good news that I found a job. But I couldn’t walk by a lovely lass like Lena without saying a few words first.” He tossed a sexy grin over to Lena, who looked overcome with glee, before focusing his attention on Michelle once again.

“Well, congratulations,” Michelle forced herself to look into Seamus’s eyes. “Where will you be working?”

“Ah, just a small pub called Finnegan’s, pulling pints and the like,” Seamus said dismissively. “It’ll be enough to pay the bills for now, and it will give me my days free to see Gram more. But it’s not far. In fact, I was just telling Lena here that the staff should come by one night when I’m working, for happy hour.” Looking at Michelle silently for a moment, Seamus paused before continuing. “I’d like it very much if everyone came by to visit for a night.” His voice was low and its intent clear.

“Yes, well,” Michelle wasn’t ready to lose her cool. “I don’t really drink much, but maybe one night everyone will go together. Like, in a big group.” She felt a little annoyance when she saw a smirk rising on Seamus’s mouth. He had definitely figured out that he was getting to her, and he was enjoying it. “So, anyway, Lena, when you get a chance, would you mind helping me with something? I’ll be in the rec room.”

Spinning around before Lena could even reply, Michelle stormed down the hall. Her heart was beating so fast, she thought it was likely to explode in her chest. As she shoved her way into the rec room, Lena turned to Seamus with a perplexed look. “She doesn’t seem to like you very much, does she?”

“Oh, no, she does. I can tell,” Seamus looked at the doors Michelle had just walked through. “She’s just a tough nut to crack. But anyway,” he turned his flirtatious gaze back on Lena. “As I was saying, please feel free to come by any night this week. I work Wednesdays through Sundays.”

“What an awful schedule,” Lena cooed, trying to flirt back. “To not have any weekend nights off.”

“Ah, but as I said,” Seamus raised his eyebrows. “I do get to spend my days with charming beautiful women such as yourself and…” Glancing down the hall once more, he turned back. “And my Gram. So I see it as grand.”

Biting her lip, Lena smiled as her face turned crimson once again. “Yes, well… Um, I should go help Michelle.”

“Of course,” Seamus nodded. “I mustn’t be keeping you from your work.”

Flustered, Lena didn’t know how to respond. She just let out a nervous giggle and hurried down the hall to find Michelle. Seamus watched her, crossing his arms over his broad chest while leaning back against the reception desk. Lena was lovely, but it was actually Michelle that Seamus was thinking of. He had thought about the girl several times since he had met her the day before, and her discomfort today only piqued his interest more. Boyfriend or no boyfriend, there was definitely electricity there.

-----

“Hey,” Michelle greeted Marcus at the skate shop with a wide smile.

“Hey,” Marcus was glad to see her. All day, he had felt uneasy still about the two of them. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I know you had to run straight from class to work today,” Michelle hoisted a plastic bag onto the counter. “So I thought you might be hungry. I picked up some stuff from that Thai place you like.”

Glancing around to make sure no customers were close by, Marcus leaned over the counter to kiss Michelle softly. “Thank you so much,” he told her. “Breakfast this morning and dinner tonight? What have I done to deserve all this?”

Feeling that guilty feeling building in her gut again, Michelle looked into Marcus’s eyes and willed herself to smile brightly. “You have just been the best boyfriend in the world,” she said softly. “That’s all you’ve done.”

Searching her face with his eyes, Marcus couldn’t understand why he still felt uncomfortable. Michelle was being so sweet. Reaching across the counter, he took Michelle’s hand in his. “Thank you so much for dinner,” he told her.

“I was glad to do it,” Michelle said. “So, is Peter still going over to your apartment tonight?” She couldn’t explain exactly why she hoped greatly that he was. She just knew she couldn’t handle another evening alone with Marcus when this confusing discomfort was coursing through her.

“Yeah,” Marcus replied. “I think he needs some guy time, to talk, you know.”

“I know,” Michelle looked at him with admiration for a moment. “You’re really there for Peter when he needs you. You’re always there for everyone.”

“Everyone I love,” Marcus couldn’t help but say. He was dismayed to see Michelle’s eyes drop to the counter at his words. “Anyway, thanks again for the food. I should get back to work now,” Marcus released her hand hesitantly. “So I’ll call you tomorrow, then…?”

“Sounds great,” Michelle forced out one last smile.

“And Michelle?” Marcus looked serious as he spoke. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Michelle replied softly and headed out of the store.

-----

Marcus was home about fifteen minutes when he heard a knock at his door. “Come in, Pete,” he called out from his spot on the floor doing sit-ups. He liked to exercise whenever he was feeling stressed, and he’d started doing sit-ups the moment he got home that night.

Entering the room silently, it was immediately obvious that Peter was in a bad place. He had on no eyeliner, his hair was not styled and his face was expressionless. “Hey,” he said quietly to Marcus and sat on the bed, immediately laying back. “So, my life is over.”

Standing up, Marcus tried not to smirk at the generic teen-angst comment. It was clear Peter was upset, and he didn’t need to be teased about it. “Want to talk about it?” he asked gently, sitting next to him.

Covering his face with his hands, Peter let out a little groan. “No. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to think about it. I want to just close my eyes and hope the world goes away.” Pausing he removed his hands from his face and looked up at Marcus. “If you haven’t guessed, we had sex.”

“Ah,” Marcus nodded. “Didn’t go so well?”

Sitting up, Peter grimaced. “I would be fine if it ‘didn’t go so well’. But it was fucking awful. I was fumbling everywhere, and it didn’t feel good for Maura, and it ended fast – way too fast. I just… I can’t even begin to tell you how much it sucked.”

“How’s Maura doing?” Marcus asked.

Shaking his head, Peter shrugged. “She’s okay, I think. She told me not to make such a big deal out of it, that’s she’s not mad or disappointed or anything. It was actually a really nice, un-Maura thing to say.” He smiled a little at the memory, but quickly frowned again. “But it still sucked.”

Nodding his head, Marcus put his arm around Peter’s shoulder. “You know, the first time can be a really crappy experience for a lot of people,” he told him. “But I can promise that it will get better with time. I’m not telling you to rush right back into things if you or Maura aren’t comfortable, but when you are… it will get better. And at least you got to have your first time with someone you love, right?”

Softening a little, Peter nodded. “Yeah,” he said softly. “That part’s cool, I guess.”

“You know, you might want to tell her that,” Marcus suggested gently. “I know Maura seems like she’s hard as nails, but it would probably make her feel better to know that, even though it had it’s, um, challenges, being with her your first time meant a lot to you.”

Turning a little pink, Peter nodded. “Do you mind…?”

Standing up, Marcus handed him the phone. “You. Hallway. Now.”

Rising as he took the phone from Marcus, Peter looked at him. “Thanks, Marcus,” he gave him a small grin. “God, I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t met you. I would be living at home with a raging drunk of a father, a mom that hits me, no girlfriend, and no friends. And I’d probably be back on drugs.” In a very uncharacteristic move, Peter threw his arms around Marcus for a moment. “Thanks for everything, Marcus.”

Even though a knot was welling in Marcus’s throat because of Peter’s admission, Marcus knew he had to respond. “I feel the same way about you, Pete,” he told the younger boy as he patted him on the back. “You’ve definitely been a good addition to my life.”

“Nah,” Peter grinned, pulling back from the embrace. “I’m just a fucked up teenager that whines and complains to you about shit that probably seems completely unimportant to you.”

“Never,” Marcus replied seriously. “You’re like the brother I never had.”

Looking pleased with this description, Peter just shrugged shyly and walked into the hallway to call Maura. Marcus sat down once Peter was out of the room, and he shook his head. When he had met Peter, he was a distrustful, closed-off, cynical kid. Now, he was more open, honest, and affectionate than he ever thought he’d be. And Marcus’s heart swelled when he considered what Peter had just said – that the changes that had overtaken him were in large part due to Marcus.

-----

Pacing around her bedroom, Michelle tried to figure out what the hell was going on inside her. If she was totally honest with herself, she knew it had to do with Seamus. “What’s the big deal, though?” she asked herself. “So I find him attractive. He’s obviously a huge flirt. I haven’t done anything wrong, though. I still love Marcus.” She was so caught up in her own thoughts that when Sean knocked on the door, she jumped and let out a little squeak.

Looking completely perplexed, Sean came into the room and closed the door behind him. “High strung much?” he teased.

“Sorry,” Michelle said hastily. “I wasn’t expecting anyone. I just… I don’t know. Sorry.”

Sitting down on the bed, Sean furrowed his brows. “Are you okay, Michelle?” he asked, the concern evident in his voice.

Taking a deep breath, Michelle looked at her best friend. She debated in her head whether to bring anything up to him, but she really wanted to. Sean was always good with confusing situations. “I don’t know if I’m okay,” Michelle finally sat down next to him on the bed.

“Okay, well tell me what’s up.”

Shaking her head, Michelle looked down at her hands. “I just… I’ve been feeling really weird whenever I get around Marcus for the past few days,” she began. “I get this uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach.”

“Around Marcus?” Sean looked genuinely surprised. “But you guys always get along so well. You’re, like, sickeningly cute.”

“Unlike you and Tony,” Michelle said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. “No, I know. That’s part of the problem. I think I’m feeling… guilty.”

Looking over his best friend, Sean was getting a bad feeling. “What would you have to feel guilty about?” he asked warily.

Shaking her head, Michelle gave Sean a rueful smile. “It’s nothing really. I think I just sort of developed this… crush on someone else. It’s the grandson of one of the patients at the home.”

Raising his eyebrows, Sean couldn’t hide his shock. “Really?” he asked. “Who is he?”

“I don’t really know him at all,” Michelle explained. “His name is Seamus, and he’s from Ireland. I’ve only met him twice, actually, but… Well, he’s really nice to his grandmother, and seems to be a huge flirt, but he looks at me in a really strange way – not like he looks at the other girls at the home. And he’s very good looking-”

“If he’s better looking than Marcus,” Sean interrupted. “Then I have to see this guy. Because Marcus is, without a doubt, the best looking guy I have ever seen in real life.”

Feeling her cheeks burning, Michelle agreed. “No, no, he’s not as good looking as Marcus. Or… well, he’s just, I don’t know, different. He’s a few years older than us. Short light hair. Preppy-ish clothes. Really big – bigger than Tony. He was in the military for four years. His dad died recently, and he moved here to be closer to his grandmother. He just got a job at as a bartender-”

“Wow,” Sean said, obviously uncomfortable. “For someone you’ve met twice, you really seem to know a lot about him.” He paused, thinking about what to say next. “So… this crush? Do you want it to be more? Is that why you feel guilty? Do you not… are you not… still in love with Marcus?”

“Oh, God no,” Michelle begged Sean to believe her. “I love Marcus, I really do. I guess… I mean, I never really had a crush before Marcus, and we all know how well I fucked up in the beginning with that one. I guess I don’t know how to deal with these thoughts and feelings.”

“Well, the first thing you have to do is decide if that’s all this is,” Sean told her. “If this is just a crush, you really don’t have anything to worry about. But if there’s any chance it could be more…” He paused. “Okay, gotta say, not liking that you didn’t immediately rush in there with a ‘there’s no chance it could be more’…”

Looking away, Michelle felt her stomach turn to knots again. “I… I may just be blowing this all out of proportion,” she finally said. “I mean, maybe Seamus isn’t looking at me differently than he is other girls… Maybe he’s just a big flirt.”

“Doesn’t really matter, does it?” Sean’s voice was sharp, causing Michelle to look back at him. “I mean, you wouldn’t stay with Marcus just because there’s no one better to be with right now, would you? You wouldn’t be the type of person who treats Marcus like he’s a second-prize ribbon, right?”

Biting her lip, Michelle immediately knew that Sean was annoyed with her, and he had a right to be. All her guilt hadn’t been unjustified – she was having awful, selfish thoughts in the back of her mind. Tears filled Michelle’s eyes. “I love Marcus. I guess I just… I liked the idea that maybe someone else in the whole world besides Marcus could like me – could find me desirable.” She tried to blink back some tears, but it was no use. “Sometimes, late at night, I will lie in bed and look at Marcus. I watch him sleep and think about how kind he is, and how strong he is, and how smart he is. And I look at his perfect face and his perfect body, and I just know that, at anytime, he could toss me away and twenty other girls would want to take my place.”

Watching Michelle begin to shake with sobs, Sean leaned over and hugged her. “Oh, Shell sweety, this isn’t about Seamus. This isn’t even about Marcus,” he told her. “This is about the fact that, even though we all thought you were past it, you have some insanely bad self-image issues.” Putting his hands on her tear-stained face, Sean looked into Michelle’s eyes. “Being in a relationship is always a gamble. Being in love means giving something so fragile to someone else for safekeeping, and trusting they won’t break it. But, Shell, sweety, Marcus loves you. You don’t have to be afraid about that. It wouldn’t matter if there were no other women or a million other women that want him. He wants YOU. Don’t you get that?”

“I guess not,” Michelle sniffled.

“You know what you need to do,” Sean told her. “You need to talk to Marcus about all of this. He’s the only one who could let you know how much he cares.”

“You’re right,” Michelle agreed. “He’s with Peter tonight, but I’ll call him in the morning and see if we can meet up sometime tomorrow.”

“That’s my girl,” Sean said. “Now, come on and let’s get some ice cream from the freezer downstairs.”

Laughing a little, Michelle followed Sean through her parents’ house. He was right – this hadn’t been about wanting to be with someone else. It had been about not wanting to be left alone. And the only one that could answer questions about that honestly to Michelle would be Marcus.