Only You Sweetheart

……………………… 1996 ……………………………..


Charlotte peered through the telescope over the sea of blue cushions “You can’t hide forever me hearty!” She felt the dig of her brother’s fake light sabre dig into her back “Who says I’m hiding pirate!” Charlotte giggled slightly and dropped the empty bottle to the floor “Argh you made me drop me telescope it’s been in me family for years!”
“Silence, face me you coward” Charlotte turned to face her brother “Damon, a light sabre? Pirates didn’t use light sabres!”
“My names not Damon, its Captain Luminous beard Peg leg, besides your using the only sword in our house … I mean ship”
“For your treachery you will walk the plank and face the crocodiles who good sir, will not be as civil as me!”
Charlotte turned to face the vicious crocodiles waiting for her at the end of the rug, or Bruno their dog who was donning a black eye patch and was presently lying on the couch looking at them lazily. Damon pushed Charlotte of the rug and as she dramatically faked her death their mother stormed in furious.
“What are you both doing? Look at the state of this place? I’m trying to get some fucking sleep!”
“Sorry mom” the two kids said in unison
“What’s that?” The woman looked down at the bottle that Charlotte tried to kick under a cushion before she reached it; she picked it up and looked even angrier then three seconds before.
“My whiskey, this was a full bottle! Where is the whiskey Charlotte”
“Me and Damon needed a telescope, so I … I poured the whiskey down the sink”
“You fucking what? You stupid fucking cow, I was planning on drinking g that tonight! Pirates? You’re a ten year old girl, grow the fuck up child!” She threw the bottle to the floor making the two children plus Bruno jump and stormed out of the room telling them to tidy the room and go straight to their bedrooms and out of her sight for the rest of the night.
Damon and Charlotte scurried and tidied the room in complete silence; Charlotte really wished she had drowned in an ocean just to get away her tyrant of a mother.

……………………… Present …………………

Matt slammed Charlotte’s head against the wall at the back of the bed, making her scream out in agony. It left a blood stain on the wall and she grabbed her head in her hands “Stop oh god stop” her lip was already split and she had multiple bruises over her face and body, when she pulled away her hands they too had blood stains on them. Everything became dizzy, her head pounded like someone was breaking into her skull, her vision was blurred and she felt sick.
“Why don’t you fucking love me? Why is it that when I finally fall in love with someone, they are the one person that doesn’t want me? I don’t care about any of the girls I’ve ever had, I have only ever cared about you! So why can’t you love me?”
If Charlotte was physically capable of talking at that moment she might of told him that maybe the kidnapping and beatings had something to do with the fact that she didn’t love him, but as it was her head was throbbing too much for her to speak at all.
She crawled onto the floor, tears rolled down her face, she felt Matt walk beside her “Where the fuck do you think your going?”
Charlotte couldn’t speak, she couldn’t stop crying, she continued to crawl not really knowing where she was going, it was only then she was reminded of the pain in her legs and she stopped doubled over in agony. Her head felt like it was about to burst and the thumping was getting heavier and her legs could of dropped off for all Charlotte could of known, she didn’t know whether they were bleeding, whether they shaking, what damage had been increased to them, she was in such a state of haziness and dizziness. She began to cough, she couldn’t breathe she was coughing so much, she knew she was coughing up blood, her head to the wall had caused that. Once she stopped coughing she collapsed to the floor, maybe she had died. She felt like she might have.

…………………….. 2001 ……………………

“Go on Charlotte, move those fucking legs baby, that’s my girl!!!” This was not some kinky sex act; this was Nina, screaming at the top of her lungs as Charlotte raced around the track, way in front of all the other girls. Damon stood by her side, cheering his sister on but not nearly as loud as Nina. No one in the whole stand was cheering half as loud as Nina was, for a fifteen year old girl she had the lungs of a twenty stone German opera singer.
The seat next to Damon was empty, reserved for their mother but she hadn’t shown. She hadn’t shown for the trials, the build up for the champion ships or for today, the championships themselves. There was some mumbled excuse or the other but the real reason was she would rather sit at home with a bottle of vodka, drowning in her sorrows. She was selfish bitch and everyone knew it. Charlotte gasped for breath as she reached the finish line, it was a good few seconds before the girl in second place reached the same point, the crowd cheered loudly, most of whom for Charlotte, she had always been liked by most of her fellow students and today proved just that.
Charlotte walked up to her best friend and brother “Where’s Mom?”
“Erm, she was here but she had to leave. Urgent meeting … at work” Nina lied through her teeth and Charlotte knew it.
Once she got home she found her mother pissed out of her head in the kitchen. “I won the track championships mom, I might even make the New York state team!”
Her mom didn’t even look up “So you ran a few yards, I drank three bottles of vodka … now that’s something to be proud of!” her mom laughed into her hands as she laid her head on the table. Charlotte walked over to her mom and touched her shoulders “Mom! You could kill yourself, shall I call an ambulance?”
Her mother jumped to her feet “Don’t fucking touch me!!!” Charlotte felt a slap to her face “If I want help from a child, I’ll ask. As it is I don’t now get the hell away from me. You already make me miserable, the worst day of my life was having you two brats now piss off and leave me alone!” Charlotte slowly turned and walked to her bedroom; from what had been the proudest day of her life was now turning into a wretched one.

…………… Present ………………….

Charlotte felt Matt’s hands grab round her shoulders, he turned her body over so that she was looking up at him, she saw the worried expression on his face which made her realise she was infact not dead, she just felt like it.
She felt his hand rest on her forehead “Your burning up, babe you just … you just coughed up blood. Are you alright?”
“Hospital … I need to go to the hospital”
“No you don’t, you just need some rest … I can look after you”
“No I need proper medical attention Matt … my head, I feel dizzy”
“Lets just lie you back down on the bed, I’ll get you some medicine and I’ll clear up that wound on the back of your head … that’s all anybody would do at a hospital, it would be a wasted journey”
“But I …” Charlotte winced in pain, it was a new pain that she had only just felt, a bruising to her stomach. That was her head, stomach and legs that hurt now. Top, middle and bottom, there was no part of her that didn’t throb, ache or stab with pain.
“Ssssh, don’t speak” he carefully lifted her body and placed her back on the bed.
After tending to her head and giving her something to kill the pain he watched her silently, her eyes were closed but she wasn’t sleeping. She daren’t move or speak, it would only make something hurt or she would land herself in more trouble. This was not the Charlotte she knew her to be, she wasn’t remotely sticking up for herself, fighting back or causing him as much agro as she could. She was being a silent, feeble woman who was letting this maniac do with her as he pleased. She deserved everything she got. Charlotte shook this thought out of her head, she didn’t deserve this! Her mind was playing tricks on her; she was going mad … soon she would be as psycho as he was.
He stroked her face gently “What would you do without me babe? There would be no one else here to look after you, to stop this from happening to you”
“You are the reason THIS happened to me!” Charlotte’s eyes flung open, had he forgotten already?
“But only because YOU forced me, if you hadn’t made me so angry I wouldn’t of had to punish you”
“For not lo... “ Charlotte closed her eyes again, she was too tired and in too much pain to have a slanging match with him, especially because se knew she would come off worse.
“That’s right, for not loving me” he said it quietly, sadly but she had heard.
“You can’t make someone love you and you went about it all the wrong way”
“I couldn’t help it, I just wanted you so much and I though after the party you wouldn’t want to know me, I knew from then on I wouldn’t be able to live without you and I can’t!”
“You could if you just tried.”
“No I couldn’t”
“Matt …”
“Enough. Don’t tell me how I feel! You don’t know!” He was getting angry, she could hear it in his voice, he stood up and looked down at her.
“Ok I’m sorry, I’m … I’m sorry”
Matt sat back down and rubbed his head “I just love you so much, we would be living so happily together if you would just try and love me”
There was no point in answering, he crawled onto the bed and laid down beside her, his face was only a few inches away from hers.
“Lets just try and get some sleep”

………………………………………………………

Charlotte’s mom walked into the lounge to find her son fast asleep on the couch, he hadn’t slept for the last three days. She had repeatedly heard him walk past her bedroom, knowing he wanted to talk to her but not bothering to get up and make him feel better. She was a bad mother; she knew that, she just didn’t know how to make things right after all these years of neglect and alcohol. It was only in the last year or so that she had come to realise it but it made her miserable so she turned to drink, which she was considering doing right now, her missing daughter had touched a nerve. She was terrified her daughter was dead, but she would never show it. She turned and walked into the kitchen to get her bottle of vodka, it was empty on the table. She went to the cupboard, her two bottles of bacardi had been emptied, she walked quickly to the shelf her bottle of whiskey was standing there empty. Damon. She knew straight away that her son had emptied all her alcohol down the sink; she stormed back into the lounge ready to yell and swear at him but saw how peaceful he looked. If she woke him it as unlikely he would sleep again for another three days. So she ignored the overwhelming urge to get drunk and went to bed. It was the first selfless act she had done in years.

………………………………………………….

Charlotte edged further towards the edge of the roof, the traffic below was driving quickly past, she felt a rush of wind blow across her face. Matt was screaming at her to step away from the edge, to walk towards him where it was safe. Matt or fall to her death? There was no longer anything beneath her, the sounds of cars got louder as she fell to her death, somebody had made the decision for her. Charlotte didn’t sleep long enough to feel her body smash into the ground, she woke with a start. Matt was holding her head gently, whispering softly into her ear. Charlotte let out a breath of relief, it was a dream. Beads of sweat had formed on her forehead.
“It was just a nightmare honey” he kissed her cheek “It’s alright I’m here, I promise not to go back to sleep. I’ll stay awake while you sleep, make sure you’ll be OK”
Charlotte had had one nightmare only to wake up in another, but what scared her most of all were that his words and soft whispers were making her feel better. She wasn’t scared anymore. Except the lack of fear about one thing made her worry more about another.