Pain and.. pain?

Hello everybody! And sorry for the long wait! I really am sorry, the real life got on the way, damn it! I had friends visiting again and then school started again and and ..

Anyway, I'm back to writing now and I hope you like the new chapter:)

Please review and I'll try to update soon again!



CHAPTER 12



For the few next days dad was in a good mood. He even gave me some of the pizza he had ordered. Just when I was about to start feeling better, dad told me to clean up the apartment because he was having the guys over for poker. Poker meant Jonathan. And Jonathan meant sex.

I cleaned up the apartment quickly before going to my room and sitting down on my mattress, pulling my knees tightly against my chest and letting out a big sigh. I rested my head against my knees and listened to the sound of the TV coming from the livingroom. My stomach clenched painfully from fear when I thought about Jonathan and what he would do to me tonight. The last time we had sex was still fresh in my mind and I was afraid of the pain. I got hurt at the Cave too but somehow I took it as part of the job. At home, when Jonathan would come to me, I didn’t want to get hurt. I didn’t want to get hurt in my own room.

I sat huddled against the corner for hours, just listening to the merry voices of the men in our kitchen. They were making a mess again, I was sure, and tomorrow I’d have to clean it all up again with pain radiating up my spine. It was all too familiar to me and I sighed again, thinking about my life and how different it would have been if mom hadn’t died. I wondered if she would have loved me or she would have been like dad. I hated that I couldn’t remember her and wished I had a picture of her or something. I closed my eyes and tried to bring her face into my mind. It was pointless. I had been too young when she died and after a while I gave up, feeling depressed and tears ran down my cheeks. The only memory of my mom I had was that she used to read me every night before bed. Something about a rabbit, I think, always the same book. I had dreamt of her when I was kid, when I could still remember her better but now I didn’t even get to see her in my dreams anymore. I had forgotten about her and it made my heart ache. How could you forget your own mom? I was a bad son, I didn’t even remember my own mother.

I heard the door to my room open but didn’t look up, hugging my knees tighter to my chest.

“Jason?” Jonathan asked from the door and closed it before coming closer. He sat on the mattress next to me and handed me a plate with a slice of pizza on it.

“I’m not hungry.” I mumbled and stared off into nothing, not looking at him.

“You need to eat. Come on, stop crying.” Jonathan said and reached out to brush the tears from my face. I pulled away from him and wiped my face on my sleeve before taking the plate from him without a word. There was no point arguing, he’d just hit me and be rougher while fucking me. What was the point of anything anymore?

I nibbled on the pizza and tried to get it down. I had no appetite at all and the melted cheese made me feel sick.

“Why were you crying?” Jonathan asked while he waited for me to finish my slice and I shrugged my shoulders indifferently. He didn’t really care, he just pretended to be nice.

“How’s your arm?” Jonathan asked next and I forced myself to answer.

“Better.”

“Good. Finish the pizza.” Jonathan said and I looked down on the pizza slice I had taken one bite of.

“I’m really not hungry, Jonathan.” I said and closed my eyes, expecting a hit for defiance. It never came, instead Jonathan took the plate from me and set it on the floor by the wall.

“You can eat it later then.” he said and move closer to me. His hands sneaked inside my shirt and I shudder under his touch. I didn’t resist when he pulled my shirt over my head and lied down on my back without being told to do so. I couldn’t look at him so I just stared at the wall numbly while he pulled off my jeans and pushed my legs apart so he could kneel between them. He was being really touchy today, his hands never stopping feeling around my body and for the first time in a while he actually took time to prepare me properly. I guess he didn’t want to rip me from inside again.

I felt the pain of his penetration but it didn’t fully register in my mind. I think Jonathan noticed as well that I wasn’t really with him because he used his hand to turn my head so I’d have to look at him. When he let go of my face, I didn’t turn to look away again but kept my eyes on him, watching him rock back and forth on top of me with little beads of sweat forming on his forehead. Jonathan saw the empty look in my eyes and frowned. He hadn’t seen me like this before. In tears yes, but not like this.

When Jonathan finished and pulled out, I turned to stare at the wall again and waited for him to leave. When I heard the door close behind him, I pulled myself into a tight ball and dragged the blanket over my head, hiding from view, before closing my eyes and trying to sleep. Maybe if I were lucky, I’d dream of mom.




Apparently Jonathan had told dad that something was not right with me since I woke up next morning in the feeling of being stared at. I had pushed the blanket away from my head during the night and when I opened my eyes tiredly, I saw dad standing in the doorway, staring at me with an odd impression on his face. I looked at him shortly before closing my eyes again and pressing my head against my pillow. If he wanted something, he’d tell me.

“Are you hungry?” dad asked, noticing the barely touched slice of pizza from last night still on the plate by the wall and I kept my eyes closed when I answered.

“No, sir.”

“Are you sure? You didn’t eat yesterday.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Alright then. I’m going out. You should eat.” Dad said and left me alone again. It took me a while to register what he had said and frowned at his odd behavior. He didn’t usually give a fuck about me, why was he all of a sudden telling me to eat and not even ordering me to clean the place? I knew there was a mess waiting for me in the kitchen. There always was after poker night.

I heard the front door open and close when dad left and pushed my blanket away, sitting up carefully. Familiar pain shot up my spine and I looked down on the sheet under me. I could see cum stains on it and felt disgusted. I needed to do laundry.

With a sigh I got up and wrapped myself in my towel before heading towards the bathroom with a limp. On my way across the apartment to reach the heaven also know as the shower I took a look at the kitchen, just to see how messy it was. My mouth dropped open when I saw the clean counters and empty sink. Dad had.. cleaned? No way. Dad didn’t clean. That was what I was for. I frowned and moved towards the bathroom again, wincing with every step. I guess Jonathan wasn’t as gentle as I thought he was last night after all.

After the shower I gathered all the laundry I could find from the apartment, actually considering for a moment if I should check dad’s room for any clothes in need of a wash but finally decided against it. He didn’t allow me in his room and usually took his laundry to the laundry basket for me so I could wash it. It wasn’t my fault if he had left it in his room, he knew I wasn’t allowed in there, it was his rule after all.

I was relieved to find the laundry room empty as I entered and after turning on the machines, sat on the floor to watch the machines work. I was staring at the water swirling inside the machine when the door opened and a familiar, a very exited voice said.

“Jason! I haven’t seen you in ages!” Troy shouted from the door and stomped in before dropping a duffel bag apparently full of laundry on the floor in front of me.

“Shit, what happened to your face man?” he asked when he noticed my already fading bruises and I shrugged my shoulders slightly.

“Just got into a fight, no big deal.”

“Yeah? So where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you in what, weeks?”

“Oh, um.. I was just.. away for a while. I’m back now.” I said awkwardly, hoping that he wouldn’t ask more questions.

“Really? Where did you go then?” Troy asked while pulling on the strings holding the duffel bag closed to get his laundry out.

“Just to.. visit someone.” I said and kept my eyes on the floor.

“Did you have fun? I’ve been bored out of my fucking mind!”

“Um, not really.” I mumbled and thought of what he’d do if he only knew the truth about me.

Troy pushed in his laundry, not bothering to separate the whites from the dark ones and I hesitated for a moment before mumbling.

“You’re supposed to wash white ones separately.”

Troy glanced at me looking surprised and asked.

“Really? I’ve never done laundry before. My mom used to do it and then my uncle but apparently I got time to do since I’m not working or anything.” Troy said and I got up from the floor with a wince, walking over to him to explain the mystery of doing laundry. I showed him the labels and explained what each icon meant before helping him to sort out his clothes in different piles, all to be washed separately.

“Gee, I didn’t know laundry was this complicated. Thanks man, without your help I would have just jammed them all in one machine and probably got yelled at by my uncle for ruining his entire wardrobe.” Troy chuckled although I didn’t see the humor in being yelled at. Wasn’t he afraid of his uncle getting mad at him? Dad would have beaten the shit out of me if I had ruined his clothes, even if it had been an accident.

We sat down on the floor to wait and Troy kept babbling on like last time, while I kept my eyes firmly on the machines, watching the laundry.

“Dude, are you even listening to me?” Troy asked after a while, noticing my distracted impression and I looked down quickly.

“I’m sorry.” I said and got a nudge to the ribs from his elbow.

“It’s okay. I was just asking if you want to come over tonight? My uncle is working again, the workaholic.” Troy said and I bit my cracked lip carefully.

“Um.. No, I can’t, I’m sorry.” I said and refused to look at him.

“Why not? You got something planned already or what?”

“N-No. I just.. I need to be home.” I said and fumbled with the hem of my shirt nervously.

“Well, I could come over to your place then.” Troy said and I looked up sharply.

“No! I.. I mean, I got a lot of stuff to do. You.. you would just get bored.” I said quickly and looked away again, feeling nervous.

“Oh, okay. Look, if you don’t want to hang out with me just tell me, okay? You don’t have to lie to me, dude.” Troy said, standing up and I looked up at him again.

“I’m sorry. I.. I do want to h-hang out. I just have stuff to do tonight. I-I’m sorry.” I said and Troy flashed his teeth at me when he smiled.

“Some other time then, don’t worry man. I’m getting something to drink, you want some too?” he asked and headed for the door.

“Um.. sure.” I said carefully and felt a strange flutter in my belly when I watched his back disappear through the doorway. I caught myself looking at his butt again and smacked myself on the face, immediately cursing afterwards. Damn that made the cut on my cheekbone sting.

When the door opened again, I looked up expecting to see Troy and felt my whole body tensed when I saw dad walk in instead.

“I was looking for you. You didn’t need to do laundry today.” dad said before noticing my sheets in the machine and realizing why I was there.

“Well, come up when you’re done.” dad said with a little awkward cough and turned to leave when Troy walked in with two cans of Coke in hand.

“I brought Coke, it’s really cold too.” he said happily while I paled in fear.

Shit shit shit.

Dad stared at Troy for a while before turning to look at me with an expressionless face.

Shit.

I was fucked now.

“Oh, I’m sorry. We haven’t met. I’m Troy Hanigan, I just moved in about a month ago.” Troy said and offered his hand to dad. I kept my eyes on the floor, hearing my own racing heartbeat while they shook hands and dad introduced himself.

“David Cabe, Jason’s dad. So, just how long have you known my son?”

“Oh, just for few weeks. We hung out once before he left and I actually asked him to hang out with me again but he said he’s busy tonight.” Troy babbled and I just wanted to slap him. Stop the fuck talking! Can’t you see you’re making it worse! I was so going to get beaten for this.

“Really?” Dad asked and gave me a hard glance before heading for the door.

“Well, I have to go get dinner started. It was nice to meet you, Troy.”

“You too, Mr. Cabe.” Troy said happily, apparently completely blind to the fact that dad had been glaring at me furiously ever since he had entered the room. With dad gone, Troy dropped down to sit next to me and handed me the Coke.

“Hey, you alright? You look like you just saw a ghost or something?” he asked and I nodded quickly.

“Y-Yeah. S-Sorry.” I mumbled and opened the cold can in my hands.

“Your dad seems nice.” Troy said and I wanted to slap him again. You fucking blind bastard.

“Yeah.” I just mumbled instead of slapping him and took a sip from my Coke. I didn’t usually drink sodas and wasn’t sure if I really liked the feeling of it in my mouth. It just felt unnatural to me somehow.





When my laundry was done, I said bye to Troy and told him I had to go without waiting for his answer. I limped back upstairs slowly, fear clenching my stomach painfully when I thought about the upcoming punishment. Dad was in the kitchen when I got in and glared at me with cold eyes.

“You hung out with him then, huh? And when exactly was this if I may ask?” dad asked and I lowered the laundry basket to the floor carefully before answering.

“W-While y-you were a-away, sir.”

“And who the fuck said you could go and make friends, huh?!”

“N-No one, s-sir. I’m s-sorry.” I mumbled and looked up quickly with wide eyes when a thought hit me.

“Please, don’t send me b-back to the.. the C-Cave! I’m s-sorry. I.. I w-wont see h-him again.” begged, tears threatening to roll down my cheeks and dad’s anger seemed to cool down for a moment.

“Fuck it. You’re not going back there. I don’t want you seeing that kid anymore, you got it? Don’t draw attention to us, we don’t fucking need it.” Dad spat at me and I nodded quickly.

“Y-Yes, sir.”

“Put the laundry away and eat. You’re too fucking skinny.” dad huffed and stomped to the livingroom without another word. I sighed in relief and picked up the basket again quickly. I couldn’t believe my luck, I hadn’t gotten beaten after all!

When I had put away my laundry and taken the basket outside dad’s door, I went back to my room to eat the pizza Jonathan had brought me yesterday. I looked at the spot I was sure the plate had been left in but it wasn’t there anymore. I looked around dumbly for a moment before turning around and walking to the kitchen. I hesitated for a moment before opening the bin and looking in.

It was there.

Dad threw away my food. He told me to eat and he threw it away. I bit my lip carefully and reached in to pick up the pizza slice, trying not to touch the other stuff inside. I had taken a bite of the a bit stale tasting pizza, still standing in front of the bin when dad glanced in my direction. He saw what I was doing and looked disgusted.

“Fucking hell, Jason, don’t eat from the damn bin!” he yelled and I dropped the pizza quickly. Dad stormed into the kitchen and I hunched my shoulders to look smaller.

“I-I’m s-sorry, sir, but y-you t-told m-me to e-eat.” I stuttered, tears in my eyes and flinched when dad slammed the bin closed.

“Not from the fucking bin. Take the pizza from the fridge you idiot.” he snapped at me and I looked up, feeling confused. From the fridge? But..

Dad huffed at me and went past me to open the fridge. He took out the plate with two slices of the same pizza from last night and shoved it to me.

“Just fucking eat it.”

I held on to the plate tightly and watched dad go back to the livingroom, feeling even more confused. I turned my eyes on the plate in my hands and finally got my legs working. I went in my room and closed the door behind me before sitting down on my mattress to eat. Dad was confusing me and it scared me. He was being unpredictable and that was never a good thing.