The Difference Between Dreams and Reality[CHPT 10]

A/N: I got lots more reviews to keep me going this time and I am so excited to see people sticking with my story. It’s been longer than a year now that I’ve been writing this. I began a bit before the new year in 2007! Woah! It’s all ready 2008! Haha. But I’m happy to say I’m still keeping with this story!

As per usual, this chapter is 100% me which means it is 100% not betafied(Consider it a personality flaw? Lol)! Woo for my horrible ability to spell! xD So, uh, try to go easy on the mechanical stuff as much as you can...

And I don’t even think there are actual words that can describe how sorry I am that this chapter has taken forever and a year to get out! >.>

Chapter ten: Clear the Confusion and Silence

He set down his cup of coffee slowly. Large hands with long slender fingers wrapped around the warmth of the cup as he raised his head just enough to glance my way. We sat across from each other, the emptiness being significant to each of us. To him I could guess it was a bother. He probably wanted to comfort me. To me it was my savior. I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle receiving any comfort from this man at this moment.

All the feelings that had overtaken me during my walk away from the school doors swam in my stomach next to poisoned butterflies that stuck with me like swallowed gum. The feelings that had consumed my mind, my soul...my body during the drive here came back to taunt me.

Starbucks.

My hot chocolate sat an inch from my palm. It was being mocked by the heavy scent of coffee aroma that is, of course, the natural scent of a little coffee shop.

Nothing seemed real. I couldn’t feel Brain’s hand hover towards mine to begin to comfort me. I didn’t feel the way my hand reacted by pulling itself away. I didn’t feel the tears that I managed to still be crying on my cheeks. The usual warmth of my hot chocolate ran cold down my throat. I wonder how it seeped down my throat at all...past all the words that got stuck there and never came out, past all the sobs I was practically choking on.

I wondered if this is what it was like to feel heartbroken. You know, like in the movies? When the woman foolishly falls for a playboy and then he uses her and crushes her heart into a billion pieces of glass. Because that’s what hearts are made of, aren’t they? So fragile. They must hang from a fishing line that’s easily snapped by the dullest pair of scissors.

Am I heartbroken? Hearts can’t be broken if you never give them to someone, though. But I couldn’t feel my own body shaking. I couldn’t feel things that were physical. It was like being punished. I mean, the less I felt of my body the more I felt of my mind. My mental state was destroying me. I repeated the scenario over and over again in my head. It was stuck on instant replay. No. Some cruel form of instant replay and slow motion wrapped into one. Because it was surreal. But not in a dreamy “Wow I can’t believe I’m getting married, this is like a fairytale” type of way but in a “Can I please wake up from this nightmare already?” way.

So I guess I gave my heart away after all. This is the only conclusion I can draw from these feelings...or lack of feelings. But who held it? Was I crying out of humiliation of the whole situation? Because I feel stupid for falling for a teacher? Or was I crying because I wanted to be comforted after all. Because I wanted Brain to take me away and tell me I’m everything to him and I don’t need Nine.

Nine. What was his real name?

Andrew? No. Maybe it was Alex? No. Definitely not Alex.

“Adam and I, we have an interesting relationship, you see...” I heard Brain speak. Adam. That’s right. Adam. What a great name that was. It suited him. To think I never imagined calling him by any other name than Nine!

“Uh-huh,” I managed to squeak out. I was trying to understand Brian. He was trying to help me calm down. I needed to listen to him. Hear what he had to say.

“I mean, I didn’t find out until recently, you know?” Brian continued talking. What on earth was he talking about?

“What?” I whispered. I didn’t want to talk much. I was afraid I’d yell. Or that the tears that I hadn’t noticed had stopped would come back. I couldn’t even feel the cold air against my wet cheeks right now. I only felt the string that hung my ornament-like heart being cut and then tied back together over and over again.

“I said, I didn’t even know that Brain wasn’t my uncle until recently,” Brian clarified.

“He’s not your uncle?” I replied now realized that I did after all need to listen to this clumsy big handed fool.

“Yeah. I thought you knew,” He said with a slight hint of disarray.

“No. You told me he was your uncle...remember that day when I was over at your house and you attempted to educate me on your family and stuff? That day you confused the hell out of me?” I was getting even more confused. What in the world was he talking about?

“I just figured you had found out,” Brian said looking away from my eyes and back down into his coffee cup.

“How would I know?”

“Never mind,” Brian said now. He probably felt as if he was contradicting himself...and he kind of was. He tells me one thing and now I’m finding out that it’s another thing? I moved my hand to my cup of hot chocolate. Warmth. I was staring to feel things again.

“Anyways. I’ll try to make it less confusing than it is,” Brian began. “So I pretty much told you that he’s my uncle. And I thought that too, when I told you. But then I found out that he is more than an uncle. He is my brother.”

I felt my jaw open a bit. Exactly how much information was I supposed to be able to handle in twenty-four hours?

“Okay...” I said trying to process this new reality. “So he’s your brother? But he’s like...in his mid-twenties, right?”

“Well, yes. He’s my brother. He’s not even a half brother. We’re full blood.” Brian informed me. He sounded a bit more up-beat now that he was explaining this. I nodded my head to keep him going.

“So what happened was that my mom and dad, you know they’re high school sweet hearts and all...well my mom got pregnant when she was in High School with my dad’s kid and that would be how Adam came along.” Brain said as he ran his fingers through his hair as if he was trying to focus on making this as easy to understand as possible.

Then he continued, “So my mom refused to put him up for adoption or anything so this caused my grandparents to fight. They ended up getting a divorce over it because they both thought differently of the situation. So my granddad remarried pretty soon after. You know, Sherry? Yeah they remarried and raised Adam as their own kid because my parents couldn’t handle raising a child properly, they were too young.”

Wow. I pulled my eyebrows together and focused on all this information.

I ended up just laughing a bit. That was something I hadn’t been expecting to happen so suddenly.

“Okay, so you’re brothers. I get that. But if you didn’t know all these years why did you suddenly find out now?” I asked.

“I thought that one would be easy for you, miss detective,” Brian said in some weird accent that he made up on his own to make me laugh. It worked.

“I was only a detective in one play! Don’t you go bringing that up now,” I said in a jokingly angry tone.

“His eyes,” Brian said bringing us back to the topic of conversation.

There was this moment of silence that followed before I could speak. How oblivious was I? What are the chances of an uncle that isn’t related to his nephew through blood having the exact same pair of marvelous eyes as his nephew? Brain and Adam were true brothers.


Our conversation turned back to the detective reference after that and we got on this topic about Nancy Drew...things just went peacefully on from there. It wasn’t until I was in Brian’s car in front of my house that I realized he had told me all that stuff to keep my mind distracted. And that he had done a great job. He truly wiped away my tears with his words. I gave him a hug before I got out of the car and walked to my door. I tried the door knob before getting out my key. Brain said he’d bring over my car later, seeing as how I had left it at the school when I got into his car.

The door was unlocked so I just walked in. When I turned to the living room my mother was sitting in a chair facing towards me. The atmosphere lacked the usual tension it had when my mother and I were in the same room at the same time. It instead felt gentle and kind.

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“Melissa,” My mother breathed calmly. I walked towards her slowly. My surroundings were deaf.

“Melissa,” My mother repeated. “Lets you and me go get a real meal, okay?”
Mellow
She was looking in my eyes for once. Our normal conversations are in passing. I communicate with her often through text message or notes on the fridge. When I see her I don’t see her. I look past her; through her. And she does the same with me. Our relationship has been kept minimal since my father... and, well, it’s just not what a mother-daughter relationship is made out to be.

“I...I’d like that,” I spoke softly. I couldn’t say I wasn’t hungry. My youth gave me the bottomless stomach and the metabolism to help it along. That and I didn’t eat when Brian and I went to Starbucks. The hot chocolate was settling in my stomach as if it were lonely. It clearly needed a meal to accompany it.

No more words were spoken as we walked to my mother’s car. I opened the door in a swift and effortless motion. She pulled out of the driveway and before I knew it we were on the road headed to a destination we had yet to decide.

“I’m thinking a nice restaurant,” my mother said breaking the demanding silence.

“Too expensive,” I disagreed. The atmosphere was loosening up a lot more now.

“No way I’m going for fast food. My stomach can only handle so much of that junk. I don’t know how you kids do that so often these days,” she laughed making an attempt to keep the aura around us as peaceful and mellow as possible.

“Well it looks like you need to update yourself to the century, mom. Junk food is practically the new pink.”

“Don’t you mean new black?”

“No. I mean the new pink,” I reassured her.

“Is this some kind of teenage language? You’ve lost me,” my mother chuckled a little looking completely bewildered. I knew this would get her. The new pink? I guess my sarcasm wasn’t clear enough for her.

I just laughed. It had been a while since I joked around with my mom. Same as always, though. I say something bizarre that makes her think I’m “speaking teenager language” again and really I’m just trying to confuse her for my own warped amusement. We always end up laughing, though.

“Oh! What about that place?” My mom suggested.

I looked to the right hand side and coming up was a little restaurant that said “Fred and Co. Family Diner.”

“Sure,” I agreed.

She pulled in and we picked up our pace to get into the restaurant seeing as how we were both now thinking with our empty stomachs. When we walked in it smelt like cigarette smoke and breakfast.

A lady who was a little bit on the heavy side came up to us holding menus and smiling with chapped lips. She was on the shorter side and her hair was teased back into a messy and unfashionable pony tail. The earrings she had on were bright and distracting.

“Two?” She said as she approached us.

“Yes, just the two of us,” my mother responded as she smiled down at me. I may have gotten my warped humor from my father’s side of the family but I knew that my thoughts and my mothers thoughts about this lady’s failed attire were one in the same. I got the little amount of fashion sense I had from my mother, after all.

“Just follow me ladies and I’ll seat you,” She said as she turned to lead us to a table. I saw her name tag, it said “Birtha.”

She sat us at a booth in the corner of the restaurant. She left us with our menus and gave us time to think of what we’d like to order. Looking around this little diner I felt like it had a warm and welcoming feeling. It set my mood to be more open and take things slower. No rush.

“See anything you like?”

“Not yet, mom. I’m thinking something warm,” I responded.

“Really? I’m thinking the opposite. Maybe a salad?” She smiled trying to keep the conversation as lively as this diner might have been a decade ago.

Birtha came back and took our orders. My mom ended up getting a salad like she said and I got a simple chicken sandwich with an extra side of fries. Then came the purpose of this outing.

“So, what’s going on honey?” My mom asked in a friendly tone.

I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. And my silence wasn’t good enough of an answer I suppose because she kept talking.

“What about being in plays? Don’t you love that? Why haven’t you been in one lately?” She pried. I would have thought she would have eased into this conversation as gently as her smiles were. I guess I was wrong.

“I didn’t sign up for one lately. I’ve been doing crew and helping with rehearsals,” I said. “I told you that Mr. James came up with a new procedure to be in plays. You have to sign up and then audition. I didn’t sign up lately so I’ve been automatically added to the bask stage crew. I’m still in the class, you know?”

I was hoping this was enough of an answer.

“Melissa. Usually you get all spirited and determined to be the lead. I haven’t ever know you to skip out and take to back stage so easily.”

I guess it wasn’t enough of an answer after all. I was calculating my words and her reactions in my mind. Should I go for the stab? No. Not yet.

“I’ve been busy. I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. Besides, I’ve never known you to care much about my acting interests,” I smiled devilishly. I couldn’t help but go for a little stab. I knew the truth would hurt. I was hanging on to the idea of it being enough to get her to back off the subject.

“I’ve always been interested. I’ve just been at work a lot. Besides, its not like you’d just be and actress for a living.” She laughed. I didn’t join her in the laughter.

“Mom. I’m not going to be a lawyer. I’m not going to be a doctor. I’m not going to be you,” I snapped. I guess I get agitated too easily sometimes.

Her eyes grew wide with shock and then back to normal with authority. She had that “I’m your mother, don’t you disobey me” look in her eyes.

Luckily Birtha came back right as my mother was about to “correct me.”

“All right ladies, here it is,” Birtha smiled cheerfully completely oblivious to the conversation she just walked into. There wasn’t many other customers around so I wasn’t surprised to see my food so fast. It look really good but I couldn’t eat right away. The first to take a bite wouldn’t be able to argue back with a mouthful. The first to take a bite would surely be the loser of this argument and I had already decided that person would not be me.

Birtha turned and walked away to go to the kitchen and get someone else’s order.

“Melissa I don’t think you should talk like that to me,” my mother spoke sharply.

“Lets just drop it, okay? I’m hungry,” my stomach spoke for me.

“Okay,” she said as she took a fork full of salad into her mouth. She was the first to eat. In family language that declared me the winner. Maybe it was just my own language, though. I as well continued to eat.

I wasn’t really even that sure myself why I had become less active in the drama community. My mom was right about one thing, though: no matter how big a part I always strive for a lead role. And I hadn’t ever missed an audition. Stage crew? That was never an option for me before.

But times changed. People changed. It wasn’t a sudden lack of interest in acting. I knew in my heart acting was my one escape, release and true calling. It was a lack of mental capability to balance things. I was busy enough with homework and friends but with Nine and Brian now...things were a little bit overwhelming.

I guess I was just slowing things down.

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When we were finished eating the mood had become lighter. We had normal small talk and then before I knew it we were back in the car headed home. When we pulled into the driveway I saw my car was parked by the curb. Brian really had come through and gotten it for me. I took a mental note to remind myself to thank him for it later.

My mother just dropped me off because her phone rang and, of course, her work needed her for something. She was probably going to pull another all-nighter. And she wonders ho “us teenagers” can handle fast food all the time? I wonder how she can go so many days without sleeping and still operate a motor vehicle all the time!

I unlocked the front door and stepped into a dark house. No sigh of Kenneth. He was probably at a party or some random girl’s house. I sighed and went to check the phone messages. I hit play and it went through the normal drill. There were three messages. ‘Probably all for my mom,’ I thought to myself.
I walked over to the freezer and pulled out an ice-cube tray ad the first message played.

“Hello, Ms. Dale I am Shawn Jevens and I was calling from the office because...”

I just rolled my eyes and put three ice-cubes into a glass.

The second message played.

“Hello? Hello??? Oh. It’s a message. Oh. Umm. [sound of clearing throat]. Ms. Dale this is the company you...”

This one deserved two eye rolls. We get those a lot. Our message machine is kind of heard to understand. I filled my glass with water and walked over to the message machine and watched it as it began to play the third and final message. I was thinking of a normal name of the guy who is calling for my mom this time. Maybe John?

“Hi, this is John Smith from Pocahontas,” I said making fun of the calls my mom gets. “Have you seen my sexy helmet thing?”

I laughed at my own lame imitation.

Then the real message played: “Melissa? Ms. Dale? Anyone home?” It began. I immediately recognized the voice as Toby’s. “I. Well, my mom. She just, well her water broke. I guess its time. You know? So we’re heading out to Saint Mary’s hospital and I’m hoping you get this message and can come here and...”

Before the message finished I had grabbed my sweater and keys and was flying out the door to my car trying to get it started. I had almost forgotten his mother was pregnant! It was hard to believe she really was about nine months along already.

I was speeding insanely as I tried to call my mother from my cell phone. It went straight to voice mail which meant she was probably in a meeting of some sort and had turned it off.

“Shit!” I cursed aloud.

When I got to the hospital I found the closest parking spot available and sprinted to the entrance. I was breathing heavily and unevenly when I reached the front desk and said “Harris,” Toby’s last name.

“Mmm. Harris. Okay. There’s a Mrs. Harris on floor number three room 304 whose currently going into labor,” she informed me.

“Thanks,” I said as I ran off and got to the elevator entrance. I pressed the button but it wasn’t coming down.

So I just took to the stairs and was taking them three steps at a time. When I got to the third floor I was looking every way. I ended up almost bumping into a guy in a wheel chair.

“Melissa!” I heard from behind me. I guess I had past a little lobby area because when
I turned around there was a very tired looking and awkward feeling Toby behind me holding a coffee in his hands.

“Toby!” I said extremely pleased to see him. I went to hug him but didn’t because he had coffee in his hands and...because of the last time I saw him. When he had said that he loved me.

I guess her had been aware of the awkwardness from the start. It was clear that he knew that I knew. But it didn’t seem to bother him as much as it bothered me. The room felt heavy with the silence. Like turning the T.V. on mute, the lack of noise was unnerving.

“Where’s your dad?” I asked using my observational skills to break the silence.

“Oh. He’s with my mom,” He shifted his weight to be mainly on his left leg. He was getting uneasy. A feeling that was currently quite mutual buck not regularly a common one that had been present in our friendship. That feeling didn’t belong between us.

I nodded.

“So...where’s your mom?” He said returning the question and observation.

“I can’t get a hold of her,” I said. “She’s at a meeting or something.”

“Oh. Well I left a message on her cell a few minutes before you walked in here so hopefully she gets it,” he shifted his eyes to look past mine.

“You got through the line? It sent me straight to voice mail,” I gestured by getting my phone out.

“Yeah. I called a few times until I got through,” He mumbled.

“Oh. I should have tried that.”

The conversation died. We walked over to a couch together and sat down. Both of us edging towards the opposite side of the couch. Myself on the far left and him on the far right. Not that it did much since we were on a love seat.

“So, about last time...” He began.

And It was then that I realized that we were in a lobby on a couch alone. My mom wasn’t here and his parents were probably going to be busy for a long while. And he wanted to talk about it.

The look on my face said it all: this was going to be a very long night.
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A/N: dunDunDUN! Haha. So I’m still alive and updating. Don’t worry about updates too much they will come however slow it may be at times. I’m going to have a bit more time on my hands now that I’m looking for a new job and all so maybe more updates? Hopefully.

I was wondering if any of you would like me to post a character list and summary of people so you don’t get lost in names or confused and whatnot. I’m still working on building up plot and giving this story a good backbone before I dig more into romance. That and, come on...Toby’s mom can’t be pregnant forever! xD

Any ideas for the baby’s name?

And also, I was wondering what your views are on who you would prefer Melissa to end up with out of all the guys in this story? It could influence the outcome or not. I’m not entirely sure myself. My outline hasn’t reached past the next chapter or two. Lol.

If you have any questions I might post a “chapter”of answers for anyone. As always comments and reviews and constructive criticism are great. Just try and forgive the mechanical stuff and some grammatical stuff too. I wanted to get this out ASAP.

So I hope this chapter helps you all to forgive me for being a tortuous non-updating author!

Thank you so much for sticking around with this story and myself! I won’t disappoint!

- Jenna

Jennabebetter@yahoo.com -to contact me for any reason at all