Better Than Burroughs

Next Morning

Marina

I haven’t seen Callum at all this morning. He opened the store before I even woke up. Emma called to hang out but I’m such a big chicken that I’m too scared to go downstairs. I would have to get past him in order to leave and I don’t think I’m stealthy enough to pull it off. Last night was just too much for me. I don’t know what I’m supposed to think. Meeting Charlie and Betty was so much fun and everything went to hell afterwards. He was irritable and short with me. He was rude. He kissed me. Why did he kiss me? Why would he tell me all those things? Am I completely blind or something? I don’t think I’ve missed any signs. Sure, he’s been more civil towards me lately then he ever had been, but I never would have thought that he was sexually attracted to me. For how long exactly has he felt this way? Even while telling me that he desired me, he managed to insult me by casting the need off as something he could eradicate in a night. What am I, a hooker? I don’t think so. I’m not a one night stand type and definitely not with someone I live with.

I was mad last night and surprised, but now I’m just confused. I want things to be okay between us and I don’t want him to avoid me. I have a feeling he will unless I try and fix…whatever needs to be fixed. He kissed me and I didn’t even move. Not that he gave me a chance or anything. It was just all too sudden and by the time I had realized what he was doing, he was walking out of the room.

Four women in the past month. It’s such a small number with such a giant meaning. How does someone even do that? How do you find four different people to have sex with you? Were they strangers? Does he just go around and have sex with strange women? I always knew he had a healthy sex life, it would have just been insane if he didn’t, but I didn’t know it was that healthy. He was right though, I didn’t really want to know. I think from now on, I’ll approach the subject by sticking my fingers in my ears and going ‘la la la la la la la, I can’t hear you’.

Is it wrong that I don’t really care? I mean, I do, but not really. I don’t know. I barely got any sleep last night. I’m exhausted. I couldn’t stop thinking about Callum. His appeal has never gone unnoticed but I always thought he wasn’t too thrilled with me. I can’t stop thinking about him now that I know he wants to have sex with me. How strange. No one has ever outright told me that before. Even when I was with Felix, he would never come out and say stuff like that. Callum says it and we aren’t even dating. What is wrong with this guy? I imagine that he’s one for dirty talk. I just get that impression. I’m a sucker for words. That would kill me. I already have to fight from falling for his smooth accent. He can say just about anything and somehow it comes out charming. But I remember the look on his face when he told me how many women. He looked like he was just waiting for me to curse him or something. He almost looked regretful. I hate that I made him look that way. I don’t want him to feel bad. I worry about him. Especially now, knowing how sexually active he is. I assume that he’s careful, but god, does he have any children? Would he even know if he did?

I notice that I’ve been biting my thumb nail and drop my hand. Standing up, I walk in my bedroom and get dressed. I want to look cute, but not too cute. Not obvious. I hope he knows that now that I know, I may be tempted to use it to my advantage. My curious and troublemaking side is rearing its ugly head and it’s been dormant for too long. Once I’m completely comfortable sharing my thoughts, the boy is screwed. I finally end on my favorite pair of jeans and a black tank top with a sheer white lacy thing over it. I have no idea what these things are called but I love it.

Heading downstairs, I need to make peace with him. I don’t want things to be strained between us and as for what he told me last night, I don’t really want to think about it all yet. Loud music is playing in the store and I recognize it from the day before. I don’t know what they’re called but I liked what I had heard. It’s loud and energetic, the singer having a thick accent that I’m guessing is Russian. Half the lyrics I don’t understand because they aren’t in English, but it does nothing to take away from the enjoyment. Callum’s at the counter, ringing a man up and I stand at the foot of the stairs, waiting for him to be done.

“Enjoy,” Callum says, putting the man’s books in a black bag and handing it over. I walk around Callum’s side and he jumps, “Christ Marin! Announce your fucking presence or you’re getting a bleedin’ bell.”

I can’t help but laugh, the music putting me in a good mood. It makes me want to dance. They should play this in clubs. The music is slightly louder than I would set it at but I don’t say anything. If the customers don’t complain, why should I?

“Can I do anything?” I ask. He shakes his head before saying that he’s already taken care of the more pressing matters. I don’t know what those matters would entail of and he doesn’t offer. I want to ask him if he’s okay. If he’s upset with me or if things are alright between us. I don’t know what to say now that he doesn’t need any help. I feel stupid standing in front of him. I don’t want to leave.

“You must leave,” he says suddenly, assessing me from head to toe.

“What? Why?”

“Bare feet are a no-no.”

Looking down at my feet, I don’t know why it should matter. This isn’t the mall, it’s a privately owned used book store, “Why?”

“If a customer sees you, this fetching bird with bare feet in my store, they’ll think that it’s acceptable and follow after. I just can’t have that.”

He thinks I’m fetching? I don’t know how he manages to compliment me so fully. If anyone else said it, it just wouldn’t hold the same weight. Something about how he says these things so flippantly, like it’s natural for him and completely obvious to the world. He’s completely charming. I don’t know how he can be so charming one minute and a complete asshole the next. He’s definitely talented.

“Shall I hide behind the counter?”

“Only employees are allowed behind the counter.”

“What’s back there?” I ask sarcastically.

“Pornographic magazines and Alexa’s Vibrating Insatiable Pussy,” he says with a grin. I don’t even want to know who Alexa is.

“I’m sorry I asked.” He shrugs and pulls a stool out from under the counter, sitting down. Ignoring me, he flips open a book and props his head up on a hand. Like me, he looks tired. He didn’t shave this morning, something that doesn’t really shock me much, and it looks like he slept in his clothes. I know he didn’t because it’s not what he was wearing last night, but it looks like they were on the floor. He seems fine though. He’s not acting any differently and if I didn’t know any better, I would think that I dreamed the events of last night. God, I want to bring it up so badly.

Dragging over a chair from the Biography section, I position it clearly in his line of sight and sit down. Turning, I scan the bookshelf beside me and select a copy of Everything Is Illuminated and start reading. I’ve read the book before, but he doesn’t need to know that. I haven’t read Foer’s newest, but I plan to. Maybe Callum has a copy somewhere.

“What the hell are you doing?” Callum asks with a sigh. I look up and he’s staring at me, his elbows on the counter and his book laying forgotten in front of him.

“Reading?”

“Sarky minx,” he says, a smile breaking out and I can’t help but return it. It’s infectious. “You’ve read that before.”

“Why do you say that?”

“People always have a way about them when rereading a book. You were skimming but still reacting to the words.”

“Alright, fine. I’ve read it. Congratulations. You don’t happen to have his newest do you?” I put the book back and stand up, walking over to the front of the counter, leaning over it. I notice Callum’s eyes move down and I wonder how much of my cleavage is showing. I don’t want to look because it would be too obvious.

“Not down here. Upstairs I do. You’ve seen the movie I assume?”

“There’s a movie?” I haven’t heard anything of a movie being made of Extremely Loud. That’s great though. Maybe Foer will end up like Nick Hornby and have almost all of his books made into films. Well I know of four, not all, but that’s a lot. They’re all really good too. High Fidelity turned out great. I hated that remake of Fever Pitch though. Why redo it? Colin Firth is enough for…well everything. And I have to admit, Jimmy Fallon just bugs me.

“Actually yeah, it’s in the works. But I was talking about Illuminated.”

“Oh yeah. I saw that. It was good. Elijah Wood was kind of stoic. The actors who played the grandfather and Alex really stole the show though. Oh and Sammy Davis Jr. Jr., obviously.”

He points towards the speaker in the corner of the ceiling and says, “Eugene Hutz is the singer, Gogol Bordello, he played Alex. The guy’s amazing, I’d fuck him sideways. They’re used on the soundtrack. It actually has quite an excellent one. Lots of Leningrad.” Callum rambles on about the other bands and music and I find myself drawn to him, as usual. He speaks with his hands I’ve noticed, when he’s really into what he’s saying. His accent begins growing thicker, completely unconsciously. He seems so pleased to be teaching me something about music. I think it’s his element. He spoke passionately about Nick Cave before.

A few hours go by and I realize that I’m not going to bring up the other night. Things are nice right now, we’re talking easier than we ever have and I think maybe he just needed to get that stuff off his chest. I don’t want to rock the boat and mess this up. He’s even let me behind the counter, he lied about the sex toy. I couldn’t find it. I did find candy and the stereo under there though. A customer walks in, an older woman with her pants pulled up under her breasts. Not attractive, especially considering that she stands with her back arched and her stomach pushed out. Her nose is bulbous on the end and I can’t help comparing her to a warthog.

Callum doesn’t even look up from his book, a copy of 1984, something I’ve never gotten around to reading and actually feel guilty over. It’s one of those books that are just assumed. At least I’ve read Animal Farm.

The woman wanders off into one of the back rooms and I begin making a crane out of a Starburst wrapper. I’ve already made five cranes of various sizes and a few flowers and one blow-up box. The box didn’t really work out too well. The paper was too small and it just didn’t expand correctly.

Finishing the fold that makes the left wing, the woman appears in front of the counter and I smile, looking over at Callum’s bowed head. He appears to take no notice of the woman and she’s getting annoyed.

“Excuse me young man.”

Callum slowly turns the page before looking up, “Yes, may I be of some service?”

I have to duck my head to hide my smile. The woman pulls a copy of The Da Vinci Code out of her bag and sets it down on the counter, “I want to return this.”

Callum’s eyebrows shoot up and he pulls the book over to him, looking it over and flipping through the pages, “Do you have the receipt?”

“Well it was a gift. My daughter gave it to me and I don’t read things like this,” she says, zipping her purse up.

Callum nods and flips the book over, “And she bought it here, your daughter?”

“Yes, last week.”

“It’s just that, this price sticker is from Borders,” he says, pointing to the sticker in the corner of the back cover. The woman visibly bristles and her hands clutch at the shoulder strap of her purse. He’s right though, the sticker is definitely Borders. But this is a used book store after all. I say that and Callum looks over at me, “I peel all identifying stickers off to avoid such problems.”

“Then you missed this one,” the woman insists and I can see Callum getting annoyed. I lay my hand down on his arm and he sighs.

“Can I see your identification?” he asks calmly.

She begins pulling her wallet out and Callum smiles when she hands him her driver’s license. He opens the front cover and lays the ID underneath a name scrawled on the first page, sliding it over to the woman.

“You didn’t read it, but you wrote your name down inside it?” he asks.

She opens her mouth to say something but he speaks up first, “Regardless of whether or not you read the book, it wasn’t bought from my store.”

“Then I’ll sell it to you,” she says after a moment of silence and putting her ID away. I can’t believe her.

“The only books I buy off people are rare and this is most definitely not a rare book. Now you can donate it if you would like,” Callum says.

“Fine. But I’m never buying a book here again,” she says, leaving the book on the counter and huffing out of the store. She actually huffs. The pants are worse from the back and I smile. Callum pulls the sticker off the back of the book and writes a price down on the inside page. It’s very thoughtful of him to use a pencil. He hands me the book and I look at him for an explanation. I don’t want the thing. I already read it and was sorely disappointed. For such big talk, I really think that I could have written it. And everything that was revealed, I pretty much already knew. The movie should be better. As long as they don’t mess with Silas and turn him into a bad guy. He was my favorite.

“Would you go put it with the others?” he says, pointing towards one of the shelves in front. Nodding, I go to the shelf and laugh when I see ten copies of this same book.

“They actually sell pretty fast. That’s the hot shelf. Most asked for. It’s actually a direct reflection of American reading habits,” Callum says from behind the counter. I turn around and he’s already back to reading. I look at him for a minute and I can see a smile forming on his face. He doesn’t say anything though and I’m glad.

“Can I ask you a question?” I ask, walking up to the counter. He looks up from the book and even stands up straight, his hands spread apart on the counter-top.

“Always.”

His answer momentarily stuns me with its gentle honesty and I find myself smiling at him and noticing the way the muscles in his arms flex with the position he’s in. The t-shirt allows me to see the tattoo on his arm and I want to touch it. I look up at him and he’s smirking at me.

“I don’t think badly of you for sleeping with four women,” I blurt and I must sound like a fool. That’s not even what I was going to ask. That wasn’t even really a question. He’s looking at me so intently and I don’t know what he’s thinking.

“That’s not a question, dear.”

I sigh and smile, fully aware of that fact. It’s nice of him to avert the statement and point out something obvious. Fine, I’ll ask a question. I don’t know why I’m bringing this all up but I’m proud of myself for doing so. I want to get things out in the open. I don’t want to always have to wonder if he’s upset with me or if he thinks I’m upset with him.

“Why did you start a fight with me last night?”

“I started a fight?”

“You know you did Callum,” I say, tilting my head to the side.

“That wasn’t a fight. It was merely a confrontation of sorts.”

I’m getting frustrated at his skirting the issue and say, “Whatever it was, why did it happen? Did I do something?”

“No, Marin, it was me. It was a weird night for me. I won’t apologize because I’m not sorry. But you did nothing wrong.”

I nod and look down at the counter. I guess that will have to be good enough. I want to know why it was a weird night. I thought it was great. But maybe having me go with him was just too much for him. He invited me himself but maybe he got ahead of himself a bit. I don’t know. But I’m glad I don’t have to wonder about what I did. I love that he’s not going to apologize because he’s not sorry. That’s so…freakishly honest of him. Most people would apologize just to diffuse the situation.

“I got upset because you implied that all it would take was having sex with me to get past it. I don’t want to feel dispensable anymore. Felix already did enough and I just don’t want to start feeling that way around you,” I say, feeling far too open right now in the face of his slight honesty. I realize more around Callum. Sometimes I don’t want to realize what I end up realizing.

“In all honesty, I have sex with you and I’ll be expecting it every hour on the hour. You’re not the type a man gets tired of Marin, you’re the type they can’t get enough of. Felix will figure that out too late.”

I look up at him and he looks upset. He breathes in deeply and I see his fingers twitch. I want to hug him. I feel like crying but I refuse. I wasn’t expecting his answer. I was expecting a joke, like his offering to beat Felix up for me. I also ignore the rush I feel at his comment about wanting sex every hour. Sex with Callum. I can’t even imagine. I wonder what kind of lover he would be. If he’s a giver or a taker? Or a combination of both. Is he dominating? I wouldn’t be surprised. But I also wouldn’t be surprised if he was more on the gentle side. I need to stop thinking about Callum’s sexual personality.

I want him to kiss me again. I wouldn’t freeze this time.

“Every hour? That’s a pretty hefty claim,” I say with a light smile.

“Are you challenging me?” he asks and it’s him who is challenging me with that question.

“I don’t know, I am a mind fuck after all,” I say with a smirk.

He laughs and pushes his book to the side, “You’re generally begging for it.”


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AN: So that was the filler. Hope it was alright. Thank you so much to everyone reviewing. Thank you to everyone reading. If you got this far, I am very pleased. I usually check out within the first paragraph if it doesn’t catch me in some way. Just the fact that people read this is very…well I guess cool. It’s the only word that fits. So read, review, the next chapter is definitely not a filler. I’m a tad worried that it will be too much, but I know my emotions and I know the emotions of people close to me, so in my land, it’s not all that crazy.

'Everything Is Illuminated' and 'Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close' – Both written by Jonathan Safran Foer. Sammy Davis Jr. Jr. is not a typo, that is the name of the dog in 'Illuminated'. Great books. Give them a try.

'High Fidelity' and 'Fever Pitch' – Both written by Nick Hornby. A terrific British author who is quite popular among the movie business. His newest novel, 'A Long Way Down', is already in motion to be a film with Johnny Depp producing. So far, I think that’s all there is to know about it.

'1984' and 'Animal Farm' – Both by George Orwell

'The Da Vinci Code' – Dan Brown

Some splendid music:

Gogol Bordello

Leningrad