If I Was The One

Grrr… Damn it won’t let me upload and it won’t keep the italic in text. Aughz! Hope you guys like this…


Regina fiddled with her tassel as the guidance counselor droned on. The graduation robes were yellow, which made her look pasty.

Except she didn’t care. It was graduation. High school was over. Everything she’d worked for since she first stepped through the big glass doors of Reagan high… didn’t matter at all now. With luck, she’d never see anyone here, ever again.

She glanced over at Jimmy, sitting with the other football players. He’d been accepted to a good college on a football scholarship, not that he’d need the money. He’d gone on how he’d come back for her after he graduated. Maybe he even believed it. He could be a little clueless… it hadn’t been hard to pretend everything was fine since the game a week before.

She glanced back to the juniors. She couldn’t see Devin.


He’d been in the hospital since the game for injuries, and she hadn’t heard anything about him.


There was a bone deep weight of guilt that she felt every moment. At one point she’d even considered going over to his house. But he wouldn’t want to see her. He shouldn’t want to see her.

She’d be gone the next day, and then he could just forget her, forget she even existed, and just get on with his life without a delusional crush.


I love you…


She wouldn’t think of it. He didn’t love her, he was just… hell maybe he was just attracted to the quarterback’s girlfriend. She convinced herself even as she felt her heart clench.


“…pronounce this class graduated!” the speaker had changed to the principal at some time during her thoughts. She blinked as everyone stood and cheered, hurling the little hats in the air. She quickly stood up and tossed hers over her shoulder, not looking to see where it landed.


________________________________________________________________________________


“Bye Jimmy, pick me up tonight for the party, right?”


“You bet Ginny, we’ll be the king and queen of the room!” he flashed her a grin and she thought, the king and queen right before the kingdom is dissolved.


Jimmy’s eyes had darkened. “And than, baby, I’ve got a hotel room, and we can do there what we couldn’t on prom night…” Jimmy frowned as he remembered, remembered Regina hanging over the toilet bowl, that is.


“About that babe,” he leaned toward her earnestly. “You know how you said you wanted to do it on a special night? Well, tonight is special, even more so than the prom, so what do you say…? My father gave me condoms.”


Regina had been expecting Jimmy to reach this brilliant conclusion, and ducked her head, tossing hair in her face.


“Jimmy, sweetie, and I’m not sure…” she raised guileless eyes to his, biting her lip.


Jimmy knew when to hold off. She never said no, and the lip-biting and wide eyes always meant an eventual yes.


“Oh, no, baby, don’t worry about it” he cooed. “It’s all your decision, all at your pace.”


“Ohh, baby your so sweet…” she smiled mistily and gave him a peck on the mouth. He tried to pull her back for more and she swatted at him. “:Jimmy! Later…” she licked her lips and smiled. He sat back, with a little difficulty, grinned in anticipation and drove away.


The smile dropped off Regina’s face and died a screaming death. She turned and went inside, passing her mother at the TV.


Upstairs, Regina checked the back of each drawer and pulled off her robe, under which she wore baggy jeans and a t-shirt. The room was bare, all plain, peeling walls uncovered from colorful clothes. There were two duffle bags sitting in the middle of the room, with a small backpack resting on top of them. They were that was left after she’d peeled off every indication of her living there and packed some of it, throwing away the rest. She’s already gone through the rest of the house in case she’d left something there. It had been unneeded, she’d always kept every single possession of hers in her room.


She hefted the bags over her shoulder, the backpack over the other, and picked up her graduation robe.


Downstairs she stuffed the garment in the garbage and went into the living room.


She started silently at her mother, eyes glued to the commercial of a kind of spaghetti, for a moment.


“Mom.”


Mary’s eyes jerked slightly from the TV, indicating she’d heard her.


“Mom, I’m going now, to New York, remember?”


There was silence for a moment. “Told your father?”


“Yeah, two weeks ago Mother, the same day I told you.” Regina’s voice was grated.


Mary jerked her head in a nod. “Alright. Don’t talk now, Days of Our Lives is on.”


Regina stood there. “I’m GOING, now”


Mary waved a hand for silence.


“I’m going to the airport right now, and I’m getting on a plane to fly over a thousand miles away and I’m NEVER coming back.”


“Mmm” Mary nodded absently, leaning forward to the dramas of the TV screen.


“Bye” Regina said shortly, walking out the door.


She walked to the bus stop, wiping her stinging eyes. The bus arrived ten minutes later and two hours later she was staring out the plane window at the fluffy clouds.




Goodbye, Devin… I honestly don’t think I’ll ever forget you