Gravity of Love

12


I got up from the bed and went to the bathroom to clean up. I wiped away the blood and stared at myself in the mirror. I frowned at the bruise starting to form on my jaw. Why'd he have to hit me that hard? I chuckled as soon as I thought that. The fact that he hit me should be enough to bother me, not if he left me with a bruise or not. Could I be anymore fucked up? Yes, that was rhetorical. I didn't really want an answer for that. I've developed quite a nasty habit for those types of questions lately. I think maybe I'll have to answer them after awhile. Maybe.

I left the bathroom, turning off the light and any more thoughts about my life. I needed to lose myself for a while; it had come to the point where I felt all I had become was just some empty fucking puppet. But isn't that what Ren wanted? Is that all I was to him? Funny, but didn't I just say no more "life" thoughts. And why am I even having this conversation with myself?

"I'm going insane," I said out loud, testing those words to see how they sounded. "Hmm, not bad," I muttered to myself with a chuckle. Oooh yeah, insane asylum here I come.

I went back downstairs, absentmindedly braiding my hair back since Ren had messed it up. Being pulled off of a bed by the hair has a tendency of doing that. I took the long way around the house and went into our bedroom. I listened carefully at the side door for any noise or movement to see if Ren was still in there. Nothing. Did he leave? Could I slip out unnoticed? Where would I go? Maybe back to Mannix, I thought spitefully. Yeah right, I wanted to escape from this shit, not get deeper into it. I went through my half of the closet and decided it was a "wet dream" day. Simple, yet very tight black leather pants clung to my body leaving very little room for imagination. I pulled a dark purple shirt made out of stretchy silk cloth over my head, hugging to my body. It was mid afternoon, so the best clubs weren't open yet, but there were a few underground places around the city where the parties never stopped. I used to be a frequent visitor to those in my younger days when I would pass out from partying and it was then that Ren forbade me from ever going back. But he wasn't around, I felt like shit and I needed something to numb my brain.

I opened the connecting door to the study and inched my head in to double check that Ren wasn't there. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw that the room was empty and the lights turned off. I might actually make it out of here without him knowing; sure he'd beat the shit out of me later for it, but what else was new? I made it through the study to the other side and was almost out of the house when I heard Ren's voice behind me. Shit.

"Where do you think you're going?"

I stopped and pulled my hand away from the doorknob, turned around and gave him my best sly smile.

"Needed some fresh air, that's all," I replied.

He stood in the kitchen doorway staring at me. Why the fuck didn't I check the kitchen? The door was right across from the study so he would've seen me easily before I spotted him. He was leaning in the doorway looking sexy and irresistible as always. The only thing he had on was a pair of black jeans and his hair brushed down around his face. I watched his body as he walked to me, his bare feet making small sounds on the wood floor. I couldn't help but feel a pang of desire and a heavy pull in-between my legs. But that was lust, so what? Was it love? Did I only love him when he hurts me? When he uses me? I mentally shook myself and decided to put those questions in the "think about it later" pile. Sure that pile was as tall as the fucking Statue of Liberty, but as long as it didn't teeter over and crush me I'd keep adding things to it. My life was complicated already I so didn't need more. Ren stopped at the study door and leaned against it and let his eyes travel along my body.

"Come here," he said.

A rush of anger went through me. What was I? A dog? I had to bite my lip as I fought to keep myself from saying something that would get me into trouble. I sighed and went to him and he reached out and tugged at the bottom of my shirt.

"This is nice," he said quietly.

A compliment? From him? The first red flag that something was up.

"Yeah," I said without any real emotion.

He slowly snaked his hand under my shirt, his fingers playing along the ridges of my abs and playing along my pectorals. A delicious shiver ran through me, but I quickly squashed it. Fucking would be nice, don't get me wrong, but I didn't know if I wanted it to be with him. I knew what my body wanted, and a small part of me wanted him pounding into me until I screamed….uh, what was my point? I pulled back from him shaking my head just as his head came forward to kiss me.

"I gotta go," I said, trying to make my voice loud and sturdy but it came out soft and wounded. Damnit. I walked around him and decided to leave through the kitchen door that led to the garage. I didn't know what I was thinking turning away from him like that, but Ren was more than happy to share his thoughts. He came up behind me and caught me by the arm and pushed me to the wall.

He pressed his body close to mine and his face was inches away.

"You go where I tell you," He purred, his voice dangerously soft.

I had a sudden memory overload. This was the same spot that all this shit started. The abuse, this crazy hold he had on me that I can't seem to break free from. I didn't want to remember it, but it flooded back in my brain like water from a broken damn. I felt the pain, the shock, and the fear as he revealed his true self. I remembered that even as I sobbed while he hit me I still loved him to death. I suddenly had the answer to my question I had avoided earlier. I didn't love him because he hit me; I simply let him because I loved him too much to stop it. How fucked up was that? I lowered my head and my eyes seemed to lose focus. I sunk to the floor and since Ren refused to let me go he bent down in front of me. He cupped my chin in his hand to lift my head up but I pulled away.

"What's wrong?" He said, his voice going a bit high with concern.

My voice came out soft yet steady, strangely the opposite of how I felt. "What am I to you?"

"What?"

The fucker heard me, I know he did. "What am I to you?" I repeated through clenched teeth as I looked up at him.

He smiled at me and took my chin in his hand again.

"You're everything to me, Gav."

"Bull shit!" I snap before I could stop myself.

He tightened his grip on my chin in warning for my outburst but still smiled at me.
"Never doubt my love."

"I'm just your pet," I sneer.

Ren moved so that my legs were stretched out and he straddled them.

"You're my companion," he replied softly and leaned down so our lips barely touched. His hands slid from my shoulder and down my arms, his fingers playing on my skin. I shivered at his touch despite myself.

"I'm your whore," I whispered, yet sighed as his tongue flicked out on my chin.

"You're my lover," he said smoothly, moving his hands under my shirt and pushing it up. I shook my head, refusing to fall for his seduction. I wouldn't. I couldn't.

"You hit me," I hiss.

He nibbled at my ear. "Discipline, love, discipline." His hands went to undo my pants and I fought his hands, pushing them away gently.

"You're always hurting me."

He gave an exasperated sigh, and quickly kissed me, pushing his tongue past my lips and moved it teasingly along my tongue. He slowly started humping me and I could feel his erection through his pants, digging into me. I let out a soft groan but still pushed him away. Was this his answer to everything? When I finally open my eyes he seduces me to not think about it?

"But it's doesn't last for long, does it? I do what I have to do, Gavin, but it's only because I love you so much."

I was about to make a nasty reply to that when he put his finger to my lips.

"You may not like it, but I shaped you to be the man you are today, baby. Where would you be if I didn't love you? If I hadn't found you your parents would and would've made you go back home."

"I wouldn't have gone back!" I spat.

Ren smiled. "So you would've stayed on the streets? And exactly how long would you have lasted in the Underbelly by yourself? How long, love, before drugs, disease or a crazy trick killed you?"

I scoffed, but stayed silent. Thank you for flying guilt trip airlines; please take the obligation exit to your right. Yes, he saved me and took care of me but does that give him the right to treat me like this? Or am I fooling myself? Am I trying to be someone I don't deserve to be? I finally looked in his eyes and saw a man that I loved despite myself, despised and craved. He grinned and went back to kissing my neck, taking my silence as a concession.

"I love you," he whispered against my skin.

Well, of course he did. He loved anything that he could own and control. But as far as loving ME…that was the ten billion dollar question wasn't it? Yet I still slid my arms around him, pulling him closer. He nibbled at my neck, pushing the collar of my shirt down to lick at my shoulder blade.

Was I giving in? Did I believe him? Is all he said true, could I just not be appreciating all he's given me? He stood up, pulled me to him and led me to the bedroom I had just left just a few minutes ago. We kissed softly as we undressed each other. His hands trailed in lazy patterns on my chest and his tongue played along mine. I unbuttoned his jeans, lost in his kiss and slid them down a bit past his hips. I pulled away from his lips and traced a wet path with my tongue to that fold where the jaw meets the neck and sucked that one spot. He muttered something and dug his nails in my chest. I couldn't have slept with him this long and not know his spot, now could I? My body jerked from the pain of his nails but I swallowed it and turned it into pleasure like he had taught me to do. I kissed his neck harder, sucking his skin in my mouth, latching on him like a lamprey.

I went to my knees in front of him, sliding his pants down as I went to the floor. He stepped out of his jeans but pulled me back up to face him. He tugged at my pants.

"Off," he said with a grin and walked past me to the bed. I shed my pants and followed him. Once I was on the bed and on my back Ren's mouth slowly found my cock. I gasped and spread my legs out further. He came back up to kiss me, his tongue probing at my mouth and his hands groping my skin.

"I love you," he told me and kissed my nose softly.

I smiled at him. He would want me to smile. "I love you too, baby." I say softly. As soon as those words left my mouth I knew the answer to those questions. Knew it as sure as the building desire as his cock slid deep inside me.

No.

I cried out as he slammed into me, a wave of pain flowing through me but then spread like a warm flame of pleasure through my body. I shook with every thrust as he drove himself hard into me. I put my head to the side and took it again and again, coaxing Ren on with groans and pants. Not that I wasn't enjoying, far from it, but I still felt that detachment. I treated him like I would a client; I'd fuck them, please them and so what if I happened to come out of the deal? He stopped suddenly and I opened my eyes to look at him. He was staring down at me, frowning slightly. Did he realize I was playing him?

"What?" I asked breathlessly.

He closed his eyes tight and shook his head. Okay, officially confused. I didn't get any more time to question because he moved his cock back into men even harder than before. A shiver ran through my body as he pressed his hips down on me, driving his cock deeper and deeper. Just when I was about to ask him to stop in fear that he would tear something he drew out slowly. A few seconds passed and he slid back, but not as deep. A short gasp fell from my lips every time he pulled out and thrust back in. Our bodies rocked with every thrust; they were slow yet in a set pace that was making it harder and harder to think. When did he start fucking me like this? I reached between us and pulled on my cock in time with his thrusts. He leaned down a bit, his lower stomach pinning my stroking hand between us.

"You like that, love?" He muttered softly.

"Ah! Y-yes," I panted.

"Want me deeper?" He purred. I could only nod, his smooth voice only adding to my desire. It flowed around me and I quickly nodded again, unable to do anything else. A few quick pumps of his hips and I felt the burning pain that was on the brink of being too deep. God, but it felt too good to make him stop.

"Fuck me," I whisper. I knew that's what he wanted to hear. "Fuck me good."

He let out a soft moan and quickened his pace, hammering his cock into me and I took every thrust, coming only moments after he did. He rolled off me and pulled me in his arms, satisfied that he thought I was no longer mad at him. No longer thinking. Was this supposed to be our makeup sex? He beats me, feels bad about it and then fucks me to forget? I'd smile if I knew Ren wouldn't catch it. I knew him. For the first time since I met him almost six years ago I knew Ren for who he was. Or wasn't, I should say.

I stayed in his arms for a few more moments then slowly pulled myself away and sat up. Now that the sex was over I had the urge to get as far away from him as possible. It hurt…God, it hurt.

"What's wrong now?" He muttered, getting off the bed.

"Nuthin," I said with a shrug, glancing at him over my shoulder. "I'm just a bit tired, babe."

"You had enough time to sleep last night," Ren snapped. "Or were you and Mannix too busy to get any sleep?"

I let out a sharp breath. "Why does it bother you?" I finally asked. "You…you make me fuck him, Ren. Why should last night bother YOU?" Damn, way too much anger in my voice just now. I was just so angry that he was angry. Simple yet somewhat childish, but true all the same.

Silence from behind me, then: "I made a few calls, you'll be working tonight," was Ren's reply.

That was not good enough. I turned my body around to face him. "Put me to work, fine. But tell me why. Don't you love me enough to tell me why?"

There. My first ultimatum. Ren sat back down on the bed slowly, his back to me.

"I don't want you becoming like him, Gavin."

"I've been fucking him for how long and you're just now wondering about his influence on me?"

Ren shook his head and got up from the bed with a small smile on his face. "You don't get it, Gav, but that's okay. You will soon."

With those cryptic words he left the room leaving me alone.


*********************************************************


For the second night in a row I found myself under that same streetlight waiting for my pickup. I leaned against the pole and waited with my eyes closed, sleep threatening to take its hold on me. I was hoping that no one would come, that I wouldn't have to go through with tonight but I knew that a fuck from Ren didn't do shit about his attitude. He'd pick someone he knows I can't stand. Well, last night was supposed to be like that too but it came around and bit him on the ass, now didn't it? So I knew that whoever was on tonight's agenda was going to be the worst. It didn't seem that long when that familiar jaguar pulled into view. I approached the car as it came to a stop, anxious to start the night and get it over with. The tinted window came down and a male voice came from inside.

"I need some company tonight," he said.

"Well, then, I'm your—" Hang on, that voice seemed oddly familiar. I bent down to take a look inside the car and frowned in disbelief. "David?"

"No, it's the Easter Bunny, nutball," he said lightly. "You getting in or what?"

I smiled and slipped into the car with a mixed feeling of excitement and dread. Sure Ren made me work tonight, that's never good, but with someone he knew I didn't mind? Even though Ren seemed calmed down from earlier (good sex is prone to do that) I knew from experience that his friendly face was often deceiving. Yes, I loved him, but trust? No fucking way.

"You don't seem happy to see me," David's soft voice filled the car.

"It's not that," I said quickly, "it's just that I wasn't expecting you."

"I told you I wanted to see you again, didn't I?"

"Yeah," I said slowly. How to explain this? "Ren is sorta pissed at me and he'll usually hook me up with someone I don't necessarily like."

David spared me a weird look and quickly looked back on the road.

"Well I guess he's not as angry as you thought, is he?"

I made a small noise in my throat, not very anxious to answer that question. He talked as he drove although I only listened to half of it. I leaned my head back and just listened to his smooth voice, bringing a sort of peaceful feeling around me.

"I've got something I need to show you…tell you." He said quietly, the tone in his voice changed and I sat up and looked at him.

"What?"

"We're almost there," was all he said.

Almost there? I took a look out the window; we should be pretty close to The Freaky Coffin by now. I squirmed in the seat as I saw the roads that led to my second home, anxious to finally have David naked again. What the fuck? We didn't slow down, he didn't use his turn signal, and we missed the exit and were heading towards an all too familiar turnoff. A cold shiver ran down my spine. Anywhere but there. Anywhere but there please.

The Glamour Strip in all of it's fucking glory. A turn off on McConnell and Burbage and we soon cruised into the back parking lot of –yes, you guessed it—The Gates. I must have very, very bad karma or someone up there really, really gets a kick at fucking up my life. I sat in the passenger seat unwilling to move as my stomach dropped down to my feet. I hadn't wanted to see this place again. David had no clue what happened between Mannix and I last night and that was exactly how it was going to stay. How could I tell him something like that? Would he hate me more than he probably already does? Forget all that: how can I fuck him when now all I can remember is Mannix's hands gripping my hips as he drove his cock into me. I remember his touch, the shower, the wonderful feeling of his seed as it filled me up. I shivered violently from the memory.

"What's wrong?"

I blinked and looked around aware now that I had just been staring off into space. In that time David had already opened his car door and slipped out, waiting for me. Shit, Gavin, pull it together!

"Nothing," I said and got out of the car.

David frowned at me.

"Doesn't sound like nothing, you feeling okay?"

I smiled at him and licked my lips slowly.

"Feeling just fine," I purred, "even better when I get you in the room naked."

Satisfied with that answer David grinned widely and walked off. Taking a deep breath, I shook off thoughts of Mannix and Ren and reached in my head for my wonderful static. Time to do what I do best.