Turn Around

 

Eleven

 

I am a very bad drunk

 

Day fourteen, Wednesday

 

“Still feeling sick, huh?” I heard Sem's words while I was hung over his toilet, forehead resting on the seat, one hand placed lightly over my stinging digestive system. Everything throbbed, my head pounding and my limbs shaking. Taking a chance as my throat stung, I looked up and saw him in the doorway holding his coffee cup in both hands. The thought of the milky liquid had my stomach churning but when he came closer, concern on his features, the smell of hot milk had my body responding fast. My stomach clenched, trying to empty itself. But it had been empty for a good fifteen minutes and now the back of my throat felt raw.



“You going to seriously be able to make it into work today?”



I had to. I couldn't skip a day just because I got drunk off my ass. It was my fault. My work wouldn't suffer because of this ridiculous cock-up. "I intend to. I won't make you late. Today is a normal day."



"Mhm, you keep telling yourself that and it might make it true but it probably won't." He wandered off, leaving me with another waft of sickly sweet milk, returning a moment later with a little medication package. Pouring me a glass of water from the bathroom sink, he crouched down and popped out one of the tiniest pills I'd seen in my life. That was honestly going to keep me from dying due to my stomach bursting through my body in a fit because I didn't treat it right?



"Take it. It'll make you feel better very quickly and I know you think I'm taking the piss but really, they work. You can't take them too often though so if you start to throw up again we'll need to take another visit to the doctors." No. Not the doctors!



He placed the shiny blue pill in my hand and I almost got it between my chapped, painful lips before it fell. Was it common to shake so much while hungover? Or was it caused by the strain on my body through throwing up so much?



"Alright. Open up. My name is Sem and I'll be your nurse for the day."



I looked up at him, concerned as to whether he was going to whip out a leather nurse outfit. "How many years training have you had, nurse Sem?"



"Oh many, many years, darling. Don't worry. Be a good boy and nothing bad will happen." He would be a good kidnapper... Aside from the fact that he had a mushy heart. That was likely to get in the way when he was stealing someone and demanding money or whatever it was that got him going. I really didn't know. I still did as I was told, swallowing the pill and a sip of water in agony. "When you feel like you're not going to be sick everywhere, you can get up. They don't make you feel stronger but they will give you just a little energy to tide you over until you are comfortable enough to eat." I'd be happy if I never swallowed anything ever again.



The vigorous swirling of my innards eased and Sem was helping me to my feet. How he could bring himself to touch me, I don't know. I was dressed only in underwear and couldn't recall ever taking my clothes off. My hair and back were wet with sweat but I had the chills. I don't think anyone ever looked appealing while hungover though. Whatever. If he didn't care, why should I? Placing a cushion over my stomach for a little warmth and comfort, I stared down at my bare feet.



"Sem, when.. And how did I lose my clothes?"



"I took them off you. When we got back here I put you to bed and you seemed to be okay. Half an hour later you were being sick, mainly all over yourself and the bedding and you were barely awake. I didn't want to move you because you seemed so out of it and I know.. How you can be." Subtle way of saying he thought I'd try and kill him in my disorientated state. Probably true. "So I held you up while your stomach finished and then took you to the bathroom. I cleaned you up and you were still quite drunk, giggling and talking about your cat. I had to take everything off of you and then put you in underwear which was a bit of a challenge since you couldn't stand by yourself. You sat on the floor, held up by the wall while I sorted the bed out. You were singing through that bit. Settling you into bed, by the time I was done cleaning the floor you were snoring your head off."



I wanted to crawl into a pit of shame and remain there for the rest of my life. "Fuck.. I'm sorry, Sem. I've never been drunk before. I didn't know I was even getting drunk."



"It's alright. The first time is often pretty bad and I should have been watching you more but I thought Walker would have stopped you earlier. It's done with now and you're on the road to recovery." He was mulling about, laying out some work clothes for me like he was my nanny.



"Did I do anything else bad?" Did I really want to know in all honesty? I felt like I had to.



"What do you mean?"



"Did I break things? Steal anything? Throw myself at random people?"



"No. You were generally polite and just silly. You did promise Walker that you would talk with him and meet up with him after work but I'm almost certain it's just a friendship situation."



"And I did nothing... Towards you?"



"Nope. Nothing. Stop worrying and concentrate and pulling your shit together because we have to leave in a few minutes."



Embarrassingly, Sem had to help me get my socks on because my stomach refused to let me bend over far enough.





Work was a traumatizing experience and I wished I'd never bothered going in by the time Sem was parking the car. I wasn't gagging all over the place anymore but my body felt like a wreck. My stomach seemed calmer, but the damage could be felt with every move I made and I knew the next time I ate would be uncomfortable. I could feel the burning right down my gullet as if I'd had a tube shoved down. That's sort of like what they do when you have an operation, right? My body trembled as I walked slowly towards the building and when I felt Sem take a gentle hold of my hand I flinched, my skin stinging. At the odd response he pulled me close, soft and light.



"If you need to go back and rest, I will take you. No matter what. You call or contact me however you want. Just don't sit there in agony for the next eight hours."



"Don't you have meetings like always? I really don't know what all you big guys find to talk about."



"Yeah. Full all day. But that doesn't matter. Contact me if you need me."



The stairs seemed to all but kill me and once I was at my cubicle I collapsed into my chair, groaning and holding my head.



"Booze doesn't like you, does it?" Walker set down a cup of water for me and gave me a light pat on the shoulder before heading to his own desk. Booze certainly didn't like me and I decided I didn't like it. Not one bloody bit. Stone cold sober was certainly the way to go.



"I take it you are enjoying chatting with Walker then?" Sem was in the kitchen, sorting something out for dinner that he promised would be light and easy on my stomach. I hadn't been sick since this morning but now there was a dull ache from no food through the entire day.



"Yeah, it's fun and easier than having to deal with people in person. Not that Walker is hard to be around but it's always awkward to some extent for me. You know what I mean?" When Sem nodded I went back to my online conversation with Walker. We were discussing anything that came into our heads. Topics already covered included sexual orientation: he was undecided, the weather: we both liked it warm and often felt cold when others were waltzing around the streets in their underwear. Now he was getting into music and pasting links so I could listen to what he liked and comment on it.



Alongside the page I had wanted was a dating site. A dating site? ... A dating site. On Sem's laptop. My stomach suddenly throbbed harder and I couldn't quite pinpoint my feelings. He'd made no mention of dating sites or wanting to be in a relationship with someone. I should have been happy, I guess. Happy that he was looking for someone and wanting to spend his life with a person special to his heart. But I wasn't. I couldn't bring myself to feel anything but a blur of raging turmoil. Did I want him for myself? My head said no. It was too risky. I had so much to lose. But if I didn't want him for myself then why was I feeling so damn ill looking at the username entry box which held the remembered 'SFurler' name in. I was jealous. To imagine him comforting someone else; holding them, kissing them, sharing his bed with them, it was too much. But I could do nothing without risking everything.



"He ask you out or something? Because you've been staring at the screen like a zombie for a bit now and dinner is nearly ready." I could only point at the page I had opened. He came over and crouched down, looking over my shoulder since I was sat on the floor, laptop toasting my thighs. "Oh."



And heavy silence swamped us, me not daring to look at him. I didn't know what I was feeling. I couldn't put it into words and I knew he would ask at some point.



"It's hard to find people in the city when you work all the time and don't really feel like going out there every night to buy drinks for people you know you will never end up with." Was that his explanation? Was that it? The simple thought that I would lose him engulfed me and as I tried to fight it I could hear myself taking short, shallow breaths, like a puffing bulldog being dragged along by a jogger. He was too slow to react and words came blurting out.



"I can barely breathe without you."



"Joonas.."



"I told you... It was a bad idea from the start... And now you want to be normal and live a normal life and have someone normal with you and that means I have to leave here or will have to sooner or later."



"No it doesn't mean that-"



"HOW!? How does it mean something different? You going to find someone you want to be with and be all 'well, please move in with me and my employee who's so wonky in the head that he ends up sleeping in my bed every night? But it's okay because we don't fuck'? That won't be taken too well by the vast majority of people and if you find someone that likes the idea then may I suggest you kick them out." He held me then, silently embracing me and stroking my hair. But there were no kisses. I missed them. The thought began to crush my soul.



"If you don't want me to do it then I won't. Just say. I agreed to help you and I am not about to abandon you like other people have done. I'm not going to be one of those assholes who leaves you to melt away." He was speaking into my hair and his breath swept over my skull, leaving me with a silly happy feeling.



"It's your life and you deserve to live it. If you want to find someone then you should try. You can keep helping me while looking, right? You're not doing anything bad by doing things that way. Don't put your life on hold for me." I couldn't very well sit there and tell him that I hated the thought of him even touching another person, could I?!



"If you're certain. Down the line, if you change your mind then please don't sit on the fact. I don't want to make your anxiety any worse than it already is. I kinda thought we were making progress. You handle work well and aside from getting pissed you did nicely last night and now you have a friend who wants to talk to you so much that he's talking to you online after work."



Oh shit yeah. Walker. The icon that stated whether I had unread messages was flashing and I quickly typed 'Hang on a bit' to him before looking back at Sem. "So... Have you er, found anyone you think you would like to talk to yet then? How long have you been on the site?"



"Mm, a few weeks on and off. Nothing major. There were a few people. Would you like to see?" Again, it would be rude if I clung to him like my life depended on it and whined that I just wanted to see him and only him for the rest of my days. Romantic sap.



"Sure..." At least this way I was going to get to find out which gender he was interested in, right?



Wrong.



"Maybe you can help me out a bit since I wasn't really sure what to put in my profile bit and I think you know me a little now so you might have some ideas." I didn't want to. I wanted to squish myself under the sofa and never speak again.



When the page opened up containing his profile, I gave it a good hard look over. Name, age and city he was living in were all obvious and of no interest to me. And there was his intent: looking for a relationship. I was at least happy to see he wasn't trying to just get someone random in to bed. I knew he wasn't like that but it was good to be proven correct. There it was!



'I am seeking: Male or Female'



Fuck this. It was no help whatsoever.



"So what do you think?" He'd written a little profile piece about himself.



'I am looking for someone to be slow and steady with. Something more than sex. Something with sex. Someone who is independent. Someone who likes eating in, out, or stuffing themselves with popcorn at the movies.'



There was no way I was going to be able to fit under the sofa and be able to stay there forever without someone noticing.



"It's... mm, okay? I.. I don't have any experience in online dating and stuff, sorry." I looked away, awkward, feeling incredibly out of my depth. "Have you got any interesting people speaking to you from it yet then?" I had to know.



"Yeah, actually. I sort of have a.. A date." My world was crumbling, the sky was falling down and weighing heavily on me.



"Oh? .. When?" I couldn't breathe.



"Friday evening."



"This Friday?" A put a hand towards my chest, fingertips pressing against my ribs, digging in.



"Yeah." He was too busy checking if he'd received any messages on the site to see what I was doing and I looked, wishing I hadn't. A message was on the screen from his date, saying how they were looking forward to Friday and confirming meeting times and dress code. And right there, beside their username, a photograph. Dark hair, red dress, a woman. Was I happy that he was dating a woman? No. Would I have been happy if he was dating a guy? No.



"Sem. Help." I hadn't managed a proper breath in a little while and was beginning to worry, tapping hard at his arm until he looked to me.



"Joonas..." He said nothing more, both of his hands going onto my face before he kissed me, holding me close. My hands stayed to myself for a while before eventually they wandered to his lap, palm down over his thighs. Thighs that were not really mine to be touching. Lips that were not really mine to be kissing. Touches that I had no right to be missing. I needed to get out. I needed to run away. I needed to save myself. But he sucked me in with each and every movement. I was melting and something twinged in the back of my mind; a place I couldn't quite grasp and thinking about it made it pull further from me.



"Are you sure nothing happened last night? ... Before me being sick everywhere and giggling, I mean." I kept kissing him, not giving him much room to speak.



"You got your hands down my pants. Between my pants and my underwear. You were most disgruntled when I stopped you." He just kept kissing me where we were, sat on the floor of his living room. It felt surreal and yet so normal. When my head ended up against his stomach I simply closed my eyes. There was nothing left to do.



"Tell me if you would rather I not go."



I couldn't. "I can't." I wouldn't.



~~~



"What are you doin'?"



"Getting my bed things sorted." I was in his room, pulling some extra bedding out. I was sleeping on the sofa. There was no other way.



"I don't think I understand..." He was sat watching me at the dining table, finishing up work for the night. "You're sleeping on the sofa tonight?"



"I am."



"Is this about my date on Friday? Because if it is then you really don't need to. I like having you for company in my bed-"



"Are you aware of how fucking BAD that sounds, Sem?"



"Are you aware that I don't care?"



I rolled my eyes and sorted myself out, ending up settled into my new little bed for the night. "Goodnight, Sem."



There was hesitation as he headed to his bedroom alone. "... Goodnight, Joonas."

 

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Author notes:

Early new chapter this week as a mini chapter will be added tomorrow. Double chapter week! Woo!

Kisses to my beta, MissusAnn (fp).

Lisa: I wondered where you'd gone too :D Walker makes things difficult for a while, for certain. And hangover? What hangover? XD Thank you for reviewing ^^

Kirjava01: I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the review.