On The Line

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Chapter 10: Time Out





“When you turn someone into an object of sexual pleasure, it’s wrong”

“How do you know?”

“It says in the Bible.

“Does not.”

“Then it got left out by mistake.”

Booth and Brennan in “Bones”, Season 3, “Death in the Saddle”.





“Edward!”



The pull on her arm didn’t let up. Instead the grip turned even tighter – as did the expression on her captor’s face.



“Let go of me”, she tried, but there was no reaction. If anything, he dragged her even faster.



To the ladies’ room.



“In with you,” Edward snarled finally, went after her and slammed the door shut. Then he got right in her face. “You! How could you be so stupid? I trusted you!”



She had never seen him so angry. He looked kind of hot. Unfortunately his anger was solely directed at her. More unfortunately even, he had a right to be furious.



“Honey-“



“Don’t ‘honey’ me!” he hissed. “What is it with you? First Daniel, now Michael!”



“Michael already knew about it,” Karen blurted and felt just as stupid as her words were. “I mean …”



Edward stared at her, then he turned away, cursing violently. When he turned back his eyes were flat and cold. “I trusted you. I considered you a friend. But I should’ve known better, shouldn’t I? After all, you also played an intricate part in Xavier leaving me.”



Shit. Karen felt herself pale. “That’s not fair,” she tried to defend herself, but she knew he was right. At least partly.



“Not fair?” He laughed unhappily. “You shoved those pictures in his face, remember? I found him sitting in the bathroom, his head over the toilet, he was so upset.” His face was hard and his eyes seemed to drill into hers. “Two days later he packed his bags and left.”



Karen wondered if suffocating felt like this. Her throat was tight and breathing suddenly difficult. “T-two days.” Shit. She had known that showing Xavier those pictures would lead to nothing, but she’d done it nevertheless, too blindsided by her furious need to find a brutal killer. Too blindsided to see what everyone else did.



“Yes.” He ran unsteady hands through his hair, not caring if it stuck up. If he had worn a sign announcing his distress, it couldn’t have been more obvious. “I came home from a meeting with your boss at the time and he was gone. Not even a note.”



Karen licked her lips. “Did … did you try to find him?”



“Sure.” He laughed. It sounded like sandpaper on steel. “But you try to find someone down there in Louisiana who doesn’t want to be found.”



Aw, shit. Karen wished she knew what to say. “I’m really sorry.” It sounded so incredibly stupid. Apart from being too little, too late.



Edward let out a pent up breath. “Fuck.” He shook his head, and Karen saw how tired he looked, how tense his shoulders were. “The truth is,” he said after a moment, “Xavier didn’t leave because of you. Your pictures just tipped the scale. But he had more or less decided to go by then. I saw what was happening with him, but instead of talking to him, I thought by simply ignoring the problem it would go away.”



Karen sighed. “You realize that you share the fate of thousands of police officers, right?”



“I’m not a police officer,” he snapped, his momentary softness gone. “And Xavier wasn’t my wife.” He almost growled on that last word and Karen sighed again.



“But he was your partner. Which means he shared all the shit you went through. It’s a lot of ugliness we face every day. Granted, you maybe more than others,” she shuddered at the mere thought what having that kind of ability meant, “but – Edward, police men and women are divorced left and right. And not just for the possibility that they might get injured or even die while on duty, no, it’s mostly because it’s hard to shake off what you see or hear on the job.”



“Tell me about it.”



She looked at him, at his finely cut profile, the straight nose, the almost flawless skin. He hadn’t been meant for this, she decided. He had been born the son of an Earl in a country where that still meant something. College had been in his life plan, then maybe a career in business, or law, finally a wife with one and a half kids, maybe a political career. But fate had decided differently, because not only had Edward discovered he was gay, in addition he was stuck with this “gift”; and there was no way out, as much as he might want that.



Karen walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. She felt him flinch, then shudder, but she kept the connection, maybe needed it more than he did. His accusation had thrown her, and even though her rational side knew that she wasn’t responsible for Xavier leaving, she couldn’t quite shake off the little twinge she felt in her gut whenever she thought about the tall, dark man with the gentle eyes. She had liked Xavier, had liked the way he looked at the world.



“There are nights when I want him back so badly, I want to put my fist through the wall,” Edward said suddenly, his voice hoarse. He straightened and Karen let her hand fall away as he struggled to regain some resemblance of control. “Anyway, he’s gone and crying my heart out won’t change that.” He shot her a wry look, “Besides, been there, done that.”



Karen nodded, hurting for this man who had so much to offer, yet couldn’t seem to find someone who appreciated him enough to accept the ugliness that came with him as well. “I really am sorry,” she said softly. “Mostly for not keeping my mouth shut. I swear, it just slipped out.”



Mainly because she was completely fed up with Mike’s attitude, his lies and his stupid macho posturing. She thought her partner was a very good detective, he was thorough and during all their other cases they had completed each other, but now he was behaving like some stupid Neanderthal. Knowing what she did about his sexual encounter with Edward, she could even understand his behavior up to a certain point, but he was a grown up, for Goodness’ sake. Couldn’t he just deal?



“Your partner is an asshole,” Edward said and their eyes met.



“Yeah.” Karen sighed. That about summed it up. “But he’s a good cop.”



His gaze turned wry again. “I hope you’re right.” He blew out a breath. “Sorry for getting in your face like that.”



“No worries. I’m good.”



“Don’t let your hunk of a husband know, or he might kill me.”



Karen grinned, glad they were okay again. “I won’t. I’ve had enough testosterone for today. Now – shush. I need to freshen up my make up.”



He managed a tired smile. “See you later. Are you going to talk to Daniel? The twin Daniel, I mean.”



“Yeah. If you want you can sit in. Might be good.”



“I’ll be there. I just need a minute.”



She could see that as she watched him slowly leaving the ladies’ room. Karen had seen before what a case took out of him. He probably needed to recharge but that wasn’t possible at the moment. They had a killer to catch, which meant personal problems had to take a backseat for now. She could only hope that Edward would manage to come out of this with his sanity intact. It was a shame there was nobody to catch him, to take him in his arms and soothe his aches.



Then a thought came to her. She smiled at her face in the mirror. Maybe she should give Trace a call. He was a fellow officer she’d met – and enjoyed, she remembered with a fond smile - at a conference in New York a few years back. Over the years they’d kept in contact. They were both married now, but they still clicked and a call was long overdue. It was just a coincidence that he was working in New Orleans.



+++



“You are the guy I’ve been looking for.”



Fuck.



Edward so did not need this right now. Not after the emotional roller coaster with Karen.



“Can’t we talk later?” he asked tiredly.



“No.” Michael sneered. “I should’ve known that I’d find you in the ladies’ room.”



Edward rolled his eyes. “Fine. You made a joke at my expense. So – what do you want?”



“How about punching you in the face?” Michael asked, glaring darkly. “Is this your usual MO or are you always running around telling people lies?”



At that Edward had to laugh. It could be dangerous, he thought, given the way Michael was staring at him, but he couldn’t help it. “Lies?”



“We didn’t fuck each others’ brains out,” Michael bit out.



“Oh? Really? What do you think that was?” The guy was so deluded, Edward had no idea why he’d found him attractive at one point. He should go and marry his fiancée. Hell, for all Edward knew, those two really deserved each other.



“We. Did. Not. Fuck!” Michael growled and came closer. Edward could smell his aftershave.



He looked into those dark blue eyes and sighed. “No,” he said quietly. “But we got each other off anyway. You can’t deny that. And telling yourself that I forced you… Well, to be blunt, it’s just plain stupid.”



Michael’s eyes darkened, the pupils widening. “You made me do it.”



“No, I didn’t. You wanted it. You were so gone, you could have drilled a hole in the wall with your dick.” Edward gave him another hard look. “Or are you going to tell me that I slipped Viagra in your drink?”



He hadn’t thought it was possible, but Edward saw Michael’s pupils widen even more. Shock stood in the midnight blue eyes. Shock that hid something that looked like panic. “If you ever tell anyone…”



“You don’t have to worry about me,” Edward quipped. “Karen was my only slip. And that only happened because I was so … angry.” He closed his eyes and rubbed them. He was tired. And still worn out from touching the dead body.



“I’ll have words with my partner later,” Michael said and Edward knew it was a promise. “I’m not gay.”



Edward gave him another look then he turned away and took a deep breath. “Whatever, man. Tell yourself what you want if it makes you feel any better.”



He had intended to leave, but that didn’t happen because he was suddenly grabbed and his back slammed against the wall, his breath whooshing out of him. “Hey!” It came out like a squeak. God dammit.



“I. Am. Not. Gay.” A sneer would have been friendly compared to the expression on Michael’s face. There was an unmistakable threat, one Edward knew he should take seriously.



He stared back at Michael. “What. Ever. Man,” he said slowly. “As I said before, whatever floats your boat. I don’t care either way. Get married or not. Fuck who you want. It’s of no concern to me.”



“Oh, really?”



Huh? “What?”



Michael was so close, Edward could feel his breath on his own face. “You really don’t care who I fuck? Or if I get married to the lovely Anna?”



What the fuck? “What kind of game is this?” he snarled, trying to push away from the wall only to have Michael press even closer.



A lot closer.



“No game,” Michael whispered. “You want me, sissy boy, don’t you? And thinking about me fucking someone else drives you mad.”



Was the man insane? “Why would I give a fuck? Do you think you’re the only guy on this planet? Besides, really, fucking so-called straight guys is a lot less appealing than people think it is.”



“Oh, really?”



“Yes, really.” Edward was so fucking tired of games. Of talking about Xavier. Of fighting with his friends. Of feeling all these confusing emotions mixed with the memories of a dead boy. All he wanted was to go home and sleep for at least 12 hours straight. Not that it would happen because during a case nightmares always woke him up. But I man could dream, couldn’t he?



He let his body relax in Michael’s crushing grip and closed his eyes. “Believe it or not, you are not my main concern right now.” He opened his eyes again and saw Michael’s resting on him, puzzled. “What?” he asked, annoyed. What did the man want now?



Michael took a step back and let go of him. “You are a mystery to me, St. John.”



St. John? Nice. “Yeah, well, I’m a mystery to myself most of the time. Welcome to the club.” He rubbed his gritty eyes. “Are we done here? Because, honestly, I have things to do.” One of them was to give his younger sister a call. Sam had left a message on his cell phone. She did that maybe once in a year, and never without reason.



Michael stared at him for a moment, then he nodded curtly. “Fine. Just – don’t go around telling anyone.”



Edward shook his head. The guy was really something. “I won’t.” He walked away, but then stopped, and quipped over his shoulder, “It wasn’t really memorable anyway.” It was a lie, but it still made him feel better. If that made him an asshole, so be it. After the day he’d had he felt inclined.



++



Daniel Harcourt was a very good-looking boy. Or he would have been , had his face not been shadowed with the worries of the past days. Now he simply looked tired and scared. His blue eyes were dull, and it was obvious that he’d run his fingers through his hair more than once.



When the two detectives and Edward entered the room, he raised his head and tried a smile that instantly died again. “Any news?” he asked.



“No,” Karen said softly. “I’m sorry, Mr. Harcourt. I wish we had news for you, but so far there is nothing.”



Daniel’s face fell and he rubbed his eyes. “Fuck,” he muttered.



“Let’s talk about Evan Granger,” Michael said and sat down across the desk from the kid. There wasn’t a lot of furniture in the room, Edward noticed. A plain table, four uncomfortable chairs. Bare walls. Interrogation rooms were the same everywhere.



“I can’t believe he’s dead,” Daniel whispered. “He was so nice. Shy.”



“Where did you meet him?”



“At the library. He was working there, part time. He was a freshman at college, needed the money he said.”



Edward saw the two detectives exchange a look. “Yes, we already know that,” Karen said. “So you met him at the library – then what?”



Daniel sighed. “We talked. We clicked.”



“And then?” Michael pressed.



Annoyed, the kid shook his head. “You want a step by step of threesome sex?”



“Listen to me, you little freak,” Michael bristled, but stopped himself when Karen put a hand on his forearm.



“Did you do that often?” she asked instead. “Find someone you could spend the night with?”



“No. Not really. Maybe once a month. Look,” his gaze found Edward’s. “We’re both young and single. What’s the problem?”



Edward held up both hands. “I have no problem. In fact,” he let a grin show, “I can actually see the appeal.” He ignored the glare he got from Michael and kept his eyes on the kid. Daniel’s eyes widened, then his lips twitched. “Yeah?”



“Yeah,” Edward assured him. “So, Evan – he wanted to try stuff?”



“Yes.” Daniel said. “He was a virgin and … Well, he didn’t want to go that far, but he wanted to experiment. And … we agreed.”



“On?”



Daniel glared at Michael. “Hand jobs, blowjobs. Anything but anal sex.”



“Nice,” Michael muttered. He looked as if he wanted to add something but was silenced by a glare from Karen.



A thought came to Edward. “The day your brother disappeared – it was after the night with Evan?”



“Yes.” Daniel’s face lit up with excitement. “You think that’s got something to do with it? Could it be a hint of sorts?”



“Maybe,” Karen said slowly. “But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. So Evan stayed the night with you?”



Daniel nodded. “Yeah. He left around nine. We had coffee together, but he said he had to meet someone.” Suddenly he frowned. “He even mentioned a name. Let me think about. Allan. No. Adrian. Yes,” he looked up. “He said, ‘I have to meet up with Adrian in an hour’.”



“You know who that Adrian person might be?”



Daniel shrugged. “I thought he was maybe talking about one of his teachers. Or a TA or something. But maybe I’m wrong.”



“A teacher,” Karen mused.



Michael snorted in disgust. “A teacher fucking around with his students. Nice.”



“Do you think it could be a teacher?”



Edward blinked, realizing that Karen had directed her question at him. He thought about all the emotions he had felt touching the boy. They were still a little confusing, but one thing was perfectly clear. “He was familiar with his killer. Trusted him.” There was something else, but Edward couldn’t quite grasp it yet. He shrugged. “Sorry, that’s all I can say for now.”



Michael gave him a disgusted look but refrained from commenting for which Edward was grateful. Karen’s gaze was thoughtful. “Okay, then.” She closed the file in front of her and turned to Daniel. “If you should remember anything else, please give us a call.”



“Of course,” the kid said eagerly as they all stood up.



“We will keep you updated on our progress,” Karen promised and shook hands with Daniel. “Don’t lose hope, okay? No news is good news in this case.”



Edward wasn’t so sure about that, but there was no point in saying that and making Daniel’s situation more miserable than it already was.



“You think we’ll find my brother?”



Startled, Edward realized that he and the kid were the last two in the room. He sighed. “I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “But Karen’s right. Losing hope is never a good thing.”



Daniel nodded. “I won’t. But I’m scared. So fucking scared.”



“I understand.” Edward knew all about being scared.



“Nick and I … we’re like two parts of the same coin. Twins, you know.” With a sad smile, Daniel turned away and left the room.



A moment later Karen stuck her head in again. “Are you okay?”



“Not really. Is it possible to see the things Evan had on him?”



Karen frowned. “Is that wise? You look tired. Maybe you should try sleeping first.”



Sleep? “What is that?”



“Don’t be a smart-ass. I know sleeping is difficult for you right now, but you could at least try.” Edward wondered if mothers were looking at their sons the way Karen was looking at him.



He sighed. “I know I should lie down, but I need to do this soon.”



Karen pursed her lips. “Fine. I think the stuff is still with the ME. But you can go there, I’ll sign you a slip so they’ll let you in.”



“Okay.” Grateful, he smiled at her, “Thanks.”



“You want me to go with you?”



“No. It’s okay.” He really hoped it would be, although he had no idea how it could. He felt almost as raw as he had the day Xavier had left. But he still needed to go and do this. Otherwise sleep would be completely impossible. He reached out and touched Karen’s arm. “Thanks for being a friend.”



She snorted. “Yeah, right. Be careful, okay?”



“Always.” With another smile for her, he walked out of the room, out of the station and onto the street. When he reached his own car, he opened his cell phone and dialed a number he knew well, although he rarely used it.



The call was answered on the second ring. “Edward, finally.” Sam sounded breathless.



“Hey. What’s going on?”



“Liz said she called you.”



Oh no. Not that again. “She told me she couldn’t reach you.”



“Yeah, well. She did. Edward, this is such a mess.”



“Because he’s fucking some teenager?” Because, really, nothing his father did surprised him anymore.



He heard his sister sigh. “The press knows about it. It’s all over the tabloids. Mother is furious.”



Of course, she was. “What? Is she afraid her social circle will judge her for it?” Oh, to be a fly on the wall on the next charity event.



“Edward.” Sam sounded pained. “Do you have any idea what I have to deal with here? Mother has called me at least twice. Liz is calling every night. And reporters are camping in front of my door.”



Edward was not impressed. “Maybe that’s the right moment to start that acting career you were dreaming of all these years.”



“Ha, ha – so not bloody funny. Edward. I really hate to say this, but …”



“No,” he said quickly, interrupting her mid-sentence. “I’m not coming back. Even if I wanted, which I don’t, I can’t leave. I’m in the middle of a case.”



“Bugger. You’re working with the police again. Oh, Edward. Why are you doing this to yourself? Why don’t you come home?”



He knew Sam meant well, but she didn’t understand. None of them did. Sam had tried, though, he had to give her that. “I have no choice, Sam.”



“Edward…”



“Please, can we not do this now? I’m fucking tired and the last thing I want is get into it with you. So – what will he do about this mess?”



Sam sighed heavily. “You know Father. He called in favors. He has connections. Sooner or later this will die down. The truth is, I’m sick of dealing with Mother.”



He could understand that. “Then don’t.”



“It’s easy for you to say. You’re far away.”



“I thought you were too. Liz said you were somewhere in the Highlands.”



“I am. But I have a feeling I can’t stay for long.”



“Sam…”



“I thought I could just relax up here. We went hiking and were in a really good mood when we came back – only to find ten messages on my phone.”



Edward grinned. He could imagine his sister rolling her expressive eyes. They were gray. She was the only member of the family who had eyes of that color. During his wicked years Edward had always thought his mother hadn’t been quite as faithful to his father she wanted everyone to believe. Edward wouldn’t blame her, it wasn’t as if the Earl had ever cared about his wedding vows.



“Fun.”



“So not!”



Edward winced. “Sorry. Sam, listen to me. Stay as far away from them as possible. They will clean up their own mess. They always do. And if not, Liz will be there. She might moan about it, but she loves being in the thick of things.”



Another deep sigh. “I know. Bugger. I wish you were here, though. At least I’d have someone to commiserate with. Oh well. Can’t help it, I guess. But Edward, please, be careful.”



He had to swallow. He and Sam weren’t really close, but unlike the rest of his family he didn’t hate her either. Still, he wasn’t used to his family caring about him. “I’m always careful.”



“Yeah. Right.”



It was clear she didn’t believe him. Maybe she knew him better than he’d thought. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. “Just stay away, Sam. Don’t let them pull you into their shit.”



“Easier said that done. But I’ll see what I can do.”



“You do that. Be careful, okay?”



“Yeah.”



Edward heard the smile in her voice and he had to smile, too. “Talk to you soon.”



“Yeah. Maybe next year.”



“Maybe,” he agreed and laughed. He ended the call and felt better about it than he’d ever imagined. Go figure.



+++



Around 5 am Edward gave up on sleep. He stood up and wandered into his living room where he flicked on the small lamp next to the sofa and let himself fall on it with a deep sigh. He was bone deep tired and yet, as expected, sleep just wouldn’t come. As soon as he closed his eyes images flashed through his mind, mixing present and past, flowing together into his very own horror movie.



He rubbed his tired eyes and longingly looked at the bottle of twenty year old Scotch he had bought on a whim a few weeks ago. It was still unopened because so far Edward hadn’t felt the urge to indulge, but now, here in his lonely apartment, surrounded by silence and the echo of people long dead and gone, he thought that maybe a glass or two might help him to relax a little.



Of course, there were other ways to relax but unfortunately none of them were currently available.



Edward sighed again, then almost jumped out of his skin when his phone rang.



“God dammit,” he cursed and snatched it from the receiver. “Yes?”



“I’m not sure what to think of the fact that you picked up your phone on the first ring that early in the morning.”



“Xavier?”



“Or that you still remember my voice,” Xavier added softly.



“What the fuck?” Edward snapped and wondered if maybe he was sleeping after all. Just to make sure, he glanced at the clock, but it was still very early, still just after five. “Are you crazy?”



“I admit that calling so early might seem a little strange, but I can explain.”



Really? Edward wasn’t sure he even wanted to know. “You disappeared without a word. And now you’re calling me like this?” Maybe he was hallucinating? Because this was just unreal.



“Yeah, well, having a police officer coming to my house isn’t all that great either,” Xavier snapped.



Edward felt himself frown, “Are you in trouble?”



At that Xavier laughed. “That’s just so typical of you. All you can think is that I might be in trouble. A sane person would maybe ask, ‘are you alright?’ or something like that, but you-“



Edward had enough. “Are. You. In. Trouble?” He couldn’t think of another reason Xavier would call him. None.



He heard Xavier blow out a breath. “No. I’m not in trouble.”



“Right.”



“I’m not,” Xavier insisted. “In fact, I thought you were.”



“What?” And was that his imagination or did Xavier sound choked up all of a sudden?



“I thought something had happened to you,” Xavier said slowly. “It’s stupid, because – well, we’re not together anymore, but it’s probably a gut reaction.”



No, they were not together anymore. Edward was tired, he was worn out, and he was suddenly angry. “No,” he spat. “We’re not together anymore. Which leads to the obvious question – again – why you’re calling me in the wee hours of the morning?”



“God, I missed your accent. And these things you sometimes say without even noticing.”



“What? Are you high?” It had to be the most surreal phone call in his whole life, Edward decided.



“I’m sorry for calling so early,” Xavier said. “I forgot we’re in different time zones. It’s just after seven here.” He sighed. “I couldn’t sleep all night.”



“Welcome to the club.” Shit. Why had that one slipped out? Edward cursed silently.



Xavier’s voice turned soft again. “You’re on a case, aren’t you? Fuck. Edward. When was the last time you slept?”



“It’s really none of your business,” Edward snapped. “You leave without a word, and now you call me …” His voice broke and he quickly pressed a hand on his lips, realizing with surprise that it was trembling.



“I … always meant to call. I’m sorry, Edward. Sorry, that I was such a coward.”



Shit. Now there were tears running down his face. Edward quickly wiped them away, glad that Xavier couldn’t see them at least. One humiliation he was spared tonight. A small favor fate had granted him. He was infinitely grateful for it.



“Are you still there? Edward?”



He cleared his throat. “Yeah. I’m here.”



“I miss you, you know. I was with someone for a short time, but … it’s not the same.” Now Xavier sounded wistful. And a little sad.



Edward had no idea what to say to that. He felt as if someone had ridden him hard and put him back wet. All strength had left him. He felt his eyelids flutter closed “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I think I’m about to fall asleep.” His body was heavy, utterly boneless.



“Edward?”



“Hm?”



“Do you … do you want me to come?”



“Hm?” was all he could manage. Then the phone slipped from his fingers. He didn’t hear Xavier’s voice, didn’t hear the frantic shouting. His breath deepened. And the world didn’t matter anymore.



To Be Continued …