Only the Heart Knows Why
folder
Romance › Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
16
Views:
4,419
Reviews:
26
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
1
Category:
Romance › Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
16
Views:
4,419
Reviews:
26
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
1
Disclaimer:
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
A Child's Smile
Eleven: A Child’s Smile
(Characters belong to me and Azathoia. Also, please read his story "Only the Heart Knows Why, Quax's Days"… Have a nice day.)
(Important Author’s Note: We apologize for the long delay on our stories. Unfortunately, my partner no longer has the time to write chapters, so I’m not sure when we will be able to update again.)
I am out in the waiting room again, not wanting to be in Quax’s room as they run their various tests on him to make sure he’s going to be okay. Taking a quick glance around, I notice there are more kids here today, with random injuries. I vaguely wonder how many of them are truly accidental, remembering my days with Aledren.
When I was little, I had to come to the hospital many times due to his abusive ways. Whenever that happened, he would always curse the fact that I would “break so easily”. If the doctors had known about it, they never brought it up. Aledren paid them enough to keep their mouths shut about it. Eventually he got too old to just continuously beat on me, so now he only does it when I anger him. It still hurts, even now, just knowing that I’m stuck with him until I graduate or drop out… Maybe I will just drop out. My grades aren’t worthy of a diploma anyway.
I look over at a certain child with a black eye, cradling her arm as she fights back tears. Her mother looks so thin, exhaustion evident in her features. I wonder if this could maybe be another case of abuse, but it would do no good to just question her about it. No matter what I might say, she probably wouldn’t leave her husband or boyfriend, even if it were abuse. There’s so much power in fear…
***
I walk back into Quax’s room a couple hours later, and he’s watching the television, looking rather bored as he flicks through channels with the remote. I sit in the chair next to his bed and glance up at the television set. I wonder when he’ll stop changing channels long enough to actually see what’s on. “There’s never anything good on TV,” he mutters, stopping at one of the local kids’ channels.
“Sometimes real life is more exciting than anything on a show,” I tell him. I feel his eyes on me, so I look up, but his gaze isn’t on my face. “… You pervert,” I say to him, and he quickly looks at my face, blushing like mad.
“I… uh… er, sorry,” he apologizes, sounding really embarrassed.
I roll my eyes, checking my watch for the time. “I should really return Aledren’s car… He’s gonna be pissed.”
“Maybe he’d understand that you were helping out a friend?” Quax offers as an excuse, but I shake my head at him.
“He’d rather hit me over the head with his cane again,” I tell him quietly. His eyes widen slightly at it. “You’re not the only one that has a shitty home life to return to.” Sighing, my gaze turns to the floor. “Now I don’t even have anyone to go to when Aledren gets too… violent.”
Quax is quiet for a while. “What about your boyfriend?” he then asks after a few minutes.
“As far as I’m concerned, he’s my ex now.” I glare into space and growl, “He’s a fucking cheater anyway.” My fists clench as I angrily continue. “I was always so fucking loyal to him, and the bastard goes and fucks someone else while he’s away, and then expects me to just forgive him? How the hell do I know he won’t just go out and do it again, and again, and again?!” Tears start to blur my vision and I try blinking them away, but they just continue to annoy me with their persistence. I turn my head away from Quax, not wanting him to see them. I really don’t want to show any signs of weakness around him.
Silence surrounds us as I calm down. I didn’t mean to explode like that. Quax has his own issues to worry about, and I just complained about something he wouldn’t even care much about. I’m just so angry at Kaddar for what he’d done, and after trying to forget everything, it just all bubbled up at that simple question. Shouldn’t I be stronger than that?
Finally I just stand up. “I’m sorry, but I have to go now,” and I leave without another word, ignoring his calling my name to get me to come back. I just can’t be here anymore. I need some time for myself. I need to think. I fucking need a fucking cigarette fucking right now.
***
After dropping the car off at home (thank god Aledren wasn’t home), I mindlessly walk through the neighborhood, smoking cigarette, after cigarette, after cigarette. I don’t even realize how many I’ve had until I finally notice I only have one left. Damn it all. So I make the long walk to the store to purchase a new pack, spending the last bit of cash I had on me. I wonder how much money is left in my savings account now… I’ll have to check so that I can buy more later.
As I walk through the shopping area, lighting up another cigarette, I look up at the sky. The clouds are getting darker… And then the rain starts. I just pretty much ignore it at first, not really feeling any of the drops that land on me. I don’t really feel anything at all. I’m so numb, empty… broken? No, probably not that.
My clothes start to get heavy, so I head under a store canopy to wait out the rain. A crack of lightning flashes in the distance, and I put my old cigarette in the store ashtray on the sidewalk, then light another one. They’re not doing anything to help calm my nerves… Damn it.
“Mr. Kanau!” I suddenly hear, and I look down to see a little girl hugging my waist. “I thought it was you!”
“Uh…”
Her father walks up after her. “We met you at the hospital,” he explains, trying to gently pull her off of me. “She won’t stop talking about you.”
“Yeah, yeah,” says the little girl. “Mommy says that she’s going to be okay.” She has a really sweet smile.
Finally I recognize the two. “… Your mother is the nurse that was hit, right?”
“Uh huh, yeah.”
I smile softly at the girl. “Well, at least she’s going to be alright.”
“Yeah, I can’t wait for her to come home. Me and Daddy have been cleaning up the house for her.”
“That’s good; I’m sure she’ll really appreciate it.”
“Yup.” She gives me another hug, smiling up at me. “I’m happy I got to see you.”
“Yeah, I’m happy too.”
“See you later, Mr. Kanau,” she says, walking away with her father. I had almost forgotten about them completely. So, her mother is going to be alright. That’s great news to hear; and the child was so happy about it. It’s always a good thing when doctors are actually able to save people… and then when you get to see how happy the victims’ families are after hearing such great news…
I think about this a good while longer, and I mean really thinking about it. That doctor’s offer doesn’t sound so bad now… I mean, yeah, there’s gonna be times when there’s really nothing you can do, right? But when you are able to do something…
I sigh, rethinking this whole thing over yet again. I don’t think I could even handle being in a hospital for so long; I just hate them so much.
… This is going to take a lot more thinking…
(Author’s Note: There are more pictures on deviantart now for Only the Heart Knows Why. Take a look if you’re curious about how they might look: http://dragonian-di(dot)deviantart(dot)com/gallery/#Only-the-Heart-Knows-Why)
(Characters belong to me and Azathoia. Also, please read his story "Only the Heart Knows Why, Quax's Days"… Have a nice day.)
(Important Author’s Note: We apologize for the long delay on our stories. Unfortunately, my partner no longer has the time to write chapters, so I’m not sure when we will be able to update again.)
I am out in the waiting room again, not wanting to be in Quax’s room as they run their various tests on him to make sure he’s going to be okay. Taking a quick glance around, I notice there are more kids here today, with random injuries. I vaguely wonder how many of them are truly accidental, remembering my days with Aledren.
When I was little, I had to come to the hospital many times due to his abusive ways. Whenever that happened, he would always curse the fact that I would “break so easily”. If the doctors had known about it, they never brought it up. Aledren paid them enough to keep their mouths shut about it. Eventually he got too old to just continuously beat on me, so now he only does it when I anger him. It still hurts, even now, just knowing that I’m stuck with him until I graduate or drop out… Maybe I will just drop out. My grades aren’t worthy of a diploma anyway.
I look over at a certain child with a black eye, cradling her arm as she fights back tears. Her mother looks so thin, exhaustion evident in her features. I wonder if this could maybe be another case of abuse, but it would do no good to just question her about it. No matter what I might say, she probably wouldn’t leave her husband or boyfriend, even if it were abuse. There’s so much power in fear…
***
I walk back into Quax’s room a couple hours later, and he’s watching the television, looking rather bored as he flicks through channels with the remote. I sit in the chair next to his bed and glance up at the television set. I wonder when he’ll stop changing channels long enough to actually see what’s on. “There’s never anything good on TV,” he mutters, stopping at one of the local kids’ channels.
“Sometimes real life is more exciting than anything on a show,” I tell him. I feel his eyes on me, so I look up, but his gaze isn’t on my face. “… You pervert,” I say to him, and he quickly looks at my face, blushing like mad.
“I… uh… er, sorry,” he apologizes, sounding really embarrassed.
I roll my eyes, checking my watch for the time. “I should really return Aledren’s car… He’s gonna be pissed.”
“Maybe he’d understand that you were helping out a friend?” Quax offers as an excuse, but I shake my head at him.
“He’d rather hit me over the head with his cane again,” I tell him quietly. His eyes widen slightly at it. “You’re not the only one that has a shitty home life to return to.” Sighing, my gaze turns to the floor. “Now I don’t even have anyone to go to when Aledren gets too… violent.”
Quax is quiet for a while. “What about your boyfriend?” he then asks after a few minutes.
“As far as I’m concerned, he’s my ex now.” I glare into space and growl, “He’s a fucking cheater anyway.” My fists clench as I angrily continue. “I was always so fucking loyal to him, and the bastard goes and fucks someone else while he’s away, and then expects me to just forgive him? How the hell do I know he won’t just go out and do it again, and again, and again?!” Tears start to blur my vision and I try blinking them away, but they just continue to annoy me with their persistence. I turn my head away from Quax, not wanting him to see them. I really don’t want to show any signs of weakness around him.
Silence surrounds us as I calm down. I didn’t mean to explode like that. Quax has his own issues to worry about, and I just complained about something he wouldn’t even care much about. I’m just so angry at Kaddar for what he’d done, and after trying to forget everything, it just all bubbled up at that simple question. Shouldn’t I be stronger than that?
Finally I just stand up. “I’m sorry, but I have to go now,” and I leave without another word, ignoring his calling my name to get me to come back. I just can’t be here anymore. I need some time for myself. I need to think. I fucking need a fucking cigarette fucking right now.
***
After dropping the car off at home (thank god Aledren wasn’t home), I mindlessly walk through the neighborhood, smoking cigarette, after cigarette, after cigarette. I don’t even realize how many I’ve had until I finally notice I only have one left. Damn it all. So I make the long walk to the store to purchase a new pack, spending the last bit of cash I had on me. I wonder how much money is left in my savings account now… I’ll have to check so that I can buy more later.
As I walk through the shopping area, lighting up another cigarette, I look up at the sky. The clouds are getting darker… And then the rain starts. I just pretty much ignore it at first, not really feeling any of the drops that land on me. I don’t really feel anything at all. I’m so numb, empty… broken? No, probably not that.
My clothes start to get heavy, so I head under a store canopy to wait out the rain. A crack of lightning flashes in the distance, and I put my old cigarette in the store ashtray on the sidewalk, then light another one. They’re not doing anything to help calm my nerves… Damn it.
“Mr. Kanau!” I suddenly hear, and I look down to see a little girl hugging my waist. “I thought it was you!”
“Uh…”
Her father walks up after her. “We met you at the hospital,” he explains, trying to gently pull her off of me. “She won’t stop talking about you.”
“Yeah, yeah,” says the little girl. “Mommy says that she’s going to be okay.” She has a really sweet smile.
Finally I recognize the two. “… Your mother is the nurse that was hit, right?”
“Uh huh, yeah.”
I smile softly at the girl. “Well, at least she’s going to be alright.”
“Yeah, I can’t wait for her to come home. Me and Daddy have been cleaning up the house for her.”
“That’s good; I’m sure she’ll really appreciate it.”
“Yup.” She gives me another hug, smiling up at me. “I’m happy I got to see you.”
“Yeah, I’m happy too.”
“See you later, Mr. Kanau,” she says, walking away with her father. I had almost forgotten about them completely. So, her mother is going to be alright. That’s great news to hear; and the child was so happy about it. It’s always a good thing when doctors are actually able to save people… and then when you get to see how happy the victims’ families are after hearing such great news…
I think about this a good while longer, and I mean really thinking about it. That doctor’s offer doesn’t sound so bad now… I mean, yeah, there’s gonna be times when there’s really nothing you can do, right? But when you are able to do something…
I sigh, rethinking this whole thing over yet again. I don’t think I could even handle being in a hospital for so long; I just hate them so much.
… This is going to take a lot more thinking…
(Author’s Note: There are more pictures on deviantart now for Only the Heart Knows Why. Take a look if you’re curious about how they might look: http://dragonian-di(dot)deviantart(dot)com/gallery/#Only-the-Heart-Knows-Why)