Rift. (Rewritten in 2010)

b>Spring, Year Three (4th Moon)

"Kitten?" Garron called out as he entered the bedroom.
"Da." Alex looked up at his mate, smiling. A sleeping baby nestled in his lap, and a puppy was in his arms, nursing quietly. Garron smiled at the scene, sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Are you very tired today, love?" Alex looked up, puzzled.
"I'm alright, why?"
"Because I've been doing some thinking."
Alex grinned.
"Always dangerous."
Garron ruffled his hair and went on.
"I've been thinking that we should expand our family a bit; we are the Alphas and it customary to have a large family. We've only had one lit, very late, and you haven't got a varon even, so all in all, I think we're setting a bad example."
Alex wrinkled his nose in confusion.
"What's a varon?"
Garron plopped down on the bed, stretching out to lie beside Alex, but careful not to land on the litter.
"It's like a live-in attendant, love. Well, maybe more like a lady-in-waiting." Alex scowled at Garron, who corrected himself. "Liege-in-waiting." Alex nodded his approval.
"Either way, they attend you from about 16 on until they're bonded. It's a great honor to be selected to be a varon for the alpha families; there's been a great stir about the fact that you haven't got even one, so perhaps we ought to get you two."
Alex shrugged.
"As long as it won't interfere with the litter."
There was a pause.
"Right. Well, about that, as well."
Alex's snapped around to stare at his wolfe.
"It won't interfere with the litter, will it?"
Garron eyed his mate, trying to gauge the level of upset he was causing.
"Perhaps you will have to divide your time, kitten, between the litter, your varons, and...other young ones."
"I don't follow."
"It's customary, and really quite necessary, now that you've birthed your first lit, to make movements to adopt. There are an extraordinarily high number of orphans in the Pack, you know, and as the Alpha family, we are in a position to care for more than just these five."
Alex laid the puppy in his arms down and replaced it with the infant in his lap, switching sides to nurse.
"How many more?"
Pause.
"Garron?"
"Six."
Alex's eyebrows shot up.
"Six? Six is a lot, Garron."
"Just think about it. They'll vary in age, so the older ones will be able to help you with this litter after they're weaned, and the younger ones will help with the next. And if we get two varons at the same time, then that's more help, even."
Alex could feel that familiar worry rising in his throat.
"Garron, this is a lot to take on."
"I know it is, love, but - just think about it? There are a lot of wonderful wee ones out there who haven't got any home. No badi or appa to care for them, no warm family that is theirs and theirs alone...they only have the love of the Empire, and each other."
With this, he met Alex's eyes, hoping to strike a chord within his mate. Alex looked away.
"I don't know if I can do this, Garron."
"You can."
"I don't think I can."
Garron nuzzled his side.
"You will be wonderful."
Alex put down the infant and shook his head.
"I can't, Garron, I can't do this. Ask Ethan, or Damon or Nikolai, but not me. Please not me."
Garron sat up. Alex was shaking.
"Why not, love?"
"Because, Garron."
"Because what?"
"Because I'll mess it up! Because I don't know how to care for anything! I don't even know how to care for me."
Alex wrapped himself in the robe he was wearing and Garron got up onto his knees to look him in the face. Alex turned away.
"Look at me, kitten."
Alex didn't move.
"Look at me, Alexei."
Now it was a command, and so he was compelled to glance in Garron's direction. Garron took his chin in hand and turned his mate's face toward his own.
"You. Will. Be. Wonderful. You don't know it yet, but your heart is full of more love than any other, human or wolfe, that I have ever known. It is the first thing I noticed about you and the first reason that I loved you."
Alex actually blinked back tears for a moment.
"So believe me, Alexei, when I say that you will be a wonderful parent, as long as you are just being you. And I will always be by your side."
Garron smiled, kissed his nose, and released him.
"So now, if you think you can bear to be apart from these five for a few moments, then maybe we could go and meet your future adopted sons."

~~~~~

Kaz woke up hours before the sun rose, too anxious to sleep any longer. Today was the day - potentially the most significant day of his life: the day of he and Mikal's bonding. He'd spent last night at the goddess altar under the full moon, performing his ablutions and laying out offerings to beg success for his wolfe and fertility for himself. This morning would be dedicated to performing the rituals of human religion, and so he was expected up an hour before sunrise to arrive at the temple.

Kaz smiled to himself and stretched in his bed, turning to the window. Mikal, he guessed, was busy cutting his share of meat from the hunt. Now that he would have family to provide for, Garron would have separated him from the other unbonded males and allowed him to select his share. The rest of the males would eat what was evenly divided when it was served at common meals. Mikal wouldn't see him until sunset, when they met at temple for one last blessing before the ceremony. Kaz missed him already, and he could feel the nervousness and desire gathering into a solid knot in the pit of his stomach.

Kaz had been an Empire-born and Academy educated beta; he'd lived his entire life in the Pack, and knew no other way than this. He'd been encouraged to plan his bonding since he was a child, and had been taught the Beta code before he could write his own name. He had always been told that the greatest service a human could give to the Empire was to bear for his wolfe and raise a family in the Wolfish way; today, he felt like he was finally able to begin to fulfill that ideal. He was anxious about the ceremony - trying to remember what to say and when - but couldn't wait to go home with Mikal. Tonight, he suddenly realized, would be their first night together as a mated pair. He'd never truly be alone again. The thought was both comforting and terrifying. Today would also be his last day as Ethan's varon. Who would he have now for advice and comforting and answers to problems and love? Ethan and Jonul would go on and get other varons and he might get forgotten. Ethan and Jonul had each assured him that that would not happen, but fear is an irrational beast and Kaz could feel himself getting anxious again.

He closed his eyes and thought of Mikal. His smile, the sparkle in his eyes when he was excited to tell Kaz a new joke or show him a new trick he'd learned...the perfect way his hands fit every part of Kaz's body, the rough burr of his voice when he spoke Russian in his own wolfish way. Kaz let one hand slide down his stomach as he imagine Mikal there with him, stroking the smooth skin of his thighs, pressing close to him. His cock was at half-mast, and Kaz took himself in hand, fist closing firmly around the base then drawing upwards, dragging the sensation with it towards the tip. He bit lightly down on his tongue, savoring each sensation, each pull and draw; all the time, imagining Mikal was there with him. Gingerly, he slipped one finger into the slickness that was gathered around his entrance. He'd been changed since age 15, but unlike some of the others, he had never really experimented with himself or other betas. Now he was worried that might work to his disadvantage. He slipped one finger in to the knuckle, still keeping a steady rhythm on his cock. He was rock hard now, straining to control himself, coming closer and closer to that irreversible peaking...he began to piston his finger in and out of his passage, using gentle thrusts that contrasted with the rough pull on his erection. In his head, he heard Mika's voice telling him how much he desired him, and suddenly his orgasm was hitting him like waves of fire.

He lay basking in the buzz for a long while, checking the clock. It was still a little more than an hour till sunrise. Deciding he needed something constructive to do until it was time to go to temple, he decided to get up and bathe. He rinsed clean in the showers and soaked himself before going into the sauna to purify for the day ahead. The air was heavy with the smells of mint and sage, and Kaz felt calm and clear when he left the bathing rooms. He looked once more out at the view of the pine trees from this pretty room in Ethan's quarters, then went to dress with shaking hands.

~~~

In the temple, he chased Mika's scent (the wolfe must have come in after the hunt but left before the sunrise) and it momentarily made him miss his bondmate more than ever. Ethan arrived at nine to retrieve Kaz and take him to the infirmary for his pre-bonding checkup, as well as the most embarrassing speech Kaz had ever received about avoiding sexual overexertion in newly bonded mates. In the hallway, Mika's scent lingered and Kaz was beginning to think he was being teased.

By four, he had been through two purification rituals, been bathed, oiled, and massaged, and had painted his eyes and hands with kohanna. At six, he went with Ethan and Jonul to the temple, where he and Mika would garner one last blessing before the celebration and nighttime ceremony. His robes, which were gold and a deep red, were long and he had to keep picking them up as he walked. Birds were calling in the dale that led to the forest. He found it impossible to focus on the wedding. The kohanna around his eyes was making the skin feel tight. The rope bracelets felt soft around his wrist. Mikal would be there.

At the doorway, Ethan kissed him and left. Kaz watched him disappear down the walk for a moment before turning to the open doorway. The temple was dark beyond, but a flickering light from the candles that would be set around the altar directed his path. Left foot, right foot, pick up your robes. He couldn't think about the wedding, couldn't think about the bonding, about the fact that he was about to, without audience or aid, offer himself in a permanent bond to someone else. Not just someone. His mate. Mikal. He calmed his breathing, tamped down on the fear. If Mikal was there, everything would be fine. Mikal would never let him get hurt, so as long as Mikal was with him, there was nothing to be afraid of. He could be brave.

~~~

The bonding ceremony is private and almost silent. Inside, in the holy black of the empty temple, the priest would be waiting. The moment of bonding, wolfes say, is sacred, unique to each pair, and deeply intimate. The priest would instruct them, but the bonding would be all their own. Afterwards, he would examine them and officially recognize the declaration of a completed bond.

Kaz steps into the temple, takes small steps towards altar, and for a moment, his heart skips a beat because he does not see Mikal, but there he is - his wolfe is bare-chested, painted in kohanna, kneeling in the dark and hidden by the shadows of the altar. Kaz finishes his walk, kneels by his side. The priest whispers to them - seven words, and then he is gone, the candles flickering out with him. Kaz and Mikal are left alone. The temple goes black.

~~~~~

The grass was damp and cool beneath his feet as he clasped Mikal's hand, his mate leading the way across the soggy field, taking care not to walk so fast that Kaz couldn't keep up, mired down with longer robes as he was. They reached the stone path and Kaz tripped again, making them both laugh, the smiles impossible to stop from spreading across their faces. The priest had told them to keep silence until they reached the Great Hall, but this was too high a demand, and barely a hundred yards from the temple, Mikal laughed and mouthed I love you. Kaz tripped a fourth time on the stone path and so Mikal just picked him up and carried him the rest of the way into the Great Hall, unknowingly mimicking human convention.

They heard the noise coming from the Hall, where most of BlackForest was gathered, either to celebrate or commiserate, dependent upon the outcome of the blessing. Both First Alphas were in attendance, and when the pair entered, Kaz still held close in Mikal's arms, both inclined their heads to him. Mikal, honored, did the same before returning his attention to his mate.
"I love you." he whispered, breathless, as the crowd took notice of their arrival and turned to envelop them. A cheer went up. Mikal squeezed Kaz's hand.
"Is this OK?"
Kaz turned to Mikal, squeezed his hand back, tight.
"This is perfect."

~~~~~

Kaz, Ethan decided, was the most shameless bride he'd ever seen. He'd caught him twice in the midst of disappearing to the gardens - in the middle of his own party! - once with Mikal, and once without, and he suspected he'd missed a time or two because he didn't really remember Kaz's kohanna being smudged in that particular way. Kaz, always on his best behavior, had also been seen groping his new mate beneath the table by First Alpha Wolfe Garron, which had mortified Mikal but apparently only amused the Alpha.

Garron had, in fact, always found Kaz rather charming, cheeky though he was. Besides, the pair had just been mated - let them fuck on the tables, for all he cared. He certainly would have wanted to, and once the children had been sent home, in the later hours, he himself planned on doing so. That thought in mind, he went to go seek out his own mate, who had disappeared off to one of the patios to interview potential varons, per Garron's instruct. He'd been through twenty already last time Garron had checked, and there were near eighty more to go.

"Take a break, darling."
Garron's voice startled him out of his focus, reading over the pre-interview questionnaire of one of the potentials.
"What? No, I've got so much more to do." Alex looked a bit stressed, little lines forming around his eyes, and so Garron stroked his head.
"You haven't even eaten yet. Others are on their thirds meals."
Alex exhaled.
"I'll eat when I get to 70."
"What number are you on now?"
"Fifty-five."
"You'll eat now."
Alex folded his arms over his chest, wrinkling the paper in his hand. Garron rolled his eyes.
"You have to feed the pups. You can't unless you eat."
Alex's eyes suddenly got wide.
"The lit! Where's Damon?? Is he managing alright with them? Jas, I haven't seen them in hours." he was on his feet and off before Garron had time to do anything other than open his mouth to answer. Realizing that his intended audience had disappeared, the potential varon sitting now in front of only Garron looked crushed. Garron frowned a little at him.
"You there.” he said, sternly, by way of getting the young human's attention. “It's alright."
The varon looked up at him, tears welling. Garron shifted uncomfortably. "He'll be back."
The varon looked distant.
"He'll forget me by then."
"No, no, he's still got your sheet."
The varon's lip began to tremble.
"It's not fair."
Oh God. Garron sensed what was coming next. This is exactly why Alex was interviewing, not him.
"No, I know.” he said hastily. “But it's OK, though. First Alpha Mate Alex will be right back. Don't you worry." he reached out and patted the young man's head. The varon burst immediately into tears.
"Oh, no, no, no, please don't do that." Garron peered around anxiously. This could look bad. "It's fine. Honestly. First Alpha Mate Alexei will be back momentarily, and he was just telling me that he thinks you're absolutely tops for the job. You've got the number one place, in fact."
The varon wiped his eyes.
"Really, Alpha? I'm in first place?"
The kid sounded disbelieving. Garron paused, thinking long and hard about what he was about to do.
"...yes."
The varon's face brightened considerably. His Alpha would never lie to him.
"So that means...I might have one of the spots?"
Garron paused another moment, but he was in too deep now - there was no going back.
"...probably."
The varon's face fell.
"I mean, Alexei still has to look things over, but I'm sure - I'm sure he'll get back to you."
the kid sniffled again.
"It's ok, Alpha First Wolfe Garron. I understand. Thank you for your kindness, though - it was much appreciated." The varon stood to leave, and as he did, he brushed past another applicant. The second applicant looked, crestfallen, at Garron.
"I suppose we should all go home for the night, then?"
Garron looked apologetic.
"Listen, I think - " Just then, the boy brushed his hair back from his eyes, and Garron caught a glimpse of something on his wrist. Without thinking, he lunged forward and grasped the boy's forearm in one large hand. The young man jumped, startled, but didn't resist, although he looked away as Garron pulled back his sleeve to reveal the mark. Garron stared at it.
"I remember you."
Garron took his other wrist, did the same.
"I remember your mother."
On the underside of the boy's forearm, two thick X's were burned into his skin, the keloided scars a permanent white against sun-brown skin. The boy was panting, sucking in harsh breaths now.
"I'm not who you think I am."
Garron met his eyes; they were white with fear.
"I'm not. I'm not."

~~~

They had been hunting that night. It was bitter cold, middle of the second winter, and the snow was thick. Then they'd caught it - the scent of a human. They had all stood stock still in the middle of the forest because the scent was something many of them had never sensed before - a born female. Garron took off first in the direction. The scent was rich with the soiling smells of fear, sweat, and pain that he had come to associate with a desperate situation.

It was desperate at best. His paws pounded the earth, tearing up snow in little white whiffs as he ran over it. He skidded to a halt, slid past her (she was lying prone), and shifted instantaneously and ran over. There was another scent then, one that had been masked as he'd been too preoccupied with hers before. A child, not more than eight, knelt beside her, knees bare and feet only sandaled in the snow. He was trying vainly, using all his strength to turn her over. He wasn't crying. Garron never forgot that he wasn't crying. His rising alpha nature took over then and he set the boy to the side, turned her body, cradled her head. Checked her pulse even as the rest of the hunting pack caught up, all grey and black and brown and red and silver wolfes skidding kamikaze paths through the snow, some almost falling, some almost colliding with her. They shifted and someone picked up the boy (who, even now, faced with strange creatures in a dark forest, was dry-eyed), and cradled him to their chest, bodily warming him with muscles hot from the run.
Garron was working her over, trying to open her eyes. She lifted one hand, stopped him.
"Please." her voice was weak, very faint. Were he not a wolfe, Garron doubted he would have heard at all. Being as he was, he took in every word. She opened her eyes, only halfway, and they were mostly already gone. Garron felt his stomach sink. She met his gaze. "Let Jara live."
Garron shook his head, not understanding, but then he felt the rush like a summer wind and knew that she was gone. In another soldier's arms, the boy named Jara was crying.

They took him home that night, and Jara, very capable and very calm for a child of barely eight who had just lost his mother, told them everything. How they had been captives of a human clan, taken from warm beds in their own clan late one night when he was six. How they had lived for two years with these people, who fed them well and gave them warm baths and toys and brushed his mother's hair, but never spoke to them. How his mother was frightened. How she tried to escape, but was always under guard. How one night when the lazy guard fell asleep, she snuck into a meeting - a nighttime gathering and heard them say that they must return the last man born of woman to the earth from which he came. She heard them say that her son must be a sacrifice. His mother had come for him and tried again to run. They stopped her and this time, came with hot irons and marked them both - angry red X's across the river of life in their wrists. He had screamed because his arms burned so badly. His mother fought and they broke her wrist. She waited until the next night and killed three men one-handed; they had forgotten that she'd seen where they hid the iron pokers. She took her son's hand. Then they ran.

Then they were here, Jara said, and the middle is missing. I do not remember where we were. I do not know how to return. I only know that my mother is gone and my arms still hurt. Garron was not Alpha yet at that time, but in his heart, he knew that he would be. And under his rule, this would not happen again. He held the boy and rubbed his scars with ointment until the pain disappeared and he fell asleep.

~~~

"I'm not him." the boy's voice wavered.
Garron shook his head.
"You are."
The tears were there again, teetering on the edge of escape.
"I can't be him." Jara said, "Because I can't remember who I am."
When Jara had received the Therapy to remove these memories from his mind, it had been in the early days. The methods were weak and Garron knew anyway that these thoughts, these images were burned too deeply. The boy could never forget. Garron had lost track of him after that - he'd gone on about his office work and hadn't had the authority or ability to chase down an intaken orphan. The last time he'd seen Jara was that night.
"I remember." Garron said, and for a moment, the boy looked as if he might believe him. "You are Jara."
"My name is Ryce."
Garron shook his head and tried again.
"Jara."
"Ryce! I am Ryce! They call me Ryce at the Academy and Ryce in my schoolhome. My name is Ryce Alesander Saracen, and I am not him!" the boy tried to yank his arm away, but Garron held fast. Slowly, he dragged one thumb over the scar on the wrist he still held.
"I was there the night they found you, young one. I held her head." he waited a moment for this to sink in. The only evidence was an increase in trembling.
"Your mother," he said, pressing gently on the center of the X, "Named you Jara."
Then it was over, and Jara was in his arms again as he hadn't been in ten years and he was crying out every memory he'd tried his damndest to pretend to forget.
Alex returned to a scene very different than the one he'd left. Garron's eyes, both heavy and happy at the same time, looked out at him from over the varon hopeful's head, which was tight to his shoulder.
"Alexei," he said, swallowing thickly against his own tears, "My Love. This is your varon."

~~~~~