Less Than Whole

Ebon was sitting at his cubicle in the staff area playing spider solitaire on his computer. He was winning and had won eight times in a row, a new record for him. He grinned at the screen with its pathetic little fireworks display that showed after he won. He didn’t hear Stacey behind him until she put her hand on his shoulder. He just about jumped out of his chair.

“Hey!”

“Hey yourself,” she said.

“I thought you were Kasey!” Kasey was technically his boss.

“Well I’m not and your break ended a half an hour ago. I just wanted to tell you that there are these two guys asking around for you.”

Ebon’s eyebrow shot up and he tried to lean in his chair. “Really? Are they hot?”

“Yeah, actually, especially the white dude. And he’s really, really white. He even has white hair and pale blue eyes. The other guy, he’s really, really black, even wears black clothes. But he has yellow eyes, never seen that before. They’re hot, but they’re kind of strange, you know? I think the one is Texan and the other is Jamaican I think. He has a funny accent.”

“Really? I don’t know anyone like that. And you’re sure they’re looking for me.”

“Yes. They asked for you by name.”

“Weird.” He leaned back in the chair and folded his hands over his stomach. He thought about it. It had been three years since he’d been in the scene. Were they looking for him because of his old, old reputation? He hoped not, he wasn’t the same person. All the same, he thought, it wouldn’t hurt to check out a few cute guys, even if they might be disappointed in him. “And you say they’re hot, right?”

“Yeah, but I don’t know what they want.”

“Let’s go find out, shall we?” He stood up, not quickly, but carefully. He smoothed his shirt over his big belly and put his hand on Stacey’s back.

“OK, I was hoping you’d say that.” She grinned. “They’re really hot.”

“I think we covered that.” He smiled. Stacey loved his smile: it was radiant.

They looked around the library together for awhile, but didn’t see them. Finally they decided to take a smoke break together. They went to the coat-room and picked up their coats. It was snowing a little outside. Once they got to their “spot,” they saw it was occupied.

“It’s them!”

As Ebon and Stacey approached, Ebon saw the shorter guy, the black one, elbow the taller, white man. “Pay up. I told you they’d come out here.”

The white guy tossed a coin at him and then looked up.

Ebon was hit with a wave of lust. It nearly doubled him over and it scared him as much as it aroused him. It felt like the kind of lust the demon had inspired in him so many years ago.

Stacey put her hand on Ebon’s back. “Are you OK?”

His face was bloodless and he moved his mouth wordlessly at her. Finally, he whispered, “I can’t go over there.”

“Do you know them?”

“No, I mean, I’ve never seen them before. But I can’t go over there. Please, tell everyone I’m sick. I have to go.”

“Ebon!” She tried to stop him, putting her hands on his chest. Ebon just lifted them off and twisted away easily. He was very dexterous even though he was such a large man.

“No, I have to go,” he whispered. His eyes were open so wide she could see the entire iris of his eyes. She nodded.

“Library’s almost closed. I’ll cover for you,” she murmured.

He turned away and trotted for his car. When he heard the two men call his name, he sprinted. He was panting by the time he reached his primer-gray Bonneville. He stopped for a moment to catch his breath, watching it come out of his mouth in fat gray puffs.

He heard their feet crunching in the snow behind him. He dug out his keys, still winded, and started the car. He skidded a few feet, he took off so fast, but then he regained control and sped all the way to his house.

Inside, he locked the door behind him and locked all of the windows and turned off all the lights. He huddled on the floor of the living room, still in his winter coat. He was sure it was the demon that had made him feel that way. It was the same kind of lust—the same unnatural kind of lust he’d felt that day. He didn’t know why the demon was coming for him, but it was. He shook and moaned, holding himself close, feeling scared, aroused and very confused.

It seemed like an eternity that he was lying on the floor, but when he heard his doorbell ring, he looked up and saw that it had only been an hour. After he didn’t answer the door, the person ringing the bell came around to the front window and pounded on it. “Let me in, Ebon!” It was Stacey.

He got up to let her in. She stood in the dark doorway for a moment staring at him. Snow fell onto her pig-tailed hair and her shoulders. She shook her head. “Poor thing. You didn’t even take off your jacket. And why are all the lights off?” She stepped in and pulled the door closed behind her. Ebon locked it, snick snick. Stacey turned him around and began to unbutton his coat. Ebon let her, not helping, but not hindering her, either. After she slid his coat off, she walked into the living room and turned on the lights and the television. A sit-com was on. She changed the station to VH-1.

Since Ebon hadn’t moved, she went back to get him and led him into his own living room. She pushed him onto one of his couches and then tossed him a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Ebon lit one, and he started feeling a little better. He could hear Stacey in his kitchen. She was making microwave popcorn. He was glad and found himself smiling as the buttery smell came into the living room.

“Food and cigarettes make everything better,” she said, looking at him. She placed the bowl of popcorn in his lap and sat down, putting her feet up on his coffee table. She was wearing pink shoes.

Ebon took a handful of popcorn. “That’s subjective. I wouldn’t be feeling quite as good if you gave me pickled herring.”

“Touché. So, now I’m going to ask if you are okay.”

“I am now,” he smiled at her sincerely.

Stacey smiled back and then snuggled up against him. She lifted his arm and wrapped it around her shoulders. “What happened back there?”

“Getting a little familiar?”

“Always. Now spill it.”

Ebon took a deep breath. “Remember when I told you about my soul? I think that was the demon coming back for me.”

Stacey shook her head. “I think you’re wrong. I talked to them after you left. They’re both looking for the same demon as the one you saw. The white dude, he says the demon is his father.”

Ebon looked at her. “Are you kidding?”

“No. I talked to them for awhile. The white guy is named Aloysius Quinn. He’s from Texas. He’s a cambion, which means he’s half human and half demon. He says the demon raped his mother and he wants revenge. The other guy is a fairy of some sort from Ireland. He’s Aloysius’s friend. His name is Kylie.”

“Really? Wow.”

“And there’s more. Kylie told me that you would not have felt the way that you did if Aloysius wasn’t so hot for you.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, I was confused too. It turns out that the demon they are looking for is an incubus, so that makes Aloysius half-incubus.”

“And that’s why he inspires lust. So why didn’t you feel anything?”

Stacey smiled at him, batting her eyelashes. “I only have eyes for you, Ebon.” Ebon snorted and pushed her. “But really, I do! I did feel lust, but Ebon, you know how I feel about you.”

Ebon blinked. “I know, and I’m sorry I can’t feel the same way. But Stacey, it doesn’t make sense: I can see you wanting me when we first met three years ago, before I got fat, but now, I just don’t get it.”

Stacey smiled. “I think you’re still hot. But so does Aloysius. Kylie said the lust is way more intense if Aloysius desires you back. And Aloysius was talking about you a lot.”

“Really? Wait a minute. What am I saying? These two are seriously weird.”

“And you’re not? You can do magic, Ebon. That’s seriously weird in my book.”

“What if they were lying to you? What if he is the demon?”

Stacey laughed. “Do you really think that if one of them was the demon, they would be asking around for you? I think the demon would recognize you just fine.” She snuggled up closer and Ebon was glad for the human contact.

He hugged her more tightly around her shoulders, giving her a brief squeeze. “I guess. But I don’t know if I can deal with how he makes me feel. I don’t think I can be near him again.”

“What’s wrong with lust?”

Ebon lifted an eyebrow and said loftily, “It’s one of the Deadly Sins.”

“Oh pish-posh! That’s stupid. Lust is normal.”

“Yeah, but this isn’t normal lust. It just reminds me so much of the demon I gave my soul to. It bothers me so much. The lust I felt, it was followed up with the worst pain I’ve ever had in my life.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way, Ebon! You can’t keep running away from everything. And Aloysius wants to see you again. He was really upset that he didn’t get to talk to you. He seems very nice, actually.”

“You think he seems nice?”

“Yes, they both did.”

“Do you have their number?”

“Yes,” she said, and grinned. “Am I not your best friend?”

“That you are. Well, I’ll see. This is weird, but I’ll see.”

“And they still want to talk to you about the demon and your soul anyway.”

“Nothing like light conversation, right?”

“Exactly,” she said. She took some more popcorn they watched TV for awhile. VH-1 was fun for making fun of things. They watched old 80’s videos and it was a great, cheesy flashback. It was just what he needed: his best friend next to him, a half-full pack of cigarettes, some popcorn and fluff on the television.

Stacey fell asleep lying against him. Ebon didn’t have the heart to move her. He just watched her sleep for awhile, her pretty face relaxed, her hair askew from being pressed against Ebon’s shoulders. He had often wished since he’d met her that he could love her completely. He did love her, but not the way she wanted.

After his chin had hit his chest a few times, startling him awake, he realized he had to go to bed. He moved slowly, gently, and stood up, taking care not to wake Stacey. He peeled her off of him and lowered Stacey all the way onto the couch. He found a pillow for her head and an afghan to cover her up. When she was tucked in, he turned out the lights, but not the TV. She liked having it on while she slept.

Then he went upstairs to his room. He thought about the two men: Aloysius and Kylie. Did Aloysius really desire him? This would be a first. Ever since Stephen had broken up with him, he’d been very shy about dating and fooling around. The people he dated liked him for his personality or for stupid things, like his eyes. He was always told he had beautiful eyes, but no one ever said anything else complimentary. No one liked how tall he was or how big he was. When he found someone who wanted a fuck and that was all, they chose him because they were desperate. It was obvious to Ebon. He’d fucked more men with his shirt on since he’d gotten fat than he could count. It was embarrassing. What if this strange man from Texas really liked his body as it was? It would be such a relief to fuck someone without his shirt on, to hear again from another man that he was handsome and beautiful.

He was afraid, but he was even more afraid of being unhappy.

And Aloysius was all kinds of hot. They knew how to grow them down there in Texas, he thought. He smiled and shut off his bedroom lights. He’d get that number tomorrow morning.

* * *

Aloysius couldn’t sleep, and because he couldn’t sleep, neither could Kylie. Aloysius paced their tiny Motel 6 bedroom over and over, back and forth, snaking around the furniture, never ceasing in his movement. It was making Kylie crazy. If it wasn’t so cold outside, he would have turned into a dog or crow and slept out. But he hated being cold and it was still snowing.

“Stop it!” He finally shouted.

Aloysius looked up like he’d been slapped. He froze completely, only moving to put his raised foot back on the floor. “What?”

Kylie pulled the covers over his head. “I can’t sleep when you do that,” he said from under the covers.

“When I pace?”

“Yes, you know that. Why can’t you sleep anyway?”

“Because I want him.”

“You’ve wanted plenty of other people before,” said the lump of covers that indicated Kylie was still in the bed.

“Not like this. Never like this. This is… just too intense. I can’t take it. I have to go to him, now.” He began looking for his coat. “I’ve never felt so…”

“Horny? Don’t go anywhere.” Kylie threw the covers off of him and fixed Aloysius with his yellow eyes. “Are you wearing your charms?”

“Yes. I always wear my charms. And the tattoos never come off.”

“Maybe you need more, something to block more magic from seeping out, keep your demon half in check. The incubus in you wants to take from others. It needs others. Anyway, Ally, you know it’s just a magical feeling. It’s not real.”

“You told me before that it’s a magical amplification of what I feel. What I feel is real. The amplification of my feelings may be magical, but then, isn’t magic real, too?”

Kylie folded his arms. “It’s 3 am! It’s too early in the morning to talk philosophy. Stacey said she’d give him our cell number. That’s enough for now. He’s freaked out. The magic scared him. Give him time.”

Aloysius sat down on the edge of his bed and faced Kylie. His hair was a mess, half-braided and tangled up. “I’m sorry. I just felt something so much more intensely than I was used to. I felt something that seemed so real; I can’t get it out of my head.”

“It’s a physical thing for you, you want his body. Heh, you’re such a chubby chaser. I hope he’s a nice guy, too. That cute girl said he was, but you never know.” He smiled up at Aloysius, then reached out and touched him, gently, then took his hand. “It’s alright. Come here. Lay next to me and sleep.”

Aloysius smiled. They hadn’t slept next to each other since he was a child. He climbed into bed next to his friend, his brother, and felt more peaceful. He realized, now that he knew more about magic, that it wasn’t just the comfort of a familiar person next to him that made him feel better. It was a sort of magic Kylie had: a projected feeling that he was “at home.”

It didn’t matter to Aloysius if magic was real or not. It felt real, so it must be real. He burrowed under the covers and spooned his body against Kylie’s. Kylie was warm, almost hot to the touch. Although Kylie grumbled and murmured things about not being a fag, he let Aloysius stay close, his face against his back and shoulders.

“I love you, Kylie,” he said. “You take care of me.”

“Someone needs to,” he growled. “And roll over, let me spoon you. I can’t sleep with that thing poking me in the back.”

Aloysius laughed, but turned over. He felt so safe in Kylie’s arms. It didn’t stop the arousal he felt about Ebon, but it did help him relax and be able to fall asleep.

* * *

Aloysius was riding in the car with Kylie on his way to Ebon’s home. It was noon, and after they called him that morning, Ebon invited them over for lunch. He said he was a good cook.

Aloysius didn’t care what there was to eat. He was too nervous to eat. Even though he had learned to control his demon half somewhat on their journey, he was worried. In the year and a half since his mother had died and he and Kylie had been tracking appearances of demons throughout the US, he had never lost so much control. So much of the demon had slipped out last night.

Learning how to control himself had been mainly a process of trial and error. Kylie said there was no manual on how to help a cambion. They were all different based on the kind of demon that had sired them. Aloysius’s problem was how to not only keep his amorous intentions in check, but also how to keep from actually killing or harming a person during physical, sexual contact.

He eventually learned how to control lust through the use of charms. The most powerful of these he had tattooed onto his arms and chest. He had a few running down his legs now, too. They kept him in check and gave him greater control over himself. The charms on his necklace and two bracelets actually blocked some of his power. With most people that he found attractive these days, he felt he reacted like a normal person. He’d see them, take pleasure in their looks, their mannerisms and be able to enjoy it without feeling like he needed to run over and tear off their clothes.

During the act of sex, he learned how to use his talents in a more positive way. Before, he would take the life-force of his partner. This was an embarrassing time for him, with Kylie watching his every move as a small black insect or gecko on the wall. He would never have consented to have Kylie with him if it wasn’t such an important thing to learn to control. In a way, it was a relief knowing that Kylie would stop him if he went too far. In this way, he began to learn how to take, and then give back. He learned to take not the life-force of a person, but their feelings and emotions. Then, he could give them back, along with his own. It created a mental loop, a bio-feedback that increased the pleasure of the experience. The longer the loop remained connected, the more powerful the feelings were. In the end, he knew that it was a good thing, and finally, Kylie would leave him alone with his lovers.

But it was lonely, too. He always knew that they would soon be moving on. He learned to love these people he had encounters with and carried some of them within himself all the time. He missed them.

But Ebon eclipsed all of those feelings for him. He had only just seen Ebon and heard his voice on the phone, but he desired him above all others. He was Aloysius’s perfect ideal. He was very tall, very round, yet moved with grace and deliberation. His hair was long and black. He loved his long hair and wanted to touch it. He loved his thin, slanted eyes with their dark, dark irises. He loved his wide mouth. He was sorry to have seen his mouth twisted in fear. In his mind, he daydreamed that he reached out to Ebon to comfort him, to take his fear away. That was something else he could do, even though he had not done it since the first time. It seemed wrong to take something he wasn’t able to give back. He wouldn’t give back fear. He would only give back pleasure.

He was in a state of nervous agitation, staring out the window at the snow-covered trees and the gray slush of the road. He had never seen so much snow before in real life. His breath settled on the window from time to time and he had to wipe it off to see outside.

Kylie was humming off-key next to him. He seemed nervous too. Both of them were sure that they’d finally found the right person. They had been looking for whoever summoned the demon they suspected was Aloysius’s father: the demon Kasdaye. They had found a surprising number of people who had sold their souls. Many of them seemed depressed even though they had so much. All of them, when Aloysius looked sideways at them to see their auras had a missing piece: a dark stripe that stood out because there was nothing there. Ebon had had that, too.

It made Aloysius feel a little conflicted. He didn’t like the people who had sold their souls. They were often pathetic or cruel. But when they talked to Stacey about him, Ebon seemed like neither. Stacey said that Ebon hadn’t sold his soul for anything. He’d given it away. That was first time either Aloysius or Kylie had heard of such a thing. He wondered about it almost as much as he was fantasizing about being enveloped by Ebon’s arms, being kissed by those soft lips, smelling the tobacco on his clothes. He wanted all of that.

“We’re here,” Kylie announced. Aloysius looked out of the windshield to see a small house surrounded by pine trees. A mailbox with a foot of snow piled up on top was out front, but the walk was shoveled. As Kylie put away his keys and driving gloves carefully, Aloysius looked up. The front door was black and it was cracked just a little so that Aloysius could see that Ebon was just behind the door. He could see the olive color of his hands against it and a sliver of his face, one dark eye peering out.

He couldn’t help himself: he felt the same intense attraction as last night. He ran up the porch stairs and stuck his foot inside the door. He pushed the door open further, receiving no resistance and then he was inches away from Ebon’s face.

They stared at each other for a long time. Kylie came by and walked around them, then settled on the arm of one of Ebon’s couches. But Ebon and Aloysius didn’t move. He felt lust, longing, hope, all kinds of feelings washing over him and he projected it back. They weren’t even touching, and the feelings were so intense.

Ebon couldn’t take it anymore; he put his hands on Aloysius’s face and leaned in for a kiss. It wasn’t tentative at all! It was a deep, wet, sloppy kiss that had Aloysius’s legs buckle and a moan escape his throat. He felt Ebon’s hands on him and realized his own hands were sliding down Ebon’s chest, along his round stomach, down to his waist. He was about to slip his hands inside the loose jeans, when he heard Kylie.

“Enough! If I wanted to watch a gay fuck-fest, I’d turn on Queer Eye or something. Fuck!” He pushed his way between them and produced a black Sharpie marker. He drew symbols on both their hands. Aloysius felt his desire becoming more normal. He took in a deep breath and looked up at the two of them.

“I’m sorry.”

“I should be the one apologizing. I kissed you first,” Ebon said. His face was flushed, and he ducked his head. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, you’re both sorry,” Kylie groused. “What’s for lunch?”

Ebon straightened up and looked at his hand. “What did you do?”

“I charmed you. Come on, I’m starving. I hope you have coffee, too.”

Ebon nodded. “The kitchen is through the door over there. Everything’s ready. I made grilled-cheese and salad.”

Aloysius couldn’t take his eyes off of Ebon. He watched his lips move as he talked and watched the way he moved, and the way he gestured with his large hands. His hands were almost twice the size of Aloysius’s. He wanted to touch him again and hoped that Ebon would let him. He could sense the fear that was inside of him too. It was underneath the passion and desire, but it was there and was very strong. He was very afraid of Aloysius, but not more than he desired him.

Somehow, he got to the kitchen table and sat down. He looked around. Ebon’s kitchen was small, but comfortable. There was a large window next to the kitchen table. It was actually three windows inside of a nook. The table fit inside the nook. There was a lot of cold, white winter light coming in from the outside. The smell of hot butter and cheese was good: his mouth watered.

Ebon served food for all three of them. He also poured coffee, giving Kylie lots of cream and sugar, whereas he and Aloysius took it black. The food was very good, but Aloysius couldn’t eat very much of it. He couldn’t follow much of what Kylie was saying to Ebon, either. It was very hard to concentrate. He watched Ebon eat, taking small bites, but eating quickly. He finished his food in half the time of Kylie. Aloysius didn’t finish his at all. He was vaguely aware of Kylie asking about the demon and what had happened. He just couldn’t pay attention.

His eyes wandered over Ebon’s body. It was hid somewhat by his thick cable-knit sweater. It was an off-white color and looked hand-knit. He longed to touch him everywhere, to feel him pressed against his body, to see what he looked like naked. He wanted to hear him murmur in pleasure, writhe underneath him, squirm with delight.

He looked up and saw Kylie frown at him. He made a sign to Aloysius that they’d been using as long as he could remember. It meant “pay attention.” They were talking about Ebon’s giving his soul away. He had actually done it: giving it away in exchange for the demon leaving his sister alone. Clearly, Kylie was saying, they would have to visit his sister instead. She would know more about the demon and who might be in charge of it now.

“I want to stay,” Aloysius blurted out. “I want to stay here for now.”

“I know you do,” Kylie replied.

Aloysius had inched his chair a little closer. He saw Ebon’s eyes sliding over his body, looking him up and down in the same way he had been doing to him earlier.

Ebon was about to say something, then closed his mouth. Then he opened it again and said, “Are you going to eat that?” Aloysius was sure he wanted to say something else. He wished he knew what.

“No. It’s good, but I can’t eat when I’m nervous.”

This made Ebon laugh and they both felt something loosen inside, like a knot had been picked apart inside of them just a little, unraveling. “Heh, when I’m nervous I do nothing but eat. Why are you nervous? Handsome guy like you never needs to be nervous.”

“I’m afraid you won’t let me stay, won’t let me get to know you.”

Ebon took the sandwich and glanced at Kylie who shrugged. He said to Aloysius, “I thought it was important to you to find your father.”

“It is. But this is more important.”

Kylie stood up and pushed Aloysius’s chair back. “Hey, Ally! Wake up in there! We have work to do!”

“No, this is my journey. I can’t go. I need to know you, Ebon.”

Ebon bit off a large hunk of cheese sandwich. When he had finished chewing and swallowing, he said, “I don’t understand.”

Kylie was leaning against Aloysius’s chair and snorted. “You’re his perfect ideal, friend.”

“Huh? Me, I’m nobody’s ideal.”

Aloysius sat up on the edge of his chair. “You’re wrong! I think you’re perfect. You’re handsome, you’re big, you’re kind and I can tell you have magic. And you and I are alike: I only have half a soul.”

Ebon frowned. “You’re crazy and you’re making me feel all of these things that aren’t real.”

“They are real! You feel them and I feel them. I take your feelings and I give them back. I can’t help it.”

“It’s scary.”

“Why?”

“Because the demon that took my soul, he made me feel the same way. Then it hurt so much when it was gone.”

“I don’t do that.”

“He doesn’t,” Kylie chimed in.

“How do you know? You fuck him?”

“No, I’m a voyeur, not a fag,” he said.

This made Ebon laugh. The laughter diffused some of the tension in the magic. It lightened everything and Aloysius was able to see more clearly. He was suddenly embarrassed.

“Ebon, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to come on so strongly.”

He looked sad for a moment, then he lifted his head in a brilliant smile. “It’s Okay, Aloysius, I think I kind of like it.”

“Really? Oh God, let me stay, at least for a little while.”

“I don’t know about God letting you stay. I don’t believe in him. But you and Kylie can stay for awhile.”

Kylie frowned. “We can’t stay. We have to talk to Des.”

“I don’t want to go.”

“Fine. I’ll go. Ebon, what’s her number?”

Ebon got up to get some paper and a pen. While he was up, Kylie glared at Aloysius. “This whole trip was your idea. Why are you punking out on me?”

“I’m not. I just think that love is more important than revenge.”

“This is not love. It’s lust.”

Aloysius sighed. “I know. But it’s so intense. I have to know him. I have to.”

“I know you do. Fuck, I’ll go do some legwork on this myself for awhile.” He smiled mischievously. “I wonder if his sister is cute, like his friend at the library was.”

Ebon had overheard. “She is. Here’s her number.”

“Thanks. Can I use your phone?”

“Knock yourself out.”

* * *

Kylie had left them alone after drawing more charms over their hands and their arms. They were sitting at the same kitchen table, not talking, just staring at each other. They couldn’t stop staring, but at the same time, whatever Kylie had done to them hung all action: they were in limbo and it was almost painful, almost too sweet.

Aloysius stood up. “I’m going to wash these off.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“No. But what could go wrong?”

Ebon laughed. “Whenever someone says that, something goes wrong.”

Aloysius sat down again. “Isn’t this driving you crazy?”

“Yes, it is. But I’m used to it.”

“I don’t understand.”

Ebon leaned back and folded his hands over his belly. “I haven’t been desired by anyone I desire back for quite a long time. I know how it feels. The only person who lusts after me for real is Stacey.”

“Your friend at the library?”

Ebon pushed his hair back. Aloysius liked this small gesture. He wanted to touch his hair, too, but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t make himself do it even though he wanted to.

Ebon said, “Yeah. She’s my best friend and she’s had a crush on me for a long time. I feel bad about it.”

“It’s not your fault.”

Ebon shrugged.

“Why did you give your soul away?”

“You weren’t listening earlier, were you?”

Aloysius shook his head. “I couldn’t. I could only think about you.”

Ebon laughed again. “This is weird. I never expected this to happen.”

“What?”

Ebon waved his large hands in the air. “All this! The magic, you, everything. I don’t know, exactly… Anyway, I gave my soul away to save my sister.”

Aloysius had heard that part—a little of it anyway. “That’s very brave.”

“Not really. I’m an atheist and I didn’t believe in souls at the time. So it really wasn’t brave.”

“Do you believe now?”

“Nope. I mean, I know there are souls, but I don’t believe in God.”

“How can you not?”

“How can I?”

Aloysius didn’t know how to answer that. So he said instead, “I believe in God.”

“That’s OK, I still think I’m going to like you.”

Aloysius smiled. “I’m going to wash these off.”

“Uncomfortable with the conversation?” Ebon asked.

Aloysius shifted. “I don’t know… Kylie doesn’t believe in God either. I’ve talked about it before. I just think everything is so amazing, it couldn’t have just happened.”

“Hmm. Well, I don’t know, either. But I’m betting this is it.”

“You mean no Heaven, no afterlife?”

“Yeah.”

“Then why are we still sitting here?” He stood up and went to the sink. He began to scrub at the permanent marker on his hands and forearms. He wondered if it was a good idea again. He turned around and saw Ebon leaning back in his chair, lazily watching him wash his hands. He knew that once he could really connect to Ebon, he would know him in every way: He would have his thoughts, his fears, his desires. All of that would come to the surface through the act of lovemaking. Ebon would have Aloysius’s own feelings, too. Though most people didn’t seem to understand that they were feeling what Aloysius felt: they thought it was part of their own thoughts.

Aloysius stopped abruptly.

“Hmm. What are you doing?”

“I’m scared,” Aloysius said. “What if you don’t like me? I don’t think I could stand it.”

“I like you just fine. You’re gorgeous.”

“I don’t mean like that. I have all of these feelings running around inside my head. It’s really hard to explain. I mean, I didn’t go to college; I’m a farm-boy. I’m not sophisticated like you people in the North are.”

Ebon stood up and leaned against the sink. He was a full head taller than Aloysius and his whole body was twice as big, at least. He seemed to radiate heat. “This isn’t North vs. South. You know, the Civil War ended a long time ago. I don’t know what you expect to find here, but I can tell you, whatever it is you want from me, I can probably give it to you.”

Aloysius looked away.

“Don’t do that.”

“I can’t talk about it,” he said. “Wash your hands, too, please. I can’t take this anymore.”

Ebon put his hand over Aloysius’s and turned off the water with the other. “No, I need to know what’s going on with you. Is this just magic, these feelings? I feel like I’ve known you forever.”

“That part is magic… the feeling like you’ve always known me. The extra-crazy lust, is magic, but it’s a little real, too. But if you won’t like me because I’m a Christian, that’s too much for me. I don’t think I can handle it.”

Ebon laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous. Come here.” He gathered Aloysius and pressed him close. Aloysius lost himself in the embrace. He didn’t want it to stop.

“Ebon,” he murmured, “I need you to love me.”

Ebon stroked his hair gently. “I can’t promise that.”

“I know. And I’m scared.”

“Don’t be,” he whispered. He kissed Aloysius on the top of his head. Then he kissed him lightly on the lips. “Sex is a bond. It doesn’t have to be about love, but it can be. Sex is beautiful in and of itself. Let’s enjoy that.”

Aloysius couldn’t answer. He was losing himself in the feelings.

“But,” Ebon said, “Let’s enjoy it after we know whether or not we like each other, hmm?”

“What!?”

“You heard me. Come in here,” he started walking out of the kitchen and into the solarium. “Let’s get to know each other’s brains.” He turned around and grinned. As far gone as Aloysius was, he had to grin back: Ebon’s smile was brilliant.

---------------

more to come... ;)