Candy Kisses

Candy Kisses

Chapter Eleven

“There Are No Explanations
There Are Just Stories To Be Told”
-- The Dorkestra

“Nicholas?” Pepper pressed her hands against the inside of the mirror and cursed the distance that lay between her and Nicholas’s crumpled body. Was he still breathing? If she tilted her head at just the right angle, she thought she could see the slight rise and fall of his chest. But maybe that was just a trick played by her straining eyes. Maybe Nicholas had hit the wall so hard that his neck snapped, killing him instantly.

No one else seemed to care. No one bothered to check. Instead, they filed out of the room -- the robed men first, then the men carrying Marzi, and finally the man who seemed to be in charge. Without a word to indicate her eventual fate, they left Pepper alone. Alone, trapped in a mirror, staring helplessly at the body of the man she loved.

“Nicholas!” Her voice sounded strange as it echoed about. Over the last few months, she’d grown accustomed to hearing her words shaped by Marzi’s tongue. But here, on the other side of the mirror, she had her own voice back. And her own clothes. She even seemed to be physical. Sort of. Not solid enough to make her heart beat, or to push breath past her lips. But solid enough that her body bounced off the mirror when she threw herself against it. “Nicholas!”

Still, he didn’t move.

Frustrated, Pepper turned away from the scene she could do nothing to change. Perhaps there was something her captors hadn’t thought of. A way for her to escape. For the first time since she’d been torn from Marzi, Pepper looked around her prison. Aside from the mirror, which hung like a silver window cut into the wall of some vast and starless night, she appeared to be standing in a void. A bit of light leaked in through the mirror, but it was a weak glow that did little more than cling to her body, as if afraid to venture into the shadows beyond. Pepper didn’t blame it. She didn’t want to venture into those shadows, either. But she thought of Marzi, helpless, at Kale’s mercy. She thought of Nicholas, slumped motionless against the wall. Curling her hands into fists, Pepper forced herself to take a step. And then another. And then another.

As Pepper moved away from the mirror, the faint glow faded behind her, leaving her unable to see any part of her body. It felt eerie, to be so completely without evidence of her own existence -- to have no proof of her life except the thoughts in her head and the feel of her feet touching down against solid ground. At first, she walked cautiously, afraid that a careless step might send her plummeting off some unseen precipice. But the darkness didn’t seem to conceal pits or traps. It didn’t seem to conceal anything at all. It just stretched out forever in all directions, unending and unchanging.

Finally, Pepper paused, and looked back over her shoulder. She could just barely make out the mirror far behind her, glinting like a tiny beacon. Seeing it so small and distant, she felt fear stab her gut. What if she went too far? What if, the next time she looked back, she could no longer catch sight of the mirror? There were no other landmarks to guide her. Would she be able to retrace her steps, or would she spend the rest of her life running around in endless darkness? No, not even the rest of her life, because she was already dead. This would be her eternity -- emptiness worse than any hell. Panicked, Pepper turned and dashed back toward the mirror.

“Forgive me,” she gasped, squeezing her body into the faint light which still filtered through the mirror. “Forgive me for not being braver. Not being stronger.”

“Pepper…?”

A cry of joy and relief jumped from Pepper’s lips. Spinning around, she saw Nicholas sitting up, rubbing his head with one hand. “Nicholas! Are you alright?”

“I think so. But what…? Why were you…?”

Pepper sighed. “It’s a long story.”

“Right. And we don’t have much time. Not if I’m going to get you out of here.” With a look of determination on his face, Nicholas pushed himself to his feet. But neither the determination, nor his balance, lasted. For a moment, he swayed, and blinked a few times, like a kid stepping off a carnival tilt-o-whirl. Then he clamped both hands to the sides of his head and sunk to his knees. “Oh hell. Maybe we do have a bit more time than I thought.”

“You’re hurt!”

“I’ll be fine. I just need a second for my head to clear.” Pulling himself across the floor, Nicholas made his way over to the mirror. But he didn’t touch it. Instead, he looked up at her, like a dog at the feet of its mistress. Pepper could almost see him as a canine, with his ears down and his tail between his legs, and the image made her smile. Unfortunately, Nicholas interpreted her smile as mockery. “Please, Pepper. Tell me what’s going on. I swear to god, I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know.” Pepper crouched down, so that her face was level with his. She remembered the moment after their run through the rain, when she’d caressed his drenched hair. Remembered the feel of his unruly curls tangling around her fingers and drops of cold water trickling down her wrist. And she wanted so much to touch him again. But she could only stroke the smooth glass that separated them. “It all started a couple of weeks before Christmas…”

She told him everything. About James, about Kale, about what she’d done to save her brother. And then, even though she suspected that Nicholas already knew, she told him about how she’d fallen in love with the shy young man who came to work at Sugar Hearts, who charmed her with his odd combination of fierce passion and gentle amazement. “I know I should have told you. That night in your apartment, or after I heard you sing. Marzi kept insisting that I should tell you. But I was afraid.”

“Afraid?” He seemed surprised that such an emotion could ever sway her. “Afraid of what?”

“Afraid of what would happen when you found out you were really kissing a man.”

“Oh Pepper…” Nicholas started to shake his head, but winced, and stopped. “I never kissed a man. I kissed you. And if you somehow get yourself trapped in the body of a pig, or a walrus, or a hedgehog, I’ll still kiss it, and I’ll still be kissing you.”

He told her everything. About Raedeman, about the deal he’d made, about the trap that had closed in around him. And then, even though Pepper already knew, he told her about the moments when he would sense someone else looking out at him through Marzi’s eyes, and how he’d fallen in love with the curve of her smile and the kindness of her words, long before she appeared to him that night outside of Sugar Hearts. Long before he’d even guessed that she existed. “When I realized how I felt about you, I went to Raedeman. I tried to break our deal. Except it wasn’t that simple. He tricked me.”

“He’s a demon, Nicholas.” Yet, even as she scolded him, Pepper couldn’t make her voice sound truly harsh. “That’s what they do.”

“I know, I know. I just... It all seemed so different in the beginning. I knew I’d lose my soul. You don’t do deals with demons and not end up in hell. But I thought that if I could really sing, none of that would matter.”

“And now? Now that you do have the voice you always wanted? Does nothing else matter?”

“You matter.”

Pepper pressed her palm against the mirror, and Nicholas seemed to understand her intention, because he placed his own hand in the same spot, binding them together like twin reflections. Maybe she should be angry. Maybe she should hate him for betraying her and Marzi. But Marzi wasn’t as good at concealing things as he thought he was, and Pepper had glimpsed his dreams. She knew that, sooner or later, he would have needed to face Kale again. As for her, her crime was no different than Nicholas’s. They’d both thought that they could build love on a lie.

Nicholas bowed his head. “I’m sorry, Pepper. I know that can never be enough, but I really, really am. And I’m going to put things right. Even if Raedeman kills me for it.”

Again, Nicholas forced himself to his feet, and took a few steps toward the room’s closest door. Left without any way to help him, without the weakest spell or the tiniest charm, Pepper crossed her fingers, hoping with all the strength of her heart. But sometimes even hope isn’t enough. As Nicholas passed the table, he stumbled. Fighting to remain upright, he grabbed hold of a chair, and wood clattered against wood as the chair reared up on its back legs. For a moment, the chair seat caught against the table, halting his fall. Then, inevitably, his weight proved too much, and another clatter followed the first. The chair fell, bringing Nicholas down on top of it.

“Dammit!” he howled, striking the floor with one hand, while he cradled his head with the other. “God-Damn-It!”

Pepper bit her lip. What could she do? What could she say, except everything that had surely already occurred to Nicholas? Skull fracture, concussion, a ruptured vein slowly leaking blood into his brain... But she needed to say something. So she abandoned her pride and offered him her vulnerability. Offered him a problem he could actually do something about. “Nicholas? I’m scared.”

As she knew that he would, Nicholas pushed aside his own concerns, and dragged himself back over to her. “Don’t worry, Pepper. I won’t leave you.” But then the irony of his words seemed to strike him and bitter laughter burst from his lips. “Yeah, the guy who betrayed you is going to stick around to make sure you’re alright. That’s great. I’m sure you feel better already.”

Again, Pepper wished that she could touch Nicholas, wished that she could let a soft caress prove her forgiveness to him. Instead, she was forced to rely on the awkward reassurance of words. “You did what you did. But this isn’t entirely your fault. I should have been honest with you. And Marzi has his own demons to face.”

“Like Kale?”

“Yes. Like Kale.”

“I thought Marzi hated Kale.”

Pepper shook her head. “If Marzi hated Kale, things would be simple. But he doesn’t. He loves Kale. And because he loves Kale, he hates himself.”

“Marzi doesn’t seem that weak.”

“I wonder…?” Over the last few months, Pepper had achieved a deeper understanding of her brother. True, sometimes he wasn’t wise, sometimes he let darkness and insecurity drive him. But she’d also discovered deep reserves of courage in his heart. “I wonder, is it weakness to love something evil? Or does it take an amazing sort of strength? Perhaps Marzi’s love will save Kale. Perhaps it’s the only thing that can. After all, what was it you said to me? L’amore vincera?

“Yes. And look where that’s gotten us.”

“Yes,” Pepper conceded. Leaning against the mirror, she rested her cheek against the barrier that separated them -- less than an inch, but it might as well have been miles. “Look where that’s gotten us.”