The Gay Man's Matchmaker

“You what?!” Tommy screeched when I got home later.

“I went out with Joey,” I sighed dramatically, hating having to repeat myself. For Crissakes, he needs to get the wax out of his ears! We could probably make so many fucking candles out of it, it’s not even funny.

“After everything I told you?”

I shrugged, which I knew would piss him off even more. If there’s one thing Tommy hates it’s being disregarded.

“Kee!”

“Tommy!” I cried. “Look, you were the one who told me you wanted me to have a boyfriend in the first place!”

“Not Joey Gillson!”

“You didn’t specify that the first time!”

He narrowed his blue eyes at me in frustration. I knew this wouldn’t sit well with him, but fuck, it’s my life! Why is this so hard for him to deal with? I know what happened back then was shit, but it’s been a fucking decade already!

“He’s not the one for you.”

Even as Tommy said it, my gut instinct rebelled against the statement. I now knew that whatever was keeping me from actually dating guys before did have something to do with Joey. I didn’t know back then, and I still don’t quite know what it is. But I do know that I have to move forward with this … whatever the hell it is I have with Joey, or I’ll never get beyond the casual fuck-dates if I don’t.

“He’s lying to you,” Tommy went on. “He has to be. He hated you in high school.”

He did? My mind started cranking up and I knew I would be second-guessing myself now. Damn you, Tommy! Did Joey really hate me back then? If he did, then why did he wait so long to get to me? Maybe he forgot about me and now that he’s remembered, he wants to finish what he started? But what does he get out of it? I shook my head. Too much smoke from that thinking fire. I need to deal with facts, and leave the supposition to this blonde freak in front of me … at least for now.

“Look,” I said instead, trying for some diplomacy. “I don’t know what your deal with him is now, but I like him.” I made sure I looked directly into his eyes as I said it, so he would know this wasn’t bullshit. “And I would like to see him.”

“But I found you a real date,” he rushed to say. “His name is Roy and …”

“Stop.”

“But …”

“Stop!” I said louder. “I don’t want to go on any other blind dates. Not until I decide where things are going with Joey.”

“You don’t have to be exclusive this early on, do you?” he demanded.

“Are you trying to make me kick your ass?” I replied. “What did I tell you about stereotypes?”

“That wasn’t a stereotype!”

“Oh no? So, you weren’t just trying to get me to go out with another guy right after I told you I wanted to see Joey?”

“You just started seeing him!”

Oh no! He didn’t just use air quotes on me! Bastard!

“So, when you first started seeing Lauren, you still dated other girls…?”

Lauren, who had been quietly watching us from the rocking chair, suddenly bounced forward and glared at him.

“No, I …” he stammered.

“Ah ha! So you were just insinuating that I should be a slut!”

Tommy looked around the room wide-eyed. I’d neatly backed him into that little corner and I wouldn’t feel guilty one little bit! He had it coming! Lauren arched an eyebrow and waited for his answer. Finally he sighed and dumped himself onto the couch in resignation.

“Fine. Do what you want. You always do, anyway.”

“If I always did what I wanted, the first two dates never would have happened.”

“Don’t you mean three?” Lauren asked with a smile.

“Nah. I would have still gone out with Scott.”

“See?” Tommy accused with his finger pointing at me. “See? He’s a fucking hypocrite!”

“Yes, but he can be,” she laughed.

“Why?”

“He’s gay and you’re straight,” she shrugged. “And besides, you did have it coming.”

He snorted and looked away in disgust.

“Lauren.” She looked at me. “You, me, serious shopping. Tomorrow.”

“You’re on.”

-----------------------------------------

“I don’t know, Kee,” she said to me the next day while she tried on some of the things I picked out for her. “I don’t really wear leather pants.”

“Tommy’s got a fetish, girl,” I insisted. “You need to feed it once in a while.”

“How do you know he has this fetish?”

“Recent observation.”

She chuckled as she opened the door and stepped out. I whistled while I looked the pants over. They fit her like a second skin. They were a bit too long in the leg, though, her being so petite, but they could be altered.

“I like,” I assured her. “And that means Tommy will love them!”

“Think so?” She looked skeptical. “I don’t know.”

“Lauren, when are you going to accept the fact that you are a hot babe.”

“Oh yeah,” she scoffed.

“Yeah,” I insisted. “You are.”

“Whatever.” She took the leather miniskirt and matching top from me and went back into the dressing room. “So … tell me more about this Joey.”

“Pumping me for info?” I asked sarcastically. I knew Tommy wouldn’t be smart enough to ask her to grill me. But I also knew that Lauren acted as his brains sometimes, so he would likely get the scoop anyway.

“Not formally,” she hedged. “Hey, how many times do I have to tell you that we’re friends?”

“More often than that,” I teased her.

“Kee …”

I ducked as she threw the pants over the door at me. “That mean we’re taking these?” I asked her.

“I don’t think I can afford them.”

“I got it.”

“No you don’t!”

“Yes I do!”

“Kee!”

“Lauren!” I whined. “How many times do I have to tell you that we’re friends?”

“Funny,” she growled. “That still doesn’t mean you can pay for my clothes.”

“Uh huh … how’s the skirt?”

“Too short!”

“Lemme see.”

She cracked the fitting room door open a bit and peered out at me. I shook my head and pulled it open. The skirt fit her curves perfectly! And the matching top pushed her chest up slightly. Oh yeah, Tommy boy was going to kill me … later. After he ravaged her.

“Okay, I just want you to try this other pair of pants on.” I handed them to her.

“These are green,” she exclaimed.

“Just try them.”

“Okay.” She went back into the dressing room and took of the other two items, tossing them out to me as well. “Just put those in with the pants, Kee. Maybe I’ll come back for them after I get my bonus check.”

“Uh huh.”

“Are you sure these green ones are my size?” she asked.

“Pull harder. They’ll go up.” They won’t. I made sure I picked her a pair that was a size too small … by mistake, I assure you.

While she struggled with the pants I ran over to the register quickly and bought the pants, skirt and top. She’ll kill me later, too, but my aim was to vamp her out and she needed the wardrobe to match.

“Kee! I don’t think I can get into these!”

“Eh, they aren’t that fantastic anyway,” I said casually, as I stuffed the bag into my other larger shopping bag before she could see.

“Well then I think we’re done here,” she pronounced.

A few zippers and some grunting later, and she came out of the dressing room dropping the green pants into my hands. I shook them out and clipped them back to the hanger.

“Lunch?” she asked.

I nodded and we found the nearest café. They served panini and salads … just what I loved. I ordered a prosciutto and fresh mozzarella panini while Lauren went for a thai chicken salad.

“So … spill.”

I sighed, knowing I couldn’t put off talking about Joey forever. “He’s different than he was in high school,” I told her.

“You’re sure.”

“Well, I guess I could be wrong,” I admitted while I sipped on my bottled water. “But I don’t think I am.”

“Tommy seems so sure he’s here to hurt you.”

“I know. He’s been pretty vocal about it.”

“Are you really sure he won’t?”

I shrugged.

“Kee, we’re just worried about you.”

“I get that. I really do. But I think I’m old enough to make my own decisions on who I date.”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “You are.”

“The trouble is, your fiancé doesn’t think so.”

“Like I said, he’s just worried.”

“Well, the whole point of setting me up on those dates was so that I could find someone. Why is it so bad that I did that on my own?”

“It’s not.”

“It seems like it is. He won’t even give Joey a chance.”

Lauren sighed and looked down. Her face was flushed red, but I think that had more to do with the makeover I made her sit for at the Clinique counter than her actual embarrassment.

“I can’t promise to make him like the guy,” she finally said, looking up at me. “But I will make sure he gets off your back.”

“Thanks, Laur.”

“No problem.” She smiled at me. “I’ll get started tonight. Think my new ‘face’ will go over well.”

“Oh yeah,” I grinned. “Especially when you put the skirt and top on that you just tried on.”

“Kee!”

“Hey, I have a vested interest in this look,” I told her. “The hotter you make him, the more peace I’ll have.”

She threw her napkin at me with a laugh.