Unforgivables

I woke up alone in the room again. I was starting to see a pattern to it even if I had only been in there a short time. Brian was only there when I woke up once a week but I didn’t know why. The first few times I had thought it was because the doctors took him and gave him something. That couldn’t be it though because Brian was always...Brian. That and he was always in the living room when I went out there. I’d never bothered to ask. If he wanted to tell me he would, I hoped.

Standing I walked to the door and tried to pull the door open. It wouldn’t budge. I tried again but it would not move. What was going on? Had something happened while I was asleep and I didn’t know about it? I wasn’t a heavy sleeper, I could be woken up by someone sighing more often then not. I jerked my hand away from the handle feeling it burn beneath my hand. I looked down to see the metal handle was turning red with heat.

I moved back away as the door caught flame. All of a sudden it was all around me. The flames built higher and higher until I was trapped. Dropping to my knees I grasped my head in my hands and closed my eyes. The heat was unbearable. It was everywhere. Burning around me, on me, inside me. I couldn’t do anything. Nothing. I couldn’t make it stop.

“That’s it Christopher.” It was that man! I turned and my eyes widened seeing a flaming figure standing there. His eyes were black and I could see his teeth. That was all though. The rest was flame. “Let your anger show. Let it consume you and take away everything. Let everything you have ever loved burn.”

He walked towards me and I slid back. All of a sudden he was kneeling right in front of me, so close to me. Leaning over me so close that I could feel that fire deep within my soul. Any moment he would catch me, send me into the fire purgatory that I had created.

“Show everyone who has ever fucked with you that you are not to be messed with. Show them all what hatred and anger actually lies within that subtle heart of yours.” His hand came up and I clamped my eyes shut as he ran it through my hair. “Show them was really lies behind those eyes of yours.”

My eyes flew open and I stared at him shocked. Everything began to fade. The fire danced around me until there was nothing but darkness. I was falling. I didn’t know where I was falling to or where I was. All of a sudden I was engulfed in water and I felt my eyes grow heavy. There was a light above me. A bright light. I felt my hand reach out for it but my eyes fell shut and I was gone.

“Are you okay?” a voice muttered from somewhere in the darkness. “Christopher? Are you okay?” my body ached and I didn’t want to move. Slowly I opened my eyes and found myself staring at the ceiling of my room. “Christopher?”

I turned my head and saw Brian sitting on his bed criss-crossed. That was strange. He hadn’t moved. Usually I woke up to his face in mine, not him across the room. I sat up and tried to focus a little more. When my vision returned fully I looked over and saw that Brian was shaking. “Brian?”

“You were having a bad dream.” he told me. His eyes were so far away. He wasn’t even looking at me. Sure his eyes were on mine but he was NOT looking at me. It was liking he was looking into me and obviously seeing something bad. “It sounded very bad.”

For a moment I studied him. It sounded more like he was trying to convince himself of something then console me. “What happened?” he didn’t answer. “Tell me what is going on.”

“There was so much fire...” Brian muttered and my heart stopped in my chest. “And that man...” he covered his eyes with his hands. “He’s in my head. I can see him. Burning. He’s burning in the back of my eyes.”

Slowly I slid off my bed and walked over to him. I got on my knees by him but he didn’t move. I bit my lip and brought my hand up to set it on his shoulder. I pulled it away slightly before setting it on it’s destination. Brian turned his head and looked at me from under his hands. “Don’t...don’t let him scare you too. If he scares you...I have no where to go...”

His head nodded slightly and he sat strait again. “What did he tell you? I could see him talking. He was talking but I couldn’t hear him.”

I lowered my head. “Nothing important.” I slid off his bed but he grabbed my wrist. “Let go of me please.”

“Stay?” Brian asked and I looked back at him questioningly. “I mean...here,” he set his free hand on the bed. “Don’t want to have any more nightmares do you?”

“I’m five feet away.” his hand slipped from my wrist. “Besides, I’m fine now.” This time I laid down facing the wall. My eyes wouldn’t close so I wasn’t going to fall asleep anytime soon. “Why are you here?”

I had clearly taken him off guard by the question because it took him several moments to answer. “Maybe...we can talk about that later. I’m tired.”

Closing my eyes in annoyance I waited until I could no longer feel his eyes on me. I turned and looked over at him. He had his back to me. That pissed me off. It was okay for him to know everything about me and yet he couldn’t answer a simple question. I turned my back to him as if it proved some big point and tried to go to sleep.

A loud crash jerked me awake the next morning. I hated our room being so close to the living room because you could always hear them. Well, the door being closed downed out the sound on more occasions but that had been really loud. I propped myself up and found the door open. WIDE OPEN. There were people walking past my door and a few of them looked at me making me feel very uncomfortable. Glancing over I saw Brian was gone...like usual.

I stood and used my hand to brush my hair out some. I knew it had to look like crap after I had tossed and turned all the previous night. Walking into the hall I saw what the noise had been. They had knocked over a cart of medicine and the guards were currently holding off like seven people. A sigh escaped my lips. When would I be out of here?

“Christopher.” a nurse called from down the hall and I walk towards her. “Your aunt is here to see you again.”

Following her into the room I sat down and waited for her to say something to me. “Well, I spoke with you doctors and everything is in order. At the end of the month you will be coming to live with me at my house. It’s about a half hour out of town and I will be here to pick you up early in the morning.”

My eyes widened. “The end of the month? That’s only a week away isn’t it?”

“What? Are you complaining that you get to leave here?” she asked me. “Because you aren’t staying. You may be who you are but I am still your aunt and as such I am not leaving you in a place like this.”

My head lowered and I nodded softly. “Yes, of course I want to leave.” I wanted to get out, wanted to leave everything...well, not everything.

“Good.” She stood and the nurse walked over. “I’ll see you in a few days then.”

The nurse led me back to the living room and I looked up to see Brian sitting in the window. He looked over at me but I was not met with his usual smile. I diverted my eyes from him. He knew. In just the brief moment I’d locked eyes with him he’d been able to see it.

“You look upset.” I jumped from not noticing that Brian had walked up to me. “Why are you upset?”

“What do you mean?” I asked him.

He took my hand and led me over to the window. “I asked why you were upset. You get to leave. Why would that upset you?” I didn’t answer. “I mean, you get to live in a house, you get to go outside, and you will get to see that guy you like again.”

I frowned. They guy who never came. Was everyone just the same? Unless they were forced to be around me they wouldn’t care? Well, my aunt was different I guess. She didn’t have to come get me. She could have been like everyone else and she had chosen not to. “I am happy. Who wouldn’t want to leave this place?”

For a moment he said nothing. I knew I’d hurt him. I knew he wanted me to say that I would miss him, that I didn’t want to leave him, and I knew what hurt the most is that he knew I was lying to him. “That’s good. You shouldn’t ever not want to leave a place like this. I am happy for you.”

“You’ll be eighteen soon right?” I asked him. “That means you’ll be an adult and able to leave here.”

He laughed. “Just to be sent to another place. They’d never let me out of a place like this. I know what I am and no matter who tells me to deny it I wont. They want me to tell them that I don’t see things, that it was just a faze and that I am normal now. I’d never say that. I’d never lessen myself just for them.”

Lessen myself? Tell people I was okay when I wasn’t. I was doing that. I’d been doing that. It was partial denial but I had still been doing that. “You wouldn’t believe me...if I said I would come visit would you?”

“No.” he answered plainly. “It’s nice to hear that someone will come but...when it doesn’t happen...things get worse.”

“I have a week left.” I muttered and gave him a rare smile. “Lets make the most of it okay?”

That made him laugh but he nodded. “Alright then. We’ll make the most of it.”

I looked outside and watched the rain. “Lets go for a walk.”

There had been a red umbrella over my head, rain falling all around me, and he had been in the rain. I remembered that. I remembered laughing at him as he twirled and what he had told me about the rain. I remembered how much trouble he had gotten into and seeing the bruise on his neck from where they had inserted the needle. I remembered...him.

The Brian that walked by me now, under the umbrella with me, was not the kid that I had once known. He wasn’t saying things that made no sense or dancing in the rain. Something had changed in him but I had a feeling that now...I would never know what that was.

“The last time we where walking in the rain...” he said softly. “I asked you if you had ever been kissed.” had he? “You had told me no then. If I asked you now I know the answer. So it would be pointless to ask.”

I wanted to hit him over the head. Why did he even say things like that? It was so stupid. All he did was think out loud. “Your right.”

He grabbed my arm and stopped us from walking. I looked up at him slightly unsure and a little afraid. “I may never see you again after this. I want you to promise me something.”

“What is it?”

He leaned down and ran his lips softly across mine before looking into my eyes. “That at least you wont forget me.”


A/N : *sweat drops* that was painful to write. Sentimentality...yuck. Anyway. What did you think? I’m pretty sure you should get where I am going with this. *points* I am going that way. (Just in case you didn’t know) So, review. We are getting close to what I am sure will be all of your favorite part of the story. He he.

- “Two guys with long hair having sex...where is bad?” - lol, quote from my friend.