Heartless prick with puppy dog eyes

Again, I apologise for the delay :S

(I know it\'s like a broken record, but life is just so hectic, that other things take priority.)



Thank u for all the reviews, very inspiring, n got me itching to write more. In glad y\'all liked my lil mel-chris get together :D nw tho, reality is gonna hit :



That\'s just it, ur bound to hate me again after this :P

Britdenyoung- that was quite possibly the sweetest thing I\'ve read about me, I don\'t feel I deserve such praise, but it made my day Reading it, thank u.





Chapter 9



I stir in my sleep feeling warm and cosy. I snuggle deeper into this foreign comfort, fighting consciousness, not ready to wake up and part with it just yet. I wrap my arms around it, finding my lips pressed against a warm pulsing curve which I unconsciously kiss in appreciation, as I curve my body to fit even more, and submerge myself into this sensation.

 

Consciousness is winning slowly, and with it comes a sense of utter oddness. It’s odd that I slept so well, after so many sleepless nightmare-filled nights. It’s odd that I’m feeling this warm and cosy and comfortable. And it’s utterly odd that my pillow smells like Chris, and feels like bare skin against my touch. I gently stroke the skin in my half asleep state of mind, until realisation hits like a ton of bricks. I open my eyes slowly to confirm the memories flashing through my head like a cinematic roll.

 

I’m cradled in Chris’s arms. Naked. My face tucked in the curve of his neck. The pulsing ‘curve’ I had kissed in my slumbered state.

I freeze, not daring to even breathe, not wanting him to wake up and find me in this compromising position. Never mind that he’s in it too, because we both know this is my doing. All me. In this state of stillness, I scope out my clothes, which are pretty much all over the bedroom, thrown haphazardly last night without a thought. I notice that Chris is as still as me, but peeking up reveals that he’s still sleeping, so slowly, I set about disentangling myself from his comatosed form.

 

I manage somehow. His steely grip loosens around me, and for a second I fear he’s woken up, but another quick look confirms that he hasn’t, and I sigh in relief.

Out of his comforting hold, I shuffle out of the bed as quickly as I can, grabbing my clothes and dashing to the bathroom. I ache in places that remind me of what happened. Not that I need reminding, its all playing in my head. But it’s like a movie that’s blaring from the TV as well as the radio, with people talking about it next to you; its all around me. I remember with the little aches. I see it with my state of undress, I feel it with my bloated heart, its like someone’s bang, bang, banging on my being with this sensory overload.

 

I shower. Cleaning myself thoroughly, tracing dark bruises that frame my hips; my hands replay the map his hands created the night before and my heart swells with emotions that weigh me down like a physical force. I love him. So much and it hurts. My eyes close against the water tide as tears stream down freely, mixing with water to remove the evidence of their presence. What have I done?

 

I don’t know how long I’ve been in here, and I know that I can’t delay the inevitable any longer, so I wrap myself in his bathrobe, which successfully conceals me completely, revealing nothing but my head which peakes out of it\'s oversized folds.



I slowly open the door only to be greeted by Chris in his boxers, facing the window talking on his phone. He hasn\'t noticed my presence which is good. I consider tip toeing out of the room, and face this another day. That\'s reasonable isn\'t it? I can plead insanity when he catches up with me later on, but right now I need to sit in a dark corner and collect myself. But I can\'t do it to him. I owe him an explanation. I owe him a good lie. I approach him slowly when I catch the conversation he\'s having, and it makes me stop in my tracks. 



Ruth. Ruth who I now consider a friend. I did what I just did and she didn\'t come into my thoughts, once. Not even for half a second! What kind of person am I? 



"I\'m sorry baby, I know we had plans, but Mel was in a bad way yesterday, I had to.. I had to help her." 

I wonder if she noticed his hesitation. It was very brief and he collected himself quickly. I noticed it. 



"Yeah, I\'ll tell her your thinking of her..." I listen on horrified, my despair and need to bolt, to simply wipe last night events is nearing internal hysteria! And just as I\'m about to run, he turns around catching me in my tracks as he says "I love you too baby." 



He looks at me startled at my presence, making me feel so low. Not only have I made him cheat on the only girl he\'s ever said I love you to, but here I am eavesdropping on his conversation. I\'m like the cradle snatcher. 



"I\'m sor sorry... I didn\'t... Oh God Chris, I didn\'t mean to make you..." I sob out. 



"Mel..." he sighs my name out, and despite the shit I\'m in it makes my heart flutter. He sighed my name out yesterday too. Over and over. And the thought makes me blush. Not

Much of an apology this; apologising and fantasising about what happened, simultaneously. I\'m a fucking whore. I close my eyes to compose myself. I won\'t let this affect us. I won\'t. I refuse to give him up too, it\'s not fair.



I open my eyes, and just looking at his tense posture, how his hands are held in a tight fist, makes my mind up for me. It\'s too late to not let things affect us. The old Chris woulda had me in his arms by now for comfort. This Chris is holding himself back. And I don\'t blame him. He probably thinks I\'m gonna jump him again. I doctor my features and launch into my lie.

"I needed something yesterday... I wanted to be close to someone, to feel something other than this hurt that I carry around with me all the time. And you were there for me." I muster a small smile for affect. It makes him flinch. And it makes me more desperate to win him over, so save this without becoming a casualty.



"I\'m sorry Chris, your my best friend, I didnt think I could use anybody like that. In all truth it couldn\'t have been anyone else. I think the safety of our friendship allowed me to do what I did last night, without much thought to how it\'d affect us. Please forgive me. I don\'t wanna lose you too Chris, it\'d kill... But if u feel that you can\'t... I\'ll understand. Just don\'t hate me, please don\'t."



"Do you regret it?" he asks evenly. Without emotions.



Is this a trick question? If I say \'yes\' then it could mean that I am truely sorry, and that I wouldn\'t do it again, and he wouldn\'t hate me about using him. And our friendship would still be solid. If I say \'no\' then I\'m lying to him and myself; but was the one night, that would stay with me forever, worth a friendship that has lasted forever?



"I needed you yesterday. And you were there for me like always. And you made me feel something other than pain. That I don\'t regret. I regret what it\'ll do to our friendship. And it kills me that I made you cheat. That with my selfishness I could potentially lose you. I am sorry."



"You didn\'t make me cheat. I was there too. You didn\'t know what you were doing, I did. I was all there." 



"I practically raped you Chris. And if you said no, I probably would have." I say hysterically. He snorts at this and it pisses me off.



"Don\'t laugh at me!" I push him. Hard. But typically, he doesn\'t budge, and why would he? I can\'t compete with him physically.



"Your being an idiot! I can\'t NOT laugh at you!" he says raising his voice. 



"Yeah? I\'m trying to apologise! If your not intrested, walk off but don\'t laugh at me! Arghhh! I can\'t do this. I just can\'t. " and with that, I walk out of his room, out of his house, through the backyard and into my house, dressed in his gown.



It feels like I\'ve walked out of his life, and it kills me.



Xxx

Tbc



I know, I know. Coulda been longer n they could\'ve confessed their undying love... Wouldn\'t have been realistic tho, would it :P



Review = luv

Till nxt time xx gg