The Wings of a Butterfly

.:10:.

Frederick woke up early, the next morning. His sheets had a wet stain again. Usually, he didn’t dare to try and remember what he had dreamed to cause such a stain, but this morning there was no avoiding it. He could clearly remember the warm lips against his own, and the strong arms around him. He could remember the dark eyes of his handsome admirer Julian.
With a unusual pleased sigh, Frederick turned on his back, and closed his eyes to relive his wonderful dream.

When he finally got up, it was time for breakfast. There were no other guests or relatives in the manor, that day. Frederick walked to Julian’s room, to invite him to join him. Normally, he would let his servants to it. That’s how it was supposed to be. Wentworth would be appalled if he knew what his friend was doing since yesterday evening. Frederick couldn’t help himself though. He felt giddy and excited as he wiped his trembling hands on his pants, before he knocked at the door. He wasn’t wearing his wig... Maybe he should? He was so confused.

“Come in,” Julian’s warm voice came through the door.

Frederick opened the door, finding the room still dark. “Good morning, Julian... Are you decent?”

“I’m in bed,” the man replied amused. “You decide if that’s decent for you.”

It wasn’t. Still, Frederick stepped in, and closed the door behind him. “Did you sleep well, Julian?” he asked, stepping to the foot end of the four-posted bed. He could see the shape underneath the blankets. As his eyes customised to the darkness, he could see the man’s skin. He was naked, he concluded. He had to be shocked, but his heart jumped instead.

“I slept very well, thank you, my love. Did you?”

My love... Frederick had to take a few deep breaths. He was glad the man couldn’t see his face in the dark, as he blushed deeply again. “Yes, I dreamt wonderfully. Would you care to join me for breakfast, Julian? I would be very pleased if you would spend the day in my company.”

“It would please me no end,” Julian said. He sat up, rubbing his face. “Give me a moment to refresh and dress up, okay?”

“Of course, Julian.” Again, Frederick noticed the strange way of speaking, but already he didn’t mind. He stepped away and turned around as the man threw the blankets off him, so he wouldn’t embarrass him with his presence. He should leave now. Yet, he couldn’t force himself to leave the room.
As he heard the man move through the dark room, he couldn’t resist to peek from the corner of his eyes. He quickly turned his head away as he saw the full naked glory of a muscular, heavy, hairy man. His heart pounded so hard he felt dizzy. He held his balance against a wall, and swallowed with difficulty. He had feelings he had never felt before. They were pleasant, but confusing. He shouldn’t be in this room at that time.

Julian washed himself at the wash stand, and dried off with a cloth. He dressed up slowly and carefully, as if he wasn’t used to dress up in those clothes. Frederick wondered if his imagination was deceiving him. “You can take take your coat with you,” he eventually said to the wall. “We will go out for a walk after breakfast, if you please.”

“Sounds good. I’m all done, beautiful. You can look at me again.”

Julian stood quite close when Frederick turned to face him, and he had to look up to meet his eyes. “You are a very handsome man, if I can be so bold,” he said quietly.

“Thank you. I think you are beautiful, Frederick... I admire you greatly.”

Frederick averted his eyes and repressed a shy smile, but he didn’t step away. He was longing to feel those muscles, yet he wouldn’t dare to touch the man. Still, he didn’t leave the room either. His eyes slid along the arms and chest, looking at the well-fitted clothes. He couldn’t resist to drop his gaze to the strong legs and to the most secret and forbidden part of the man’s body. A soft sigh escaped his lips before he could stop it.

“Breakfast?” Julian reminded him.

Blinking, the blonde tried to get a grip. “Yes. I apologise, Julian.”

“Don’t apologise to me,” Julian smiled. “You can admire me. It makes me very happy, if you look at me like that.”

Frederick had to think about Wentworth and Percy, and how they lived together in their house. They were used to each other’s company, and were very happy together. They weren’t embarrassed, or nervous...
It took quite a bit of willpower to open the door and step into the hall. He was fully aware of Julian’s presence, as he walked down the stairs, through the hall, and into the garden, where breakfast would be served.

It was a nice, warm morning. Frederick enjoyed the weather, and was glad he kept his clothes light that day. Julian was again dressed in his dark red clothes. He wondered why, but then he realized he didn’t see any luggage. The man may be rich, but he didn’t carry anything with him.

Breakfast was light, with toast, marmalade and jam. Frederick drank tea, but Julian preferred the taste of coffee. Although Frederick kept an eye on Julian’s etiquette at the table, he couldn’t find anything truly wrong. Again, the man seemed a bit strange, but he was polite, friendly to the staff, and he had good manners. It was actually very enjoyable to be in his company.

“I can see you have a beautiful garden, Frederick.”

“Thank you, Julian. It is very beautiful, if I may say so myself. It has a small lake, and I have a boat. Sometimes I even go for a dip,” he said with a cheeky smile. “It is wonderful, on a hot summer day.”

“I would love to see it all. Would you show me around?”

“It is my honour,” Frederick smiled. “Please. Come with me.”

They both stood up at the same moment. As Julian didn’t bother to put on his coat, neither did Frederick. They wouldn’t be seen by anyone important, so he reckoned he could be a little naughty. Julian followed him over a long lane, between some high hedges, and they entered the park. After a while, Julian offered his arm. Frederick’s heart jumped up in delight as he took it. The man was strong, warm, and gallant. “You are a strange man, Julian,” he said, glancing at him. “And yet, you intrigue me endlessly. Who are you, Julian Lewis?”

Julian had quietly enjoyed the amazingly fresh air and the silence, as well as his company. He looked at the blonde as he spoke, and smiled. “I am a stranger here,” he said with a slight shrug. “I come from a place nearby, and yet unbelievably far away. It’s a whole different world, with different customs and ideas. So you’ll have to excuse me every now and then, Frederick. I might do or say things that seem rather odd.”

“Yes. I noticed that, Julian.” Frederick smiled at him, and placed both hands on his arm. “So... In your world, Julian, are all men as outspoken as you?”

“Am I outspoken?” Julian laughed softly, and a little ashamed. “I probably am, in your opinion. I didn’t mean to be, I assure you. I hope I don’t insult you. Do I?”

“Oh, no, Julian.” Frederick shook his head earnestly. “You do not insult me. You confuse my mind, and my heart. Can I ask you a very impolite and direct question, Julian?”

“Of course...”

Frederick felt the warm hand on his own, and he looked at it. He they were pressed so close together, he could feel the man’s warmth through his chemise, and he felt the muscles move. “Forgive me for asking. Are you a sodomite?”

Julian turned his head towards him, and scowled. Frederick instantly bowed his head. “Forgive me,” he mumbled, but Julian shook his head. “I forgive you, beautiful. I would say yes, I am a sodomite. The fact you ask me shocks me, Frederick. With the way you look and behave, you will be one too, right?”

Looking up, it was Frederick’s turn to scowl. “I do not understand,” he said slowly. “I look and behave flawlessly, Julian... I am sure I do. I was educated well.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’re raised by good nannies and all,” Julian said. “But just look at this, Frederick...” He weaved their fingers together on his arm. “Do you walk like this with many men?”

The blush was instantly back on his cheeks. Frederick looked down abruptly, feeling caught. He didn’t pull his hand back, though. “No,” he admitted quietly, barely more than a breath. “And I am not married yet. My family often urges me, but I cannot force myself. Julian...” He looked up again, and slowed down to a halt. “What is it, that you want from me?”

Julian pulled his hand away, and reached up to brush the back of his fingers along one heated cheek. “I want to be your friend, Frederick...” he said softly. “I want to make you a happy man, for the rest of your life. I came here for you. I love you, with whole my heart, and I loved you from the moment I saw you...”

Frederick breathed deeper with every sentence. He could only blink, and looked down. He felt how Julian came even closer. He could feel his heart beating as he pressed against his torso. The lips, touching his own, were warm and soft. They kissed, briefly, tentatively. Frederick had never kissed anyone before. Not like that. He parted his lips, nipping at Julian’s, and he felt the wet tongue slipping in his mouth. His legs failed on him.

“Careful now, beautiful... We don’t want you to faint, hm?” Julian stopped kissing him, and smiled at him from close by.

“I will not faint,” Frederick said with a tremble in his voice. Still, he held the man’s arm tightly between his hands. He tasted Julian on his lips, and he closed his eyes as he licked them. He sighed deeply, to get rid of the sudden heavy feeling on his chest. It didn’t work.

“Did you enjoy that?” Julian asked.

“Very much so,” Frederick nodded. He opened his eyes, and looked up shyly. “And you?”

“Oh, yes,” Julian laughed softly. “But this whole... men kissing men thing. Sodomising. It’s illegal, I presume?”

“Well, yes...” The blonde began to walk again, still close against his dark mysterious guest. “I have to admit I have friends living together for years. No one has judged them, but they are very discrete. I am certain people have asked questions. They are not married and such. They have tried to discover them in the act of sodomy, but have not succeeded. Still, yes Julian, it is a sin. I can hardly believe you would not know.”

“I come from a different place,” Julian said apologetically. “A place where homosexuality is just as accepted as heterosexuality.” It wasn’t entirely true, it at least it was no sin, or illegal.

Frederick listened in awe. “You use strange words, Julian, but tell me more. What is this place? I would like to visit it!”

“I’m afraid that’s impossible, my love... At least, I think it is. Until I find a way to go home, and take you with me, we’ll have to be discrete and careful, don’t we?”

“Yes.” Frederick nodded, still intrigued. “You do know I am engaged to marry, Julian?”

“Yes. Henrietta, right? Do you love her?”

“Love her?” The blonde stared at Julian, eyes wide. “How could I love her? I barely know her. Either of us wants to marry, but it has been arranged. She is aware of my aversion to marriage, and is equally hesitant. We have to marry one day, though, it is inevitable...”

“I know.” Julian remembered the warnings of the scientists. “Will you stop meeting me, when you marry?”

“Stop... meeting you?” Frederick’s blue eyes were big and innocent. “Maybe we could begin meeting, before we speak of stopping it, Julian.”

Julian laughed out loud. “Sharp! You’re more cunning than you want to appear, aren’t you?” He weaved their fingers together again, and smiled warmly at him. “From the moment I saw you, I knew you were my man, Frederick... And now I have tasted your lips, and you have told me you liked our kiss, there’s no way I’ll give up on you. You--”

“Hush, Julian,” Frederick interrupted him, pressing a finger against his lips. “You speak too much, and you speak in strange tongue.”

Julian flicked out his tongue, touching the finger. “My tongue isn’t strange,” he said softly, leaning in. “Taste it.”

They kissed, still tentatively, but already more passionately. “I truly enjoy this,” sighed Frederick, his wet lips brushing against Julian’s. “It makes me feel strangely warm, Julian.”

“Do you have any idea what that ‘sodomising’ is, Frederick?” Julian asked just as softly.

“Of course,” the blonde said shyly, averting his eyes as another blush coloured his cheeks scarlet. “They act like a wedded couple.”

“Mmhmm, and do you know what a couple like that actually does?”

“I... I think...” Frederick stammered, but he didn’t know. He bowed his head, and shook it.

“You don’t know why your two friends enjoy living together, do you?” The blonde shook his head again. “What do you think?”

“I read the newspapers,” Frederick said. “They scarcely report that mollies offer themselves, seducing other men with beer, or tell about men being imprisoned for sodomitical practices. And... And I do know what they do, Julian... One moves against the other man’s fundaments.”

“They what?” Julian laughed, shaking his head. “Beautiful... Next time you see your handsome friends, you should ask them what they do in bed together. I could explain you, but you would only wobble on your legs again. Shall we continue our stroll?”

Frederick started walking as Julian moved. He still held the man’s arm, and occasionally glanced up at him. He was utterly intrigued, by everything the man had said and done so far. He truly would speak with Wentworth and Percy. He would meet them again soon, and Wentworth would undoubtedly start about Julian. Despite all his nerves and insecurity, Frederick tensed his hands around Julian’s arm, and pulled him tighter against his side. He was happier already.