Ennui

Three nights passed, and though he tried every night, Seth could not push himself past making out with Li. He could not make himself remove the man’s shirt, no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t even make himself touch the skin under that shirt. They spent most of their time together kissing, He could feel Li wanting to go farther, wanting to push him, but he never did. Li’s hands would fist in his shirt, he’d moan, groan, beg, but he’d never go farther than Seth was.

As Li was leaving the third night, Seth hugged him from behind. “Tomorrow,” he whispered, swallowing before he could continue. “Tomorrow, seduce me.”

Li put his hand over Seth’s. He could feel the man shaking violently as he held him. “Why are you afraid?” he asked softly.

“If I start…If I seduce, I’ll end it,” Seth whispered.

“Is that what you’re afraid of?” Li asked, caressing Seth’s arms. He felt him nod against his back. “You release me from my promise?” he asked. Again, Seth nodded. “Tomorrow?” Li pressed once more.

“Tomorrow,” Seth said firmly. “I…I’m sorry,” he added in a whisper.

“Don’t be,” Li said, turning and hugging Seth. He lifted Seth’s chin and kissed him. The kiss was nothing like the ones he had been giving Seth. This kiss was full of hunger, full of need and possession that was barely held in check. When he pulled back, they were both breathing heavily. “Tomorrow, I’ll make you mine,” he whispered, a smile on his lips.

A shudder of anticipation mixed with terror coursed through Seth. “Yes,” he sighed.

Another kiss, only slightly less demanding since dawn was rapidly approaching. “Sleep well,” Li murmured, turning Seth and pushing him gently into his room.

Li returned to his apartment and found himself pacing, unable to settle his mind. He wanted, desperately wanted Seth, wanted them to be together in every way possible, but his continued fear made him wonder if they were supposed to be or if Jonas had primed him to think that he and Seth were supposed to be together. Every move Seth made was mixed with terror and Li wasn’t entirely sure he could push past that to seduce him. He wasn’t entirely sure he could ‘seduce’ since his only experience had been with Jonas.

In an effort to focus his mind and stop it from running in circles, Li sat at his computer and started working on a long term coding project. It was past one when he realized what time it was. He saved his work and fell on his couch, asleep before his head reached the cushion.

He woke in an utter panic just after four. He couldn’t remember the dreams he’d been having; only the feeling of all consuming terror that filled him. He looked around his living room, trying to remember why he’d fallen asleep there instead of his room. But he couldn’t remember leaving his work, either. He got up, saved it, and stumbled into his room.

Li tossed and turned until six, unable to get back to sleep. He took a shower, letting the water flow over him for a long time before actually washing. He couldn’t remember being so nervous before. Doubt mixed with desire in his head and heart. He didn’t doubt Seth. He doubted his own desire for the other man. Had he been led into it? Was he being forced into something?

He shook his head. He was sure he wanted Seth. Even if he had been primed, he still wanted to be with Seth. Seth made him feel things that Jonas hadn’t.

That thought was enough to help him calm down. The way Seth treated him, he knew he’d never be just a convenience to him. He wouldn’t be told not to fall in love.

He paused. The realization that he could fall in love, that it was allowed this time, made him laugh delightedly. He was allowed to love Seth.

Permission to think it brought the realization that he did love Seth. With it came the understanding that Seth was not ready to hear it yet. He was still too frightened. He wondered if his claiming Seth would really help him get to the point where Seth could accept him.

He shook his head. He would seduce Seth, as he’d been asked and given permission to do, and then they could work out how they felt about each other.

Li finished his shower and dressed comfortably. Into the pockets of his sweats he shoved condoms and lube. The sun was just setting as he finished getting ready. He forced himself to wait, pacing his apartment for another half an hour before going across to Seth’s. His mouth was dry as he knocked on the door.

Seth’s eyes were wide, white showing all around the hazel, as he answered the door. “Hey,” he said weakly.

Li stepped through the opening and wrapped his arms around Seth. “Hey,” he whispered, just hugging Seth as the door swung closed behind him.

Seth was still, almost stiff a moment before he relaxed into Li’s body with a sigh. He wrapped his arms around Li’s waist. “I’m…scared,” he whispered.

Li stroked Seth’s back. “I know. I’ll go slow. I want to enjoy us.”

Seth pulled back and looked up into Li’s face. Before he could say anything, though, Li kissed him, a gentle brush of lips, full of patience and understanding.

With a smile, Li brushed Seth’s hair behind his ear. “I know,” he whispered again.

Seth relaxed into Li’s chest again. “Yes,” he sighed.

They stood by the door a few moments longer, just holding each other. Li then guided Seth into his bedroom. When Seth tensed just inside the door, Li stopped and kissed him, as tenderly as he had the first time. He rubbed Seth’s back, caressing it over the tee-shirt “We’re going to take all night and do this right,” he whispered, kissing Seth again.

Seth smiled weakly. “You really think you can keep my attention all night?”

“I’m sure of it,” Li replied. He didn’t give Seth a chance to respond verbally. He kissed Seth, allowing some of his hunger for the other man into it. Seth’s moan became his food and he desired more of it. Li’s arms tightened around Seth’s body, drawing him closer as he deepened their kiss. When Seth relaxed again, Li guided them to the bed, not breaking his kiss with Seth to move across the room.

When they reached the bed, Li paused. He trailed kisses to Seth’s ear, kissing the lobe and taking it between his lips. Without thought, he whispered, “I love you.”

Seth gasped, his arms tightening around Li’s body. He wanted to confirm Li’s words, but was loath to make him stop. He closed his eyes, letting himself believe the words. He felt something deep within him uncoiling slowly.

Li’s lips trace Seth’s neck. His tongue and teeth joined in, exploring the skin, seeking out places that would draw sighs and moans from Seth. He could feel Seth relaxing in his arms and it helped him feel more confident that he was doing the right thing.

When Seth’s body felt as if he were completely relying on Li to keep him upright, Li eased him onto the bed. Seth tensed slightly, his eyes opening to look up at Li.

Li traced Seth’s face, his fingers trailing over forehead, eyebrows, nose, cheeks, lips. He then cupped Seth’s cheek in his hand as he sits on the edge of the bed. He smiled softly. “Okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Seth breathed, leaning into the touch.

Li bent over Seth, kissing his lips with the same pressure as his fingers and then he followed their path. Seth sighed, tilting into each light kiss. As his body relaxed, Li deepened the kisses until his lips returned to Seth’s in a hungry kiss that left them both breathless and craving more.

Seth clung to Li’s shoulders, his eyes closed. “Don’t stop,” he whispered.

“No, I won’t,” Li murmured, reclaiming Seth’s lips. He propped his elbows on the bed, his fingers tangling in Seth’s hair while their lips and tongues joined. He moved so he was laying half on Seth.

Seth held Li’s shoulders, his hands fisting white knuckled in the cloth of the tee-shirt. Tremors coursed his limbs, a blend of fear and desire. A stronger tremor, almost a convulsion, shook him and he relaxes suddenly, his hands falling from Li’s shoulder.

“Seth?” Li broke their kiss to whisper.

“Please,” Seth whispered, his eyes closed.

Li marveled at the expression of complete surrender on Seth’s face. He kissed Seth’s lips, a feather light gesture. “You will be mine, and I yours,” he murmured. He slid one hand down Seth’s body and then under his shirt.

“Oh,” Seth’s voice was a mixture of sigh and moan.

Li shifted so he was kneeling over Seth and slid both hands under his shirt. When another moan greeted his efforts, he bent and kissed Seth, his hands slowly pushing the shirt up as he caressed the skin under it.

Seth writhed, both to let the shirt slid up higher and to guide Li’s hands to where his body ached to be touched. He tried to deepen the kisses that Li kept frustratingly light. He was even more frustrated when Li pulled back altogether. That, however, only lasted as long as it took for Li to pull his shirt off.

Li’s eyes took in Seth’s body, enjoying the view as his fingers traced swirling patterns over the now bare skin. He looked up into Seth’s eyes and bent to kiss him lightly, quickly before allowing his mouth to explore Seth’s shoulders and chest.

“Please,” Seth whimpered repeatedly when Li took one of his nipples between his teeth.

“Please, what?” Li asked after he released the nub.

“I need you,” Seth sobbed. “Just now, I need you.” He whimpered. “Take me,” he begged.

Li groaned, burying his face in Seth’s neck as his hands worked first Seth’s then his own pants off. He barely remembered to pull the lube from his pocket, the condoms forgotten, left behind in his haste. His own pants only made it to his knees when Seth wrapped his legs around his waist. He just managed to get lube on his shaft before Seth’s body drew him in.

A deep groan filled the room, rising from both men as their bodies trembled. Li felt as though he were being consumed by fire and Seth as though he were being filled with it. Their expressions were dazed as their bodies moved, Li’s hips thrusting in and out against Seth’s body and Seth’s mouth to Li’s neck.

When Seth’s teeth pierced Li’s neck, Li gave a broken scream, his hips moving harder as the need for orgasm drove him. Seth’s whimpers and swallowing against his throat feed Li’s need and he snapped his hips hard into Seth’s body, darkness stealing his vision as climax took his mind.

Seth clung to Li’s shoulders, holding Li’s throat in his mouth as the other man came, tasting the ecstasy as it flooded through him. His own orgasm seemed an afterthought to the intensity of his feeding. When Li’s body went limp, Seth released his throat and began swallowing great breaths of air, his body now demanding it.

They both struggled to regain their breath and sanity as the world quaked around them. Before Seth could worry about taking too much, Li began kissing his shoulders. “Mine,” he whispered, his voice hoarse.

Seth kissed Li’s shoulder where he could reach it. “Mine,” he purred. Hesitantly, very softly, he added, “I love you.”

Li’s only response was to wrap his arms closer to Seth’s body.

-End-