Institutionalized

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I walked into Mona Lisa’s room without knocking, making her scowl and surprising a small red-headed girl who was getting dressed on the other side of the room. She blushed as she hurried to pull her pants up over her scrawny hips.

“You are one rude son of a bitch, you know that? Don’t you know how to knock?” Mona Lisa scolded me.

“Nothing I haven’t seen before,” I replied, standing awkwardly in the room with both girls glaring at me. I swayed slightly and giggled, immediately clamping my hand over my mouth. I did not giggle. Both girls gave me strange looks.

“What’s with you?” Mona Lisa asked, as if she’d known me for years, rather than had like three short conversations with me.

“I think...Risperdal.”

“What, the drug? Isn’t that for schizophrenics?” the red-head asked confused.

“I ate Lucius’ food this morning,” I explain, feeling the effects of the anti-psychotics.

“But how do you know that it’s...”

“I just do,” I said, cutting off the red-head.

“Why are they giving him schizophrenia medication?” Mona Lisa questioned dryly. I ignored her and sat down beside her on her bed. I didn’t know why they were giving it to him, he didn’t seem schizophrenic. I took a brief look around the room, surprised by how decorated it was.

“Why were you sent here anyways?” the red-head asked randomly.

“Are you serious?” I ask.

“Oh, so your problems really are only skin deep,” she replies smoothly, making me want to smack her upside her pretty little head. Instead I happily accept a smoke from her and immediately light it as soon as the matches are in my hand.

“Thanks...what’s your name?” I ask, looking at the small girl.

“Lexus, and you are the infamous Salem, right?”

“I don’t know about infamous,” I reply. I sucked on the cigarette, feeling lightheaded from the nicotine. I looked over at Mona Lisa who was making a big show of letting me know that the smoke bothered her; I rolled my eyes and ignored her. “So...what do you do in here?”

“What do you mean? This is it...we mostly hang out here, some people like the common room but, I don’t know...” Lexus replied, trailing off.

“Sounds thrilling,” I comment dryly. “I don’t know if I can spend that much time with Lucius...he is trying to drug me after all.”

“Oh you’re such a little faggot crybaby,” Mona Lisa said suddenly making me glare at her, despite my growing appreciation of her rudeness.

“Don’t call me that.” I reply, glaring.

“What, crybaby? Oh...you mean faggot? That bothers you? Oh my gods, you like totally don’t seem gay at all,” Mona Lisa squeals. I reel back from her sudden outburst, feeling stupid for saying anything.

“Look, I’m not gay. Now shut up about that shit,” I say, angrily.

“Oh, he is a touchy one,” Lexus comments.

“Poor Lucius will be so disappointed that he can’t snuggle wuggle up to Salem every night,” Mona Lisa teased, making both girls laugh.

“He wouldn’t even know what to do,” I reply defensively, putting out my cigarette on the bed frame and tossing the butt into a small garbage can earning me a disapproving look from Mona Lisa.

“What to do? Are you implying that the thought of fucking him has indeed crossed your mind?” Mona Lisa challenged.

“What’s the difference? I wouldn’t do it, purely for moral reasons,” I reply, leaning back on my elbows.

“He’s not a child, you know,” Lexus says.

“He may as well be, and besides, he probably wouldn’t let me touch him again anyways.”

“Again?” Lexus replied, sounding shocked.

“What’s that?” Mona Lisa asks while poking my fresh cut. I jerk my arm away and scowl at her. I didn’t want to talk about it, but I didn’t want to answer Lexus’ question either.

“I did it last night, I don’t remember.”

“You’re a freak,” Lexus says, looking at me disapprovingly.

“Shut up Lexus. There’s nothing wrong with him,” Mona Lisa says to her friend. “I think it’s cool.”

“Cool? It isn’t cool, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say condescendingly.

“Holy fuck! I was just being nice,” she snaps back.

“Well you don’t have to be nice or stick up for me, I am what I am,” I reply, gesturing to myself.

“You’re a real shit pile of negativity, aren’t you?” Mona Lisa asks.

“Yes.”

“You’re impossible...I thought for once we’d gotten another decent person in here, but I guess not since you’re so held up on this self pity shit...”

“Hey, fuck you. It’s not like I knew I was coming here or anything! I fell asleep one night with my broth...with Kieran and I woke up strapped to a table in this shit hole. So I’m sorry if I don’t fit into your nice little plan,” I reply, cutting off Lexus. I mentally kicked myself for what I had said though, as both girls had exchanged looks when I mentioned Kieran.

“Well, we’re sorry too, I guess,” Mona Lisa replies. “And I’m sorry for pretending like I know all about you.” After she says this we’re quiet for several long minutes.

“What’s Lucius really like?” Lexus finally asks, quietly.

“Why are you asking me?” I say, confused.

“Well, you’re his room mate; and besides, neither of us talks to him,” she says gesturing between herself and Mona Lisa.

“He’s okay I guess. Pretty weird, but he helped me yesterday, so I guess he’s alright.”

“He’s very secretive, you know. I heard he has like a shit pile of journals or something from like, whenever he got here, and all he does is write,” Lexus says, conversationally.

“He does,” I confirm. “How long have you been here?” I ask, directing the question at both girls.

“About 4 months,” Lexus replies.

“Just over a year now,” Mona Lisa says.

“And why?” Again the question was meant for both girls.

“My parents thought I had an eating disorder, it’s so stupid,” Lexus complains, although by looking at her thin frame, I’d believe it.

“I’m a Wicca, my parents were convinced I was worshiping the devil,” Mona Lisa replies flippantly, rolling her eyes. “Tell us why you’re really here Salem.” She asked, not bothering to look at me.

“I don’t really know. My parents totally hate me,” I lied. Well it wasn’t a lie, my parents do hate me, but either way I couldn’t possibly let anything about Kieran slip.

“How-so?” both girls ask in unison, making them giggle.

“They think I’m a drug addict, that I’m a slut, the cutting...I embarrass them in front of their rich friends,” I reply, not looking at either girl.

“So are you a slut who’s addicted to drugs?” Mona Lisa asks bluntly.

“Maybe I’m just promiscuous, and I enjoy drugs. That doesn’t make me a junkie-whore.”

“I guess if you really were an addict you’d be going through withdrawals,” Lexus points out, thoughtfully.

“What does your brother think?” Mona Lisa asks.

“I never said anything about a brother,” I say, growing tense.

“But you just said...” Lexus starts, but Mona Lisa silences her with a look.

“Never mind that! Tell us what happened yesterday, you totally decked Austin in front of everyone...it was great,” Mona Lisa says, changing the subject. I groan.

“I don’t know, I think I might go and...”

“No!” they both say at once, causing each to jinx one another but Lexus was quicker so I punched Mona Lisa in the arm for her, where she proceeded to pretend like it hurt before getting serious again and saying, “We really want you to stay, Salem. You’re new and interesting and cute, and now you’re ours!”

“Does this mean threesome?” I ask.

“You’re disgusting,” Mona Lisa replies. “But we still want you to stay.”

“I don’t want to talk about me anymore,” I say, trying to compromise.

“So, what do you want to know?” Lexus replies, sitting down to my left, sandwiching me between the two girls.

“Uh, I don’t know,” I reply, shrugging. “Why do they give certain patients different meds all the time?” I asked, as an afterthought.

“You mean Lucius?” Lexus asks.

“I guess, yeah,” I reply.

“I don’t know why; I didn’t even know they did that here. They give us the same meds every day, and I don’t think they hide it in our food, like they do to him…” Mona Lisa says with a troubled look on her face. “How do you feel now anyways?”

“Fine, it doesn’t really do much except at first,” I replied.

“How’d you know it was Risperdal?” asked Lexus.

“I was on it once and remembered,” I said simply, shrugging. I could basically take any anti-depressant, anti-psychotic, anti-anxiety or really any other pill and be able to identify what it is simply by the way it makes me feel. “Either way, I don’t think Lucius is psychotic, and I don’t think those drugs are necessary.”

“I don’t know about psychotic, but Lucius is definitely “crazier”, per say, than most people here,” Mona Lisa replies, turning to face me while pulling her legs up on the bed and crossing them in a fucked up looking yoga pose.

“He doesn’t seem crazy to me,” I reply, not letting her opinion faze mine at all.

“You just haven’t seen enough of him. He isn’t violent or angry or anything like that; but he seems to go into trances, mumbling to himself as if he’s talking to somebody. Sometimes out of the blue he’ll be chatty and laughing with the people he does talk to, and then he completely freezes up, and he always runs back to the room. It’s almost dreamy how you can literally see his mood change in the blink of an eye; nightmarish...”

“All that is probably side effects of those drugs,” I mumbled and then, “What the fuck are you even talking about?” I asked, frustrated.

“I’m talking about Lucius,” she snapped. “He clearly has issues and he acts totally wierd. I don’t understand why you can’t see it. You’re not like us so I guess you wouldn’t know any better.”

“I’m not like who?” I ask her. I glance at Lexus, but she’s already completely removed herself from the conversation, and was flipping through a magazine, trying to ignore us.

“Like everyone else in here,” Mona Lisa challenged.

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“We all know that you’re not on meds...well, besides the ones you ingested accidentally.”

“He did it on purpose, no fucking accident,” I replied.

“Never the less, yesterday everyone was shocked when you weren’t hauled out of that room and sedated; taken to the bad place,” she said eyeing me.

“And...?”

“And it’s fucked up. Everyone else gets meds first day in here no matter what, and everyday afterwards. There is something severely wrong with you, or there’s nothing wrong with you at all; either way, you don’t belong here,” Mona Lisa said, looking at me defiantly.

“There isn’t anything I can do about that,” I reply, offended. “I certainly didn’t ask to come here, and as far as I’m concerned, I’m only here because my parents don’t want to deal with me and Don knows that.”

“Oh, does he?” she challenged.

“Obviously I can't know that for sure,” I reply agreeably.

“It could make sense,” Lexus says, breaking out of her silence.

“Oh, don’t you start,” Mona Lisa says shooting Lexus a look that could kill but the small red head just shrugged her off.

“I’m just saying it’s possible. Maybe Dr. Savage just hasn’t figured out what’s wrong with Salem yet,” Lexus suggests.

“That’s bullshit, you saw him hand Salem’s file to Jackie when he first got here,” Mona Lisa says, and I look at her confused and wondering what my file had to do with anything. She obviously wasn’t planning on elaborating, so I turned to Lexus.

“Your file is like, a meter thick,” she explains flippantly.

“I know,” I say. I glance between the two girls, silently thinking that they were both morons.

“How would you know?” Mona Lisa asks snottily.

“Because I saw it, and looked at it, duh!”

“How? You’re not allowed to...”

“I took it from Jackie. I didn’t get to look at much...” I trailed off. Stupid girls. Stupid girls. Stupid girls.

“So like, why is it so thick if you aren’t crazy?”

“I thought we were done talking about me?” I demanded.

“Yeah, but you’re far too interesting,” Mona Lisa says, reaching a hand out to me. I stood from the bed, avoiding her pale, boney, black-nailed touch.

“I’ve had enough for today,” I say, glaring at both girls. Lexus just shrugs before picking up her magazine and ignoring me again. Mona Lisa tries to say something, as she’s standing up, but I’m out the door before she has the chance.

Once outside their room I leaned against the wall of the hallway, trying to clear my mind. Those girls were dumb, and full of a lot of stupid random questions, but maybe they did have a point. I didn’t know why I wasn’t on meds and I didn’t care much either...although it’s odd that an anorexic and a witch would be put on medication, but not me. Not that I think I’m crazy or that there is anything wrong with me, but surely I must be a better candidate for medication then they are. Right?

Or not. Either way, this place is fucked up and I can’t get my head around anything anymore. I’m confused and hungry and mostly pissed off. I want to go home and sleep in my own bed and to talk to people who have no need to ask me a million questions. I want to punch my dad and poison my mom. I want to disown Damien for having no faith in me; but mostly I just want to see Kieran. I want to know what he’s thinking, and I want to know why he didn’t stop them from putting me in this place. I want to know if he helped them.

I want to break free from here and burn this mother fucking place to the ground.

I sink to the floor, not knowing what else to do. I hold my head in my hands, wanting to scream and cry, but instead I just sit frozen there. My mind is blank, no longer allowing me to think about the situation. I close my eyes, hoping to fall asleep and wake up somewhere better, or just different. Not here.

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