Behind the Masks: Luc and Sanaii

So much had happened in the past few months for Lucas. Hill won the intercollegiate championships and many people pointed the success at Lucas. They’d never seen him train so hard, and show so much resolve to win. They didn’t know the water was his surcease from his crumbling personal life. Not long after his blow out with Sanaii, his father had a stroke. He had never seen his father look so weak and small as he did in that hospital bed. His father was a god in his eyes.

After his recovery, something in the elder Somerville’s demeanor and priorities had changed. He seemed to want Lucas to visit home on every holiday. He even called him just to say hi. It was awkward at first. They had never really had a conversation. More like his father gave a boardroom presentation and Luc was a captive audience, but things were different now. Luc recalled the conversation he had on his last visit home:


“Your mother called again today, son.”

“She’s bitchin’ about me coming to see her. She wants to know why I haven’t made my reservation yet.”

“Why haven’t you?”

“ Because I’m not going,” said Lucas looking into his fathers dove grey eyes, “ She thinks she can just snap her fingers after all this time, and I’m going to run happily into her arms crying mommy I missed you? Fuck her.” he mumbled

John slapped his hand down hard on the table.

“Do not disrespect your mother, Lucas!”

Lucas was stung by his father’s censure.

“Why should I respect her? You never did, dad.”

John took a deep breath and tossed down his napkin, meeting his son’s eyes squarely.

“ I made a lot of mistakes with your mother- with you. Whatever our issues were, I should not have spoken ill of her in front of you.”

“Is that why she left, dad? Because you were always cutting her down in front of me… or because you hit her?”

Lucas then saw something on his father’s face that he never saw before- shame.Still John didn’t look away from his son’s angry gaze. Whatever censure he saw there, John knew he had earned in spades.

“Your mother didn’t deserve that, no woman deserves that.”

John reached across the table with his still palsied hand to touch his son’s clenched fist.

“After our custody battle, she was too scared to come back here… but she never stopped trying to get me to let you visit her. I couldn’t- I wouldn’t let that happen. Don’t keep punishing her for what I did to come between you, son. Those are my sins, not hers and not yours, Luc.”

Lucas reflected on his conversation with his father as he sat in the Zen garden. It was spring time and the garden was alive. While he hadn’t been there in months, he felt drawn to it and the closer he got to graduation he found himself there more and more often.

“Can I sit?”

Luc looked up from his daze in total shock. Sanaii looked beautiful in her flow skirt and baby tee. Her hair was loose and wavy. She smiled at him that same shy smile, and he felt his mouth go dry. This was the first time he’d really seen her in months. He caught glimpses of her on campus, but he made no effort to catch her though he wanted to more than anything. If he had hurt her half as much as he had hurt himself with his games, she would probably spit in his face as soon as look at him. She seemed so sweet and calm now- maybe time really did heal wounds.

“I-ah, yeah. I can go.”

“No, stay. It’s a big bench,” she said mirroring the words he said to her months ago.

She sat down and they smiled at each other awkwardly.

“How’ve you been, Lucas?” she asked

“Doing alright. We won the champs.” he said proudly.

“I heard. Congratulations. I know you worked hard for it.”

“Thanks, what about you?”

Sanaii smiled and swung her feet like a happy little girl.

“Would you believe I changed my major?”

“No way!” he huffed.

“Yes, yes. It’s still dance but it’s Modern instead of classical and I’m minoring in music theory.”

“Wow, that sounds cool. You certainly look happy,” he said though other words came to his mind. Glowing...beautiful...delicious.

“Thanks. You graduate this semester don’t you?”

“Yeah,” he said almost as if he couldn’t believe it himself.

“What are you going to do?”

“I think I’m going to take a year off and visit my mom in France for a while before I make any decision. “

“That sounds like just what you need.” Sanaii spoke softly and knowingly, a ghost of what they’d shared before.

“I hope so, Sa’”

His use of the special diminutive he made up for her made them both feel warm.

“I need to get to class,” Sanaii said looking away from his hypnotic eyes and rising reluctantly from the bench.

“Yeah, me too.”

She was standing close enough to kiss, and he glanced at her full lips several times before stepping back, hands thrust into his pocket.

“Thanks for stopping to talk to me,” he said.

“It was always nice to talk with you, Luc. Good luck with everything.”

“Sanaii,” he called out and she turned back to him. He said the words that were a stone in his chest for months. “I’m so sorry about…everything. Please believe me, I didn’t mean to hurt you, Sa.’ ”

Her smile was sad but kind.

“I believe you, Lucas.”

Luc stood rooted to the spot as Sanaii waved a shy goodbye and turned to go.