The one thing that keeps me sane...

DISCLAIMER : YEY!!! WE GET TO PLAY THE "THIS STORY IS ALL MINE AND IF YOU STEAL ANY OF IT OUT COME MY LAWYERS" GAME!!!

Carol ran to her son as he came down the stairs with tears in his eyes. She looked back at Ryan, who looked no better off, and gave him a look of concern. “What is going on?”

“We have to get to the hospital now!” Laraine told her and pulled from the hug she had had him in. “Now!”

“Lain.” Ryan stopped him before he could leave. “I’m gonna head over and tell Michael what is going on okay?”

Laraine nodded. “Alright.” he turned around to look at his mom. “Mom please! We have to go now!”

Carol nodded and grabbed her coat as she went after her son. “Are you sure you don’t want a ride Ryan?”
“No.” Ryan shook his head. “I’ll call Michael.”

With that Laraine and Carol left the house. They quickly got in the car and began to drive towards the hospital. “Laraine will you tell me what is going on?”

By now Laraine had somewhat gotten a hold on his emotions and was able to talk without his sobs in the way. “Benjamin called me. He told me that...that the doctors had told him...that Jacoby wasn’t going to make it through the night...”

“Oh my lord.” Carol muttered. “Poor Benjamin.”

From then on it was silence in the car. Laraine was fidgeting horrible, clearly worried beyond all possible reason. Not just because Jacoby was hurt but because he was afraid of what Ben would do. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in Ben’s abilities or anything like that...he was just afraid of the effect something like this could have on a person. For all he knew Ben could go right back into drugs or alcohol or something else. He didn’t even what to think about what else there could be.

They pulled up to the emergency side of the hospital and Laraine jumped out of the car. He ran in and looked around the waiting room but didn’t see Ben at all. For a moment he began to freak out, not knowing where Ben was and a little afraid that he was to late. Then he realized that the lady behind the desk was staring at him a little weirdly and he walked up to her.

“I...I’m looking for Benjamin. He came here because of Kathy and their son.” Laraine said quickly. “Do you know where he is?”

The lady lifted her and pointed behind Laraine. Laraine turned quickly and found Ben standing a few feet behind him. Laraine let out a sigh of relief and walked up to Ben, not hugging him or anything like that because he really didn’t know what to do in this situation.

“Have you heard anything Benjamin?” Laraine asked him.

Ben shook his head. “Not since I called you.” He took Laraine’s hand and led him over so they could sit down. “They aren’t telling me anything. All they told me was what I told you on the phone.”

“Have you even heard about Kathy?” Laraine asked him.

“Yeah...” Ben sort of shifted and took his eyes off of Laraine. “She...she didn’t make it.”

Laraine gasped and looked down. He remembered this all to well. Sitting in a waiting room...not knowing what was going on. All you knew was that one didn’t make it and the other was fighting for his life. When he’d been waiting to hear about his dad...god that had been horrible...but this was Ben’s son. Laraine didn’t even want to imagine what was going through his mind.

“Lain?” Ben asked him and Laraine lifted his head to look at Ben. “I...I didn’t want you here because I know...I know what you’ve been through. That’s why I asked you to go home.”

“Benjamin no...” Laraine shook his head. “I really...I want to be here with you. If you want me to leave I will but this has nothing to do with that.”

Sliding his arm around Ben pulled Laraine close to him. “I want you here love. I need you here.”

Carol came in the doors then and sat down across from the two. “How is he Ben?”

“I don’t know.” Ben muttered. “Those fucking doctors don’t tell you shit and it’s pissing me off. When I called Lain it was to tell him that they told me that they didn’t think he would live but since then I haven’t heard a thing.”

There was a silence between them a moment before the door flew open again. Ryan and Michael entered with Cathy and Jess. “Hey.” Michael sat down on the other side of Ben, pulling Ryan into his lap. “Ryan came home and told me what was going on. How are you holding up?”

“I think I’m doing rather well all things considered.” Ben smiled a little.

Jess sighed as her and Cathy sat down. “Do you know what cause the accident?”

Ben nodded. “Kathy...she...god I knew I should have kept him when she showed up.” he closed his eyes a moment before opening them. “She swerved into the other lain and got hit head on. She didn’t make it and they said if Jacoby had been in the seat behind her than he would have died also.”

“This is just horrible.” Cathy dropped her head into her hands and Jess ran a hand along her back. “I don’t understand.”

“None of us do.” Jess told her. “All we can do is pray.”

Laraine stood. “I’m gonna go get something to drink.”

Ben took his hand and got up with him. “I’m gonna come with you. I need a walk.”

The two walked down the main hall, Laraine with his hands in his back pockets watching his feet. There wasn’t much for either of them to say. Laraine didn’t know what to say. He’d never been in a situation like the one he was in and wasn’t very good at making people feel better either. The only death he had been through had been his father’s and that was nothing like this. It wasn’t a child dying then.

Ben all of a sudden grabbed Laraine’s arm and Laraine stopped to look at Ben. “What is it?” Laraine asked him, seeing Ben trying to think of how or what he was going to say.

“Babe if Jacoby lives...a lot is gonna change.” Ben told him.

Laraine nodded. “Benjamin now is not really the time to think about that is it? You need to worry about your son before anything else.”

Ben nodded. “I know that, love. I just...it’s hard for me not to think about it. Jacoby will be living with me. After three years of only seeing him whenever Kathy thought it was convenient he is going to be there everyday.” Ben took Laraine’s hands in his and look at the boy. “I’m just trying to say that he is my responsibility and I don’t want you wrapped up in that.”

“Benjamin what are you saying to me?” Laraine asked him.

“Lain you’re not even going to be seventeen for another month.” Ben told him. “You...you’ve still got a whole year left of being a kid.”

A little afraid Laraine pulled his hands from Ben’s. “I don’t like where this is going Benjamin.”

There was a long sigh that followed that. “I’m saying that maybe...maybe we’re better off as friends Lain. If Jacoby lives I’m gonna have my hands full with him and my job and you’ll be dealing with school and just being a teenager.”

Tears filled Laraine’s eyes and slowly ran down his face but he bit his lip and nodded. “Benjamin I can’t just be your friend...” he tried not to sound to choked up but it wasn’t working. “Why are you doing this? Benjamin I am willing to work for this! For you! I only met your son today and I love him and you know I love you! Why are you doing this?”

“Because I’m not going to fuck up your life Lain!” Ben practically yelled at him. “I’ve fucked up my life enough, fucked up Kathy’s life, and god help me but I will not do the same to you!” he set his hands on Laraine’s shoulders. “Lain, I love you...god knows I love you but the life I have...this isn’t for you. You have a future baby. You can finish high school, go to college, get a good job, do things with yourself. I want that for you. I want you to have the best life possible.”

Pride be damned Laraine was crying now. “My life is my own to fuck up Benjamin...” he tried to dry his tears but it didn’t work. “Don’t think that I couldn’t screw myself over if I wanted to. Being with you will not keep me from doing the things that I want to do and I know that! How can I have the best life possible when I am miserable without you?”

Ben leaned down and gave Laraine a kiss. “Please, please Lain don’t fight me. I love you and I always will love you but I want so much more for you. You need someone who can give you everything you deserve and I can’t do that baby.” pulling Laraine over Ben held him close to let him cry. “You give it time baby and you’ll forget me.”

“Mr. Allster?” the two backed away from each other and looked at the doctor. “It looks like your son is going to pull through.” Ben smiled. “If you want you can go see him now.” the doctor told him and headed back.

“Just go...” Laraine muttered as Ben turned back to him. Ben went to touch the side of Laraine’s face but Laraine pulled back. “Please just go...”

Ben grabbed Laraine’s hand and pulled it up to set a kiss on his palm. “Goodbye Lain.”

Laraine waited until Ben had gone through the hospital doors before sliding down the wall and hugging his legs close. He began to sob and pulled himself into the tightest ball he possibly could. He heard someone slid down next to him and an arm wrapped around his shoulders. For a moment Laraine just sat there next to the warm body but he slowly brought his head up and looked over to see Cathy sitting there.

Laraine went to say something but Cathy shook her head. “You don’t have to say anything Lainy.”

He nodded and leaned against her. “Thank you...”

“Lain, I’ve known you for a long time...” Cathy muttered. “You know all my secrets and are probably the only person in this world who knows me better than anyone else...which Jess hates of course. Whenever I was sad I would come to you.” she hugged him close. “You are the best friend that anyone could have and anyone would be lucky to be with you.” she backed away to smile at Laraine. “Only an idiot wouldn’t be able to see that.”

That made Laraine smile a little bit. “I guess...the sayings are true. You really don’t know what you have until you don’t have it anymore.”

Cathy nodded. “Everything will work out Lainy. Just trust in that.” she stood and helped him up. “You wanna come over tonight Lain? You can spend the night and we can talk.”

“You don’t mind?” Laraine asked her.

She shook her head. “I’d really like it if you came over Lain.”

“Yeah...I’ll tell my mom.” Laraine told her.

After Laraine told his mom he was going to Cathy’s, and telling her that he would talk to her about what was going on later, Cathy and him went and got into Cathy’s car. Immediately memories filled his head. He turned and looked into the back seat a moment. The place where him and Ben had first kissed had been in the back of Cathy’s car when they had been coming home from a party. It had been so cute. Laraine had gone to get out of the car and Ben had stopped him, asking him if there was something he was forgetting. Laraine had sort of looked at Ben confused before Ben had pulled him into a kiss.

“Don’t.” Cathy knocked Laraine out of his thought and he turned back to face front. “Don’t dwell on it Lainy. You’ll just make yourself feel worse.”

“Lets just go.” Laraine muttered.

Inside the hospital it was a completely different story. Ryan, Michael, and Jess were now the only ones in the waiting room and they were waiting for Ben to come out and tell them what was going on. Little did any of them know they were each thinking of what they were going to yell at Ben first for what they knew he had done. There was only one reason that Laraine would have left the hospital and none of them were stupid.

“Hey.” Ben came into the waiting room and sighed. “Jacoby is sleeping now...but he’s gonna be okay.”

“Good.” Michael nodded.

“What the fuck!” Jess stood and yelled at him. “What the fuck did you do Ben?”

Ben about fell backwards Jess had jumped on him so suddenly. “What are you yelling at me for?”

Jess laughed. “Lain! I’m talking about Lain! We’re not stupid Ben! You broke up with him and I want to know why!”

“Because things are gonna change now. Jacoby will be living with me and that’s just going to complicate things!” Ben answered. “Lain deserves a lot better then the life that I live Jess.”

That brought a laugh from Jess. “You think Lain is stupid Ben? Do you? You really think that he would let anyone or anything stand in front of what he wants? You’re not the only one who knows him Ben! He knows what he wants and he is going to go for it! He just wants you to be there with him! Jesus Christ! Why are you being so stupid Ben?”

“Since when did this become your business Jess? This is between Lain and I!” Ben snapped at her. “You can think what you want but I know what I am doing!”

“Normally I would believe that Ben...” Jess told him. “I know you’ve got a good head on your shoulders and I know you usually come out making the right choice but Ben this time...” she grabbed her coat. “Ben this time you seriously fucked up.”

With that Jess left and Ben turned to Michael and Ryan. “Do you two agree with her?”

Ryan sort of clapped his hands together. “You see...Ben...we all think you two were good for each other.” he sighed trying to think. “Like...Lain was your good thing. When you met him we all immediately saw that you were trying to be a better person. Lain...I would have never talked to Lain before he met you. You made him so much more outgoing and more comfortable with who he is. I just...I can’t imagine it any different.”

Michael stood. “Ben you know I’m your friend and I will stand by you no matter what.” he walked over and slung an arm around Ben’s shoulders. “We’ve been through a lot together you and I. I’ve seen you make really stupid mistakes and really smart mistakes.” he sighed. “Take a wild guess at what I’m seeing you do now.”

“I really...” Ben shrugged Michael’s arm off him. “I realize what you guys are trying to say but I know myself. I know what will happen if he stays with me. Don’t think that I don’t want to be with him or I am happy about this at all. I want to be with him more than anything but it just wont work that way.”

“We can’t change your mind for you Ben.” Michael told him. “We can only be here for you.” he pat Ben on the back. “I’m gonna take Ryan home and then I’ll be back okay?”

Ben nodded and sat down. “Sure.”

Over at Cathy’s Laraine and her had settled down in the den and popped in a movie. Laraine had grabbed a movie on the way down and they had thrown popcorn into the microwave that was on the counter. They hadn’t talked that much. Neither of them wanted to talk about what was going on and yet all they could think about was what was going on.

“I miss him...” Laraine finally muttered. “It’s barely been an hour and I already miss him so much! I hate this!”

Cathy sighed. “Lainy I don’t know what to say to make you feel better. I wish there was something I could do but there isn’t.”

Laraine brought his fist down on the pillow in annoyance. He sat there a moment before tears fell from his eyes. “I love him...” he began to cry again. “How could he do this? I don’t understand!”

Apart from the fact that Cathy was completely shocked at hearing Laraine loved Ben she skipped that knowing asking about that would only make things worse. “Lain I’m so sorry. Ben will come to his senses and realized what he’s done. I know he will.”

“I just...” Laraine took a deep, shuddering breath. “I hate this! I love him so much...”

Sliding over, Cathy wrapped an arm around Laraine. “You just have to be strong Lain. I know it’s hard but you have to be strong.”

“I don’t want to be strong.” Laraine argued. “I want him!”

“I know.” Cathy pulled him close and let Laraine cry. “I know you do.”

Sitting up Laraine dried his eyes. “I told him things! Things I only ever told you!” Laraine had gone past shocked strait into fucking angry. “I don’t understand why he, of all people, would think that I would let anything stop me from becoming what I want to be! If I thought he wasn’t good for me I wouldn’t have dated him at all! I wouldn’t love him if I thought that!”

Michael walked back into the hospital and sat down by Ben. “How are you?”

“I feel like shit.” Ben answered. “I should be happy. Jacoby is going to be okay and I can take him home in only four days. I should be happy.”

“But your not?” Michael asked and Ben shook his head. “Maybe...you need someone to be happy with?”

Ben dropped his head. “I stick with what I said before Michael. He’s better off without me screwing up his life.”

Michael sighed and nodded. “Whatever you think Ben.”

They heard Ben’s phone ringing and he answered it, not knowing the number. “Hello?”

“I told you if you hurt him you’d pay for it Ben.” came Trik’s voice. “You ready to pay?”

~*~*~*~*~*~

Yeah...I know you hate me...but...hey...Murphy's Law - "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong."
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