Why Bother?

Taking the back stairs, everyone made their way to their respective rooms. Joanne realized quickly that Jake hadn’t said anything at all since the fight, but she was glad about this on some level. She had really been scared of seeing him lose control so completely, so it was easier to escort him around silently.

Leading him to the bed, Joanne helped Jake out of his jacket and shirt. She noticed, as she pulled his t-shirt over his head, that he didn’t even flinch. Seeing all the bruising on his chest and stomach, a combination of his father’s actions earlier that day and the fight, she couldn’t understand it. He had to be in severe pain, but he was acting more like he was completely numb.

Going into the bathroom, Joanne wet a face towel. As she did, she looked at her reflection in the mirror and barely recognized herself. Gone was the sparkly, glitzy, excited girl that had left her house a few hours ago. Instead, Joanne looked pale, her eyes looked tired, her hair had all come loose, and there was a smear of blood on her cheek, either from Eve or from Jake. She rung out the towel and went back into the main room.

Jake was just staring at the floor when Joanne returned, but he looked up as she approached him. His eyes seemed blank and empty, and it sent a chill through her body. Kneeling before him, she began gently wiping the cuts on Jake’s face. Again, he didn’t flinch. She continued until his face was basically clear of blood, and then she went into the hall with the ice bucket and got some ice from the machine.

Returning to the room, Joanne removed Jake’s shoes and guided him to lie back on the bed. She wrapped some ice in the towel and then wrapped the towel around his hand to stop the swelling. Still, he said nothing. The silence was finally getting to Joanne, so she cleared her throat. As Jake looked at her, his eyes still blank, she spoke. “I think you’ll be okay for now,” she told him, her voice tight. “I’m just going to… um, go check on Eve and Mark. Is that okay?”

His forehead crinkling a little, Jake had an expression on his face that looked as if Joanne was speaking a language he had never heard before. Finally, he nodded, leaning his head back against the pillow and closing his eyes.

Walking down the hallway, Joanne stopped halfway between their room and the room Mark and Eve were sharing. She slid down the wall right there and began sobbing as quietly as she could. What the hell had just happened? How could have the night, which started out with such high hopes, have come to this? And who was that man in her hotel room?

She was crying so hard, Joanne didn’t hear someone approaching until Mark sat down beside her. She looked up, her eyes red and her cheeks tear-stained, into his compassionate stare. He put a friendly hand on her shoulder, and immediately Joanne fell completely against him, heaving with sobs. He just let her cry like this until she had worked it out of her system.

As her tears finally subsided, Joanne looked up at Mark. “Are you and Eve okay?” she asked softly.

Giving her an encouraging smile, Mark nodded. “We’ll be fine. Actually, Eve already passed out on the bed,” he replied. “I was just about to go check on you two. Is Jake okay?”

Feeling her face crumbling again, Joanne tried her hardest not to begin crying again. “I think he’ll be okay physically,” she couldn’t stop a few lone teardrops from falling. “But he’s acting so strange… He hasn’t said anything. He barely seems to recognize me…”

Searching her face, Marcus shook his head. “You haven’t seen him like that before, have you?” he asked Joanne. “Like he was in the fight?”

“You have?” Joanne was shocked. She sat up straighter. “When?”

“Last year,” Mark told her. “I was out with Eve, and we ran into Jake and another guy, who was at the beach with us the first time I met you and who hit on you at that party – Darren? Devon?”

“Derek?” Joanne asked.

“That’s it,” Mark said. “Anyway, Jake didn’t really like me back then, but he was civil. So was his friend, Derek. But they also ran into another guy Derek knew, and that guy was a complete dick to me. It turned out that I had gotten a scholarship to this high-end soccer camp the previous summer that this guy had really wanted. Plus, he’d apparently had a thing for Eve for a while. Anyway, he kept throwing insults at me, but I didn’t want to stir up any shit – Jake hated me enough as it was. But, of course, Eve couldn’t keep her mouth shut. She started going off on this guy, and he called her a few names. Before any of us knew what had happened, Jake had jumped on him and started beating the hell out of him. Me and Derek had to pull him off forcibly, kind of like what happened tonight.”

Taking a deep breath, Joanne tried to process what Mark was saying to her. Suddenly, it made complete sense why Derek had seemed so intimidated by Jake back in December at that party, as well as that one time in the hallway when he had been crass with her and Eve. Of course Derek had been nervous; he had already seen how completely Jake could lose it. “And afterwards?” Joanne asked nervously. “After the fight was over…?”

Raising his eyebrows, Mark looked uncomfortable. “Afterwards, Jake started acting like you’re describing right now. He was silent for about an hour, and didn’t even seem aware of what was going on around him. Finally, he snapped out of it, asked how Eve was, and went back to his old self. I hate to say this, but it was creepy.”

Nodding, Joanne felt her eyes filling with tears again. How could this be? How could her kind, gentle, tender boyfriend be able to flip a switch and become a complete psycho? “Well, you should probably get back to your room,” Joanne told Mark.

“Are you sure?” Mark asked gently. “You seem pretty freaked out – not that you don’t have a reason for it. Are you ready to go back in there? Or do you want to go back to our room, and I’ll stay with Jake?”

Giving Mark an appreciative smile, Joanne shook her head. “No, I think I should go back,” she told him. “But thanks for the offer.”

“Anytime,” Mark said as he rose. He put out his hands to help Joanne up, and one she was standing, he gave her a hug. “If you need anything, you know where we are.”

“I know,” Joanne replied, pulling back. “Goodnight, Mark.”

“Goodnight, Jo.”

-----

Joanne had taken a shower and was now in just her slip as she reentered the hotel room. Jake was sitting up, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. When he heard her, he looked up and immediately leapt from the bed, moving towards her. Involuntarily, Joanne took a step back.

“Are you okay?” Jake asked gently, obviously hurt that Joanne had moved away from him. “I mean… are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Joanne replied softly, looking into Jake’s eyes. The warmth was now back in the chocolate pools, filled with concern and love. “Eve and Mark are fine, too. Are… are you okay?”

Studying Joanne for a moment, Jake looked like he didn’t know what to say. “I… I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened just now.”

Instinctively, Joanne reached for Jake’s hand. “Come here,” she encouraged him follow her and sit on the bed.

Neither person said anything for several long minutes. Finally, Jake broke the silence. “I’m so sorry,” Jake told her again, his eyes expressing obvious pain. “I don’t know what came over me. It was like, one minute I was normal, and the next, when I saw Carl’s fist hit Eve’s face… It was like I just left my body and was watching myself from the outside.”

Jake’s words were frightening Joanne, but his honesty and sincerity were clear. “Is this the first time this has happened?” she asked, not wanting to betray Mark’s trust.

Shaking his head in shame, Jake admitted it wasn’t. “It’s happened a few times,” he told her, taking Joanne by surprise. “It only happens in regards to Eve… and well, I guess it could have happened back in December with Derek in regards to you, but luckily things didn’t progress that far.” He paused before continuing, and looked at Joanne with glassy eyes, which shocked her. She had never seen Jake close to tears before. “God, I’m becoming him, aren’t I? I’m becoming this awful, violent person, like my father has always been. But with me, it’s even worse. I mean, I feel completely numb afterwards. I can’t even find my voice.”

Feeling tears stinging in her own eyes again, Joanne shook her head. “You’re not awful, and you’re not like you’re father,” she insisted. “You just… you have some real issues you need to deal with. But I think you can. I think you’re strong enough. And, Jake, I’ll help you any way I can.”

Nervously pulling her onto his lap, Jake winced a little but then wrapped his arms around Joanne and buried his face in the crook of her neck. “I’ll do it,” he promised. “I swear, I’ll find a way. I’ll do whatever it takes. I just can’t believe how good you are… I can’t believe you’re still willing to be with me. I mean, why bother?”

Sliding a finger under Jake’s chin, Joanne forced him to look her in the eye. “I don’t really have a choice now, do I?” she gave him a little grin. “I’m already in love with you. It’s sort of part of the package, doing what needs to be done to be with you.”

Pushing some stray wet curls from her face, Jake looked at Joanne in awe. “You are the most amazing person I’ve ever met,” he said genuinely. “I just feel like… like… I don’t know, like maybe if you hadn’t come into my life, something terrible would have happened.”

“Don’t think like that,” Joanne soothed him. “Anyway, that’s moot now. I’m here.”

“I love you,” Jake said softly, his face a mixture of shame, hope, fear and love.

Nodding nervously, Joanne replied in kind. “I love you, too,” she said as she wrapped her arms around him once again. I just hope I can help you, Joanne thought sadly to herself.

-----

There was no denying that Jake was putting forward a full effort to regain Joanne’s trust. She knew he had approached Carl the Monday after prom and made amends. She knew he was making strides at controlling his temper. And she knew he was doing all he could in words and deeds to remind her every day that he loved her. If someone had told Joanne a year earlier that at the end of this school year, she would be not only in a serious relationship with Jake Reynolds, but also in the position of having HIM worried about losing HER, she would have told them that they were crazy. Yet here she was.

“Hey, beautiful. I brought chips, Red Bull, and like a dozen candy bars,” Jake said from Joanne’s bedroom door. “We are officially ready to study for, like, eight hours.”

Looking up from her seat on the bed where she was propped up against the headboard, Joanne smiled at Jake. “Thank you,” she said. With finals starting the following week, Joanne had intended to spend the weekend studying, especially since the house would be quiet because her parents were out of town, but Jake had begged to come over and study with her. When he looked at her with those hopeful eyes, she could never say no to him.

Closing the door behind him out of habit, Jake entered the bedroom. Putting down the provisions on Joanne’s nightstand, he slid his book bag off his shoulder. “Is it okay if I sit next to you?” he asked, motioning to the spot beside Joanne. He had gotten into the habit of asking permission before doing almost anything in regards to Joanne, which was at the same time sweet and unnecessary.

“You don’t have to ask,” Joanne told him kindly. She watched as he blushed slightly and nodded, pulling a book from his bag and taking a seat beside her. Seeing him this nervous and unsure broke Joanne’s heart, so she leaned over and kissed his cheek softly. “How are you doing?” she asked him.

Smiling appreciatively at her, Jake put his book aside for a moment. “I’m doing much better now,” he reached over and ran his fingers across Joanne’s cheek gently. The way he looked at her made butterflies flutter in Joanne’s stomach still, even after over eight months together and all the ups and downs. “Would I be interrupting your studying too much if I asked to kiss you right now?”

Shoving her books off her lap so they made a thud as they hit the floor, Joanne smirked. “No, I definitely need a break,” she told him as he chuckled. He cupped her face in his hands and stared intently into her eyes for a moment before bringing his mouth to hers. Joanne felt like electricity was moving through her body as she felt his soft lips pressing against hers, followed by his warm tongue moistening her lips and finally finding entry into her mouth. Despite her desire to forget about prom night entirely, Joanne had found it hard over the past several weeks to be too close to Jake very often. But right then, that kiss felt perfect.

Jake’s hand slowly traveled from the soft smooth skin of Joanne’s cheek down to the curve of her neck, which he massaged gently. In response, Joanne placed one hand on Jake’s chest, feeling the tightness of the muscles below his shirt. Heartened by the intensity of her kiss, Jake let his hand fall lower, until he was gently caressing her breast through her tank top. His mouth began traveling as well, kissing over the arc of her jaw to the sweet spot just below her ear. As he heard her sigh softly, he let his fingers find their way below the hem of her shirt and was delightfully surprised to realize she wasn’t wearing a bra, allowing him sudden access to her soft, full breasts.

It had been a long time, what felt like an eternity, since Joanne had allowed Jake to touch her like this. In actuality, she wasn’t sure why she was giving in just then except for the fact of her actual desire. Things between she and Jake were still far from perfect, despite his admirable attempts to bring them back to normality. But as she heard him whisper into her ear, she was suddenly brought crashing back to reality.

“Do you have condoms in here?” Jake asked in a husky voice.

Pulling back from the kiss, Joanne felt her flushed face heat a bit more as she looked into Jake’s bright, hopeful eyes. Hating herself for feeling this way, Joanne was still unsure if she was ready to be with Jake again intimately just yet. “I… I don’t know if I want to right now, Jake.”

With surprise, Jake sat up and leaned back against the headboard. “Jo, you know I don’t push you when it comes to this stuff,” Jake’s voice was not angry, just concerned. “But we haven’t had sex since before prom. That was three weeks ago. Don’t you think this is something we should talk about?”

Joanne didn’t know what to say, but she knew Jake was right. “I guess we should talk about it,” Joanne said, looking into Jake’s questioning and obviously wounded eyes. It was clear that all he wanted was for her to trust him, for her to forget what had happened and go back to wanting to be close to him whenever possible, as she had been before prom, and Joanne felt her stomach drop a little with guilt as she realized all this. “I guess… I guess I’m still a little wierded out about what happened at prom.”

“I understand that,” Jake looked embarrassed but determined at the same time. He wanted to say the right thing, find the right way to tell Joanne she didn’t have to worry – that she could trust him. “I scared you that night, I know that. And I am so sorry. But listen, you know I would never do anything to hurt YOU, right?”

Nodding, Joanne bit her lip. “I know you wouldn’t do anything intentionally-” she began, but Jake cut her off immediately.

“No, I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, period,” Jake’s expression was a combination of hurt and pleading. “Jo, I love you. You’re my everything. I would do anything to make sure you are safe and secure.”

Sighing, Joanne tried to figure out how to put her thoughts into words. “I know you love me, Jake. And I love you. But it’s your insistence that you are going to protect and take care of me – and of Eve – that scares me.” She looked at him, hoping he might understand, but he just shook his head in confusion. “Eve and I are going to get hurt in life. People are going to insult us or even try to harm us, but you are going to have to learn to trust us. We can take care of ourselves.”

Rising from the bed, Jake began pacing. Joanne could tell he was angry, but was trying to control it before speaking. “Okay, maybe you don’t want me to look after you,” Jake finally said, his volume much louder than usual. “I can accept that, even if I don’t like it. But you have no idea what it was like to grow up in that house. Eve cannot protect herself – our father is a horrible person. Horrible. And I know that I lost it at prom, and I’m doing my best to try to control my temper nowadays, but you have to understand one thing. I’m never going to apologize for my intention of protecting Eve.”

Sitting in shocked silence, Joanne just looked at Jake. He had never raised his voice to her before, not once in the time they had been together. But he was completely passionate about this point, and Joanne knew better than to argue with him about it, even if she did disagree with him. “I’m sorry, Jake. You are right. I don’t have any idea what it was like for you and Eve growing up. I had no right to say that.”

Immediately, Jake’s face broke into a small smile of relief. He sat down on the edge of the bed, reaching out to stroke Joanne’s face once again. “No, I’m sorry, Jo,” he said softly. “I’m sorry I gave you any reason to lose faith in me or be afraid of my actions. I know you just want what’s best for me, and you have no idea just how much I appreciate that. But right now, what I really need is for you to try to let it all go, to trust me when I say I’m doing my best to control the parts of me that scared you. Is that possible?”

“It is,” Joanne nodded. She was still scared, but she was also still in love. She would have to learn to give Jake the benefit of the doubt if their relationship was going to be able to continue. And right now, it was obvious he was in a vulnerable place and needed her support. “Top drawer,” she added.

“What?” Jake asked, confusion evident on his face.

“Condoms,” Joanne gave him a small smile. “There’s a box of condoms in the top drawer of my dresser.”

“Thank you, Jo,” Jake replied, leaning over to give her a warm hug. “God, I hate that I ever did something to make you uncomfortable being with me, but I promise I’m going to make it all up to you. Thank you for letting me try to earn back your trust.”

“That’s all very sweet,” Joanne said jokingly as she pulled back from the hug. “But seriously, top drawer. It has been three weeks, and I’m getting a little needy.”

Biting his lip, Jake smiled at Joanne appreciatively as he rose to retrieve the condom. When he returned to her, they both moved with more tenderness than people who had not had sex in three weeks would normally use. They slowly undressed each other, taking pauses to taste each other’s skin here and there. Once they had fully undressed and put on the condom, Jake sat up with his legs over the side of the bed and pulled Joanne into his lap, straddling his thighs.

Without another word, Joanne let her body sink down on Jake. She had almost forgotten how amazing it felt to be this close to him, but she was quickly reminded as she rode him. He held onto her waist, running his fingers over her lower back in a way that sent shivers down her spine. His mouth took hers sweetly, giving her warm, moist kisses before allowing her to trace a soft trail with her lips over his neck until she found the spot that made him moan softly, where she began licking and sucking the skin.

With her fingers tangled in his short hair, Joanne finally gave herself over to the moment. Removing her mouth from Jake’s throat, she leaned back a little and looked into eyes. He smiled at her, watching her expression as she moved above him. Although he had always found her attractive, Joanne looked especially beautiful to Jake at that moment. Her skin was glistening with a thin sheen of perspiration. Her eyes were heavy lidded and betrayed her desire, and she had pulled her full bottom lip between her teeth in concentration.

Jake could feel Joanne’s body getting prepared for her climax, so he reached between them with one hand and began rubbing at her clit. Overcome by the pleasurable sensation, Joanne closed her eyes and began moving faster on Jake, letting out soft sighs as his hips rose to meet her movements, thrusting himself deep inside her. He took that opportunity to drop his mouth to her breast and take her nipple between his lips, flicking it with the tip of his tongue and tugging it gently with his teeth. Feeling a sensory overload, Joanne’s body was suddenly taken over by a strong wave of pleasure as she let out a soft cry. Her contracting muscles tightened so much, Jake immediately followed with his own orgasm, moaning against her breast as he came.

It took several moments for both of them to catch their breaths, but neither minded. They just clung to each other, Joanne resting her head on Jake’s shoulder with her arms around his neck, and Jake, his head on her shoulder and his arms around her waist. Neither person could figure out whose fast heartbeat they were feeling against their chests, and that was a great thing. “I love you, Jake,” he finally heard Joanne whisper into his neck.

“I love you, too, Jo,” Jake ran his hands soothingly over her bare back. “And I’m going to prove to you just how much, I promise. I’m never going to scare you again, okay?”

“Okay,” Joanne said in a tired voice. She knew he meant it, she just hoped he would be able to follow through should an unexpected situation arise in the future. “So, napping and then studying?”

Chuckling, Jake nodded as he pulled back to look into Joanne’s eyes once again. “Sorry, apparently I was a bad influence on your studying habits.”

“You’re just a bad influence on me overall,” Joanne smirked before kissing him softly once more. They disentangled themselves finally, climbing under the covers and curling up together again. “But your bad influence was worth it, even if it means I will have to repeat German II next year. Well, not really. You’re good in bed, but German II is a really boring class.”

In response, Jake just started tickling Joanne. She squirmed and laughed until she finally apologized, and then he wound his body around hers and held her in his arms while he drifted off into the best sleep he had had in weeks.

-----

THANK YOU TO THE READERS WHO HAVE TAKEN TIME TO READ THIS STORY SO FAR. YOUR THOUGHTS, IDEAS AND RECOMMENDATIONS ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED. SPECIAL THANKS TO ADAEE – CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM CAN BE A TOUGH PILL TO SWALLOW, BUT I APPRECIATE IT ALL THE SAME. THANKS AGAIN.