Starting Over

For the first time in a long time, Catherine was dreading going to lunch in the cafeteria. It was the first day back after holiday vacation, and it would be her first time since Christmas Eve that she would see – or even speak to – Batey. It didn’t help much that James would be there, as well; he hadn’t exactly been overly friendly since she had kindly but firmly let him know shortly after opening night of the play that she had no intention of dating anyone, including him.

Completely taking her by surprise, though, James was seated at their regular table welcoming her with a big grin. “Hey, Catherine,” he smiled. “Happy New Year! How was your vacation?”

“Apparently not as good as yours,” Catherine replied, half joking. “I don’t remember seeing you in this good a mood in a long time.” When James blushed and dropped his head sheepishly, Catherine apologized. “No, it’s a great thing, really. I just thought you’d mentioned that you had to work for your dad all through vacation as punishment for him finding out about the cast party…”

“I did,” James told her, looking down at his hands on the table before looking up at her with yet another goofy grin.

A look of discernment crossed Catherine’s face, followed closely by a sly smile. “You met someone,” she told James.

Now blushing a deep scarlet, James nodded his head without meeting Catherine’s eyes. “Her name’s Alanna,” he told her shyly. “She was working for her dad, too. He’s another reporter at the newspaper. She was doing it because she wanted to get some journalism experience.” His voice sounded excited as he spoke. “We totally hit it off,” he admitted, looking at Catherine somewhat apprehensively.

“That’s great,” Catherine replied sincerely. “Really.”

“Thanks,” James said, relaxed by her response. “So how was your vacation, really?”

Catherine immediately knew by James’s innocent expression and friendly demeanor that Batey had not told him anything about what had gone down on Christmas Eve. “It was fine,” she lied. “Lots of down time – video games, chick flicks, you know.”

“So did you hang out much with Batey?” James asked, not noticing Catherine flinch as he did so. He looked over his shoulder curiously. “I didn’t see him at all during vacation, so I’m assuming he was with you. Where is he now, anyway? He was in English earlier.”

Swallowing hard, Catherine forced herself to give James a small smile. “I didn’t see much of anyone over the vacation,” she told him truthfully. “I just spent most of my time at my house in my pajamas.” Not noticing that Catherine had ignored his last question, James began grinning again. “And you’re not even listening to me, because you’re thinking about Alanna, right?” Catherine teased.

“Sorry,” James looked chastised, but he was still grinning.

“No,” Catherine smiled, reaching into her bag and pulling out her lunch. “Tell me all about her. Where does she go to school? How old is she? What’s she like?”

James was more than happy to go on and on about his new girlfriend. Catherine was glad to realize she felt no jealousy; she was just content that James seemed so excited. She really did think James was a special person. He just wasn’t the person for her.

“I don’t know if there is a person out there for me,” Catherine thought to herself, willing away curious thoughts about where their other regular lunch companion might be.

-----

Batey was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling while he spoke to James on the phone. It was Thursday afternoon, and James was insisting that they meet up for coffee. “I didn’t see you all through vacation, dude,” he was telling Batey. “And now you have some mysterious school ‘project’ you say you’re working on during lunch every day. I don’t get it.”

“I’m just busy,” Batey lied. The truth was, he wasn’t busy doing anything, and he hadn’t been since Christmas Eve. He spent his afternoons and evenings lying in his room, listening to music, and lunch in the library, trying to do some of the homework he ignored every night.

“Fuck that,” James surprised Batey with his irritated tone. “I’ll be at your house in twenty minutes. Be ready, dipshit.”

“Fine,” Batey replied, feeling a slight smile pull at the corners of his mouth. He thought it was somewhat funny that the only way James knew how to express friendship to other guys was through antagonism and insults. “I’ll be outside.”

-----

Batey couldn’t figure out if he was relieved or disappointed that Catherine wasn’t at Karma. He had been doing his best all week to avoid her entirely, but there was a big part of him that missed her terribly. Still, he put on the big warm smile everyone expected and greeted the table of friends. Emma, Allie, Dan and Ethan were sitting around, drinking coffee.

“Hey James,” Emma gave the boy a crooked smile. Ever since about halfway through the eight-week rehearsal schedule for the play, Emma had finally started being responsive to James. At this point, they were nearly friends. She rose to greet Batey. “Hey stranger,” she said warmly, giving him a hug.

“Hey, Emma,” Batey smiled at her. “It’s good to see you. Hey everyone,” he turned his attention to the rest of the occupants of the table. The small group chorused hellos. “So how have you been?” Batey took Emma’s hands, being his ever-charming self.

“It’s not me I’m worried about,” Emma said in her usual no-nonsense tone. “I haven’t seen you in weeks – not here, not at school. What’s been up?”

Raising his shoulders and giving Emma a lazy smile, Batey tried to brush off the accusation. “I’ve been around,” he insisted. “It’s just been a busy time.”

Giving him a wary glare, Emma did not look like she believed Batey, but she didn’t push the issue further. She felt it was just too much of a coincidence that she had had almost the same exact conversation with Catherine the day before, and that her responses had been very nearly a duplicate of what Batey had just said.

James and Batey pulled up a couple chairs and joined in the conversations about what people had done over the vacation. James excitedly told everyone about Alanna, but his placement of most-exciting-news was easily taken over when Daniel told them he had come out to his parents over vacation. “On Christmas, to be exact,” Daniel blushed.

“So how did they take it?” Batey asked tactfully.

Giving everyone a small smile, Daniel shook his head. “They said they had figured it for a while now. So it turned out not to be the fire-and-brimstone conversation I was expecting,” he concluded, chuckling.

Everyone was talking, but Emma’s mind was somewhere else. She quickly deduced that one of two things was going on with Batey and Catherine. The first was that they had gotten together, and just didn’t want anyone – especially Emma – to know. The second was that they had had some sort of falling-out and were avoiding each other. Considering the conversation she had with Catherine after she had seen Catherine and Batey in his car that night at Karma, Emma felt almost certain that it was the second option that was true.

-----

“Tell me what happened,” Emma said sternly, looking at Catherine sitting on her bed later that night. “I know something happened, so just tell me what before my head explodes!” Emma had made a quick decision to stop by Catherine’s house on her way home from Karma.

Shaking her head, Catherine would not meet Emma’s eyes. Even though she would love to talk to someone about everything that was going through her head, she felt it was unfair to lay this on Emma, of all people. Pulling a pillow to her chest, Catherine denied once again that anything had transpired between her and Batey over the last few weeks. “Really, I’ve just been busy.”

“You’ve been busy, he’s been busy,” Emma looked annoyed. “You’re both lying. Please at least do me the favor of telling me it’s none of my business instead of lying to me.”

Unable to stop a small giggle from creeping up her throat at the expression of earnestness on Emma’s face, Catherine finally gave up. “Okay,” she said, throwing her hands in the air. “Fine. You know, you should really be hired by the military to coerce captured spies into spilling enemy plans.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll look into that. Now get on with it,” Emma said, her eyes shining as she sat at the foot of Catherine’s bed waiting to hear the story.

Pulling her knees to her chest, Catherine didn’t know how to start, so she just blurted out the first thing that came into her head. “Batey kissed me over the vacation.”

Even though it hurt to hear, Emma wasn’t quite as stung as she thought she would be at the news. She guessed that she had readied herself over the past few months for this occurrence; after all, it had been plain to everyone except Catherine herself that Batey had been developing feelings for her. “So,” Emma forced herself to be a supportive friend. “How was it?”

Furrowing her eyebrows and giving Emma a horrified look, Catherine shook her head. “How was it?” she repeated, stunned. “It was awful. I mean, it didn’t even really happen. Our lips touched for like a tenth of a second before I knew what was happening.”

“You stopped the kiss?” Emma asked, wide-eyed. She had known that Catherine seemed to be unaware of the mooning looks and overt attention Batey paid to her, but Emma had assumed that if he ever got the nerve to actually do something about his feelings, Catherine would have responded in kind. “What were you thinking?”

Taken aback by Emma’s reply, Catherine didn’t know what to say. “I… I…” she stuttered before forcing herself to collect her thoughts. “I was thinking that Batey is my best friend and that I couldn’t believe he was putting our friendship in danger for the possibility of a little high school sexcapades.”

With her mouth open, Emma didn’t know what to tell Catherine. “You are actually out of your mind,” she finally said.

“What?” Catherine retorted.

“Sexcapades? That’s what you thought Batey wanted from you?” Emma looked annoyed, probably because there was a time she would have killed to have Batey kiss her just once, and here Catherine was, turning down his heart and soul. “Cath, you idiot, he’s in love with you.” Catherine tried to interrupt, but Emma wouldn’t let her. “Shut up. I’m not the only one who knows it. Sandy knows; Daniel knows; hell, I think Mr. Martin knows.” Taking a deep breath, Emma concluded sadly. “That boy has spent the last two months falling totally, completely, head-over-heels in love with you, and when he finally gets the balls to make a move, you assume he’s some amoral clod out for a good lay.”

Catherine had been listening silently to Emma while she chewed on a fingernail and stared down at her comforter. As Emma began prodding for a reply, Catherine finally looked up. “Oh, God,” she said, and it was all she could get out.

She didn’t know what she wanted; she didn’t know what she felt. All Catherine knew for sure was that she had hurt someone who had trusted her completely with his heart. Batey had never been able to share his whole self with anyone since he was fourteen, thanks to his relationship with Lauren. And the first time he did, Catherine had thrown his offer of trust back in his face, even if that hadn’t been her intention. “I have to talk to him,” she stood up, scanning her room for her purse and jacket. “Do you mind?” she asked Emma.

“Go,” Emma smiled. “I insist.”

-----

The doorbell rang once and Batey ignored it. It rang a second time, and he started getting peeved. When he heard it chime a third time, followed by insistent knocking, he rolled himself out of bed and stormed through the house to answer it. “This better be good,” he grumbled to himself as he swung the door open.

Catherine stood on the doorstep, hugging her jacket around her tightly in the cold winter night air. When she looked up at Batey, her eyes were glassy. “Hey,” she finally greeted him, shivering as she spoke.

“Hey.” Batey couldn’t have been more shocked if he had opened the door to find Angelina Jolie in a bathing suit – or more pleased. A smile crept across his face as he opened the door wider and stepped aside to let Catherine in. “It’s freezing out. Come inside before you catch pneumonia.”

Nervously entering the foyer, Catherine gave Batey a little grin. “You sounded like my grandmother just there,” she joked as he closed the door behind her.

They stood silently for a few moments before Batey finally spoke. “Not to sound ungracious,” he began. “But what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk,” Catherine said plainly.

Nodding his head, Batey wasn’t sure how to reply. “Okay, well, do you want to come sit down?” He pointed towards the living room. “No one’s going to be home for a while. My mom’s giving a lecture, and my dad is at some art show in DC.”

Appreciatively, Catherine followed Batey and sunk down on one of the couches. As she glanced around, she couldn’t help but smile. Batey’s parents had funky but stylish taste, and Catherine had always loved the way they decorated their house. It felt like a hip lounge and a warm home at the same time. “I came over to apologize,” Catherine decided to start without trying to make small talk first.

“What do you have to apologize for?” Batey was honestly mystified. He’d spent the last two weeks berating himself for having made a move on Catherine without even talking to her about it first. “I’m the one that… that crossed lines in our friendship. I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

Giving Batey a grateful look, Catherine shook her head. “You just did what you felt,” she told him. “There’s nothing wrong with that. But I shouldn’t have reacted… so strongly.” Looking down at her hands, Catherine tried to figure out what she wanted to say. Finally looking back up into Batey’s curious but tender gaze, she continued. “You are the best friend I have ever had. I’ve never, never trusted anyone like I do you. So I guess… I just got scared that I was going to lose that. But that doesn’t mean I had the right to treat you like that, especially after all you’ve done for me.”

Catherine’s cheeks were still pink from cold, and her hair was messy and wind-blown. To Batey, she looked absolutely amazing. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say right now,” he admitted sadly. “I mean, I am so appreciative that you came over here. I have missed you so much over these past few weeks; I’ve felt like a part of me was misplaced.”

“Just tell me that you forgive me, please,” Catherine asked as a tear rolled down her cheek. “Tell me you’ll be my friend again.”

Without thinking, Batey reached over and pulled Catherine into his embrace. He feared she might pull back, might think he was advancing on her again, but to his pleasure she melted into his arms. Holding her close, he ran his hand over her back soothingly. “Of course I’m your friend,” he assured her. “You mean the world to me.” Slowly he pulled back and looked in Catherine’s glassy eyes. “And no matter what other feelings I should ever have for you, I promise I will always be here for you.”

Sniffling, Catherine gave Batey a small smile. “Thank you,” she whispered. “I don’t know what I would do without your friendship.”

-----

Batey showed up for lunch on Friday, pleasing Catherine greatly. James just looked on with a perplexed expression as his two companions laughed with giddiness at each other. They both looked extremely pleased just to be talking about classes and lunch. Shaking his head, James decided not to try to figure them out.

-----

A group got together the next afternoon to go into DC to see a movie. Catherine and Batey rode with Emma and Sandy. Daniel, Ethan and John rode in another car. Once they had all found parking and met up, they bought tickets for the film. “It doesn’t start for forty-five minutes,” Sandy complained. “And it’s freezing out.”

“Let’s go grab some hot chocolate,” Batey suggested, and everyone agreed. The loud group entered a nearby café, laughing and joking easily. As they stood in line, Catherine and Batey laughed at a story John told about his younger sister finding birth control pills in their parents’ nightstand and offering the ‘mints’ to guests at the house on Christmas Day. Suddenly, though, Batey’s expression became serious and he turned very pale.

”What is it?” Catherine asked nervously as she followed his gaze across the room. There, sitting in a corner laughing, was Lauren. She looked lovely, and was chatting flirtatiously. Unfortunately, the man across from her was Batey’s father. “It’s probably innocent-” she tried to tell him, but stopped when she saw Lauren lean over and kiss Batey’s father in a decidedly un-innocent manner. Batey just stood there frozen, staring at the couple.

“Give me your keys,” Catherine whispered to Emma. “I’ll drop off your car tonight.”

As she glanced curiously over at Catherine, Emma noticed that Batey had a look of horror on his face as he stared at a couple across the room. Fishing her keys from her bag as quickly as she could, she pressed them into Catherine’s hand without saying another word. Then, as quietly as she could, she led the rest of the group to an opposite corner of the cafe.

“Let’s get out of here,” Catherine suggested, taking Batey’s arm gently. He just nodded numbly and let her lead him out of the café. They didn’t speak as they walked to Emma’s car. Once inside and safe from the unforgiving winter winds, Catherine turned to Batey, but she still didn’t know what to say.

Staring at the dashboard in front of him, Batey’s mind seemed to have frozen up, able to concentrate only on the vision of Lauren and his father. Suddenly, feelings of hurt and betrayal overtook his body, and he started crying hard. As Catherine reached for him, he rested his head on her shoulder and sobbed. “I can’t believe he… she… Oh, God,” he wept, unable to finish any sentence.

Stroking his hair, Catherine held onto Batey tightly. She couldn’t imagine the pain he was feeling right then; she didn’t even want to try. She just wanted to take care of him, to take away all the hurt, but she didn’t know how, so she just kept holding him.

After several minutes, Batey finally started to calm down. His breathing was still shallow, but the tears seemed to be subsiding. Slowly, he pulled back and leaned against the car seat head rest. “I just can’t believe it,” he finally whispered.

Reaching over, Catherine gently pushed a piece of his hair that was stuck to his face with dried tears. “I don’t know what to say,” she finally admitted.

Looking over at Catherine, Batey gave her a small smile. “Just tell me you’ll come home with me and hang out for a while,” he requested. “I don’t really feel like being alone right now.”

Squeezing his hand, Catherine nodded. “Of course,” she told him. “Whatever you need.”

-----

They sat for several hours in Batey’s room, Batey spread out on the floor and Catherine sitting beside him holding his hand. He didn’t say much at first, but after a while, he opened up. Mostly, he had questions that neither of them could answer. “I wonder how long this has been going on between the two of them,” he told Catherine. “I wonder if they were… at the same time Lauren and I were. I wonder if she was with other men when we were…” He paused in thought. “I wonder if this is my dad’s first affair.”

Not having answers for him, Catherine’s heart broke for her friend. He looked completely lost. “Are you going to ask him?” she finally ventured. “Are you going to tell him that you saw them?”

Looking at Catherine like the thought had never even crossed his mind, Batey said nothing. “I don’t know how I’ll ever speak to him again,” he finally admitted softly.

Leaning over to push some hair out of his eyes, Catherine studied Batey. It was all so unfair. Up until now, Batey had been close with his father. And Lauren… well, she had been his everything for so long. Catherine hated seeing him in so much pain.

After a few minutes more, Batey forced himself to rise. “I’m going to use the bathroom,” he told her. “Do you want me to get you anything from the kitchen?”

Shaking her head, Catherine had to smile at Batey’s good manners even during such a terrible situation. When he left the room, she pulled her cell phone from her purse. The movie should have ended at least an hour ago, she thought as she dialed Emma’s cell phone number.

“Is he okay?” Emma asked immediately. She didn’t know who that couple was in the café, but she did know she had never seen Batey look so upset.

“Yeah,” Catherine replied. “Thanks for lending me your car. When do you need it back by?”

“I’m staying at Sandy’s tonight,” Emma reminded Catherine. Both girls had been planning to stay there, actually. “You can hold onto it until tomorrow. If you want to pick me up in the morning, I’ll drop you off back home.”

“That would be perfect,” Catherine replied gratefully. “I’ll talk to you later.”

Batey entered just as Catherine hung up. “Just checking in with Emma about her car,” she told him, not wanting him to think she had betrayed his trust in any way.

As he sat down on the edge of the bed, Batey looked at Catherine. “Thanks for being here,” he told her softly.

Rising from the floor and seating herself next to him on the bed, Catherine reached for Batey’s hand. “That’s what friends are for, right?” They smiled at each other, not saying anything for a moment.

“Oh, hope I’m not interrupting anything,” Batey’s father laughed from the doorway. Catherine felt Batey freeze up, and she nervously glanced at him. She wasn’t sure if he was going to look livid or crushed. Instead, he just looked like a deer in headlights. “Don’t let me bother you two,” his father continued, unaware. “I just wanted to let you know I was home.” With that, he waved and turned back into the hallway, closing the door behind him.

“Are you okay?” Catherine asked, immediately feeling stupid for the question. Of course he wasn’t okay; he had just found out that afternoon that his father was having an affair with the woman he had loved and given himself to for four years. “I mean…” her voice trailed off, though, since she didn’t really know what she meant. “Let’s go to my house,” she said decisively.

Nodding, Batey stood up. “Let’s go through the kitchen,” he told her. “I couldn’t bare to see him again right now.”

“Of course,” Catherine agreed, gathering their things and leading him outside and to Emma’s car for the second time that day.

-----

“Hello,” Catherine called out once she and Batey had entered her house. “Anyone home?” They wandered into the kitchen where a note was lying on the table.

“Catherine, Your father and I decided to take advantage of the fact that you were staying at your friend’s house. We’ve made reservations at a bed and breakfast outside Charlottesville, and we should be home mid-afternoon. We hope you had a wonderful time last night, and of course, we have our cell phones with us if you need us. Love, Mom.”

Reading the note, Catherine realized that her mother had written it with the intention of Catherine reading it the following morning. “Well, there’s a little good luck,” she smiled at Batey. “No parents. We can just relax.”

As Catherine and Batey settled into the living room, Catherine ordered a pizza even though Batey claimed he couldn’t eat. As she had expected, when the food arrived, he ate four slices. The boy could be sinking on the Titanic, and he’d still be able to eat. They settled into the couch and turned on a movie, both people feeling emotionally exhausted by the events of the day.

Around midnight, Catherine realized they had both dozed off on the couch. She was now slumped over onto Batey’s chest, and even sleeping, his arms were holding her protectively. She took advantage of the moment to study him. Wisps of his longish hair fell into his face. He looked at peace for the first time that day; and he looked beautiful, Catherine admitted to herself.

Gently pulling from his embrace, Catherine tried to sit up without disturbing Batey, but he stirred immediately. “What time is it?” he asked confused, blinking uncomfortably into the light.

”A little past midnight,” Catherine told him. “Do you need to go home?”

“Would I have been able to have a four year affair with a grown woman if my parents ever cared what time I came home?” he asked wryly, but as he said it, a pained look passed over his face, as if the thought made him suddenly remember what had happened earlier that day.

“Then come on,” Catherine told him, rising from the couch. “You’ll stay here tonight.”

Looking confused, Batey rose. He followed Catherine as she turned off the television and the lights, until she led them upstairs to her bedroom. She locked the door behind them, just in case her parents came home early for some reason.

“Do you have an extra blanket and a pillow?” Batey asked. “I’ll just crash out on the floor.”

“Don’t be silly,” Catherine told him. She walked over to her bed and pulled back the covers. “There’s plenty of room.”

Looking nervous, Batey slowly moved toward the opposite side of the bed. He slid his shoes off and climbed under the covers uncertainly. Catherine did the same, reaching over to turn off the light before resting her head on Batey’s shoulder and taking his hand in hers, resting them on his chest. “I’m so sorry about today,” Catherine told him softly.

Relaxing at her words, Batey squeezed Catherine’s hand. “You’ve nothing to be sorry about,” he told her warmly. “I don’t know how I would have made it through today without you.”

“Like I said,” Catherine smiled, burying her head in Batey’s neck. “That’s what friends are for, right?”

Sliding his other arm around her, Batey pulled Catherine close and kissed the top of her head. “Yeah, that’s what friends are for,” he replied contentedly.

-----